All comics by wingenvy

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by wingenvy
5-08-02
Hmm..I think I'm gonna drink a whole jug of antifreeze...
So......what you're trying to say is........?
.............That's it..there's no joke there.
Is it ok if I laugh anyway?
Go ahead...........Now, where did I leave that antifreeze?......
Hahahaha......you already drank it yesterday.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Hmm..I think I'm gonna drink a whole jug of antifreeze...
Um.......yeah, and?......
.............That's it..there's no joke there.
Yeah, um, you drank it all yesterday.
Hmm..I think I'm gonna drink a whole jug of antifreeze...
Are you trying to test me? Because you're really starting to make me wish I had some right about now.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Fuck it. I hate my life.
Me too.
Sometimes I wish I could do it all over again.
I hear ya.
But, in retrospect, we are only five years old.
Five long, fucking years if you ask me. C'mon, let's go get drunk.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
I am on to you, don't think I don't know.
....wow........you're a genius........
What you're up to, I'm so onto you, that I might as well be a monkey on your back!
oooohhhhhh........ monkey.......yeah.......
Does that mean I have to sell back the monkey?
Um.....what part of "oooohhhhhh......monkey.......yeah......" are you not understanding?

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
You know, I really like talking to you.
I am on to you, don't think I don't know.
Um......know what?
What you're up to, I'm so onto you, that I might as well be a monkey on your back!
I'm sorry........I didn't mean to.......I'll leave you alone...*sobs*
Does that mean I have to sell back the monkey?

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Hmm...you keep putting my words back in my mouth...
Well, what else would you suggest I do?
That depends....
I was talking about.....
Your fist?
Easy there, boy. I don't think we're talking about the same thing.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
You're all full of spite, have you seen someone about this?
Tons of people........oh....you were referring to professionals...well.......no.
...
Spite isn't such a bad thing, really. After all, it gives one the ability to overcome situations that woul......
Funny..I was going to say the sam...
SILENCE!!! We aren't talking about YOU, we're talking about ME. When it's YOUR turn, I'll let you know!!!!!!!! Mister "I want to talk about me and interrupt other people's stories"!!!!!!

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Ha ha..fun's fun but this has gone far enough...
What makes you say such things??? After all we've been through?????
Nothing really, it's just one of those things that people always say in movies.
Ummm........well then.....
Is this the scene where we kiss?
Oh good. I've been watching too much porn apparently. The "this has gone far enough" line sort of alluded to other endeavors.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
We should change roles so we know how each other feels...
Oooooohhhhhhh.....Kinky!!
It's not about being convincing, it's just about admitting how we treat on...
Yeah, Yeah.........Quit with the small talk and let's do it already......Sheesh!!
Oh baby....bend over and take it.....oohhhh, yeah....just like that....
Meh..this is what it feels like to have no balls.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
I see why you're so surly all the time now
Hmmmm......I never thought of myself as surly, but whatever. I'm starting to feel a bit strange, though.
Wait..why's that?
I'm not sure. I think it's the testosterone.
I was just going to say that if I had a head this big I'd....
Oooooohhhhhh........sexual tension taking over......

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
I just hope you end me quickly.
Yikes!!! Someone's awfully controlling in bed, but I'm not going to name names here missy.
Waaait...you think I'm
MisterQueue in drag. But that's good enough by me.
Note to Self: Must turn back into Q, then mock WingEnvy...
Could you take care of me now please?? I'm kinda in pain here if you hadn't noticed.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Whew! Thanks, I'm back now.
Why aren't you dead? Where's my bot-boy?
HELLO?!!!!! Remember??? I TURNED into the robot when I became sexually frustrated.
What?
And you KNEW it, too. I at LEAST had a valid excuse; I was no longer in control of my body. I feel so used.
It was one weekend down in Rio! I was drunk! What?

