All comics by kola

Profile

 

by kola
6-05-05
henry, what is it?
what do you think? you prematurely burned most of my lasso.
...but henry still felt anger
i'm sorry, henry. i got excited about the flame jackson trick and i expanded too soon.
i guess it just happens sometimes, huh?
i know what you're thinking. henry, please don't put me out. i know things have been rough.
a little splash of water tomorrow during his nap

 

by kola
6-05-05
i warned you about global warming, didn't i, scott?
well.... what was i supposed to do?
you could have stopped spraying aerosols out of airplane windows at least!
please. you just have a negative association with airplane rides. shouldn't you be melting by the way?
but snowman david had a bomb of his own to drop.
i guess there's no time like the present to give you the truth: i'm actually made of caulk.
so that's why you taste like caulk!

 

by kola
6-05-05
now what did you say you found in the toilet?
take a look!
couldn't you just tell me?
maybe i could describe it and you could guess!

 

by kola
6-07-05
did your dad say why he locked us in here?
he usually only locks me in here when he's up to something upstairs.
three years later...
you want to play twenty questions?
awesome! so this whole time your dad was building us this new happy zone to play in!
yep! i didn't want to spoil the surprise.

 

by kola
6-07-05
hey santa what the fuck is with christmas anyway?
HAY shanta! could i ask for beer for xmas?
santa, i'll always believe in you.
finally

 

by kola
6-08-05
do you believe in santa claus, elliot?
nah. i'm too independent. if i want christmas presents, i get a part time job.
well, that's not really the point...
he could help us clean the sinks or something. it's actually the least he could do. if he's going to keep coming around.
but... you just said you didn't believe in him.
maybe he could help my mom get pregnant.

 

by kola
6-08-05
hey barry
oh hi douglas. is the old man around?
hey les
HUNGY! HUNGY FOR BANES
what a day!
did les meet santa yet?

 

by kola
6-10-05
damn this war!
another friend clobbered.
we'll be safe here.
what are we going to eat?
all that food ended up costing us 22.98. i hope you've got a wallet?
Mitch, I'm from 1870. real men don't carry wallets back then!

 

by kola
6-11-05
Dragon, where's the Trent?
Don't you mean... the rent?
Much to his dismay. Dex had slipped up again.
Er...no. I meant Trent. The-Trent Man. Yeah. Where is he?
Trent doesn't live in this complex anymore. Don't you remember that?
But Dex didn't remember.
...but incidentally, this is about rent.

 

by kola
6-12-05
you git along little girl now, you git
but i lost my mommy!
awww, now sugar you git!
but i don't know where my mommy is! i'm scared!
awwwww bless your heart little darling! now you git on!

 

by kola
6-12-05
so i was like, fuck you santa! i never believed in you anyway!
hmm!
i straight told that fat man to ante up if he wanted the panties up, know what i mean rick?
my name is jordan! hmph!
nobody seemed right to carla until that fateful day when she met leonard.
you told santa what? carla, you're awesome! this canyon is awesome!

 

by kola
6-13-05
excuse me, sir?
is this your receipt?
er, yes. yes it is, thank you.
i assume there's a reward.

 

by kola
6-13-05
so this is hell... pretty disappointing.
this isn't hell, you fool! this is purgatory!
so i'm going to have like, what an eternity to stand here?
you certainly can sit down if you wish.
wait just a second here. i've heard this before. i'm not in bangkok again am i?
Curses! Unfortunately I am forbidden to lie. so i must tell you that yes, you are actually in bangkok.

 

by kola
6-14-05
hey stephen! i didn't know that you knew Father Crim.
yes, i came to him just last week for some advice about my peanut problem!
Eating too many peanuts?
Well no it wasn't that exactly. I was actually becoming sexually attracted to them.
they do have kind of a sexy shape.
don't they?

 

by kola
6-14-05
so what do you make of this mess?
classic case. jealous wife, bloody philandering husband.
something doesn't quite sit still with me though.
was it the blood soaked rolex watch?
no, what puzzles me most is how she could have managed to cut her own head off.
women, huh?

 

by kola
6-14-05
MISTA RICK DAWBER! C-E-O! SE-CRETLY WANTS A CIGARETTE!
that's not true! i quit three months ago. the rough patch is now over, thank you very much.
YOU KNOW YOU LOVE THIS SEXY STICK THANG!
you certainly aren't making the idea any more appealing shouting at me like this in an echoey bathroom.
MISTA RICK! COME AND UH GETTA PUFF PUFF QUICK!
could you please leave?

