All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
3-17-04
i am so sick of spam.
tell me about it. i'm almost willing to adopt microsoft's idea.
what's that?
e-mail postage stamps.
you're kidding me right?
you gotta admit, gates is a genius.

 

by Cobb
3-22-04
i hate this time. you know, between girlfriends.
ah, the gap in serial monogamy? now's the time to get your freak on.
i don't know. women are crazy. i don't want to take the risk.
so you're going celibate? good luck.
sex is too much of a hassle. it's just not worth it to me right now.
you still like girls don't you?

 

by Cobb
3-22-04
dude, i'm heading to spain. i thought you should know.
going on vacation?
nope, i bought a one way ticket. i really dig this new president. he's for the people.
you should know that there's a 12 year mandatory sentence for carrying marijuana in spain.
whoa. could you bring up travelocity.com? i've got to make a change.
socialism ain't what it used to be.

 

by Cobb
3-22-04
i'm going on a short trip to spain and i wondered if you would keep an eye on my stash.
god, all you think about are drugs.
au contraire. i think mostly about freedom. that's why i'm going to check out the spanish election process.
where did you get money for international travel?
i bet against stanford in the ncaa championship.
sometimes you do amaze me.

 

by Cobb
3-27-04
so how do you like clarke now?
he's a self-important big mouth traitor. if we could declassify what he said in front of the president that would shut him up.
but he was employed by republican adminstrations past. how can you knock his credibility?
that was 80s terrorism. leon klinghoffer stuff. child's play compared to al qaeda.
but the fact is that nobody could do any better.
you seem to be forgetting governor tom ridge.

 

by Cobb
3-27-04
i know you want my approval, pollster dude. what's up today?
we're surveying reactions to the new federal double murder standard for pregnant women.
ok i'll support it on one condition, since we all know this is about fetal rights.
what's the condition.
if a mexican woman is pregnant, you can't deport her because her unborn child is an american citizen.
i hate this job.

 

by Cobb
3-29-04
what's new?
i've been hacking the network to find evidence of bush's plans against al-qaeda.
find anything?
a giant radar installation in alaska.
missile defense?
the talking points suggest that they show conclusive proof that we've never suffered a terrorist icbm attack.

 

by Cobb
4-04-04
i can't wait until condi tesifies and fries richard clarke on the spit.
you sound pretty confident of that.
she's going to drop a bomb on his head. it's going to be great.
last week she didn't want to talk, now she's ready. how do you explain that contradiction?
simple. she does what the president tells her. now he's telling her to talk.
such magical powers. he should tell the economy to turn around.

 

by Cobb
4-05-04
i know i haven't called you, but i've been thinking a lot about our potential relationship.
uhm hmm.
well, considering that we are the only black characters in this comic strip, don't you think it might become overly symbolic?
just because whitefolks trip, doesn't mean we can't get our swerve on. fuck 'em.
i was rather hoping you'd put it that way.
so. what kind of car do you drive?

 

by Cobb
4-05-04
i hope you don't mind saying so, but you're a lot more ghetto than most girls i date.
that's your problem. you've been dating girls. i'll put something on you that will straighten you out.
i'm looking forward to that.
you're looking forward to that? damn, you're funny. you really talk like that.
my friends are going to think i've gone native.
my peeps are going to freak.

 

by Cobb
4-06-04
i see you've got a perm. is that your real hair?
i heard that you're a republican, are you really black?
i'm darker than you are, so how many whitefolks in your family?
at least i don't live way off in the suburbs.
if we don't get naked real soon, this is never going to happen.
i'm starting to wonder if it's a good idea.

 

by Cobb
4-06-04
ok so let's admit it. we've got a kind of jungle fever thing going on between us.
even though we're both black.
african american.
negro.
nig..
..don't go there! you don't know me that well.

 

by Cobb
4-06-04
you know, just hanging around you makes me comfortable about my blackness in a way i've never experienced.
because you grew up mostly around white kids?
yeah. but it's different. i don't know how to explain it. i'm just really glad i met you.
i feel the same way, like i was suppressing something because of the kind of blackfolks i grew up with in the 'hood.
is there anything else?
no. your place or mine?

