All comics by TheGovernor

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by TheGovernor
3-02-10
1877 - Republican Rutherford B Hayes declared winner of disputed 1876 presidential election after voting irregularities in some southern states including Florida
Paging Mr Gore!
1958 - Vivian Fuchs and party of 12 complete first overland crossing of the Antarctic
Well if you were named after a girl you'd want to do something insanely manly too.
2001 - Taliban destroy ancient statues, the Buddhas of Bamyan in Afghanistan
That's a shitload of bad Karma heading your way dude

 

by TheGovernor
3-03-10
1847 - Birth of Alexander Graham Bell, Inventor of the telephone
Congratulations Mr Bell, it's a boy
If only there was a device that allowed me to easily disseminate this news to my family and friends, oh well.
1931 - Hoover signs law making 'The Star-Spangled Banner' the U.S national anthem
'Yankee Doodle Dandy' and the theme to 'Hogans Heroes' also considered
1991 - Rodney King subjected to police brutality which was video taped. Acquittal of officers later sparked the LA riots
Break out the nigsticks boys!

 

by TheGovernor
3-04-10
1933- Frances Perkins became first woman to serve in US Cabinet
So President Roosevelt, what do you want me to tackle first as your new secretary of labor?
Well you can start in the Kitchen and make me a coffee sweetcheeks.
1945 - Finland declares war on Nazi Germany
Better late than never
1966 - John Lennon causes outrage by claiming Beatles bigger than Jesus
Just so you know Im now a Stones fan.

 

by TheGovernor
3-05-10
1946 - Winston Churchill makes his famous 'Iron Curtain' speech
Beware of Russian Interior Decorators!
1960 - Elvis ends two year stint in US Army
Where's Private Presley?
Elvis has left the building
1970 - The Nuclear Non-proliferation treaty came into effect

 

by TheGovernor
4-02-10
That was great! Do you want to do it again?
One moment Maggie
Shwing!!
Right are you ready for the second cumming?

 

by TheGovernor
5-13-10
Where am I? Who are you?
Ah welcome to the future Mr Frood, Im Zed, the facilities computer engineer, though my job is reversed from what you remember. I now retrofit computers rather than improve them.
I had to unthaw you so I can remove the graphical user interface on the Cryogenic machine and ft it with a command line
You mean?
Thats right, we're living in a DOStopia

 

by TheGovernor
5-13-10
Here is your bill mr Ceasar
I think you've made a mistake, there are six deserts billed here and only five of us
The bill is correct sir
Wait a second, I think I know why
Ate two Brute?

 

by TheGovernor
5-27-10
I don't suppose anyone handed in a Black coat recently?
Hold on I'll just check
"In a flashback possibly an alternate reality I still have my Black coat. I spend 43 minutes sitting in a bar with a Penguin named Frank discussing the merits of Olives"
I like the green ones stuffed with pimentos, what about you Frank?
*Quack*
Coming soon on ABC
Sorry no Black coats. I did find the skeletal remains of a Penguin holding a banjo atop a Frank Sinatra Vinyl. There may be a connection.

 

*Scwark, ze butler deed it, Scwark*
Damn you Parrot!
by TheGovernor, 5-28-10

 

by TheGovernor
6-10-10
As owner of this Microsoft® certified library I want this children's A to Z book changed immediately
What's wrong with it?
Well it says here; A is for Apple.    'A' IS NEVER FOR APPLE! 'A' is now for Automated System Recovery!
Then I suppose 'B' is for Blue Screen of Death? And 'C' is for Crash to Desktop?

 

by TheGovernor
6-18-10
So, Ive had to judge a difficult competition, where quite a few entries could have sealed it but Ive been berated by my choice, could this get any worse?
Hey!!!! Guvnor! IVE GOT NADS ON MY FACE!!
It got worse.
NADS! NADS! NADS! NADS! NADS! NADS! C'MON, SAY IT WITH ME!

 

by TheGovernor
7-22-10
Whoa, You didn't miss a branch falling out the ugly tree did you? Ever consider doing humanity a favour and making sure your genes never reproduce?
Say Hal, why was my girlfriend crying in the escape pod?
No reason Dave, fancy a game of chess?
Sure
Maybe we can get your girlfriend to be the Horse!

 

by TheGovernor
8-02-10
Is everything alright with your meal miss?
Well the soup was ok, but I thought the herbs used were a little crunchy
Ah yes our Potager was recently released after a long spell in Prison
All he knows how to do now is Hard Thyme

 

Im the brightest star in Canis Major!
Wait, you can't be Sirius!
by TheGovernor, 8-06-10

 

by TheGovernor
8-08-10
Say Capt'n, Why is the cargo hold full of little green and white mushrooms?
Yarr, our vessel was hired by a small italian plumber named Mario so he can take a holiday
They say his brother Luigi had hired a smaller boat with a similar cargo
Apparantly they're both into OneUpmanship

 

by TheGovernor
8-19-10
Hello Mr Euphemism
Hey I like this bag
Say aren't we supposed to be fighting?
Im sorry did you say something?