 

by kola
6-14-05
so.. ahem. here we are.
indeed! so this is your bedroom.
eh heh heh. yeah.
oh. um, do you have any wine?
i have some milk and cookies!
oh.

 

by kola
6-14-05
and so anyway she said she'd kill my cat if it woke her up again. i don't know what to do, officer!
and how exactly has the cat been waking mrs. jackson up?
well the first night she did this cute thing where she snuck over there and tried to keep mrs. jackson's face warm with her little tush!
that is kind of cute.
exactly. mrs. jackson said little miss pickles was trying to suffocate her, i said girl, you better learn the difference before love can find you!

 

by kola
6-14-05
I'm telling you, Sue, there's no such thing as the Boogeyman.
but if there was...hypothetically. would Jesus protect me from him?
of course, Sue!
would Jesus fight the Boogeyman?
well, that's not really his way...
could Jesus fight Santa Claus?

 

by kola
6-17-05
Give me your money!
my goodness! Here you are.
...is there anything else i can help you with?
i'm blind. could you please help me across the street?

 

by kola
6-17-05
wanna take a dip in my primordial ooze?
i've never been with a woman before.
you're just right for me.

 

by kola
6-17-05
I am king of this land! No one around for miles!
Ha! Burn, grassland!
Holy shit! Who are you?
I AM THE KING OF THIS LAND! AND MY BURN COMES FROM THE INSIDE.

 

by kola
6-18-05
hey little fellow, when'd you wander on stage?
don't be afraid! i won't hurt you.
no habla ingles

 

by kola
6-19-05
this light is blinding meeeeee blinding me til i can't seeeee
can't see the education that's in front of meeeeee
can't see my guitar to tune the strings to E

 

by kola
6-19-05
he said he was going to quit his job and then shoot a bunch of people. i don't know much more, he kind of kept to himself.
he did right by me. he was a pervert, but he supported my baby.
whatever dan told you is a lie, he's a stinking jerk.

 

by kola
6-19-05
My muscles really feel cool and comfortable under this fabric...
later that day...
Hey kid, think you could beat it? I need to use the toilet.
Nah, Uncle Jack, I'm thinking about pissing soon.
I'll soil your cap if you don't hit the road, kid.
My mom told me to stay out of the road, Jack.

 

by kola
6-19-05
are you sure you can do that in the store?
sure, i talked to the manager.
i never saw you talk to the manager.
you were in the bathroom.
i didn't go to the bathroom!
ok. i didn't talk to the manager. but i did talk to GOD. and GOD told me to balance on this ball for the greater good.

 

by kola
6-19-05
dang this is a great party
i'll say! this beer is awesome.
how old are you, son?
19, sir.
not old enough to be drinking i reckon.

 

by kola
6-19-05
aren't you a little far from home?
obviously. where is this exactly?
east baltimore. where were you heading?
tahiti. jeez i made some wrong turns.
i'll say! listen, i'd tell you to take a load off in my igloo, but... you know.
yeah, yeah i understand.

 

by kola
6-20-05
So did the paramedic say what was wrong with your brother?
Something about evolution.
Was that a joke?
Sorry.

 

by kola
6-21-05
hello! my name is suzy. are you the new math teacher?
well hello suzy! no, i'm here to speak to the principal.
my old math teacher had a stroke. he can't teach anymore.
oh my goodness! that's terrible, suzy!
i know! all the parents said that having a stroke was something you do behind closed doors.

 

by kola
6-24-05
oh this is just terrible weather we're having.
yes, terrible weather, it is agreed.
then let us agree to agree!
and agree we shall, brother!
I think we could have outran those coppers.
i disagree.

 

by kola
6-24-05
Hello!
Hi. How did we end up in the Happy Zone?
Hit by a bus. You?
You mean you're dead? We're both dead?
well... i guess you could be in a coma.

 

by kola
6-26-05
What happened out here?
They dropped the bomb.
Holy H! Who dropped the bomb?
Mike Jones. He and his guys. They dropped the bomb album.
Can I snake a copy?
Oh shit what happened out here?

 

by kola
6-26-05
So that's why people are savages. Especially meat-eaters.
I mean, you and your folks. You're...I'm sure you're good people.
What the hell are you looking at up there?!

