All comics by count_libido

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by count_libido
12-13-06
How did you get to be Santa?
Yarr, I think it was the beard.
Can I be Santa too?
Yarr, but ye be a ninja. What sort of Santa would you make?
I'd be a great Secret Santa!

 

by count_libido
12-13-06
So, are you adapting to life up here?
Yarr! There be just one thing...
Oh? What's that?
This be the North Pole, yarr?
Yes...
Where be the North Pole Dancers?

 

by count_libido
12-14-06
I'm the happiest robot in the world!
Who are you?
Optimist Prime!

 

What seems to be the problem?
DDRRRAAAAAIIIIINNNSSSSS!
by count_libido, 12-14-06

 

by count_libido
12-15-06
'Twas the night before Christmas And all through the house not a creature was stirring, not even a mouse.
'Cuzz the cat had pounced on him and tore him apart - Ate his mouse intestines and chewed up his heart.
Litty thought he heard sleighbells which made him take pause - he stopped daintily licking the blood from his claws.
"Must be Santa" thought kitty (that quite clever cat) "Cuz nobody else climbs down the chimney like that."
Indeed it was Santa so jolly and fat with a huge load of presents and all for the cat!
"Best Christmas ever!" kitty thought with a purr then he coughed up a hairball and shed some more fur!

 

by count_libido
12-15-06
Ah December. Chestnuts roasting on an open fire, singing carols and presents under the tree. It's a magical time of year.
Dude, what's with you?
Sorry, this time of year always makes me santamental.

 

by count_libido
12-18-06
Cap'n Santa, go take the Christmas wishes from the Old Folks Home!
Aye Aye Santa!
Yarr! What do you want for Christmas, matey?
Christmas? Huh! When I were a girl, all I got for Christmas was an apple and an orange!
Yarr! Ye got a computer and a mobile phone? Not Bad!

 

by count_libido
12-18-06
The Three Wise Men are off to Bethlehem...
We three Kings of Orient are, bearing gifts we travel afar. Field and fountain, moor and mountain, following yonder star...
In the stable with Jeebus...
Frankincense to offer have I; incense owns a Diety nigh; prayer and praising, all men raising, worship him, God most high.
Cheers! That's great!
Myrrh is mine, its bitter perfume, breathes a life of gathering gloom; Sorrowing, sighing, bleeding, dying, Sealed in the stone cold tomb.
Jeez! Who invited the miserable goth?

 

by count_libido
12-19-06
Hey, are you Jesus?
Ha, ha, no. I get that all the time.
So who are you?
I'm a religious entity overly concerned with minutiae and detail who points it out every chance he gets.
And that makes you...
The Pedantichrist!

 

by count_libido
12-21-06
Today we're going to show you how dating has changed over the years.
Lesson 1: Pick-up lines.
The 1970s...
So...wanna come back to my place?
Now...
So... wanna come back to MySpace?

 

by count_libido
12-22-06
So, you've made the list and checked it twice and got the sleigh out and fed the reindeer. I guess you are ready to go.
Yarr! I've remembered the lot. I'll be seein' ye on Boxing Day.
Have ye seen a big bag of presents around anywhere?

 

by count_libido
12-22-06
Well done Captain Santa! You'll make a lot of children very happy.
Yarr! I didn't realise it would be such a hard job.
Hard job? You have it easy compared to some people you know!
Yarr! Oh really? Like who?
That'd better not be another ray gun.

 

by count_libido
12-26-06
Call the employment agency and hire me ten new guys!
What for?
I want to throw balls at them!
Why would you do that?
I feel like going temping bowling!

 

by count_libido
1-02-07
Uuh... like, Happy New Year?
I think it's against the Goth Code for us to have a happy anything.

 

by count_libido
1-02-07
Back to work huh?
Yeah...
Did you make any Resolutions?
I couldn't be bothered.
Why?
A New Year's resolution is something that goes in one year and out the other.

