All comics by LuckyGuess

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by LuckyGuess
6-05-06
There are things in this world that shoud not be. They climb from the heart of darkness into the world of men to cause hatred and fear.
Those corrupted by their touch can never be saved, but those who fight the scourge can go on to do it another day, driven by the intensity of their spirit and a compulsive need to fight the evil.
You have new messages! From your ex! Ha!
I'm about to be very upset. I suggest you hide.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-05-06
The previous day.
I feel guilty.
Maybe you should have apologized before he left campus for the last time.
I don't think he would have listened to me.
I think he would have waited patiently for you to finish, then severed your spinal column and ripped both of your arms out their sockets.
You think he'd listen? Really?
I'm so glad you have a firm grasp of the situation.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-05-06
From the actual message.
I read all your comics, you know. I've been following them. Needless to say i deserve whats said in them, but i just basically wanted to say i was sorry.
I know this isn't going to change anything but i just dont want you looking back and, if you even remember, thinking of me as the devil who doesn't have any heart what so ever.
As this decieving, back stabbing, unfaithful bitch, which is probably an understatement in your mind.
This is not a desperate attempt to grasp your friendship or anything of the sort at last minute.
From the actual reaction.
Please calm down. Come on, at least she's reading your comics.
THAT FUCKING BITCH!!!!

 

by LuckyGuess
6-05-06
I haven't responded.
You should respond.
I'm going to respond.
Why are you waiting?
Because if I do it now I might punch a hole in my monitor.
You could sell it as art and buy a new one.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-05-06
Do you think he'll take it well?
Not really.
PURE ANIMOSITY
You should throw some logical argumentation in there, while you're at it.
It was just a suggestion.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-05-06
Send.
You got it.
Dad, you need to read this. It's fucking hilarious.
Just a sec. I want to see it this Spanish guy gets 'Next'ed.
Block her so that I don't get any more of this bullshit.
What if I just filter her messages into a porn site's mailing list?

 

by LuckyGuess
6-06-06
Sir? Reports of The Omen's re-release have been confirmed. Our PR team is doing damage control.
I thought we fixed this when that bishop figured out that the real number was 669.
Again, our PR team is working on it. We've also scheduled some appearences for you on the morning talk show circuit.
Just make sure you stock my dressing room with topical cream. I break out in hives when I'm on camera.
Today we have Lucifer in the studio with us. He says that The Omen is misrepresenting his sign and his image. Mr. Dark Prince, welcome.
Thanks, Katie. And let me just say that I'm really sorry to see you leave. I'm a big fan.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-12-06
I hated Disneyland.
Why?
They threw me in Disney jail for being drunk.
The happiest jail on Earth?
It was not happy, let me assure you.
What, were you Baloo's jail bait or something?

 

by LuckyGuess
6-14-06
My new wonder knife can cut anything! Watch as I chop this thrown pineapple in half!
Wow!
Shink!
Just wait till you see the blender!

 

by LuckyGuess
6-14-06
Package from Barbara!
Barbara?
Hi, auntie Barbara.
GRAAGH! I JUST HAD EXPENSIVE PLASTIC SURGERY! SAY I LOOK GOOD OR I'LL ACCIDENTALY BREAK SOMETHING YOU OWN!
It's a CD with no explanation of why she sent it.
It's a trap!

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
I bought the new caramel Reeses cup today.
And?
Salty ass.
I though you liked the taste of ass.
I do. The context was supposed be the same.
New Reeses cups: taste the ass.

 

Mmmm... titties...
by LuckyGuess, 6-15-06

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
I can't think of any comic ideas.
Try a random layout.
Ooookay. Now what?
I'm a fucking inanimate object. What do you want from me?

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
Can you give me some dialog ideas?
No.
Seriously, no. Just put in some Thundercat call or something.
Hooooooo!