 

by kola
6-26-05
So anyway Gabe I wanted to have this beer with you tonight because I'm dying. And I never got to tell you how much I thought you looked like Tim Robbins.
I don't know what to say. Thanks!
I wanted to tell you, Abel that I'm sorry my friends and I made fun of you in Junior High. it wasn't right then and it isn't right now.
Well it's about got dang time.
I guess I owe you the biggest apology.

 

by kola
6-27-05
wow. i must be dreaming!
if this is a dream, then we're dreaming the same thing!
yeah! and you're talking!
this dream could go anywhere.
hmmm. anywhere?

 

by kola
7-01-05
You've got to hold onto your dreams, Douglas. That's the key. Unlock the non-alcoholic inside you.
You can lick this, Thor. I realize compulsive impulses are the trickiest, but I'm here with you.
You've got to say to your bladder, "Hey! You don't function without my brain. And essentially, that's me! So listen up, Bladder. We're gonna go when I say go."
I believe I can hold it.

 

by kola
7-01-05
Ricky! Can I borrow a hammer please?
Yeah you can! As soon as you return my speed drill, that is.
Samson baby! How about letting me borrow your hammer?
Sorry sweets, but I have a date later!
I couldn't get a hammer.

 

by kola
7-04-05
So you had nothing to do with Mr. North's unfortunate accident?
Nothing at all, officer. He...slipped. Clumsy fool, I told him to watch out!
Eh heh.
Will there be anything else, good sir?
Nah, that's it for now. Stay around the battlegrounds where we can find you though.

 

by kola
7-04-05
I belieeeeeve we can conceeeeeeive a babaaaay
excuse me is this america?
yeeeeeeeeeah heeeeyaaaa yaaaaaaa helllll yeeeeeeah!
got dammit boy shut that lectricity off and answer me!
he yeeeeeeeah yeaaaaaah already deeeeeyaaaaad, no mama yeah!
dang hippy jerk!

 

by kola
7-04-05
Young man aren't you supposed to be in class?
You don't know me! I do what I want!
Hello little girl! Aren't you supposed to be in class?
Yes'm.
YOU have been warned to keep out of here!

 

by kola
7-04-05
So! You're back. Did you pick up the spoons?
...................spoons?
Spoons! Spoons! Jeez, Clint I'm trying to get this wedding together and I ask you to do one thing. I asked you not thirty minutes ago!
Ayeee... Listen, I'll get them soon.
How soon?! The wedding is tomorrow!
I want you to know I'm visualizing the spoons now. They're definitely worth waiting for.

 

by kola
7-07-05
What are you doing in the ladies' room, Mike?
Damn, you startled me!
Well?! What are you doing in here?
You can pee if you want. I won't stare.
GET OUT, Mike!
Don't tell Mr. Fry!

 

by kola
7-07-05
Could you tell me the way to the North Pole from here?
Hey, that's what SHE said!
Listen, I don't have time for this! I've had a long hard journey! And if you say "that's what she said" one m-
That's what SHE said!
JERK!

 

by kola
7-10-05
So yeah, we're recording our next album now... I think it's really going to speak to the people.
The drums on the new one are just killer, man. We've got the drum mics cranked to like "9".
Yeah, every single one of those idiots believed me about my band. And they loved it!
Heck, Dan you must've done great!

 

by kola
7-11-05
What's wrong with you kid?
I heard them in there making fun of my hair. They hurt my feelings.
Aw, dang son you can't be so sensitive! What, are you some kind of weakling?
Now they're in there talking about your gay hat.
I'll shoot those kids full of holes!

 

by kola
7-12-05
Man this party is awesome!
Yeah it is! No one to steal my chicks!
And even the chicks have been clobbered!
You didn't burn them too did you?
Eh...
Dangit, Kraig!

 

by kola
7-14-05
OK duders i've observed this moon for quite awhile now... I'm ready to come back.
PC942 to Base! Do you read me? Base I need some printer paper! Can't print your precious daily reports without it! My hard drive's all full up. Base?!
... oh, wait it's late where they are.

 

by kola
7-15-05
Why did you shoot my VCR full of holes?
It was time for you to accept the evolution to DVD.
Kid, could you spare a dime?
Why? So you can get even more liquored up? This is supposed to be my algebra tutorial!
Are you sure I can't stay? Please, I can get you a DVD player!
I have a DVD player. What I need is the rent, Terry.

Showing page 1.

Next »