All comics by count_libido

Profile

 

by count_libido
4-12-07
I thought I'd look on the internet for a date.
Hey, this one sounds good. She says she's a Taurus.
You mean she likes to travel to interesting and exotic places?
That's a 'tourist'.
Close enough.

 

by count_libido
4-12-07
And now, a quick joke from the Pundercats.
What do you call a homeless Spanish Jedi?
Hobo Juan Kenobi!

 

by count_libido
4-12-07
How was your night out, dear?
It was great! We went tenpin bowling!
You threw bowling balls at tortoises?!
That's 'terrapin', gran.
Are you saying that I can't hear right?
All I know is that whenever an ice cream van passes the house, you try to answer your mobile phone.

 

by count_libido
4-13-07
So how's things in the milking business?
I'm not a dairy cow, I'm a pop star.
Really? What's your band called?
"The Bovine Comedy."
Do you have a record out?
Yep. It's called "Cow That's What I Call Moo-sic!"

 

by count_libido
4-16-07
I'm going to my bedroom to chronicle my ennui in my online journal.
Well your tea will be ready soon, so don't be long.
Don't belong? Don't belong? I don't belong anywhere! No one understands my pain...

 

by count_libido
4-16-07
How do you like my new Him T-shirt?
Pretty cool. I'd day it was Grade A!
Grey day? Grey day? Every day is a grey day in the tedious saga of my life. No one understand me...

 

by count_libido
4-26-07
So, you're looking for a gothic date?
Yes, I want someone who shares my ennui of life and someone who self-harms.
I think I know just the guy!
Yup that's right - I sell farms. What do you do?

 

by count_libido
5-02-07
What are you reading?
"The History of Glue"
Good book?
I can't put it down.

 

by count_libido
5-02-07
Can I help you?
Yes, I'd like to buy a watch.
Analogue?
No, just a watch!

 

by count_libido
5-02-07
What's all the noise outside?
A lorry full of tortoises collided with a van full of terrapins.
Sounds bad!
It was a turtle disaster!

 

by count_libido
5-02-07
Can I help you?
I'd like to buy a goldfish.
Do you want an aquarium?
I don't care what star sign it is!

 

by count_libido
5-02-07
Who's car is that outside?
Mine.
I thought you went out to buy plants?
I did...
I was at a Garden Centre and I asked for something herby. They gave me a Volkswagen with no driver!

 

by count_libido
5-02-07
Good sandiwch?
Yep, it's Armageddon cheese.
What's Armageddon Cheese?
It said on the packet "Best Before End."

 

by count_libido
5-15-07
I thought you were going to work on your allotment?
I was...
...but I forgot where it was.
You're losing the plot!

 

by count_libido
5-15-07
Did I tell you that I bought a new A4?
Wow, really? Take me outside and show me, big boy!
Outside...
So where's your new Audi?
Audi? What Audi? I bought a new sheet of paper!

 

by count_libido
5-17-07
The difference between men and women...
Say, how about we spice up our love life with a little... fantasy role-play?
Hhmmm.... okay
She thinks...
I've lit the candles and got the chocolate body paint, now get on the bed and tell me what a bad boy you've been!
He thinks...
I've got a +10 damage battle axe! Let's storm the castle!

 

by count_libido
5-21-07
Are we even in this strip?
No, not really...
Diamonds are a girl's best friend...
Like it?
Ooh shiney!
Why a man's best friend is his dog...
Hey! I didn't make that smell, he did!
*%$*@ !!

 

by count_libido
5-22-07
Hasn't everyone heard this one before?
Shut up dude! It keeps us in business!
A skeleton walks into a bar...
What can I get you sir?
I'd like a pint of beer and a mop.

 

by count_libido
5-24-07
How do we keep getting away with this stuff?
Cos nobody reads them that much!
At the Newsagents...
Wow, Carol Vorderman! Are you here to buy a magazine? We have shelves full!
I'd like one from the top, two from the middle and any from the bottom row please!
At the restaurant...
So what's the dressing on the 'George Lucas salad'?
Skywalker ranch.

 

by count_libido
6-01-07
Whatcha doing?
Crossword puzzle.
Can I help?
Only if you know a six letter word for "lakeful of French idiots"
"Lagoon"

 

by count_libido
6-01-07
Still stuck on that crossword huh?
Yeah. I need a four letter word for "Something female" ending in _unt
'Aunt'
Oh yeah...
...got an eraser?

 

by count_libido
6-11-07
Scrumping huh? That's fruit larceny bub, you're comin' with me...
Uh, today I am guarding this pumpkin. There's been a lotta vegetable crime in the area and we're gonna stamp it out.
What ARE you watching?
"Crops"

 

by count_libido
6-11-07
Cheers!
Cheers!
*hic* Yerr me bessht maaate!
zombie feeel iiillll
Is that the new zombie drinking film? What's it called?
"28 Pints Later"

 

by count_libido
6-11-07
I just found an S&M magazine under our son's bed! What should we do?
I'm not sure. But we certainly shouldn't spank him.

 

by count_libido
6-22-07
Whoa! What's that smell?
Don't look at me, I used the litter tray!
Maybe we should call out that zombie plumber...
Good idea!
Later...
Well, what seems to be the problem?
DDRRRAAAIIINNNSSS!

