All comics by crabby

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by crabby
7-15-02
The joke is really on those two! While they thought they were making love to eachother they were really both making love to me!
I was fucking my mother while that demon fucked me in the ass! And the best part is they will never find out!
Can I help you with something mom?
I just thought maybe my big evil man would wanna snuggle after that little session we just had!

 

by crabby
7-15-02
So whore was that another one of your men?
NO! Actually I have no idea where that came from I don't write this thing.
Bitch! I'll be your lover but only if you forget about the rest of your men!
I can't do that what about your father?
What does he need you for when he's got me?
Ok, thats kind of a turn off.

 

by crabby
7-15-02
The days of needing you are over!
What's in that box?
It's a dead duck that I killed on my way home. I plan to fuck it then shit in it's mouth then cook it to serve to your parents.
Why!
Because I just don't like them!
Well they won't be here until this weekend so you two have fun.

 

by crabby
7-15-02
Dad you went from being my sexy lover mand to a one note character! I can't sleep with you anymore. But I feel I must tell you I've been making love to mother.
Is her cock bigger than mine?
What the fuck are you talking about?
I just always assumed she would have a cock like us! I've never seen her naked.
What...........oh my god! Mom must have been having an affair! He's not my dad at all.
So you wanna jerk me off or something before dinner?

 

by crabby
7-15-02
Mother I recently found out that my father isn't my father! Why wasn't I told?
I hoped this day would never come. Why don't you bring your father in here and we'll all talk about this.
Sure, I'll start bringing him in piece by piece. In other words I've killed him! If he's not my dad why do I look exactly like him?
Did you ever consider losing that hockey mask?
Dear God!.............I'm MARVELOUS!
He's hideous I can't look!

 

by crabby
7-15-02
BAHHH!!!!!! I just woke up from a horrible dreamed that wasn't the way I pictured the future going at all. I'm glad I still have a chance to change it!
You must return home! You must help your mother she needs you!
Why is she horny?
Yes, but thats not the point! She's been possesed!
By a demon?
No worse!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
7-18-02
Richard Simmons?
No, actually I just needed a reason for you to come home. So I whipped up a ghost hologram and programmed it with a message saying I've been possesed.
What do you want then?
My lover wants you. He said your ass was the tightest he's ever had and he needs it again!
Why would I sleep with him again?
He has your FATHERS SOUL and he won't give it back until you give him some good loving!

 

by crabby
8-11-02
Behold, I Steve Perry am on a journey to find separate ways to only the young. Gatekeeper allow me to enter your city and follow the lights to open arms.
I no longer care who enters for I have lost my ability to care. I must find my true love before the next half moon. I fear if I don't find her my circuits will become obsolete and I will rust!
Hey brother anyway you want it. Be good to yourself and send her my love.
Even though I am leaving I still require your carcass. You must take up my role as Gatekeeper so as to not enrage the king. I cam almost hear his scream from here. He is a tortured soul.
I DEMAND AN AUDIENCE!

 

by crabby
8-11-02
My king what do you require?
I have sensed that the Gatekeeper is leaving his post. He is going on a journey to find the girl! While the cold war may have ended the hard times are still shared by all.
What must be done sweet prince?
I require that you hang yourself for calling me a Prince! However, before you die. Send out my messenger with a message for the greatest bounty hunter in all the land to hunt down the gatekeeper.
It shall be done Prince Raheem. However, he may not be so willing to hunt again. Ever since his wife was taken from him by Communist Cuba he has lost the will to hunt.
He will listen to reason. If he succeeds in killing the Gatekeeper we shall pay for a trip to Cuba so he may be reunited with.............my daughter.

 

by crabby
8-11-02
An urgent message from the king awaits you Lord Bingham. Procede with caution.
Don't bother with the message. The Gatekeeper has left his post and left someone with mortal bones to do his job.
The king would like you to kill the Gatekeeper. After he has proof of his death he will pay for you to travel by rowboat to Cuba to be reunited with the Princess.
Tell your king I have agreed to his bargain. The gatekeeper shall be dead by noon!
11:56 A.M.
To be reunited with my love you must be the first to die!
What?

