All comics by Drexle

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by Drexle
1-30-04
o/` En skepnad som vintern kåra, I nattens stjärnaurora, Frostens dotter som fimbulkronan bär...
Den isblåa huldra tiga, Svept i slöjor vinterliga, En nysnöns ängel från vitklädd glaciär. o/`
What in the world is that?
o/` Över skarbekrönta block i månskensglans, Med högvälvd barm i lyrisk och dyrkansvärd dans...

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
... Fjäten skrida fram mot frusen sjö, Dess kristalliska spegel giver bild åt fager mö! o/`
(*Headbanging*)
o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`o/`
Oh, hey there! Sorry about the mess. I hope your boots aren't suede or anything.
No, they'll survive...
o/` Med fridsäll röst hon signar, De som under isvind dignar, En fordom sång til värn, en själens sköld...
You're taking the carnage awfuly well. Don't look now, but you have a severed hand grabing your skirt.
Oh, that's been there. It was the last guy who tried to grab a feel.

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
... I nordskogen silvrigt skimmer, I hängdrivor vi förnimmer, Den hednasköna född ur Jökelköld. o/`
So, what do you think?
You know, this is actually a really pretty song. It's not at all what I was expecting.
You were probably expecting a bunch of noise set to a vocalist who sounds like he's choking on a lawn mower, and who sings about necrophila.
Hee hee... kinda.
I usually save that for the bedroom. Nothing sets the mood like "Fucked With a Knife."
Really? Because you know, I like it a bit rough like that.

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
Really?
Yeah... nothing gets me worked up like sharp objects!
You know I was kidding, right?
Oh... uh, yeah! Yeah, I knew it all along. Hah! Hah! Ha...h. Ha... ha.

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
So you know, I'm ready to go into that other room now. My craving for cheese crackers is starting to go off the scale.
Really? Well then, follow me mister!
After you.
Yesss... I can smell the dairy goodness!

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
My God, finally! It's been months!
WAAAAAIT!!!
Huh? Who's there?
Maura, what are you doing?
Zoe! Where did you go? Hey, wait a minute... back off, sister! You had your chance, he's mine tonight!

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
Look, far be it from me to stand in the way of your love life, but what were you telling me earlier tonight?
Ummm... I dunno. That was an awful lot of drinks ago!
I remember that it had something to do with some guy in Idaho. He wasn't much... just the greatest man you've ever known, right?
Oh... him.
Yeah, him. So, what about him, huh?
Well he lives all the way in Idaho! And I mean, you know how men are. He's probably cheating on me already, so I should be able to cheat on him too.

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
Probably cheating on you? What leads you to suspect it? Is he acting weird all of a sudden?
Yeah, real weird! He keeps sending me all these e-cards and telling me how much he loves me, and that hs'e saving up all his money to visit me.
You know men only say they love you when they're hiding something!

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
So, you think based on no good evidence that your boyfriend is cheating on you...
So you're going to cheat on him first just to spite him for maybe cheating on you?
Ummm... It's called "Pre-emptive adultery."
Pre-emptive adultery? Are you making a bid for the Republican Presidential nomination or something?
Well, there's something to be said for ready access to studly interns.

 

by Drexle
1-30-04
Pre-Emptive cheating? Studly interns? Think about what you're saying for a moment!
Hmm...
... And after you're done delivering those briefs to the Secretary of Defense, you can deliver your briefs to the Secretary of my Pants!
Yes, Mrs. President! I'll get on that right away!
Okay, maybe that's not such a bad though after all...
And I haven't even gotten to the part with the apple pie and the whipped cream.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
But you know, the reality is probably nothing like the fantasy. I mean, remember the last famous presidential intern?
Hmmm...
Uh... Steven, why don't you go take these briefs to the Secretary of the Interior? Take your time. Please.
Oh, okay. But what should I do with this apple pie you were talking about earlier?
You know, I could go for some apple pie right now.
I don't think I'll be able to go for apple pie ever again.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Well, that just means more pastry for me. I'm gonna jet. You should come with me.
No thanks, I think I'm going to stay right here for now.
Okay then, but I want details!
Of course.
(*SLAM*)

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Hey, uh... guy with the shirt? Where are you?
Oh, there you are!
Hey there. I was wondering where you were.
Oh, I just ran into someone I knew. So, did you find any cheese crackers?
I don't think it was dairy I was smelling earlier.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Look, let's stop playing around. I think we both know what we're doing in here.
Yeah, I'm beat from all that pillaging earlier. I need to lie down for a bit.
*Flomp!*
Purr!
*Pounce!*
Woah!

