All comics by Benco

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by Benco
12-14-03
its pobvious that there is a God
GOD APPARENTLY DIDN'T HELP YOUR SPELLING ANY.
the WORLD smells of creatism
haha
the world reeks of jesus bullshit

 

by Benco
12-14-03
im just trying to tell you that God is real and jugement is soon and we all will give an account to God
judgment is now because i'm judging your shitty spelling
CEF WHY DOES IT MATTER TO YOU IF WE GO TO HELL
WE WON'T BE FAGGING UP YOUR PARADISE, IF ANYTHING.
TRUST ME I'M THE LAST PERSON YOU WANT IN HEAVEN.

 

by Benco
12-14-03
when you have to face God in JUGEMENT for your sins and your there fearing and trembling and you know that you are damned and have ABSOLUTELY no HOPE at all, dont say no one warned you k
CEF I'M GOING TO MAKE YOU A DEAL. IF I DIE, AND I SEE THE FACE OF GOD GO "Hello."
I'LL GO "WHOOPS, I FUCKED UP!"
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)
I THINK THE WORD FUCK KILLS HIM.
he's facing judgment

 

by Benco
12-14-03
Why do you get off irc
when we say fuckingcunt
well i can see im making satan mad
and pussy
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)
haha

 

by Benco
12-14-03
Why do you get off irc when we do that?
I ave a blocker it blocks any thing like taht
ALRIGHT THEN. NO ONE IS TO SAY THEM UNTIL I DECIDE IT'S TIME. now, CEF. IS IT REALLY IMPOSSIBLE THAT LIFE IS A COINCIDENCE WITHOUT MEANING?
yep if you believe in the big bang thats like saying 0 + 0 = everything
oh i believe in big bangs alright. right in the pussy
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)

 

by Benco
12-14-03
In the beggining God created everything
GOD CREATED PUSSY
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)

 

by Benco
12-14-03
THE BIBLE COULD'VE BEEN WRITTEN BY SOME CRAZY DRUNKEN MONK
Mooseka the bible was inspired by God
THE BIBLE WAS INSPIRED BY CHEAP WHISKEY

 

by Benco
12-14-03
these are the last days
and Jesus IS coming soon
_________________________________________________________________________________________________

 

by Benco
12-14-03
Im just trying to tell you the bible is the word of God
its so awesome you all should try it
I mean are you afraid to try it
moose this bible's some good shit.. have you smoked it yet?

 

by Benco
12-14-03
IF GOD IS SO POWERFUL, WHY DID IT TAKE 7 DAYS TO CREATE THE EARTH. AND IF IT DID TAKE 7 DAYS, HOW LONG HAS IT TAKEN TO CREATE THE UNIVERSE?
A PRETTY LONG TIME I'D THINK!
to god a day is like a thousand years and a thousand years is liek a day thats in the bible
SO IT TOOK GOD 7000 YEARS TO MAKE THE EARTH? HOW THE FUCK IS HE POWERFUL THEN
I COULD MAKE THE EARTH OUT OF LEGOS IN 7000 YEARS.

 

by Benco
12-14-03
CEF WHY DID GOD CREATE NON-BELIEVERS THEN?
its all part of his plan
HIS PLAN TO SEND US ALL TO HELL?
THAT'S A GOOD PLAN.

 

by Benco
12-14-03
(God) oh i think i'll make people who suck just so i can torture them <3
that's a mean plan :(
his cunning plan?
cef on a scale of one to ten how cunning is god

 

by Benco
12-14-03
God plan well let me expalin its liek a movie the world, and god is the creator and we are part fo the movie
I AM SO TOM HANKS
God has everything planned for the movie
the world is a movie and neo and trinity die in the end :(

 

by Benco
12-14-03
SO CEF HOW OLD ARE YOU, AND DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW OLD WE ARE?
21
21 AND YOU TYPE LIKE A FIRST GRADER. LOVELY. I'M 14, IF YOU'D LIKE TO KNOW. 14 AND OUT ARGUING YOU.
I just want to help you guys because I was in the position you are now
MISSIONARY?

 

by Benco
12-14-03
god showed himself in my life
I BET GOD WAS LIKE
"Whatup i'm here to deliver a pizza"
"i didnt order any pizza"
"oh. well while i'm here, have you heard about me?"