 

by count_libido
6-27-07
Say Doc, what would you rather have - Parkinson's Disease or Alzheimers?
Definitely Parkinson's.
Why?
Because it's better to spill half your pint than forget where you put it!

 

by count_libido
6-29-07
Moo!
'Moo'? What do you mean 'moo'?
I'm learning a foreign language!

 

by count_libido
7-10-07
So....not a big Catherine Tate fan then?

 

by count_libido
7-16-07
Check it out! I just made a new chocolate bar especially for people who are on forums but don't post!
Cool! What's it called?
Lurkish Delight!

 

by count_libido
7-18-07
He's gotta be round here somewhere...
YYYAAHHHH!
BOO!
How do you DO that?
Hamouflage!

 

by count_libido
7-25-07
Wow, it's Optical Prang, leader of the Formtransers! I loved your movie!
Hah ha ha! That's me! Wanna see me turn into a truck?
Sure!
Okay....here I go!
You want me to fetch your manual?
Uh, little help here?

 

by count_libido
7-26-07
Check it out! I just got the new "Continent of Combatcraft' game! Wanna take a look?
Uh, yeah sure...
Look! My character 'skin' has rendered! We're just waiting for the virtual world to generate...
I can hardly wait...
Whoa! It must take a huge number of polygons to make this place look so real. What do you think?
Less dork, more Ork!

 

by count_libido
7-26-07
Continent of Combatcraft...
Well met Master Wizard! Wouldst thou care to accompany me on a brave quest of daring-do?
Who's the dork?
That's 'Ork' !

 

by count_libido
7-26-07
Ok - shoot!
It's a show about a gang of kids who travel round the outback in Australia solving mysteries with their animal sidekick.
Sounds good. What's the show called?
Scooby 'Roo!

 

by count_libido
7-27-07
Playing 'Continent of Combatcraft'...
My Ork warrior is invincible! He take take dragons, trolls or even paladins! I'm gonna logon and open some whup ass on someone! I can take anyone!
Uh.... um.... uh....
Hi there!
It was a....she's a .... g-g-g-gir...
I bet you'd trade all that gold for some Level 10 Social Skills huh?

 

by count_libido
7-30-07
Whatcha looking at?
It's a website that sells underwear based on old British TV comedy shows.
"Bra You Being Served?"
It's their biggest seller after the Monty Pythong!

 

by count_libido
7-31-07
Online in the Continent of Combatcraft...
Here comes a ranger! They are the wisest men in the forest.
Hurr hurr! I done walked into a tree!
What forest did you say he's from?
The Forest of Gump...

 

by count_libido
8-02-07
Can I help you?
Yes I'd like a deodorant please.
Is that the ball type?
No, it's for underarms.

 

by count_libido
8-25-07
I want to become a journalist. What do you suggest I do?
Buy a corduroy pillow.
What do I need a corduroy pillow for?
They're great for making headlines!

 

by count_libido
8-25-07
Whatcha watching?
The Discovery Channel. Two Eskimos sitting in a kayak were chilly, but when they lit a fire in the craft it sank.
Well it just goes to show you....
What?
You can't have your kayak and heat it, too.

 

by count_libido
8-25-07
Can I help you pardner?
I'm looking for the guy who shot ma paw!
When should I use a condom?
On every conceivable occasion
Why are you looking for a new job?
I used to work in a blanket factory but it folded.

 

by count_libido
9-04-07
What's with the ninja pyjammies?
Well, you know I went to visit my uncle this summer...
Yeah...
He made me do odd jobs around his house. I painted his fence, sanded his floor and waxed his car.
So what happened?
I accidentally learned karate!

 

by count_libido
10-02-07
Yes, offendi?
Hello? Is that the Afghanistan branch of the Samaritans?
Indeed it is. Are you feeling suicidal?
Well, yeah....kinda.
Excellent! Can you deliver a car for us?

 

by count_libido
10-12-07
Good news Six of One! We have assimilated a brewery!
Well done, Half a Dozen of the Other! No longer shall the Romulans dominate the galaxay with their piss-weak 'Romulan Ale'!
Elsewhere...
Yecch! What the hell is this crap?
It's new "Carlsborg".

 

by count_libido
11-02-07
So, you're my replacement eh?
That's me.
Well good luck. You've got some pretty big shoes to fill.

 

by count_libido
11-09-07
So... you're looking for a job on a building site, eh?
That's right.
Can you make a decent cup of tea?
Yup!
Can you drive a crane?
Why? How big's the kettle?

 

by count_libido
11-15-07
At the Zoo...
Do you work here at the zoo?
I am a zoo keeper, yes.
What kind of animal is in there?
It's a Matterbaby.
What's a matterbaby?
Nothin' honey. Whattsa matter with you?

 

by count_libido
12-04-07
Ho ho ho! Any special requests for Christmas?
Yes, I'd like a pair of slippers and a vibrator for my ex-wife.
Such a strange combination! Why slippers and a vibrator?
So that if she doesn't like the slippers, she can go f*** herself.

 

by count_libido
12-06-07
The Pundercats present...
...great spelling mistakes in Star Trek History!
Captain! We're going to crash!
Quick! Go to Manuel controls!
Ay ai ai! I can no drive a spacesheep!

 

by count_libido
2-18-08
What is the opposite of joy?
Sadness!
What is the opposite of depression?
Elation!
What is the opposite of woe?
Giddy up?

Showing page 11.

« Previous Next »