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
*Click*
You know, I've always had a long hair fetish.
Is that so?
Mmmhmm. I want hair like yours.
You're not going to try to scalp me are you?
Why would you say that?
Because it wouldn't be the first time.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Are we really so predictable?
Far from it. For instance, I honestly had no idea we were going to end up like this until about ten seconds ago.
But we've been making out for almost twenty minutes.
I'm slow sometimes.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
I'll say. Why do you think that is?
Well you know, I don't have very much blood in my brain right about now.
No? Where is it?
You can't guess?
Ooooohhhh... down here, maybe?
Woah! Wait! What are you doing?

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Can't I just have a little taste?
Ummm...
Can't I?
Mmmmm...
Please?
Mmnnnnnnno.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
What do you mean, "No?!"
Ack! You... are... choke...ing...me..
This is insane!!! When a woman asks, you aren't supposed to say "no!"
Gack.. gasp... gah...
Jesus Christ! I've never been teased by a guy before!
Now you know how I feel every day of my life...

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Wait, long haired guy? That didn't sound like you just then.
Gasp... it... gah... wasn't... wheeze!
Gasp... gulp.. choke...
OH MY GOD, WHO'S THERE?!
Could... gah... you... stop... gasp... please?

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
*Click!*
Who's there?
Gasp.... wheeze... gasp...
Who are you, and why did you sound so familiar?
M-Maura?!
(*Blink Blink*) PETE?!?! What are you doing here? You're supposed to be in Idaho!
Well, I... uh... I got some money together. And you see, I heard that you were going to be at this party, so... uh... surprise?

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
*Pant* *Wheeze* *Pant* *Wheeze*
Pete, I...
What's going on here?
*Cough!* *Gasp* *Cough* *Gah!*
It's not what it looks like!
Really? I mean, it looks like that guy on the bed was choking on something and you were trying to save him.
*Wheeze* *Pant* Wheeze* *Cough!*
Really?
No, it actually looks like my internet girlfriend was about to get it on with some creep at a party, but I'm too self-delusional to believe it.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Hey, who's... *gasp* who's a creep? *wheeze*
Oh. Well then, I... uh...
Look, we should go outside to talk about this. This isn't the place.
*Pant... pant* What's going on in here? I'm only just now getting my sight and hearing back. *Pant... Pant*
Pete, I'm so sorry...
Say, um... can you... uh, can you do that choking thing again? It kinda turned me on. Hey, where did you go?

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
... Shit.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Sigh. I was so wrong.
Yeah.
I... I don't know what to say. I mean, I'm sure my reasons sounded good at the time, but...
Dammit, you try resisting a guy with long hair!!!
Yeah, there's just no way I could turn that down.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
You know, for someone who just saw the girl he loves in bed with another man, you sure don't seem very angry.
I don't emote very easily.
Besides...
I've been tape recording all of this. I've never heard a woman say she's wrong before. I want to have this moment to cherish forever and ever.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Sigh... he was just coming on so hard! I tried to tell him that I had a boyfriend already, but he just kept saying "What he doen't know won't hurt me."
And then he just picked me up and dragged me into the bedroom! Look at all the bodies! They tried to stop him!
Maura...
That's really what did it, you know. You should try slaying a party full of drunks to win a night with a woman sometime. It'll really turn a girl on.
Look, you don't have to lie, or try to hide the fact that you're a total sex fiend. What do you think attracted me to you in the first place?

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
I can not believe what I am hearing.
Where's the jealousy? Where's the anger? Dammit, show some emotion!
I want to feel sexy, and you're making that very hard right now!

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Hmmm... jealousy, eh? Okay, here goes.
How could you do this to me? You told me you loved me. Oh, I just don't know what I'm going to do now. How could you, how could you?
Could you possibly be any more deadpan in your delivery? I've seen Ben Stein get more worked up than that.
I'm so, so sorry. I'll do better next time if only you see fit to give me a next time.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Tee hee...
So... now what?
Let's get out of here. The stench from all the bodies is drawing flies.

 

by Drexle
1-31-04
Wow. I just don't know what I did to deserve a guy as wonderful and understanding as you are. I was totally wrong to think you would cheat on me.
Say, that smell you were talking about... I don't think it's the bodies. It smells like...
HEY PETE! I've been waiting forever for you to get that bedroom cleared out! Oh-hoh-ho! What are we doing with little miss ho bag over there?

