All comics by pwoods11

 

your a banker... where did you think you would end up?
maybe I can get a bailout
by pwoods11, 2-23-09

 

What the hell?
What the hell?
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

Grr.... to much damn lighter fluid again
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

Yes.. all transportatation down here requires you buckle up
Damn
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

Whoa.. slow down there Tex.. I know you are on commission ...but we are running out of room for people down here.
Son of a bitch is never happy
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

HEY..lose the attitude. You do not have the authority to hang Christmas lights. Now go cut them down.
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

None of that Broke Back mountain shit down here. Understand sweet chaps?
Shucky darns....this IS hell
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

WOW.. research and developement really hit a home run with this one. 137 channels and "Three Companys" on every one of them 24 hours a day.... Thats harsh man
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

You know..... your snow balls dont have a chance down here dont you?
by pwoods11, 2-24-09

 

For the last time ...I hate Devils Food cake! Got it?
by pwoods11, 2-25-09

 

Nice audition..but "Abba" will remain the music of choice down here........ At least until Michael Bolton arrives.
by pwoods11, 2-25-09

 

I heard Tupac and Biggie talking shit about you... i wouldnt take that................................(ha ha ha........ putz)
Oh Yeah.. I am going to go kick their asses
by pwoods11, 2-25-09

 

You wont be here long will you Mr McGuyver?
Not if I can find some bailing wire, a toothpick and some electrical tape.
by pwoods11, 2-27-09

 

You do know there are no children down here dont you?
Awww
by pwoods11, 2-27-09

 

Okay people listen up....As you well know we are having a problem with the thermostat. We have maintenance dilgently working on it.
by pwoods11, 2-27-09

 

Steve.. You are the manager of the 5th layer..right?? If you cant keep Aaron Burr and Alexander Hamilton seperated. I will find someone who can. Understand?
by pwoods11, 2-28-09

 

What the hell have you done now Dr. Moreau
Ever wondered how much fun Caligula would be on meth, steroids and Viagra?? Turns out way to much
by pwoods11, 3-02-09

 

That better not be the damn heat bill.
Oh Shit
by pwoods11, 3-02-09

 

Beam me up Scotty.........Scotty? Scotty?? ..SCOTTY???........... Damn
by pwoods11, 3-02-09

 

What the hell were you thinking? You bite Truman Capote and Freddy Mercury and you want me to feel sorry for you? Not this time my aids infested little friend.
(spit) This might be bad (spit)
by pwoods11, 3-03-09

 

Your kidding me...right? Are you really looking for the holy grail down here? .. Really?
Some french guy in a castle tipped me off that it would be here.
by pwoods11, 3-03-09

 

Attention.... Congratulations go out to Mort Goldstein!! You have won the daily jewish lottery. Please report to the 7th layer at 3 oclock. You have the honor of shoving a pineapple up hitlers ass.
by pwoods11, 3-04-09

 

What the hell happened to you?
Word of advice... Dont fall asleep at Rock Hudson and Harvey Milks' house during one of their partys
by pwoods11, 3-05-09

 

There are tickets still available for Sat nights Deathmatch. The main event pitts the # 1 contender Genghis Kahn and his 250,000 Mongols VS Current and Undefeated Champs The 1976 Philadelphia Flyers
by pwoods11, 3-10-09

 

Hey Puff, not so magic now are we? And before you ask..no.. Jackie Paper isnt here. Now get to work and breathe on someone..... go on now
by pwoods11, 3-10-09

 

Keep an eye out for that crazy bastard John Wilkes Booth. He keeps sneaking up behind me and yelling BLAM!!
by pwoods11, 3-17-09

 

Doc.. I hate to be the bearer of bad news.. but there is no future to get back to down here.
Jumping Jigawatts... where did I park the Delorean?
by pwoods11, 3-17-09

 

Whats this shit about some fire code violations???
1,729 to be exact
by pwoods11, 3-17-09

 

Wow.. so you are just now realizing I used you as a diversion and you really havent anything to do with Christmas? Well. . . . . Ho Ho Ho
by pwoods11, 3-17-09

 

It has come to my attention that some of you have been urinating in the Lake of Fire. Not only is this disgusting it poses a health risk.
by pwoods11, 3-18-09

 

Jeeves, I just received an alert. Bernie Madoff will be joining us shortly. He even cheated ME out of $$. Lets bunk that bastard with Jeffery Dahmer ,Ted Bundy and a bar of soap.
As you wish sir
by pwoods11, 3-19-09

 

I have crunched the numbers... and I need to expand the upcoming A I G wing project. Those insurance guys will ride their "hard earned" bonuses right down to us.
I will put on an extra crew or two
by pwoods11, 3-20-09

 

Well Adam Ant.. I would assume you are here because of all the souls YOU tortured with your shitty music
Bloody Hell
by pwoods11, 3-24-09

 

Ralphie.... Why stop with your grandmother that made you wear the bunny suit ..... Scott Farkus is right down the hall.
by pwoods11, 3-24-09

 

I see you have been to lunch with my friend Hannibal Lecter
by pwoods11, 3-24-09

 

Well Oppenheimer you dumbass .....you yourself told people not to look at the blast.
by pwoods11, 3-24-09

 

The following are "invited" to this weeks required mixer.All pedofiles and all Iraqi suicide bombers. In a cruel twist of fate bombers must consider the before mentioned as your promised virgins.
by pwoods11, 3-25-09

 

Damn Michael, Even I didnt think you would get this bad. Remember when you black and good and had the Thriller album going? ............What the fuck happened?
by pwoods11, 3-26-09

 

Son... I dont understand this phase you are going though.. I think I am going to have to forbid you from hanging out with Edgar Allen Poe anymore.. For his sake not yours. Your too damn depressing.
by pwoods11, 3-26-09

 

Quite the field trip you volunteered for
by pwoods11, 3-27-09

 

Alright.. you passed the test. Get ready for your transfer up north. We only serve O'Douls down here. So you must be naturally retarded.
by pwoods11, 3-27-09

 

Attention... people in the lake of fire... I have some bad news. Your current life guard will be replaced soon by Ted Kennedy.
by pwoods11, 3-31-09

 

What do you have for me today?
Personal Fans.. frozen treats.. abestos underwear..... Black Sabbath tickets.
by pwoods11, 3-31-09

 

Tell Ben Franklin to quit bitching about not having any electricity in his section. The bastard can go fly a kite for all i care.
As you wish sir. May i add sir that your last sentence.. BenFranklin..no electricity..fly a kite.. the irony is delicious.
by pwoods11, 4-01-09

 

Search for Bobby Fischer .................. I am sure he wont mind playing CHECKERS for eternity.
by pwoods11, 4-01-09

 

I see Thomas Jefferson didnt take the news well that he does not have access to women of color down here.
This job sucks...... just because i was Martha Stewart's wall street messenger. .... damn it
by pwoods11, 4-01-09

 

Damn Karen Carpenter... If Mama Cass would have shared some of her sandwich with you... you both would still be alive.
Do I look fat?
by pwoods11, 4-02-09

 

I am sorry for the confusion. When your roomate Ahab talks about a Moby Dick he means a huge whale. Again.... sorry for the misunderstanding.
Damn
by pwoods11, 4-02-09

 

Tell Mark Twain and his friend Jim in your sector to stop rafting down the river Styx.
As you wish master
by pwoods11, 4-02-09

 

Well Harry.. i guess what I am most proud of is of my son..Claude Lemieux. He plays for the Colorado Avalance in the NHL. ... I love that little cheap shot bastard.
Didnt Darren McCarty beat the shit out of him repeatedly
by pwoods11, 4-02-09

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