 

by count_libido
1-03-07
Whatcha doing?
Reading.
Reading? What about?
This Roman general who suffered from epileptic fits.
What was his name?
Julius Seizure!

 

by count_libido
1-04-07
I just read something interesting on the internet...
...apparently Superman is teaming up with a militant Islamist organisation.
What's it called?
Kal-El Qaeda

 

by count_libido
1-10-07
So, you guys live in the jungle huh?
Yes, we are a clan of ranting people.
So...you're a diatribe?

 

by count_libido
1-12-07
Why did that guy keep looking at me?
He's a carpenter.
So?
He tends to stair.

 

by count_libido
1-16-07
Morning zombie, what would you like for breakfast?
Brain flakes!

 

by count_libido
1-16-07
Somewhere in Hollywood...
Congratulations! We've decided to make you the director on the Hulk movie.
Don't make me Ang Lee. You wouldn't like me when I'm Ang Lee.

 

by count_libido
1-17-07
I want that report on my desk by 5pm!
Later...
Well?
It's brown, has four legs and a monitor on the top.

 

by count_libido
1-22-07
Can I help you?
Buenos Dias. Where ees my discount?
Discount? What discount?
Madre de Dios! The one for Spanish people? I weel show you!
Outside....
I think the 'i' fell off the sign....
So eet doesn't meen 'Senor Citizens'?

 

You want to pay cash of shall I put it on your bill?
by count_libido, 1-23-07

 

by count_libido
1-24-07
I was stopped by a policeman the other day, he said one of my tyres was flat.
Oh noes!
Luckily I had a footpump with me
Did you pump up your tyres?
No, I hit him with that and drove off.

 

by count_libido
1-29-07
My cousin thinks he knows loads about sci-fi, but he knows nothing.
Last week I asked him: "What's a Mogwai?"
...and he said "He's a character from The Jungle Book."

 

by count_libido
1-29-07
I don't believe it!
What?
I just met this charity worker who wanted me to give him money to perform mercy killings on old people!
Er, no. I think you'll find he supports "Youth in Asia"

 

by count_libido
1-31-07
I like to think of myself as a metrosexual...
You mean you like to shag free newspapers?

 

by count_libido
2-02-07
Where am I? Last thing I remember was falling asleep on that warm spot in the oven...
Welcome to Hell! Now, grab a headset and get to work!
Are you saying that Hell is telemarketing?
Hey, it's not all bad. You get to keep your commission.
Great. I get to spend eternity in a lake of fire and I have to do telesales(!)
"Earn while you burn!" That's our motto!

 

by count_libido
2-02-07
You know, somehow I thought this would be more exciting.
So did I.

 

by count_libido
2-05-07
Who are you?
I'm the world's must rubbish barbarian. I've never managed to invade anything.
Really? What's your name?
Genghis Khan't.

 

by count_libido
2-06-07
Guess what? I just got offered a part in a new film!
Cool!
It's a remake of an old erotic thriller.
What's it called?
Fatal Cattraction!

 

by count_libido
2-06-07
Yarr! So how are you enjoy the voyage?
Oh, it's great. The food's wonderful and the deck games are fun. I just wish there was a band on ship so we could have some live music.
Yaar, I beg ye pardon? ye wish there was a what..?
A BAND ON SHIP!
One shipwreck later...
So what lesson have we learned?
"Choose your words carefully when talking to a partially deaf sea captain."

 

by count_libido
2-09-07
Today the Pundercats will demonstrate how easy it can be to slip Star Wars quotes into real life situations.
I've got every George Michael album except one.
I find your lack of 'Faith' disturbing...

 

by count_libido
2-09-07
FUCK! SHIT! PISSFLAPS!
ARSE! KNOB!TWATTYPIE!
What the hell is that kid eating?
Touretti-Spaghetti.

 

by count_libido
2-09-07
Today the Pundercats will be confusing a music fan.
Hello, do you sell Hip Hop?
Actually, no. We're a Chip Shop. We just lost some letters off our sign.