 

by Cobb
4-15-04
i dont' suppose you've done your taxes.
are you kidding? i didn't earn any income.
duh. silly me, you live in your parent's basement.
blunted on reality.
how do your parents put up with you?
i smoke so much dank, i'm legally blind. that's an extra deduction.

 

by Cobb
4-16-04
you've been grumpy lately.
we go over their asses and save them from saddam, then they turn around and start shooting at us because we're there.
well, maybe we should just mind our own business.
what's the point of being america if you can't intervene and help people who are going to die without your help?
that reminds me, have you stopped smoking?
maybe you should just mind your own business.

 

by Cobb
4-16-04
long time no see.
what, you can't speak?
wait, don't tell me. you're protesting the existence of legal 'walls' between the fbi and cia.

 

by Cobb
4-16-04
do muslims believe in the afterlife?
oh very much yes we do. this belief has been abused however.
to make suicide bombers.
yes. the idea of having 69 virgins can be very appealing to uneducated young men.
so what's in it for the 69 virgins?
1/70th the amount of uneducated young men.

 

by Cobb
4-17-04
you've been grumpy lately.
we go to iraq and save their asses from saddam, then they turn around and start shooting at us. this is the thanks we get.
well, maybe we should just mind our own business.
what's the point of being america if you can't intervene and help people who are going to die without your help?
that reminds me, have you stopped smoking?
maybe you should just mind your own business.

 

by Cobb
4-17-04
i'm sick of this bush lied crowd. they complain at the 9-11 commision that bush wasn't hawkish enough before the attacks.
too little too late.
exactly. and of course they've been complaining about the war in iraq since day one.
too much too soon.
liberals are impossible to satisfy.
well, you could always stop smoking and marry a man.

 

by Cobb
4-20-04
who do you like better, alicia keyes or beyonce?
well, i gotta admit that keyes has more skills.
yeah but she's definitely ghetto.
but not ghetto fabulous. that's more like missy elliot or mary j. blige.
she's almost bourgie but not quite.
bourgetto.

 

by Cobb
4-21-04
so who else would you say is bourgetto?
i'd have to say ice-t and snoop dogg.
no way, they're both so ghetto it aint even funny.
yeah but they're both so rich, and they've both crossed over to be popular on television and among college students.
hmm, a nation of millions of middle class people trippin off ghetto entertainment.
a whole ghettoisie.

 

by Cobb
4-24-04
ok so who's funnier, chris rock or dave chappelle?
that's got to be dave chappelle.
i'm rick james, bitch!
that cracks me up every time.
i'm rick james, bitch!
until now.

 

by Cobb
4-28-04
i wonder if you would come with me to iraq to help the humanitarian effort.
c'mon. i'm the liberal fairy. i know that's not why you really want me to come.
well, i do need supernatural protection. i don't want to get shot or kidnapped.
my answer is no. if i were to protect your effort in iraq, it would have the affect of making the bush's occupation appear successful.
and that's a bad thing?
what part of liberal fairy do you not understand?

 

by Cobb
4-30-04
yo dog! i decided to take a motherfuckin stand.
what about?
the war, fool. i know it's just some human shit, but it gives me a chance to express myself.
you're going to talk politics with humans?
naw, nigga. i'm just gonna talk shit wid 'em. that's what it's all about.
do you think they'll understand your style?

 

by Cobb
4-30-04
yo honey. whassup with this war shit?
er, are you talking to me?
i'm talkin about this motherfuckin' war. is this some crazy shit or what?
if you're talking about fallujah, i agree. nothing that happens there seems to make sense.
that's what i'm talkin' about.
uh, yeah. represent!

 

by Cobb
5-01-04
i thought the burnt bodies at fallujah represented a new low, but now i see this new torture.
your faith in mankind's depravity is restored.
i have to say that the electrical thing was a work of genius.
yeah, well now the secret is out, thanks to the press. now everybody knows how to do that one.
so you'll be going to turkey to discover new techniques?
actually, david blaine.

 

by Cobb
5-04-04
you know that cartoonist ted rall? i'd like to meet him.
yeah so would i. i have a nice piece of piano wire i'd like to show him.
seriously. i think he's onto something. he may be the only human who really takes a dimmer view of humanity than you.
how can you say that about me? i thought we were friends.
you're a spy and an assassin.
yeah but i'm on our side.

