All comics by ragu4u

 

by ragu4u
11-23-08
The parking lot is packed this Sunday Father Joe. How did you do it?
I'm offering a free car wash to anyone with a convertible, who stayed for mass.
But almost NONE of them are convertibles. How, exactly, did you word it?
Very carefully, Sister.
"Topless" Car Wash, to all who cum.
I better put on my thong.

 

by ragu4u
11-23-08
Finally, "24" is back on the tube tonight.
I'm SO ready for Jack Baur to save the world again.
Yeah, but he can't use any violence. Remember all the hot water that those torture scenes got him into with the network?
Torture scenes?
You know the ones!
Do you mean the ones in the show or the real life ones when he got busted for drugs & then gang raped in jail during the strike?

 

by ragu4u
11-23-08
I don't usually do this with men I just meet. Now don't freeze up on me, honey!
I'm nervous. I'll be right back. I'm gonna freshen up.
Ah,ah,ooh. Oh yeah, oh yeah, that's it oh yeah, oh yeah ooh ah, ah, Oh Yeaaaah!
Is everything OK?
Let's just say, the iceman cameth!

 

by ragu4u
11-23-08
You see these stripes, mister? That means I'm in charge
But...
Now drop down,......uh... farther, and give me 60.
Would that be 10 on each leg or 20 on each set, Sarge?
Set? Set, you say? Get moving or I'll SET my blue tennis shoe squarly up your ass, Beetle!
Sarge sure is mean when he gets a "buzz"on.

 

by ragu4u
11-23-08
You know what they always say about space, lil monk?
I think I'm about to find out.
It's a nice place to visit...just don't drink the urine.
Now he tells me!

 

by ragu4u
11-24-08
I did my best, you know.
I'm in the shower. Speak up.
I took every load in every hole. I swallowed. I talked dirty. I used all the toys you brought. I went along with the three way. I even let you film it all. So what's not to like?
It just turned me off everytime you yelled.....
..."Amen" when I came!

 

by ragu4u
11-24-08
So all it was, was crazy blacks both young and old, running around with machetes and guns, killing people at will, while in drug and alcohol induced stupors.
Yeah, that didn't seem like a typical, high tech, "24" story line, did it?
What? I missed "24". I was talking about the Detroit 6pm news.
They could use Jack Baur there, too.

 

by ragu4u
11-25-08
Broadcast Live
Fashizzle, my drizzle...you swizzle padizzle. And no thanks are required.
Cool, my man!
What in the hell was THAT all about?
You have just witnessed convicted drug smuggler and rapper, John Edward Forte, receive a Presidential Pardon.
We now return you to, "Build A Better Bong", already in progress!

 

by ragu4u
11-25-08
Sweet Jesus, this plane load of bankers is going down.
So it is, my son. I'll give them a soothing word or two that will ease their suffering.
BAILOUT, boys, BAILOUT!
That'll do it!

 

by ragu4u
11-25-08
Man, Obama has some balls. He's now got himself a little podium he takes with him everywhere.
Yeah, I saw it. It says..."The Office of the President Elect"...on it.
I know one thing for sure about his little podium.
And what might THAT be?
If the shit goes down prior to 1/20/09, I bet the sign will change to read..."The Buck Stops Over THERE!"
No sense in getting blood stains on His halo, prematurely!

 

by ragu4u
11-25-08
10am at the DMV
11am at the DMV
11:59am at the DMV
...but you can't go to lunch. I have number one.
Don't get sassy with me or I'll just slow down!

 

Whip it! Whip it, real good!
by ragu4u, 11-25-08

 

by ragu4u
11-26-08
Aren't you Christina Kirchner, the President of Argentina?
Si!
How did you get elected in a country dominated by so many powerful men?
Obviously you have never been given...
Gulp
...oral sex by a woman who rrrreally knows how to rrrroll her rrrrrr's!

 

by ragu4u
11-26-08
Haven't found Johnny yet, have you? Oh I'm so worried.
Christ mom, whenever I ran away you never gave a damn, even after I came home! But, oh no, not with him.
When Johnny comes marching home again it's all.."Hoorah, Hoorah."
&%@#%, suck up!
Mom always liked me best.