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
This is so hard!
You've been here for four hours. Go outside.
If you'd help me I might be able to finish, dickhead.
I'm a chunk of overpriced hardware. Go ask your real friends for comic ideas.
I wish I was a VCR.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
Hello?
Nate, give me a good comic idea.
Go outside.
You're the second person who's told me that.
I'm shocked, truly.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
What's this?
You need to get out more.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
God damn! I can't think of anything!
Just go outside, christ.
Why do people keep saying that?
Technically, I'm not a person. I'm a figment of your lonely, restless psyche.
I'd say it's more restless than lonely.
Case in point.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
Ghaaaaaa! The light! It burns!

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
Hey Jay, what's up?
Check this out. Some pale kid is trying to leave his house.
GHAAaaaaaaaaGH! Ssssskskskssss....
Weird.
He's like those jellyfish that dry out on the beach.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-15-06
Hello, Jared.
Nate, is that you? I can't tell... everything is... *cough* so dark...
You're a foot and a half from the front door. Stop being an idiot.
Huh?
Hmmm. Touche.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-17-06
Did you order the chicken and vegetables? I didn't order the chicken and vegetables.
It's not a matter of WHO ordered the chicken and vegetables, it's whether or not we actually DID order the chicken and vegetables.
I didn't order it.
Me neither.
So what was the point of that little dissertation?
The benefit of the baby corns.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-17-06
I'd like to make a collect call to the AARP.
Why?
Um... magic?
I am a Grand Wizard.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-18-06
Well, it's Halloween. I suppose I should call my friends and arrange some kind of gathering.
Oh wait! I don't have any, because I'm a disgusting attic dweller who considers yelling at strangers over a headset during an online round of Halo 2 to be the equivalent of social interaction.
I guess I'll just have to have sex with the triangular eye hole of my family's jack-o-lantern and tell everyone it was a woman later.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
Sire! A man has entered the courtyard and is demaning a duel with your finest knight!
Tell me, page. What does he look like?
He is clad in armor covered in baby oil and wields a foot long pink dildo with a bunch of nails hot glued to it.
Exdongibur? I thought that was only a legend.
He wears the severed anuses of his enemies on his belt, sire. The townspeople are terrified.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
That'll be $15.45.
Here's $20.45.
Um.
No.
This isn't rocket science, buddy.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
I'm so confused.
Why?
You gave me too much.
And?
It's just hard, you know.
Do you need a calculator for this? The buttons on your register are all little pictures.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
Okay... so carry the two...
Just give me five.
Hold on, I need to do this.
*sigh* Fine.
How do you spell bacon?
That's not even... you aren't... ohhh, I need an Advil.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
Alright, here you go, sir.
This is a picture of a cat.
Wait, what did you want?
I'm going to have to kill you now.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
I want to talk to your manager.
Hello, welcome to GeniusBurger. How can I help you?
I really should have seen that coming.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
Give me five dollars change.
You didn't order yet, sir.
Oh wait! I totally forgot. Let me punch you in.
GRAAAAAGH!

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
I'm sorry, sir. I'm going to have to ask you to leave.
What?!
You're scaring our customers.
Haha! Just kidding. Now what did you want?
I... I... brain... hurty...

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
Hello, I'm the manager here. I got a phone call asking me to come to the counter.
That was me.
Oh. What can I help you with?
I wanted a Bacon Genius Meal and a small drink. The price was $15.45. I gave the clerk $20.45. Give me my meal and a five dollar bill.
Wait... what?
You've gotta be fucking kidding me.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-20-06
Whew! It smells back here. These guys must have been dead for a while.
Naw, that's just the broken heating system. I'd say the culprit is close by.
I win at life.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-21-06
Hiya, Fran.
Hello, Jerry. Any luck with the burr in your dick?
Not really. The doctor says if I pull it out I'll get an infection.
Too bad. I guess that means sex is out of the question.
Well fuck you and the me you rode in on.
I think you're leaking, Jerry.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-22-06
What a beautiful day! I think I'll make a comic on my favorite site, Stripcreator.com!
Inbox: 1 New Message!
From SHOES555: your comics really suck whats wrong with you what state do u live in
Unintelligible newbie hate. Awesome.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-24-06
It's been fun vegging out playing video games, but I'd better get back to work. Better go on my favorite site ever, Stripcreator.com, before I do.
Inbox: 9 New Messages.
Refresh.
Inbox: 10 New Messages.
Aren't we popular all of a sudden?