 

by count_libido
2-09-07
Whoa!
Did you shout?
Yes, I wasn't looking where I was going. There was a big puddle of wee on the floor and I almost slipped up in it.
Well, you know what they say: always look out for number one!

 

by count_libido
2-19-07
Welcome to the SAS! Here you will become the best of the best! You will learn how to disembowel a man with a sandwich and make explosives out of Robinson's Barley Water!
Then when you're ready, you will be unleashed upon the enemy. Who dares wins! Now, are there any questions?
Are you saying we have to go to war and fight people?
Yes! Why else did you join the SAS?
I thought it meant you only worked Saturdays and Sundays!

 

by count_libido
2-26-07
Now we go over to Billy Idol for a weather report...
It's a nice day for a white wedding!

 

by count_libido
2-26-07
Tuuurn roounnd ...... close eeeyyyes. Zombie give you big surpriiiiise!
OK! I love surprises!
One Zombie attack later...
Zombie get more easy meals this way.

 

by count_libido
3-01-07
I just saw a Hindu
What's a Hindu?
It lays eggs!

 

by count_libido
3-09-07
What's for tea?
Floorboards.
I can't eat those, I'm vegetarian.
Why does that mean you can't eat floorboards?
There's laminate!

 

by count_libido
3-14-07
Hey aren't you supposed to be extinct?
Yeah, I escaped from the museum.
Oh-oh! I think I see a guard coming!
Yoinks! Cheese it!
One narrow escape later...
Do you think he saw us?
Oi! Don't you start!

 

by count_libido
3-18-07
Wow, check this out!
It says here that they're bringing out a new range of condiments based on famous horror writers!
What's the first one going to be called?
HP Saucecraft!

 

by count_libido
3-20-07
In the 1900s an English town had fallen on really hard times. For decades its primary industry had been its textile mills, but now the mills were all closed and unemployment was at an all-time high.
The town's mayor looked around for other industries to bring to his town. He found that there was a man in Germany looking for someone to take over his thriving hunting dog breeding business.
The man had made a fortune raising the animals and was not willing to unload it for a fraction of its value, so that he could retire.
The mayor used his influence to have the mills converted to kennels and all of the dogs transported to his town. Employment skyrocketed and the town prospered.
Everyone was happy, even though, sometimes--especially on the nights with a full moon--the animals got a little noisy, keeping some residents awake.
But, even these unfortunate few learned to sigh and say, "The mills are alive with the hounds of Munich".

 

by count_libido
3-20-07
I think I need a second opinion on this patient.
Want me to take a look?
Sure, go ahead.
Hmm....looks fine to me. Now you owe me £300!
£300? What for?!?
The Cat scan!

 

by count_libido
3-22-07
I've finally finished our homework assignment: "How do you best describe and illustrate a Paradox?"
Me too! Let's hear your answer first.
"A Paradox is a self-contradictory and false proposition. Mary Shelley said "The silence of midnight, to speak truly, though apparently a paradox, rung in my ears"
That's way better than my answer. I'd better send the lads home.
Elsewhere...
Are we still getting paid?
I'll give him another five minutes...

 

by count_libido
3-27-07
Now it's time for Pundercats Mystery Theatre!
We re-enact a famous film in one panel and you have to guess the title of the movie....
Hi There!
How are ya?
Did you guess the film?
That's right, it was 'Brief Encounter.'

 

by count_libido
3-28-07
Hello? Can I help you?
Yes, I need some advice on anatomy.
I think I can help you there. What seems to be the problem?
I don't know my ash from my elbow!

 

by count_libido
4-05-07
Hey, who are you?
I'm a frog. I'm on holiday in that pond over there.
Are there many other frogs?
Oh yes. I saw a baby frog who'd come all the way from Warsaw.
From Warsaw?
Yes, he is a tad Pole.

Showing page 10.

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