All comics by kane2742

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by kane2742
4-02-08
Did you know the school's content filter blocks humor sites it considers "Tasteless & Offensive"?
But they don't block porn.
Something is wrong with that picture.
Yeah, they should definitely unblock the humor sites.

 

by kane2742
4-03-08
I think I'm almost ready to take my MCATs.
Gonna be a doctor, huh? I used to want to be a doctor, too.
What happened?
The neighbor girl told her parents about us playing doctor...
...and my parents made me get rid of the stirrups.

 

by kane2742
4-03-08
I'm studying for that test in Perception class, but I'm having trouble with some of the terms.
Like what?
What's the unit for loudness? Not decibels, the other one. Phones?
Close. You're just pronouncing it wrong. It rhymes with "bronze": phons.
Fonz?
Aayyy!

 

by kane2742
4-05-08
I hate that stupid law! Can't take out a butt in public without getting fined anymore.
If other people think it "smells bad" or is a "health risk," they should go home, not me.
You got a fine for smoking in a public place, huh?
What? No, I took a shit in the street.
My mistake.

 

by kane2742
4-05-08
You know what would suck? Being a Siamese twin.
Especially if your twin were gay and you weren't.
Especially if you shared a butt.

 

by kane2742
4-06-08
All right, now, I'd like someone to name their favorite place to shop and we'll look at what that business does that makes you want to go there.
Yes, you in the front.
I guess my favorite store would be Dick's Sporting Goods.
Okay. And why do you like Dick's so much?

 

by kane2742
4-06-08
What are your brothers doing these days?
One's a minister and the other works for Immigration.
If you think about it, their jobs are kind of similar.
How's that?
One found Jesus, the other finds Jesús.

 

by kane2742
4-07-08
Who do you want to win the election?
I'm not sure, but I hope the winner isn't divisive.
We need someone who'll compromise. Compromise is good.
You mean like the three-fifths compromise?
Exactly. What was that again?

 

by kane2742
4-07-08
What's wrong with you? You seem kind of off today.
I just found out that my brother's gay.
What's so bad about that?
It's how I found out; I saw him on a porn site.
Oh. That is pretty -- Wait, why were you looking at gay porn?
I ran out of straight porn.

 

by kane2742
4-08-08
Aren't you supposed to be watching your nephews?
They're here; they're just in the kitchen.
In the kitchen. Where the knives are. With no adult supervision.
It's okay; they're not that sharp.
The knives or your nephews?

 

by kane2742
4-09-08
Does listening to country music really make you more attracted to your siblings?
What?
I saw a bumper sticker that said "Stop incest! Ban country music."
I think that was just supposed to be a joke.
I'm going to stay away from it just in case. One of my sisters is gay and the other's underage.
You're a seriously warped individual, you know that?

 

by kane2742
4-10-08
You're a senior, right?
Yeah.
So you're graduating next month?
That's what seniors generally do.
So you're not coming back next year?
That's what "graduating" mean.

 

by kane2742
4-10-08
You're a vegetarian, right?
Yeah.
And you don't drink, smoke, or do drugs?
Nope.
Are you one of those "my body is a temple" guys?
Yeah. Unfortunately, there's been a serious lack of sacrificing virgins.

 

by kane2742
4-11-08
I read that in India, a girl was born with two faces.
That's weird.
Yeah. Some of the locals think she's a goddess.
That's dumb, worshiping someone because of a random genetic quirk.
Yeah. Anyway, what do you want to do this weekend?
I'm going to go see 21. Jim Sturgess is so hot!

 

by kane2742
4-11-08
I've noticed that people who do drugs tend to hang out together.
Yeah, so?
So, drug dealers should have names and slogans that market their products to friends, families, couples...
Oh, like "Buds for buds."
Yeah. Or "Blow for your bros."
"His and Heroin."

 

by kane2742
4-13-08
Could you possibly drive any slower? We're getting passed by an old lady.
Who's walking.
And has an oxygen tank.

 

by kane2742
4-13-08
This is my legacy to you, son: the greatest wealth in the universe and the never-ending struggle to defend it.
I wish my dad left me a never-ending war in the desert.
You wish you were one of the Bush twins?

 

by kane2742
4-13-08
What's that thing do?
It sucks all the bodily fluids out of that guy.
Oh, like a big beef jerky dehydrator.
Or a sorority girl.

 

by kane2742
4-15-08
How are you doing in that Hebrew Scriptures class?
Pretty well, I think.
Did you start on the final paper yet?
I didn't just start it; I'm finished already.
No way!
Yahweh!

 

by kane2742
4-15-08
One of my final papers was due today, but I wasn't done, so I skipped class to work on it.
Does it still count as being in on time if you email it to the professor today?
Yeah. I'm still not quite done yet, so I told the professor that the network is down in my dorm and that I'd get it to him tomorrow.
If you weren't in class, how did you tell him that?
I just emailed -- Oh, shit.
Yeah.

 

by kane2742
4-16-08
I saw on the news that police raided a polygamist ranch.
I don't see the problem. I think polygamy is awesome.
Did you see the women in that sect?
Yeah. I still think it would be pretty cool.
Really?
I have a Little House on the Prairie fetish.

 

by kane2742
4-17-08
My cousin got arrested yesterday.
For what?
He was selling beer down at the quarry.
Oh, and he got arrested for selling it without a license?
No, for selling alcohol to miners.

 

by kane2742
4-18-08
Is that a wocket in my pocket, or am I just happy to see you two?
I told Mom not to hire the creepy guy in the cat suit.

 

by kane2742
4-19-08
There's a girl in my English class who I nicknamed "Wonder Woman."
A tall, hot brunette?
No. Kinda Sasquatch-looking, actually.
Then why do you call her "Wonder Woman"?
Because I sometimes wonder if she's a woman.