 

by TheGovernor
10-07-10
I spy with my little eye something beginning with 'R'
um
errm
This game got old 14 days ago Miguel
Rocks!

 

Happy Meaning of Life, the universe and everything day
For robots anyway!
by TheGovernor, 10-10-10

 

by TheGovernor
11-06-10
If I were you I'd either go get stoned! Or seek a second opinion
Thank you Rock, I think the house plant has a degree in medicine, I'll go ask her
You should really consult with the cat, Im more of a herbalist
Thanks talking Plant, I'll do that
Have you looked up the symptoms online?
The computer is pretending I have AOL, and the TV is saying I have a subscription to FOX, better to just kill me now I think

 

by TheGovernor
11-08-10
What do you get if the leader of the A-Team has a choice of dropping off some potatoes to a cattle farm or heading over to his mothers house for afternoon tea and cakes?
I don't know
Hannibal, Veg to Bull or Mini Roll
*click*
Well that's ten seconds of my life Im not getting back

 

by TheGovernor
2-25-11
*Chance*
Take a trip to Tripoli Station, if you pass Gaddafi's henchmen pay $200 to bribe them not to shoot you
I just landed on one of your hotels, what do I owe you?
Nothing, my hotels were all built on the east side of the board and were looted by Anti-Government protesters
Im not sure I like this Monopoly Libyan edition.

 

by TheGovernor
2-25-11
Generalissimo the capital has fallen and the country is ours
Excellent, that will teach those imperial pig dogs a lesson
Unfortunately most of he infrastructure and economy was destroyed, the only thing spared was the tight swimming trunks factory
You mean that is all we have left to trade?
Yes, we're now a Banana Hammock republic

 

by TheGovernor
3-02-11
Tonight we will be serving potato soup followed by potato wedges and roast potatoes. For desert there is a potato crumble covered in potato custard.
We've had potatoes the last five days, this is ridiculous I demand to speak to the captain!
As captain of this vessel if I say we're serving potatoes we are serving potatoes.
Well what did you expect from a Ducktatorship?

 

by TheGovernor
3-31-11
So did you enjoy your vacation?
Not really, I was stung by a bee
Okay Mee-ster here is your appartment, as you requested your room comes with a view of the bee-ch
Wait thats just a deckchair next to a female dog licking the hand of a tramp who has defecated himself
Well I did warn you not to take a buzzman's holiday

 

by TheGovernor
5-25-11
Ok so the plan is to assault Troy at 4pm, but what time is it now?
Hold on I'll check
*I SUMMON CHRONOS, KEEPER OF TIME!!!*
At the sound of the tone the time will be exactly 2.43pm ........*Beep*
Fuck my life

 

by TheGovernor
5-25-11
Not many people showed up at your protest
Yeah, I know, disappointing...
What are you even protesting?
Unnecessary sign making

 

by TheGovernor
6-26-11
Well thanks for the tour of the Army base.
No problem. Do you want to head to the canteen for a  bite to eat?
Well I hate to say it....
what?
Here's another nice mess you've gotten me into!

 

by TheGovernor
8-06-11
Thunder........... Thunder...........
"Sword of Omens Give me sight beyond cheetara's bra straps"
*Ding Dong*
THUNDERCATS!
"Snarf Snarf Snarf"
Ho!

 

by TheGovernor
8-07-11

 

by TheGovernor
8-15-11
Excuse me, I have to perform a Grim Fandango...
Im sorry Mr Euphemism Im not following you.
...I need to queue up a download? ....Balance the defecit... Execute Mr Fresh... Consolidate my investments... Tickle a Mexican... Release the Star Wars prequels..
I have to pay the elevator tax.. Defy Netwons 3rd law .. I need to beam up Scotty.. Decieve a blindman... Take French lessons... Make parrots cry... Upload a nightly build.. Expedite a terrorist...
Just pull my finger

 

by TheGovernor
8-16-11
My young nephew just friend requested me on faceplace
I cant say no so now I have to censor every rant, delete all those drunken photos and never act like a prick in front of my friends online ever again...
Well at least there's a bright side then.

 

by TheGovernor
8-20-11
STROKE! STROKE!
STROKE! STROKE!
Im Stroking as fast as I can Captain!