 

by Cobb
5-05-04
i'm shocked about the oil for food scandal.
what did you expect? after all it's the united nations.
i'm shocked about the torture scandal.
what did you expect, dude? after all, it's the u.s. military.
all these scandals over iraq..
..kinda takes the pressure off the church for a while.

 

by Cobb
5-07-04
hey rabbit. how's business?
boomin'. cialis commercials are on the air, and we discovered that viagra helps infants with heart problems.
yeah. we still have a lot of political problems over at nasa. i'm thinking of switching careers.
really? what are you thinking about?
i really want to be a radical film documentarian. you know, get the real truth that everyone is scared to say. from a monkey's point of view.
well, good luck trying to get disney to distribute your film.

 

by Cobb
5-07-04
guess who? it's me, the liberal fairy.
now you show up.
certainly you have a wish, my brown friend.
you should have been here 10 years ago. i would have had a big wish. now you're practically useless.
i see, you're talking about the cancellation of 'friends' and 'frasier'.
and where is eriq la salle from 'er', huh?

 

by Cobb
5-07-04
but you must admit that television is much better for african americans than in the old days.
i'm hardly as old as you, but i'm still not satisfied.
oh come now. don't you like wayne brady?
no, but i do like dave chappelle.
well, there you go. who says blacks are ungrateful?
speaking of which, what did the hand say to the face?

 

by Cobb
5-07-04
look, did you come here to talk about blacks on tv or to grant me my wish?
that's just it. my wish granting powers aren't what they used to be.
that figures. just when a brother is about to change things..
maybe it has something to do with the fact that the liberal fairies are now under a u.n. charter.
that explains a lot.
but hey, we can hang out and be friends. so what do you think about that wayne brady?

 

by Cobb
5-07-04
..and in other news, members of the family of soldier pat tillman were arrested today for assault on political cartoonist ted rall.
apparently a large bottle of cartoonist's ink was shoved 13 inches up his rectum. rall is in stable condition.
a spokesman for rall said that people ought to be pre-emptively defended from acts of violence which suppress free speech.

 

by Cobb
5-09-04
it turns out that this guy mccotter who ran abu ghraib was forced out of the u.s. prison system and became a privateer.
a leader of the prison-industrial complex?
this is truly shocking.
not to blackfolks. we know what goes on in american prisons.
no, really. you can't believe that this isn't an aberration.
are we having an o.j. moment?

 

by Cobb
5-09-04
i don't give a crap. anything we did to iraqi prisoners can't be worse than what saddam did.
torture is torture. doesn't that make us just like them?
americans torturing iraqis is just like whitefolks saying 'nigger'. iraqis only accept torture from their own people.
i see. but when blackfolks say 'nigger' most people don't get upset, just like when saddam tortured iraqis.
even if we do the same thing, it doesn't make us the same. you have to look at context.
i see your point. i hate it, but i see it.

 

by Cobb
5-09-04
i really want to hear your opinion about the american torture thing.
well, you know i left iraq just before the first war. i had some connections here.
do you have survivor's guilt?
no more than any american. this is the safest place to live. i choose to live here, even if it means..
you were saying?
allah forgive me, i think i am going to be sick.

 

by Cobb
5-09-04
according to the latest reports, american soldiers are accused of making obscene gestures, using rude and insulting language..
i had a gym teacher like that once. he made my life a living hell.
they are further accused of slapping them on the backs of their heads, giving them wedgies and snapping towels at their butts at shower time.
geezus. that is so familiar.
typical american bully behavior.
there's got to be somebody we can sue.

 

by Cobb
5-10-04
yo dog. i'm about to bust out big time.
what do you mean?
i'm talkin' a big ass scandal. tellin' people what i see as a mouse.
what do you see?
you know prison and mental hospital shit.
maybe you should do it as a rat.

 

by Cobb
5-10-04
so tell me. is all this press about torture hyped or what?
people still have no idea what goes on.
well, i'm not people. tell me, i want to know.
even though you're not human, just describing the techniques i know would make your head explode.
somehow i think i should take that literally.
you are wise beyond your years.