 

by LuckyGuess
6-24-06
Lessee... this one's fine, this one's fine...
Seven of these are from SHOES555.
They say you have to burn those suckers off.
And the last one is dcom agreeing with SHOES555.
I think they're on to you.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-25-06
Spirituality is a beacon of light and hope for everyday people. It establishes a goal for those who have none and secures some sort of stability in this turbulant world.
But! You must agree that in the wrong hands that same drive can be used for destructive and hateful ends.
Not at all! If those involved wish to follow a leader that pursues negative ends, let them. If they feel satisfaction then religion is doing it's job.
Then religion's job is to discriminate against minorities in the community as long as the faith base gets its jollies?
Of course it is. Just look at the gays.
Well, those ass bandits had it coming.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-26-06
So, what soul crushing epiphany are you experiencing today?
I found out that a girl I've known for about two years was almost perfectly compatible with me.
That doesn't sound so bad.
I'm moving away in five days.
Ha ha. Err, I mean that's terrible.
At least I have Battle For Middle Earth 2 to gently caress all my worries away.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-26-06
The noobs are getting out of control.
I think they're hilarious.
read my cominncs theyr funy why am i not toprated
SHUT UP YOU GUYS ARE MEAN DUMB STUIPID IM GON SINE IN AS ANOTHER ACOUNT NOW AND RITE THE SAM THING
In the following silence, LuckyGuess contemplates the hilarity of the noobs. Meanwhile, Humpenstein contemplates how long it will take for Lucky to smell his fart.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-27-06
What are you doing about that girl?
I'm taking her out to dinner so that I can probe.
Well don't probe her too hard.
I meant a questionnaire type thing. Interrogation. Feel around. Find out if something can work.
Suuuuure. Feel around to your hearts content.
Not cool, man.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-27-06
You're combing your hair? Are you planning on boinking her? Eh? Is boinking planned?
There will be no boinking.
I bet there won't. Did you clip your nails? And you shaved?
I want to look nice, asshole.
Boinkity boink boink boink.
Shut the fuck up.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-27-06
What about porking? Are you gonna pork?
No, we aren't going to pork. I'm a Jew, remember?
That's very clever of you.
I like to think so.
What about kosher porking?

 

by LuckyGuess
6-27-06
This looks messy.
The note says that we can find a clue in a brown paper bag outside the liquor store.
It is covered in grease stains?
Yes.
The clue was eaten by a homeless man.
God, forgive me for what I'm about to do.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-30-06
Terry, what the hell are you doing?
Building a barricaded fortress. I'll have a seven foot tall concrete block wall behind this fence perimeter.
This is part of my house.
Don't worry, I'll put concrete around your windows. That way if you turn into a zombie you can't get me.
Fucking Terry.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-30-06
This wasn't here last night, Terry.
I got a few of my buddies to help me.
This is ridiculous. I want this shit down by tommorrow.
We may not HAVE until tommorrow.
You're insane. Now take this down or I'll set you on fire.

 

by LuckyGuess
6-30-06
You could always let me expand the wall to surround your house.
Out of the question.
Why not?
I don't need the neighborhood thinking we're a couple of lunatic zombie-fearing sodomites.
Once they're all zombies it won't matter what they think.
I don't know. Bob is pretty petty.

 

by LuckyGuess
7-01-06
I'm sorry, but I can't remove this fence. Zombies.
There are no zombies.
You're working for them, aren't you?

 

by LuckyGuess
7-01-06
Moments after seeing "An Inconvenient Truth."
I am no longer afraid of he boogeyman.
Why?
He has been replaced by Al Gore coming out of my closet at night holding an iBook.
Al Gore isn't very terrifying.
Then a surge of water coming out of my closet at night holding an iBook.
How about a giant iBook holding an iBook?

Showing page 10.

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