 

by crabby
8-11-02
My lord, I am prepared to hunt your Gatekeeper. But when I return I expect the rowboat I was promised. We will be reunited.
My daughter has been stolen from me twice. Once by a dirty bounty hunter and then again by Cubans. Return her to the kingdom and I will allow you to marry my daughter in a royal wedding.
I will return.
FOOL!
I must find my true love!

 

by crabby
8-11-02
Eat claw tiny!
I have been killed my inards spew forth like an angry geyser from the heavens.
I have only been gone for a matter of minutes. However, upon my return I am greeted by the sight of dead countrymen everywhere. I must find the king!
DAMN CUBANS! WHERE IS MY KING!?!
While you were gone we killed all your countrymen including the king and bathed them in the blood of your beloved princess.

 

by crabby
8-11-02
How did you get past the Gatekeeper?
You killed him. We simply stepped over his corpse. All this was brought on by you.
DAMN YOU CASTRO!
You've lost. I will however make a deal with you. I am leaving this planet to take up new resindence in space. I will leave you here as king to live with the corpse of your beloved.
OK.
GOOD DAY!

 

by crabby
8-13-02
Gangbang? Sounds saucy! But how about we skip the whole sex scene and just go straight to the aftermath?
Sounds good to me.

 

by crabby
8-13-02
Gangbang? Sounds saucy! But how about we skip the whole sex scene and just go straight to the aftermath?
Sounds good to me.

 

by crabby
8-13-02
Did you just write a curtain call comic you ego maniac?
What's the big deal? The things done.
I had huge plans to bring the whole cast together for a big group orgy!
Tell you what. It's my turn to write a strip so how about we just pretend this strip was the orgy and I'll write the aftermath?

 

by crabby
8-15-02
Hey did you here about that new pirate movie?
It's rated ARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!
moh.

 

by crabby
8-15-02
Well we did it old chum.
Yes indeed. Ready for that sweet love?
Why don't we just skip it and go straight to the gory aftermath?
Sounds great!

 

by crabby
8-18-02

 

by crabby
8-18-02
ARR!!!!! Matey, say I was born on a pirate ship.
I was born on a pirate ship.
ARR!!!!! Now say it while holding ye tongue.
I was born on a pile of shit.
ARR!!!!! Ye scurvy dog!
Jeez, and I thought I was a dick head.

 

by crabby
8-23-02
What seems to be the problem Mr. Hitsum?
MAMA! Just killed a man.
How long since your last bowel movement?
Put a gun against his head.
Your not being much of a help Mr. Hitsum.
Pulled the trigger now he's dead.

 

by crabby
8-23-02
Mr. Hitsum, it appears you have a very serious illness.
Life has just begun. Gonna leave it all behind to face the truth.
It appears you think your Freddy Mercury.
WE WILL ROCK YOU!
I'm going to recommend a psychologist.
BICYCLE! BICYCLE! BICYCLE! BICYCLE! BICYCLE!

 

by crabby
8-23-02
OOOOO, your my best friend!
It says here that you think your Freddy Mercury.
Fat bottomed girls they make the rocking world go round!
Thats quite the closet homosexual lil diddy your singing. I have just the thing to cure you. Look directly at this hammer!
OH MY GOD! Are you ok?
This wasn't supposed to happen!

 

by crabby
8-23-02
What seems to be the problem?
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND!
ROCK ON!
WE'LL KEEP ON FIGHTING TO THE END!
I don't treat Freddy Mercury disease. It's a blessing not a curse. Here's the name of someone who can help you.
BLOOD ON YOUR FACE BIG DISGRACE!

 

by crabby
8-23-02
Doctor I'm cured!
Good for you.
MAMA MIA! MAMA MIA! MAMA MIA! LET ME GO!
I've failed him.

 

by crabby
10-07-02
. ... ....... . .... . .... ... ... .
... ... ..... .. .. ... .... .
.......... .. ... ..... .. .. ...... . . .. . . . . . . . . . . . .......
HAHA!
. ... . .. .. ..... .. . .. . .. ..... .. . . . .. .. ... .... ... ... .
. . . . ..... .. ...... .. .. .. ... . . . . . ..... .. .. .. .... .. .. ... .. .... .. . .. ... .