 

by Cobb
5-10-04
look. i'm really your only confidant. you must unburden yourself of this knowledge you have of torture.
i've sublimated it under several psycho-engineered levels of denial. i'd have to take drugs to bring them to my consciousness.
wow. this is exciting. so the things you know are physically dangerous to your consciousness?
yes. just thinking about them makes me psychotic.
but you can selectively express or repress this demonic force at will?
basically, there's a red pill and a blue pill.

 

by Cobb
5-10-04
the red pill has been taken.
holy shit. whose blood is that?
immaterial.
so this is the cia killing machine. most impressive. is this the deepest level of demonic expression?
this is level 3. we call it 'fear factor'.
you're hired!

 

by Cobb
5-12-04
the mahdi army is retreating from najaf.
al sadr is lucky we didn't kick the crap out of him.
that would have just created more terrorists.
good. so we could kick the crap out of them too. don't mess with the marine corps.
i have a feeling you're going to be disappointed when this is all over.
nah, there will be plenty of new video games about it.

 

by Cobb
5-12-04
hahah. now that you are in full demonic mode, i command you to.. sudan. commit mayhem!
you can't command me. you're just a bird.
that's just the effect of the red pill. i may appear to you as a bird but in fact i am your cia handler.
yes sir, may i ask why sudan, sir?
you'll recieve further orders in darfur. now get to destabilizing.
i wonder if anyone will notice.

 

by Cobb
5-12-04
reporting for duty, sir!
ah. you must be the cia operative in demonic mode. how long does your red pill last?
i am in day 3 of a 5 day dose, sir.
good. head northwest into kailek and take infiltrate the janjaweed militia. you are authorized to use torture protocols 7 through 12.
one question sir, when my dose wears off will you still look like a pig? if not, how will i recognize you?
i'll be at the khartoum holiday inn drinking a pina colada. you can debrief me there in two days.

 

by Cobb
5-12-04
i've come to volunteer with your militia.
an american? what do you have in common with our cause?
well.. er. i hate black africans and i've got military experience. i can aid in your slaughter.
but you are an infidel. you're not muslim nor arab.
think of me as a subcontractor. plus i brought my own biological weapons.
abdul! get me another horse!

 

by Cobb
5-12-04
that's strange. i'm picking up chatter suggesting we're getting more human intel from sudan.
that's ridiculous. there's no american presence in sudan.
i dunno. this sounds authentic. see? check out the call signs, birdman, neo and piglet.
come on. what does anybody care about sudan anyway? it's just a bunch of idiot muslims killing each other.
sometimes i think you have absolutely no regard for humanity.
yeah i get that a lot. who's winning the nba conference finals?

 

by Cobb
5-14-04
the hits on websites searching for the nick berg video are off the charts.
yeah. i hear r. kelly's pr people are jealous as hell.
how can you be so flip? this is horrible.
millions of people want to see this crap, why are you so surprised?
but this is america, we're supposed to be better than that.
you really don't understand people's appetites do you?

 

by Cobb
5-14-04
federal officials have raided a local videostore in what is being called joint operation between the riaa and the office of homeland security.
yes, we are interviewing customers of the videostore who were there during the bust.
i used to get all of my stuff here. i'm shocked that this kind of thing happens in america.
what kind of material were you getting?
you know, typical stuff. the r. kelly sex video, reservoir dogs, passion of the christ, girls gone wild, abu ghraib uncensored, nick berg...

 

by Cobb
5-15-04
i'm really getting tired of hearing about torture and beheadings in iraq.
it is really disgusting. did you watch the video?
no, i read the book.
ha! that's funny. but i agree with you, we should focus on something else for a while.
how about urban poverty, affirmative action and reparations?
you know my heart really goes out to nick berg's family.

 

by Cobb
5-18-04
now we've got a suicide bombing. this occupation is going to fail.
good!
good? you agree with me that we should pull our troops out?
yeah. right away. fuck 'em. they don't deserve the attention. some people just can't be civilized.
but i thought you were in favor of a global empire.
i am. but i think this particular job should be outsourced.

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