 

by Benco
12-14-03
But the bible says "buhh buhh buhh earth is like 5000 years old."
yes so it's five days old
when we have scientific proof that things existed billions of years ago
Mooseka actually the earth is 6,000 years old
oh! six days

 

by Benco
12-14-03
it was inspired by God well one way you can tell that its of God is that its prophecies have come true. the chances of all the prophecies coming true are a billion to one
Cef, observe the following: In 10 seconds, I'll still be breathing.
Ten seconds later
That came true, you see. All of my prophecies, so far, have come true. How do you know I'm not god?
this is tedious bye
* project (Project@219-89-167-240.jetstream.xtra.co.nz) Quit (Quit: BYE, ASS PUSSY FUCKERS)
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)

 

by Benco
12-15-03
well i aint got all the answers i can say what I know but ask God
okay
no answer

 

by Benco
12-15-03
So Cef, assume that I just drop being an athiest and become.. a man of god. What will happen to me, after death?
you will be with God absent from the body present with the Lord
In Heaven you have superhuman powers and everything you want, but you just sit there, for you are content.
Mooseka if you come to God and confess your sins and ask forgiveness in Jesus name your sins are forgiven
So basically, Cef, I can do whatever I want ever.
Then why don't I do that when Jesus comes to rape me or whatever

 

by Benco
12-15-03
Mooseka if you really have the spirit of God which he gives us you will be changed
...I see. So I can continue doing all of this as long as I have god as my safety net?
if you really are saved you will have no intention of killing or sinning even though we still do. we arent perfect God forgives us for all come short of the glory of God there is non perfect
So why has god killed so many people instead of trying to talk it over with them?
everyone is a premature ejaculator in the eyes of god

 

by Benco
12-15-03
there was only one man who was pewrfect
perfect*
thats Jesus and he was perfect for us to be a sacrifice for our sins
Jesus wasn't perfect. If he could run faster he wouldn't have been impaled.

 

by Benco
12-15-03
Cef, I've read the bible, can I give you my favorite verse please? It applies to this conversation.
sure whats that Mooseka
Numbers 22:21 -- And Balaam rose up in the morning, and saddled his ass, and went with the princes of Moab. - (KJV)
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)

 

by Benco
12-15-03
that was my favorite verse and i'm spreading the word. Like, balaam represents me, right? And astral represents the morinng.
Nuero is rising.
And cef is his ass.
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)

 

by Benco
12-15-03
How do you know the bible isn't biased depending on who wrote it? MAYBE, JUST MAYBE Jesus didn't do all of those wonderful things. Eh?
Jesus did all those things
Oh, maybe he did. But what if he did other things?
If I'm not mistaken, isn't there a period where jesus is just left out of the bible for some 20 years?
What if jesus got addicted to smack and hookers in that time?
And they left it out?

 

by Benco
12-15-03
ok Mooseka lol well i have to go
I'm sure you do.
you damn pussy
* Cef (tek_@209.10.120.73) Quit (Client closed connection)

 

by Benco
12-16-03
Funk: She called me on the phone and was all like "I just wanted to tell you that I love you, sell everything we own on EBay. Bye." AND THEN SHE DIDN'T COME HOME FOR 2 DAYS
What an e-bay pitch
THAT WOULD BE A GREAT E-BAY COMMERICIAL
OMG MOM COMMITTED SUICIDE SO YOU COULD HAVE THESE COASTERS!!!!! L@@K!!!!!

 

by Benco
12-20-03
"Imagine using nanotechnology to transform the mass of jupiter into a body and mind for a being. With the amount of computing power that could provide, the possibilities are almost incomprehensible"
"guys i just got an amd jupiter 2800 xp"
"Lol I got a Pluto palm top"
" And I used nanotech to make my palms thousands of miles wide"
"SO FUX U HOMO"

 

by Benco
12-20-03
I GOT AN E-MAIL FROM SOME GIRL WHO'S LAST NAME IS "COCKSWORTH" OR SOMETHING
IT CONCERNED MY MORTGAGE
WHEN SPAM COLLIDES!

 

by Benco
12-22-03
"I just wanted to add my two cents worth for your testimonials. I liked the pussy fleshlight I bought for myself last year so much, I ordered one for my teenaged son."
funk would you give your child a masturbatory aid
I might give it masturbatory AIDS
know what my dad said when he first caught me with porn?
(phunk's dad) want to be jerk partners
(phunk's dad) at least he's not gay.

 

by Benco
12-22-03
Eura is considerably more annoying than anyone else, ever
actually draco is more annoying
and eurakarte unbans him, therefore they are equal
draco is a man of many words
all of them fail

 

by Benco
12-22-03
* Crazy_Panda is on phone with his girlfriend
HAHAHA oh sorry
That was awful. My girlfriend is a master of talking
IT MUST'VE BEEN A HARSH 2 MINUTES AND 40 SECONDS
Yeah, she reads out the time every five seconds

 

by Benco
12-23-03
mr bush should never get drunk
take that shit from an expert
(moose) oh man i drank my mom's rum when she wasnt lookin and threw up everywhere im so hardcore
(moose) time to try cocaine

 

by Benco
12-23-03
www.livejournal.com
/~pregnantteens
"I am now a mommy! Aidan John Bankston was born Friday December 19th at 3:47 p.m."
jesus fucking christ
"They've given me so much information that I'm overwhelmed and don't feel like trying to explain it right now."
they probably were like
'alright don't drop the baby and remember to feed it'

 

by Benco
12-23-03
"'I highly doubt that that is your husband's' said by my step-mom."
hi-five to that girl's step mom
"'honey i don't care what happened, but you know your going to be a gross pig after all of this? I could take you over to the clinic. It wouldn't be that bad.'- my mom, trying to convince me to abort"
hi-five to that girl's mom, too
"Since there was a rape kit pulled on me, there was evidence that I was not high the day I was raped!!"
HOW EXCITING

 

by Benco
12-23-03
"When did you first feel movement? 14w3d."
what the fuck is this, dungeons and dragons
Pregnancy Dungeons and Dragons
Saving Throw against coathanger!!
+2 Catholic upbringing of stupidity!!