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
This nature hike was a good idea, it let's us get into a new environment and out of old patterns
To be perfectly honest, I really don't give a rat's ass WHERE we are at. I STILL don't know if I'm YOU or ME, right now. Did we change back bodies the last strip?
See..that's what I'm talking about. I think you have no clear concept of our relationship as a whole, and I would bet that you cannot even remember why you are still here.
What in the HELL are you babbling about? I MUST still be you to have such little patience right now. And all this small talk....BLEAH!
Is it time for the make-up sex yet?
Um.....it's come to my attention that we have resumed our natural born bodies, but I must've misplaced your balls. Actually, I think I'm standing on them. Sorry.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Look..if you didn't want to come on this hike why did you say yes?
I didn't say I DID or DIDN'T want to go. Actually, I don't even think you asked me. Did I pass out back there?
I wish I could tell if you were joking.
Look I seriously DON'T remember even being ASKED on this hike, OK? Although I have to admit, I find it rather amusing you panting like a dog in heat back there. Keep up the pace, will ya?
Anyway the joke's on you, I have no insurance.
You mean the joke's on me as in "HaHa. You're hiking with a guy who's about to keel over and have a heart attack and who doesn't have insurance"? Yeah. The joke's on me. FUN-NY!

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
So would you like a knife? I've got a set.
Actually, I was going to suggest we head to the bushes and "get it on", but whatever suits your fancy.
Why? Is there something symbolic there?
Um, not really. Just "bushes".
It just hurts more?
It could, since YOU'LL be the one on their back. Hmmmmmmm.......maybe I could find a nice twig somewhere to spank you with, if that's what you're into..

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
WTF are you doing here anyway? Can't you tell I just want to be alone today? Me sad...
Well, if that's what you really want, I'll leave.
.....
.......
You're still here.
Yeah, I know. Sometimes, I know it sounds crazy, but sometimes I just know where the best place for me to be is. I know I sound like a crazy witch, but actually, my feet are stuck in the mud.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
So are you gonna get to it or not?
HELLO?? I'm waiting for YOU to start to head to the bushes. My feet are stuck, unfortunately.
That's a shame..and all this time I thought you were really excited by it
Actually, I was a teensy bit, but I couldn't find a damn twig to save my life. Bastard rocks abound out here.
That's okay, at least I'm not alone then.
Well, you ARE the only one without any pants.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Who said I wanted you to leave.
Well.......since you stopped talking to me..........I thought.......that maybe.........someone else......was.........well, you know.....
You made me laugh and feel a bit better, I wallow way too much in my own pit as it is.
Ha! See? THAT'S where you're wrong. It isn't YOUR pit. It's THE pit. There's other people here, too, you know.
Besides...it's been much too long since
..you've taken a shower. I know. I can smell you from here, and the woodland animals are sneering at us.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
You must really be as bad off as I am to keep these up huh?
I have some time on my hands, you could say that.
That's a little harsh.
Geez........why must everything be taken so personally? Where's Eraserhead? Huh?
... weren't you leaving?
Yeah, whatever. Thanks for the movie. Now, where did you put those knives?.......

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
How the hell did we get here by the way?
Um.......yeah.......we HIKED. Are you still drinking antifreeze?
Well...you were leading.
Hey, man, I only drank ONE shot.
That's why you were in front.
Good thing, too. Given the fact you don't remember walking, we'd probably have walked off a cliff with your lead. Although, this does bring to mind the question of how I started hiking to begin with.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Seriously though, we need to find a way out of here.
Why? What's wrong with this ?
...
What? I was just trying to remember how to find true north!
Yeah, right. And what does "true north" mean, EXACTLY? Hmmm....???????

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
I think we have communication problems.
must.........look........happy.......
I think we have communication problems.
must.........stay.........happy...........
Like I said..I think we have...
Yes........I............heard.........you.......the.....first.......time........

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Woah..did you just referrence something...I am confused by that one
How would I know what you were thinking?
Well no, seeing as how I'm properly damaged to begin with.
I'm not sure people would call a skull "damage", but whatever.
Donnie Osmond seems pretty clean..but I bet there's something hiding under the surface.
Sweet god almighty! Please don't EVEN suggest he has a brain. I'm hardly able to control the laughter as it is.

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
So we're back to hiking are we?
Yep, just until the sedative kicks in, oops!.......I mean, what would you rather be doing?
I'm sure you could think of something Miss High and Mighty Wit
Hmmm........let's see.......we could have sex behind the bushes.
What do you mean by that?
Let me put to you in YOUR language: ME........WANT......SEX........BEHIND........BUSHES.....*burp*

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Must you always be so vindictive?
Vindictive? Haa!!! You make me laugh!!!!
There's a contract?
I said LAUGH, you moron....I think you need to lay off the antifreeze for awhile......
Apparently not...
Why are you looking at me like that again?