 

by crabby
10-07-02
Angel? Angel! Angel. 1 be I must you.
Felt feel by which I am mine. You know nose be which you eat to differ the health bit.
The stricts of infusion prhibite the land from owning?
HAHA!
BOO! Oct. 4th be scare fest in 5th include you and me as well.
Rarely do i find myself in farms!

 

by crabby
10-14-02
Hey PIG why don't you stop hasslin' the fag?
That's it! I'm writing you a ticket for jay walking!
YOU DIRTY PIG!!!!!!!
That's a ticket for slander!
I'm a bobby consider yourself busted!
Whoa!

 

by crabby
10-14-02
I'm so lonely.
Excuse me do you know the way to Big Ben?
He's gorgeous! This is my chance for love I need to pick the perfect words!
Do you?
ROIGHT!
Forget it.

 

by crabby
10-14-02
I'm a bobby in a free mans world.
Aren't you dating a fag?
I was.
What happened?
I smoked him!
Typical! FACIST!

 

by crabby
10-14-02
Back
Your under arrest for the murder of 26 fags!
What! Where's your proof?
On
Your covered in ash!
That's Ovaltine! I was enjoying a glass of Ovaltine!
Earth
LIES! No one enjoys Ovaltine!
DAMN! It's off to the slammer for me. Perhaps another chance at............love?

 

by crabby
10-14-02
Oh my god! Visiting that jail was awful! Did you see that awful looking bobby?
Should we adopt him my love?
NEVER! And the next time you go to visit your mother your going alone.
Can I cum in your ass my love?
Oh my god! I should be offended.................but..........I'm not! I'm aroused!
In that case how about you cum in my ass?

 

by crabby
10-14-02
I'm really a dirty awful bobby! ROIGHT!
My stars! What did you do with my husband.
I killed him with this club. during that split secnd when you blinked.
I thought I heard a human being skinned near by.
ROIGHT!
Can I still cum in your ass?

 

by crabby
10-18-02
I hear footsteps. I also smell brimstone. What's happening here?
I hear slushy footsteps! How can this be? The Great Pumpkin can't enter this realm until the frost of the heavens covers Saint Peter's Bush. It's not even cold yet.
Explain yourself demon!
A friend covered Saint Peter's Bush with water and the unseasonably cool weather caused the frost of the heavens to cover said bush with frost! Now I can reclaim my throne as High Chief to Lord Turk!

 

by crabby
10-18-02
I'll just turn up the heat and melt you!
That would cause the gas bill to skyrocket and your wife would divorce you!
DAMN YOU!
I'm just an evil bastard doing what I can. I ate your wife. It was step two of my plan. Step three I kill you and eat your bones, so i can resurrect myself and cast the first stone!
You lost me.
DAMN YOU!

 

by crabby
10-18-02
Wait a second! you didn't kill my wife!
Yes I did!
But I'm not married. And your not real I'm just freaking out from to many botox injections!
But you look so much younger!
I'll just go out side for some.............Wait a second! It's Snowing!

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
10-21-02

 

by crabby
11-02-02
I got these pinchers. We shall dominate you! Go RU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Your Robo University will be crushed! OU all the way baby! We're big and green and ready to crush!
We fly!!!!!!!!!
I got two words. ONE EYE!!!!!!!!
How does mating sound to you?
Romantic?

 

by crabby
11-02-02
The splitter can keep me from you but it cannot contain my rage.
I believe it can for my faith is what holds it in place.
Faith? Your faith? It is my faith which shall destroy the wall.
Your faith couldn't destroy your way out of a paper bag on Palm Sunday!
Alright you lost me on that one.
FOOL!

 

by crabby
11-03-02
This pumpkin should not be here. It is rotten and smells!
This guy wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to destroy it. But, why not take it home with me? Maybe it just needs a nice warm place to live.
Just my luck this guy wants to have sex with me.
I'm going to take you home and make love to you.
I hope he's gentle!

 

by crabby
11-03-02
I'm moving on up!
?
To the east side!
?
I finally got a piece of the pie!
THE JEFFERSONS!!!!!!!!!

 

by crabby
11-03-02

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