 

by Benco
12-27-03
i think i'll go watch spirited away s00n
i think i'll call you a dork
dork

 

by Benco
12-29-03
IN SWEDEN WE GET PRESENTS TODAY HAHAHAHH
On the other hand YOU'RE IN SWEDEN HAHAHAHA
IN RUSSIA PRESENTS GET YOU
:D
why do people find "IN RUSSIA..." jokes funny
in soviet russia, jokes find you funny

 

by Benco
12-29-03
http://makeashorterlink.com/?P242121E6 THIS DOES NOT CEASE TO FREAK ME OUT
WOW
AMERICAN GIRLS = WHORES seems to be the right answer to this
I could be my own imaginary online girlfriend for that money :(
But what if I just take the money and never reply? D:

 

by Benco
1-08-04
The general rule on about people on IRC seems to be "Attractive, single, mentally stable: choose two"

 

by Benco
1-08-04
"We have seen kids shake, fall down, cry, and get right with God"
I CAN MAKE KIDS DO THE FIRST THREE
i have made kids do all four but it's not "god"
rather, a god of my own choosing
YOUR COCK
yes

 

by Benco
1-14-04
vote for zim or i'll destroy you
Where do I vote for ZIM?
* Mooseka remove pants
right here
HLRHLUHGLUHLUHR
i was just kidding you can vote over there.

 

by Benco
1-19-04
"I will inform the antagonists only once more about the accuracy of the CAP analysis model for partial viewings. ONCE more.
"The CAP analysis model is as accurate and fair for any portion viewed for that portion as it is for the entire show!
"The unseen portion of a show cannot affect the findings made from the viewed portion or the scoring earned by it. And if the viewed portion is vile and unfit, who cares about the rest of the show?"
OH MAN THESE GUYS FUCKING KICK ASS
CAPALERT DOESN'T TAKE SHIT FROM ANYOBDY
YOU FUCK WITH THEM AND YOU'RE ON THE GODDAMN FLOOR

 

by Benco
1-19-04
"Deal.With.It. is a journal currently put out by anti-sexist anarchist men in support of the struggle to end sexist oppression, deconstruct gender, overthrow patriarchy, and achieve total liberation."
dear deal with it: fuck you
sincerely, everyone

 

by Benco
1-19-04
this guy wrote an article about people who egged him and called him a faggot then drove away
"I let the experience sink into me and let my feelings come out. I didn't follow my childhood lessons of squelching the pain.
"I didn't pretend to be John Wayne or Superman. I didn't try to come across as a winner and I worked hard at not using my socialization to try and one up my attackers."
i mean, what a faggot

 

by Benco
1-19-04
THE HOBBITS IN THAT NEW LORD OF THE RINGS MOVIE: GAY FAG FAG FAG FAG GAY
wil welcome to december 2003
MERRY CHRISTMAS

 

by Benco
1-19-04
why the fuck is silent hill 4 titled THE ROOM
skullie the entire game is one room
WITH ONE GUY
It's a cupboard Of EVIL
Can't wait for RESIDENT EVIL 5: THE OTTOMAN

 

by Benco
1-19-04
Skullie I'm reading the SILENT HILL page now
And I don't believe it
"Henry Townshend finds himself trapped in his apartment that has been cursed by a deeply rooted evil."
That sucks
I spend every day in my own fucking apartment and I play computer games to distract me
I don't want to play SILENT FUNK SIMULATOR

 

by Benco
1-19-04
the KKK just has a different way of dealing with diversity
they think:
"MAKE EVERYONE THE SAME AND THEN WE WON'T HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT DIVERSITY"
but what they say is:
"if white people marry colored people then everyone will eventually become COLORED and there'll be NO DIVERSITY"
they should probably think about that for a while

 

by Benco
1-19-04
"This is my first time posting here. My name is Ashley I'm about 12 weeks and I'm 16 (17 in a couple weeks). I'm not sure who the babys dad is. It's between two people, and one of them is a psycho.
"He's threatened to kill me repeatedly and has broken into my house and chased me around once before, but he says he's still inlove with me. What do I do? I know hes using the baby to stay in my life"
alright what the fuck
if the baby is his, get an abortion
if the baby isn't his
still get a fucking abortion

 

by Benco
1-19-04
Zamros: I have a slightly better plan
get an abortion and give the crazy guy the fetus
what if it's a TUBE ABORTION where it gets cut up and shit? leave the little fetus bits around his house in clever places
like he gets some socks
FETUS PIECE

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