 

by ragu4u
11-26-08
Let me see if I got this right. You run a "bookie joint" here, correct?
I'll take that lack of a NO, as a yes! Therefore I'd like to place ten dollars on " Big Black Dick."
C'mon, c'mon...what are you waiting for?
First of all, this is a library, not a bookie joint. And secondly, I can't lift it over the fence, but if you hand me the ten dollars I'll personally wrap it for you!

 

by ragu4u
11-26-08
I'm reading about the Missouri mom involved in the cyber-bullying case.
Yeah, her lawyer got her off of the felony counts. He said ..." How could she break the law if she didn't know what the law was?"
That doesn't seem right to me.
Me either. Whatever happened to..."Ignorance of the law is no excuse." ????
Beats me. That west coast judge should go asked the hanged kid, I guess .

 

by ragu4u
11-27-08
Outside the Taj Hotel 11/26/2008
Father, hundreds are dead or wounded. Are we safe yet?
Not here my child. Thankfully, though, our family in USA is safe.
Inside 7-11's Across USA 11/26/2008
Colt 45 40oz?
Shut up, Apu. We's gonna blow up ery damn one o dees joints. Ya feel me?
Aw hell, it's just a little dust up over there, B.O. Ya know what they say..."Cooler towels will prevail." he he
But W. what about what's happening over here. If the sale of 40oz. Colt 45's drops below a certain level even the Fed won't be able to quell the panic in the streets.

 

Didn't you put in the gate?
Nope, I thought you did!
by ragu4u, 11-27-08

 

by ragu4u
11-28-08
Here we are in front of the home of former TV star Telly "Kojak" Savales. Hi Telly. Did we get you out of bed?
You think because I'm bald that I'm Telly Savales?
You mean you're NOT? Oh, please excuse me.
Heeey....who loves baby?
My next guess was Tony Shaloub but now I'm totally confused!

 

by ragu4u
11-28-08
Wal-Mart employee trampled by mob of 200 at 5am in Jersey.
Holy crap, grandma was there then.
The police have taken the mob leader into custody.
So you think that saying..."Let's get those mother fuckers if it's the last things we do!"...isn't something that might stir up a crowds emotions toward authority?
I wasn't talking about the employee. I was talkin about "Tickle Me Elmo."

 

by ragu4u
11-28-08
I'm very pleased to...oops...my bad.
grrr
Well, at least let me give you a...oops..my bad redux.
Count to ten, man..count to ten!
Well, I'll just let you alone. Besides, you must be busier than a paper hanger with one..oops...yet again.
At least I got away before the "Having elbow roni for lunch?" routine.

 

by ragu4u
11-28-08
3:59 am on Black Friday at Wal-Mart
Now I'll just go over and unlock the front door.
One Moment Later...
No good sons of bitches!

 

by ragu4u
11-29-08
Mister President, you have a call.
OK, Rochester, I'll take it in the Oval Office.
W.....I need a pardon. I'm tired of this black hole. Wasting away with barely no contact with the outside world.
Dag nabit, it's only gonna be a short while longer. Just cool yer jets. hehe
That's easy for you to say. You've been on the outside, able to breathe the air of "freedom".
Well damnit, Dick, ya gotta be convicted of somethin first, fore I kin pardon ya. That undisclosed location will be fine until Jan. 20th of 2009.

 

by ragu4u
11-29-08
Uh...May I ask you something...um...quite personal?
(this ought to be good) "Why yes, I guess."
Are you built vertically or horizontally in the...uh...down there in, uh...between your, you know...uh...
My PUSSY? My CUNT? My TWAT? My COCK TRAP? Is that it? Just say it, ya wimp!
Oh my. I was going to say "the vaginal area". I had no idea you Orientals were so blunt.
That did it, you racist. I can take a lot but calling me "Oriental" is a rude and brutish insult.

 

by ragu4u
11-29-08
Where are the X-Box 360's?
Follow the pool of blood to "small appliances."
Then make a left and go to the parmedics in "Ladies Wear."
You'll see a "Triage Area" set up on the right. Just go a little farther left and you'll see "Computer Games & Small Electronics" just inside the bunker. Happy Holidays!