 

by kane2742
4-20-08
I saw 21 and wanted to give card counting a try, so I went to Vegas for the weekend with The Count.
Sounds like fun.
Yeah. I figure, if anybody around here's going to be good at counting cards, it'd be him, right? So I bet big.
How'd it go?
Turns out his idea of "counting cards" is going, "One: one card. Two: two cards. Two cards! Ah, ha, ha." Dude lost us $3,000 on one hand.
One: one grand. Two: two grand. Three: three grand. Three grand! Ah, ha, ha!

 

by kane2742
4-21-08
Hey, will you buy me some beer?
No.
Why not?
That's like the tenth time you've asked me in the past two weeks. I think you have a problem.
Yeah, my problem is no one will buy me any beer!

 

by kane2742
4-22-08
Back from your shopping trip?
Yeah. I was getting a box of condoms. The cheapest per condom was the family-size box.
"Family-size"? Do "family" and condoms really go together?
I dunno... if they have holes in them, I guess.
Or if you're from Arkansas.

 

by kane2742
4-22-08
I just got fired from my babysitting job.
What did you do?
I just sent the mom an email telling her that I'm fonder of her children every day.
That doesn't sound like a reason to fire you.
I accidentally put an "L" in "fonder."

 

by kane2742
4-23-08
I'm going to fly to Europe this summer.
Will your wings make it that far?
I'm taking a plane.
Oh.
Yeah. I'm flying into ... um... not de Gaulle, the other airport in Paris.
Orly?

 

...So I says to her, "You can't spell 'analysis' without 'anal'!"
Hmmm...
by kane2742, 4-23-08

 

by kane2742
4-24-08
How did your MCATs go?
They weren't too bad, but one guy there annoyed me before the test.
What did he do?
I think he got the MCATs mixed up with something else.
What makes you say that?
He kept saying stuff like "I can has medical degree?"

 

by kane2742
4-24-08
So how were the MCATs?
Pretty rough.
I thought you knew all that stuff.
I did know most of it, but I got tired of staring at a computer screen for five hours.
You usually sit at your computer for twice that.
Yeah, but content-wise, the closest it came was the gynocology section.

 

by kane2742
4-25-08
Have you heard about that polygamist sect on the news?
Yeah. People like that give Mormons a bad name.
That's probably why Romney lost: stupid stereotypes about his religion.
So you would vote for, say, a Muslim?
Hell no! We don't want a terrorist in the White House!

 

by kane2742
4-26-08
Bang! You're dead.
You're too old for those games.
Bang! You're dead.
You're not old enough for those games!

 

How many blondes does it take to screw in a lightbulb?
One, of course.
by kane2742, 4-26-08

 

My uncle has angina.
I'm sorry to hear that. It's a serious medical condition, from what I understand.
by kane2742, 4-26-08

 

My Anthropology class just got done studying Homo Erectus.
Oh, so you're done with Australopith- ecus africanus?
by kane2742, 4-26-08

 

I sure do like lasagna and naps. Mondays, not so much.
I'm a socially inept loser whose only friends are my obese cat and retarded dog, and even they don't like me that much.
by kane2742, 4-26-08

 

by kane2742
4-27-08
I just got a massage.
Did it have a "happy ending"?
Apparently, it wasn't supposed to.

 

by kane2742
4-27-08
What's that dome over there?
It's for Laser Tag.
It doesn't look very big. Is it bigger on the inside?
Umm... sure, it's a TARDIS.
Oh.

 

by kane2742
4-28-08
I just finished reading 1984.
Great book.
Yeah. All that stuff about perpetual war and pervasive surveillance was really eye-opening.
I just can't figure out why it was in the fiction section.
Or why it wasn't called 2008.

 

by kane2742
4-28-08
All animals are equal...
...but some animals are more equal than others.
Mmm... this barbeque is just as good as that burger was, and better than the chicken sandwich!

 

by kane2742
4-29-08
What's wrong with you? You seem kind of off today.
I don't know. I feel goofy.
I remember a time when I felt Goofy....
"Happiest place on Earth," my ass.

 

by kane2742
4-29-08
As you can see, the equation makes perfect sense.
That's not an equation.
It's a crude self-portrait.
"Crude"? I don't think my artistic skills are that bad.
I was referring to what you're doing to that poor gerbil.

 

by kane2742
4-30-08
I saw some wigger who looked pretty stupid.
Don't they all?
He was wearing a backwards, upside-down visor.
All I could think was, "I hope it rains."

 

by kane2742
4-30-08
Some people say that college is the best time of your life.
That kind of makes me want to kill myself.

 

by kane2742
5-01-08
I saw on the news today that people in India were tossing babies from 50 feet up onto a sheet.
Whoa.
Apparently it's a 500-year-old tradition.
For some reason, 500-year-old traditions are news now.

 

by kane2742
5-01-08
Throwing babies from 50 feet up seems like a stupid traditon.
Yeah, well, lots of religions have stupid traditions.
Like what?
There's a sect that practices genital mutilation and ritual cannibalism.
What sect is that?
Catholicism.

 

by kane2742
5-01-08
Hey, congratulations on your 500th strip.
Thanks.
You're graduating on Saturday, too, right?
Yeah.
I bet you'll make 100 times as much with your English degree as you did with your comics.
But I don't get paid for my-- Oh.

 

by kane2742
5-01-08
Finally graduating, huh?
Yeah.
So what have you learned in your four years as an English major?
Mostly how to fake my way through essays on books I didn't finish.
So you're getting a B.A. in B.S.?

Showing page 10.

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