 

by wingenvy
5-08-02
Yeah, so, uh, anyway...........
I know..........
If things could be different somehow, maybe.............
No............please, don't say it.......
It isn't you.......it's..........
I know..............the big pile of monkey shit on my back.......At first, I thought it was just you..

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Woah, were you just hitting on me?
Do I have to answer that question?
HELL-OOOOOoooo????????
Well, the fact that you have a vice grip on my penis for one.
Party pooper.

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Yeah, baby work it. Oh yeah. Nice ass.......
oh shit.......
You were saying?....
Um.......nice work there with the....uh....donkey and all. It was quite the.......uh...excitement o...

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Who the fuck are you? What the hell happened to Q?
What, the agency didn't tell you? Man I hate these talks.....
Tell me what, dickface????
Well, the producers couldn't find Q today, so I'm supposed to stand in....
director: "Places everyone!!! ......and.......ACTION!
Aw.....fuck this......
The hiiiiiiilllllls.....are alive...with the sound.....of.......MUuuuuuSIiiiiiiiic!

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Wingy!
It's about fucking time...
Sorry I'm late, but they won't let me get to Stripcreator from work.
Those fucking bastards!
Oh yeah..right..gotta stay in character...
Oops.....I mean.....those fucking dickfaces!

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
You know..I'm thinking about getting out of these mountains.
Funny, I was just beginning to think the same thing.
Well... we've been to the woods, and the park, and some rocks...
So, uh.....do you wanna go back to my place?....
Yeah...this wasn't such a good idea after all.
Yeah, I still need to clean the bathroom. Damn!

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
You have to stop amusing me for a moment, I have to finish this e-mail to you.
I said BATH ROOM.......Here we go again with the communication problems....
The... oh.. right...
Hey, do you think you could help me out? You can clean the toilet..
That depends..do you like it slow?
If by "slow" you mean NOW, then yes...

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
So this is hell...
What?...Cleaning my bathroom?..
No..being trapped in a room with a vindictive and lovely girl who will have nothing to do with me.
Uh......in a bathroom?.....
So this is hell...
Say it with me, one more time: "BAAAAAAATTTTTHHHHH RRRRRROOOOOOOOMMMMMMMMMMM".

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Ssoooo..what now?
Well, given the fact you've been of no help whatsoever in cleaning the bathroom and have been sitting there, lazily, on your ass for.......
Yeah, but it was your suggestion!
I said CLEAN the seat, not TAKE a seat!!
Can I blame you for my sheets?
Excuse me while I scream.....AAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHhhhhhhhhh!!!!!

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Ooh..gotta change oil..will be back momentarilly
WHAT THE.....?????? *blink* *blink*
Okay..I'm weak but I'll admit to her that I couldn't stay away.
Did you just slip me something?
Um..this is going a little fast for me.
Fast for YOU???!!!! What drugs am I on, pray tell?

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Look, if you're going to just be callous I'm off, call me later if you like
No!......You don't understand!...Something's wrong with me, I think I'm having flashbacks..
Maybe if I close my eyes, that'll help.
Mistress!
Oh Jesus Christ!....Fuck me!...Fuck me!.......C'mon Q, answer....I'm in some serious trouble, man.....

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Enough of that hell..let's hang out here for a while.
So there's no robot here anymore?
Right now I just want a drink
Get me one, too, before I open my eyes.......
I probably should've asked what that was.
Where in the HELL did you get those drinks? I should've known better. It tasted like gasoline you numbnut..

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Getting a call from the bf, would pick up the phone but this damn comic won't let me. Work with me here....
HELLO? I CAN'T HEAR YOU, YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SPEAK UP....
HELLO? YOU CAN'T HEAR ME BECAUSE THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE YELLING. I CAN HEAR THEM IN THE BACKGROUND......
WHAT?!! I'M GONNA TRY TO GET OUT OF THIS ROOM SO THAT I CAN HEAR YOU BETTER.....
I SAID "HELLO" AND THAT THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE.....
There.....that's better......you were saying?....
THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU ARE YELLING. I CAN HEAR THEM IN THE BACKGROUND.....