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
Pete? Can you give me a logical and rational reason why I shouldn't rip your balls off right this second?
Well, I knew that being so far away from you that there was no way I could trust you to be faithful... what do you know? I was right!
So you see, this is something I was thinking of calling "Pre-emptive Adul..."
SMACK!

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
Errr... okay then, I uh... I ran into her and she said she was your friend and that you like three ways.
KICK
My spleen!
So you're finally emoting?
Meep.

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
And just where do you think you're going?
Where am I going? I am going to kick you in the camel toe, that's where I'm going! You leave my Petey alone!
SMACK!
You can have your Petey. He's right down there!
Eek!
KICK!
Wow, this is turning out to be the coolest party ever!
My liver!

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
Oh, so you're finally awake now?
Hey, I've been looking all over for you! I just wanted to ask you...
SMACK!
What the fuck is your problem?
Garg!!!
KICK!
What? Am I not good enough for you?
I'm saying Gaaaarg!!!

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
KICK!
Is it my face?
Urgh!
KICK!
Am I too fat?
Ack!
KICK!
After four thousand dollars worth of surgery, are my tits still not pixely enough?
Gah!

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
Maura?! What's going on? I saw a fight and came to see if you're all...
YEAAARGH!!!!
SMACK!
EEP!
Oh my god, Zoe! I'm sorry! I was just so caught up in the moment that I didn't realize it was you!
KICK!
My uterus!
Oh well, why waste a perfectly good opportunity? I've always envied your hair, you whore!

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
Whew! What a workout. Man... I'm beat.
Look fellows, it's a valkyrie warrior! VIKING, HOOOOOOOO!!!!
Who the fuck are you calling a viking ho?!
SMACK!
Yørgh!

 

by Drexle
2-02-04
Hours later:
Kick ass! (*Hic*) It looks like everyone had fun at my party tonight! (*BELCH*)
Maura, I'm sorry... I should never have come to your home town to cheat on you... gurgle.
Shut'cher hole Petey, and help me find that bitch so I can slap the starch out of her tits!
Urk... Fort save failed. I am stunned for 2d6 rounds.
Damn right, I've got better hair than you! groan...
Mellom bakkar og berg ut med havet, Heve nordmannen fenge sin heim... UrgH!!!

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
Hey there.
Woah! what's up with the skirt?!
It's not a skirt, wanker!
You know, dressed like that, you look exactly like my ex girlfriend.
Even with the bulge?
No... hers was bigger.

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
You think you're bad? I kill dorks like you with my bear hands.
Yeah, I'm real afraid of death threats from the internet...
especially from idiots who don't even know how to spell "bare."
ROAR!

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
So let me get this straight, you had that guy in bed with you at the party...
uh huh...
And you're trying to tell me that when she tried to have sex with you, you turned her down?
More or less.

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
I can not believe it!
I know! I mean, I just don't get it. Men aren't supposed to do that! Am I ugly? Am I boring? It just doesn't make any sense! Unless...
Are you gay or something?

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
But then why would he even get in bed with you in the first place?
Well duh! He must be totally...
in the closet.

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
Don't look at me like that!
Don't look at me like that!

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
Did it ever occur to you that maybe he's just being responsible? Or that maybe he has morals?
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
HAHAHAHAHAHA!

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
HAHAHAHAHAHA!
What's so hard to believe about that? I mean, haven't you ever heard of Schrödinger's Cunt?
Wha?
If half the men in town put their cocks in one vagina, then you can't know whether there's an STD in it or not until you observe it firsthand.
It seems like thinking about that too much would make your waveform collpase.
Tell me about it.

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
So is this theory good for anything else?
Oh, it can relate to a lot of things. For example, that person over there has quite a Schrödinger's Cunt.
How can you tell? I'm not even sure that's a woman...
Presicely!

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
Woah hold everything! Instead of angsting over the situation, have you considered asking him about it?
Dont' be silly, you can't believe a word out of a man's mouth as it is, so why should staying in the closet be any different?
Ugh... So tell me again why you care about this in the first place?
Are you kidding? If it turns out he's gay then it wasn't my fault at all. It'll mean that I'm still fuckably cute after all!
Okay, now explain what any of this has to do with me asking him out and you hiding in the bushes with a video camera.
Dammit, I have to know if he's gay or not! My self-esteem is collapsing!

 

by Drexle
2-06-04
Look, if it makes you feel any better I'm sure I heard something about him and a big red robot once.
Really?!
Yep.
Oh wait, that doesn't count, though...
Sigh... Why not?
That robot has had his way with everyone in town at least five times over. I don't know about you, but I know my butt is still sore.

Showing page 13.

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