 

by ragu4u
11-29-08
Damn, how long does it take for Bently to get me a cup of chicken soup?
I got yer "Cup-O-Soup" comin up, boss!

 

by ragu4u
11-29-08
We've finally found what we wanted.
Yes, a truly diverse place to live.
Aw, shit.
There goes the neighborhood!

 

Hey Abdul...Why don't you yank my doodle? It's a dandy!
lablablabalaba
by ragu4u, 11-29-08

 

by ragu4u
11-30-08
Hows about some fancy sword work, Father Joe? That should draw in a crowd for you.
Nah, Michael. Remember what happened to Chen the last time you tried that?
Michael Remembers....
C'mon dude, the parishoners are gonna expect a better fight than THAT.
Maybe the show would go better if I had a sword too.
Do you see my point? You never gave him a chance.
Hey, I'm not giving that gook a sword. He's probably some kind of closet "Ninja" or whatnot. As God's right hand man, I can't come out losing here.

 

Bottom of the Hudson River
There's never anything new or exciting down here.
by ragu4u, 11-30-08

 

by ragu4u
11-30-08
Hey, what's buzzin, cousin?
Another night with no sleep.
How come?
Cuz I just can't shake the "S.W.A.T." team

 

by ragu4u
11-30-08
You'll never be able to master me! Bwahaha
That's it. I've had it. I'm calling Cesar Millan.
seconds later
arf
Amazing......and just by mentioning his name.

 

by ragu4u
12-01-08
Do you feel your country will go nuclear on Pakistan?
The ancients teach there are more important things to contemplate in our everyday lives.
Such as?
The "Powerball" is up to 150 mil tonight.
Fashizzle! Gimme 10 Quick Picks and a 40oz. Colt 45.

 

by ragu4u
12-01-08
Bob, your wife has complained that when you give her "oral sex" you always do it so fast that she has no pleasure. Why is that?
Well doc, I give her what she asks for when she yells......
Go on, Bob.
"DO IT! Licky-D-Split...Licky-D-Split."
Oh, you didn't tell me she was an Oriental.

 

by ragu4u
12-01-08
So wit dat name "Cunning-Ulysseus" you must be some top notch pussy eater, huh?
Pray tell, of what doth thou speaketh? My name refereth to my cleverness.
Cleverness? "Cunning-Ulysseus means" eatin pussy, not being clever.
You are wrong, my Nuebian friend. Think of me as Ulysseus the Clever.
Whatever, dude! I guess you does have to be mighty clever to get that fancy pussy eater name...Cunning-Ulysseus.
And here, my father "Cunningulus", thought he was saving me from all this.

 

by ragu4u
12-02-08
Hey Abdul, what's your brother sending you for your birthday?
He better be sending a throw away cell phone.
That's all?
Of course I will also require lots of diesle fuel, ammonium nitrate, nails and razor blades.
Why does a janitor need all that?
I'm changing careers. I am going to telemarket fertilizer and fence building supplies to farmers in need of a shave/.........Hey, don't look at me like that. What?!

 

by ragu4u
12-02-08
So, Lil Butch, your instructor at Mime School sent me this letter today.
Rats....this can only be bad.
It says here that you and another boy mimed something called "2 Boys 1 Cone." What on earth was THAT?
well....uh....
Wait. Where is that horrible feces smell coming from?
It's not feces; it's art!

 

by ragu4u
12-02-08
Did you hear? Almost everyone in the mailing dept. has been laid off. They kept only a guy and his twin brother.
Impossible! Just licking the envelopes would take at least a hundred people.
Nope. Those two new guys do it all, easily.
Well, I just can't imagine how.
DOWN IN THE MAILROOM
I should have known. Only the tongue of "Cunning-Ulysseus" could LICK a task of this size.
Wrong! My brother, Lick-alot-acunts, has been known to do as well in his own right.

 

by ragu4u
12-02-08
Ms. Spears, this is the second time I'm writing you up for leaving your baby in the microwave on high for 2 minutes.
So? Ooops, I did it again. It's no biggy.
They call that kind of thing child abuse everywhere except here in Hollywood. What do you "Hollywood" types call it?
Tough love?