 

by TheGovernor
9-15-11
Whoa, Im having an acid flashback in your lab
Sounds like some Alkaline would balance that out
Alkaline is what I call my penis

 

by TheGovernor
9-27-11
Spock have you ever had an STD?
Well two Pon Farr's ago I met a three breasted Romulan in a pleasure house on Rigel V
She left me with a Seven Year Itch.

 

by TheGovernor
9-27-11
Captain's Log, WhileSearching the caves of Pollux Six to find a cure for Checkov's accent I have come accross a grey being, I shall attempt to make contact

 

by TheGovernor
12-06-11
Lets watch a movie tonight, how about The Color Purple?
I don't fancy it
The Hunt for Red October? The Green Mile? A Clockwork Orange? Pretty in Pink? Blue Lagoon?
Nah...
Men in Black?
Now you're talking

 

by TheGovernor
12-13-11
Int. LHC, Geneva
I think we may have actually just glimpsed the Higgs Boson
You mean the particle that we theorise is how everything in the universe obtains its mass?
The very same, smells a bit weird though

 

by TheGovernor
1-27-12
Int. Hitler residence, 1907
Vud you like a drink Adolf?
Yaa mein mutter, Vot have you got?
Vell ve have Orange, Grapefruit and I think zer is some Cranberry left
How many times do I have to tell you mutter......
...I DONT LIKE ZE JOOOS!!!

 

by TheGovernor
2-20-12
Winter is Coming
Winter has Come
Here be dragons

 

by TheGovernor
2-20-12
Paul, the sleeper must awaken
The sleeper has awakened
Your father's dead
Damn there's a lot of sand on this planet
Not to mention some superb drugs

 

by TheGovernor
2-21-12
A cyndrical alien ship has appeared in our solar system, we need you to investigate it for alien technology and report back.
Cool Im on it.
Hey Bill I bet you ten dollars I can jump that gap on my bike.
We learned nothing.

 

by TheGovernor
3-06-12
Happy Super Tuesday.
And the same to you.
Ok...
See you again in four years time.
Ditto.

 

by TheGovernor
3-13-12
Commander Shepard, aliens are destroying the earth what should we do?
OPTION A: Save the Earth,            OPTION B: Graze
Graze it is!

 

by TheGovernor
3-13-12
The U.S. give Britain a sense of self importance on the global stage that post cold war isn't actually the case any more
The UK gave us Doctor Who

 

by TheGovernor
4-25-12
*Meow! slurrrrrrp! Mew! Slurrrrp!*
Why is your car making that noise?
*Meow! slurrrrrrp! Mew! Slurrrrp!*
That'll be my new Cat-a-lick-tick convertor

 

by TheGovernor
5-30-12
2065 AD - Shelter QX1, Ottawa, Canada
We've traced the beginning of the end of civilisation to fifty forum comic contests on that website . We need to send you back in time to stop this ever happening
I think I recall the ones you mean, send me back.
2012 AD - Brad's House
*CC500: Wirthling Returns and still sucks ... CC512: Rotor Turbines! ... CC524: Cornholing for beginners... CC538:- Kajun and Andy's Happy hour... CC549 : Spankling eats a cucumber*
Dear lord it's worse than I remembered
*Forum threads deleted* *Date stamps rearranged*
Humanity is saved

 

by TheGovernor
5-30-12
"Pete sat motionless in deep thought as the 90 degree oscillating feature on the Draper 43131 Chrome deskfan kept his office at a steady yet sticky ambiance...
"He knew if the case went well he would splash out for the Honeywell HO-1000RE floor standing model with 3 speed settings and a remote, if only he could find the killer..
"But like the Lloytron 2000w fan heater he used at home with variable thermostat and auto safety cut off, the case was blowing hot and cold..."

 

by TheGovernor
7-04-12
I'm afraid Lord Vader that the Death Star plans are not in the main computer anymore
Where are they?
They were uploaded and released on wookieleaks on the galactic internet, everyone has a copy, here I have it on my 'droid phone
I can't seem to get it working on my iPad,
You need to have Jawa enabled

 

by TheGovernor
1-14-13
These pills should help with your moustacheitis, I have to warn you though that side effects include Amnesia and Alligator hand, but Ive been taking them myself without problems
Cool I'll try one right now
Me too, just remember not to take more than one each day
Im not sure if they're having an effect but I do like the piranha urine aftertaste
These pills should help with your moustacheitis, I have to warn you though that side effects include Amnesia and Alligator hand, but Ive been taking them myself without problems
Cool I'll try one right now

 

by TheGovernor
3-14-13
*Houston, Tranquility base here, The Eagle has landed*
Ok Neil this is it, time to leave the capsule if you dare. "It's one small step for man one giant..."
First!
Dammit Jesus!

Showing page 10.

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