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Still talking to the bf........
So, what'd you do today?
Cleaned......cleaned the bathroom.......
Aww.....well, it's good that you got that done......
Yeah.......I guess so......
So, anything else going on?
Not really.....just cleaned the bathroom.......I gotta go....I'm boring myself...bye.

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Wingenvy talking to the bf.......
So, what's been going on?
I've cleaned.......cleaned the basement; scrubbed the walls, wiped pubes from the toilet, vacuumed a bunch of dead bugs, gagged a couple of times, found a spider on my arm......
Well...it's good that you got that done.......
Hello? Are you still there?.....
I CAN'T HEAR YOU BECAUSE THERE'S PEOPLE YELLING AND I'M BORING MYSELF GOTTA GO. BYE.

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Talking to the bf.......
HELLO?!#$#$@#%%DAMN PHONE KEE@$%#$##SIGNAL@#$@#
WHAT?????!!!!!
I'M GONNA TRY TO#$#^$%#$DAMN ELEVATOR#$%#$#$SIGNAL#$#$
WHAT?????!!!!!!!!!!! I DON'T KNOW IF YOU CAN HEAR ME, BUT WHY DON'T YOU CALL ME BACK LATER??!
Ahh.....that's better....so#$%#$#$WHAT'S GOING ON?#$%#%#$%

 

by wingenvy
5-09-02
Another talk with the bf...........
So, what'd you do today?
Let's see....I woke up around 6, went on the computer for a bit, exercised, took a shower, got ready, went to the bank, stopped by the post office, had a job interview at 1:00, came home, did some....
*overheard* yeah..yeah, ok..yeah....well, I'm on the phone right now.......just a sec.....*back* I'm sorry.......what were you saying?.....
I didn't do anything today.......
So.....uh...what's going on?........
Not much.........

 

by wingenvy
5-10-02
I know you're getting bored with this, but I'm still talking to the bf.......this is too much fun....
....yeah, so, uh.....I guess I'll talk to you tomorrow?........
Yeah, I'll call you sometime tomorrow......
Yeah.....weeellllllll....take it easy.....
You, too. Take care.......bye.....
I love you.....bye.........
Wha....???? Oh, I love you too, ...Hello?...I'm hanging up now.......

 

by wingenvy
5-18-02
Oooh..we're back.
Yes, unfortunately, after consuming an exorbitant amount of anitfreeze and gasoline, we merely passed out for a week. Damn.
I don't know how I lived without StripCreator.
And those crazy hallucinations of talking on the phone; I'm just glad it's all over.
Nice to see some things haven't changed.
HELL-O?????!!!! Stop looking at me like that.

 

by wingenvy
5-19-02
I'm not drinking this weekend, but man do I want to. So...very...bored...
I suppose I could do some reading for once, or find actual people, but that would be silly.
And I don't think I could wank anymore...
Fuck! PEE, i said! I want my money back...

 

by wingenvy
5-19-02
Queue, Queue, Come Quick!
just......one.......more......second.........Ahhhhh!........ahhhhhh........
That's not what I meant.
Then get your hand off me and quit doing that.

 

by wingenvy
5-19-02
We're Back!
Yes. Death and Destruction are my friends.
I know, what's up with that.
I don't know, but that's their names, I swear!
You lonely...
SHUT UP! They ARE real, ya fuckin jackass!

 

by wingenvy
5-19-02
We need to get back to our regular antics since Queue will soon tire of us.
He won't when he meets Death and Destruction. Yep, they should be here any minute now.........
I think we all know the audience likes the pee jokes.
Wait! I think I just saw them walking into Starbucks.......

 

by wingenvy
5-20-02
Building a Shed!
Dear dog, this is an awful setup, I refuse to do this.
Um, I thought we were doing a pee joke....
Must...fire...agent...
So, yeah, uh........what's with the hammer there, little buddy?
There's more than one way to choke a camel.
Yeah, um, I'm just going to be over here if you need me. Waaaaaaay over here...yep.

 

by wingenvy
5-22-02
These Backslashes It\'s putting before apostrophes is really messing up my mojo.
HA! Like you had mojo before.
I did! It was, uh.....................
Isn\'t it some kind of monkey?
Lame!
Shut up.....

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