 

by ragu4u
12-03-08
A divorce is the accepted way to handle our situation...not THIS!
I better get her to the curb. I hear the truck coming!
Oh yeah, real quick...Where's breakfast?

 

by ragu4u
12-03-08
Meeting of 2 of the "Big 3"
Hey Al, glad you and your FORD folks showed up.
Had to Rick. We at FORD are in the same boat as you GM guys.
Meeting of 2 of the "Big 3"
So where is that "privatized WOP" Nardelli from Chrysler?
He's hiding out Al. He and his people don't like this pay cut / pay freeze smoke screen that we're trying to blow up the ass of congress.
Meeting of 2 of the "Big 3"
Yeah! They need that Dago, Lee Iacoca, to come back and squeeze some of the pork back out of those worthless UAW slugs for all of us.
Shhh....cool it Rick. We may be bugged. God help us if people found out we talked like this. Terms like WOP & Dago are pretty dog gone un-PC.

 

by ragu4u
12-03-08
Hey did you see the new 2009 Nissan "Cube" yet?
Yeah. Isn't it cute and so practical, too.
Cute? The damn thing looks like my luch box. And isn't much bigger than that, either.
You better get used to it. It's the car of the future.
Not my future. Any car I buy HAS TO be able to carry more donuts than I can eat at one sitting.
Maybe they have a model with a luggage rack!

 

by ragu4u
12-03-08
Woe is me. YouTube is banning all suggestive videos.
Maybe it's for the best.
How so?
Look at the money you'll save.
Hey man, porn on YouTube was free.
I don't mean THAT. I mean money saved on Laptops. Who has dropped and broken 3 laptops in the mens room while whacking off, huh?

 

by ragu4u
12-04-08
The comic strips here sure haved slowed down during the holidays.
So you think everybody at stripcreator.com celebrates religous mainstream rituals, huh?
Now I didn't say that at all....
Well I'm a fricken Wicken, see. A fricken Wicken who worships the trees. And this tree that I see is botherin me cuz it ain't in the woods livin peaceful and free.
So clam up with all of this holiday talk cuz you don't know Jesus and ya don't walk the walk. And the next time ya cut down my friend, a big tree, I'm hopin it's fallin down squarely on THEE!
More egg nog...QUICK!

 

by ragu4u
12-04-08
World History & Finance Class
Class, the rate of inflation today in the country of Zimbabwe is 200 million %.
So what?
World History & Finance Class
That fact is monumental in world finance.
Aw, bull. That fact and a half million Zimbabwean dollars will buy you a cup of coffee.

 

by ragu4u
12-04-08
It must be so romantic to go on buggy rides everywhere like you Amish folk do.
Think so, do ya?
Oh yes. It's just something about the outdoors, the horses, the fresh air.
If she thinks it stinks riding in a car behind a bus, she wouldn't last one hour riding with me, behind what I call an engine.

 

by ragu4u
12-04-08
doo do doo, doo doo doo do doo doo..
doo do doo, doo doo doo do doo
DO THE HUSTLE"
"DO THE HUSTLE"

 

by ragu4u
12-04-08
This is the South Pole lady. The temp here is super cold now and will be forever. What the hell are you doing here?
You mean Al Gore was wrong and I should leave?
Well, maybe give his theory a little more time. By the way....nice nipples!
I wish I had brought a towel.

 

by ragu4u
12-05-08
Whoa, dude. Unemployment is now at 6.7% and rising.
So? I have a great paying job in the medical field.
What qualifies YOU to get a great paying job?
My boss says that soft lips and a flexible tongue are in very high demand these days.
You mean you're a "Cork Sucker?"
I like to call my speciality, "LIP"-o- Suction".

 

by ragu4u
12-05-08
Damn, OJ be going to the big house.
Yup! 15 years in the old stony lonesome.
How he gonna make it all dat time wit out his golfs?
Don't you be worrying bout dat. His putter gonna be worked over pretty good, fo sho!

Showing page 10.

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