All comics by count_libido

Profile

 

by count_libido
2-25-08
Hi! I'm Nutmeg Spice!
Oh hi, I'm Cumin!
Beg pardon?
I'm cumin! I'm cumin! I'm cumin!
Excuse me, are these the auditions for "When Harry Met Sally"?

 

by count_libido
6-25-08
So how did the big software migration go?
Uh...it was seamless.
Define 'seamless'
It wasn't put together properly, it's all coming unravelled and someone needs to be stitched up.

 

by count_libido
7-29-08
Apple announced today that it has developed a breast implant that can store and play music.
The iTit will cost from $499 to $699, depending on cup and speaker size.
This has been hailed as a major social breakthrough, because women are always complaining about men staring at their breasts and not listening to them.

 

by count_libido
8-01-08
So is it true that all the toilet seats have been stolen from the Police Station?
Uh, yes. Yes it is.
How is this affecting the police? Do you have any clues?
Well, at the moment we have nothing to go on.

 

by count_libido
8-14-08
Hey, is that a new wig?
Uh...yeah.
How much did it cost you?
It was a bargain at £5.
That's not much for a hair piece.
It was a small price toupee.

 

by count_libido
5-21-09
So do you still have that job as a postman?
Nah, I got fired.
Why did you get fired?
Well, there's only two things people don't like to see come in the mail. One of them is bills...
What's the other one?
Me.

 

by count_libido
7-01-09
So what do you do?
I am a passive smoking terrorist
A whatnow?
Sudden explosive death is too good for you, infidel! I kill you slowly by exhaling my cigarette smoke over you!
Here's another 20 minutes off your life you imperialist dog!

 

by count_libido
7-09-09
Welcome to Fart Club!
The first rule of Fart Club is YOU WILL NOT TALK ABOUT FART CLUB!
The second rule of Fart Club is remember to leave a window open.

 

by count_libido
7-09-09
Welcome to Fart Club!
If this is your first night, you have to fart!
Now get ready to... Ugh! Urgh! Ack! You dirty bastard!
Silent... but deadly.

 

by count_libido
7-09-09
So how do you fund Fart Club?
That's easy - we make soap.
Ah! You mean you steal human fat and render it into creamy fat then sell it back to rich folks to strike a blow against society?
No! It's so you dirty bastards wash your asses more often!

 

by count_libido
7-09-09
So JJ Abrams, what is the difference between classic Star Trek and your version?
Mostly I updated the terminology so that the kids of today can relate to it. Check this out...
Old Star Trek...
Captain's Log: Have just arrived on a strange alien world and encountered a new life form.
New Star Trek...
Captain's Blog: OMGZ! I can haz alienz! Is teh green lolllz! ROFL!

 

by count_libido
7-23-09
You still playing Sonic Spinball? How are you doing?
Pretty good. I did an Adolf Hitler.
What's that?
Well, I completed all the levels and took out Dr. Robotnik.
So why is that an Adolf Hitler?
I did it all with one ball.

 

by count_libido
8-27-09
Have you filled in your Q12 form?
Are they still anonymous?
Yes.
Then as far as you know, I have.

 

by count_libido
10-19-09
So are we ready to launch the new ship yet?
Sure are. We just installed the new Microsoft Launch v1.1 software to help us.
Sweet! Let's get this baby into the air!
I'll just lanuch the app to start the countdown...
9 minutes... 5 minutes... 5 minutes ... 2 minutes... 30 seconds... 4 minutes... 10 minutes... is this right?

 

by count_libido
12-21-09
So have Food Sciences made any exciting breakthroughs?
Today I managed to splice fish DNA with nut DNA to create a new hybrid!
What did you come up with?
A salmond!

 

by count_libido
11-16-10
I just saw our boss get mowed down by a truck!
That asshole?
As I saw him getting taken away in the ambulance, I thought "Whoa, that could have been me!"
I mean, I can drive a truck...

 

So these two baby seals walk into a club...
by count_libido, 3-15-11

 

by count_libido
4-05-11
So uh, you out walking your dog?
No, I just like getting out in the countryside while carrying a bag of cr@p with me...
Some people ask the stupidest questions.
Hey room service! I gotta clean-up on aisle 2 for ya!

 

by count_libido
8-05-11
So how's that new wig you ordered?
Terrible. They made it out of hair taken from someone's ass.
What's the problem?
It keeps blowing off.

 

by count_libido
8-05-11
Okay, do you mind telling me what happened here?
Certainly Officer. Some Japanese tourists asked me to take their picture.
Uh-huh. Then what happened?
I shouted 'wave!' and they looked scared and ran away.

 

by count_libido
8-05-11
Forbidden Planet HQ...
So how much unwanted sci-fi merchandise do we have left to sell?
Too much. We have Twilight figures, Jar-Jar Binks masks, the book of Transformers 2 and 20 copies of The Last Airbender. How are we gonna shift this stuff?
Why don't you ask someone to write a blog for SFX saying how good it all is?
Hmmm, could work. But surely only a clueless idiot would believe everything they read on the website?
Later at Kev's house...
This stuff all sounds great! Where's my credit card?!

 

by count_libido
8-05-11
Howard the Duck on Blu-Ray?
That sounds great!
Lifestyle Anakin cut-out?
That sounds great!
Magic Beans?
I'll take 50!

 

by count_libido
8-05-11
Hey Kev, have you seen the latest Harry Potter film yet?
Well I havenae read any of the books and I don't like stuff about kids or Wizards...
SFX said they loved it.
In that case, I think it's great!
I'll buy all the books after I've bought ten lightsabers, a Judge Dredd costume and tickets to London to see David Tennant!

 

by count_libido
8-08-11
THIS IS THE TALE OF CAPTAIN JACK SPARROW
PIRATE SO BRAVE ON THE SEVEN SEAS
What?
A MYSTICAL QUEST TO THE ISLE OF TORTUGA
RAVEN LOCKS SWAY ON THE OCEAN'S BREEZE

 

by count_libido
8-18-11
You should try the Chicken Kedavra
I'll pass
Why?
I've had a kedavra
Oops

 

by count_libido
9-01-11
Man, that guy from Rage Against the Machine never stands in line for his cutlery...
FORK QUEUE I WON'T DO WHAT YOU TELL ME!!

Showing page 12.

« Previous