All comics by HCRoyall

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As Professor Pjork Von Byproduct surveyed the carnage left in the wake of his Destructobot, he realized: All of his enemies had been destroyed, but was it really worth the loss of his favorite bar?
by HCRoyall, 11-17-05

 

It turns out the Urinating Bench was not as big of a hit as its creator had imagined...
by HCRoyall, 11-17-05

 

There's probably a very good explanation for this. I for one, don't think I want to know.
by HCRoyall, 11-17-05

 

Sammy the Snail was leading me into a trap, I knew it. Luckily, I had a long time to think up an escape plan.
by HCRoyall, 11-17-05

 

As the deadly Snow Carp lunged towards him, Johnny took the only sensible course of action and dove for cover.
by HCRoyall, 11-17-05

 

Somewhere, Lewis Black is suffering from an aneurism.
If it weren't for my horse, I never would have spent that year in college.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

The fact that I got beaten up by a cripple wasn't half as bad as the fact that he did it by using his own useless legs as weapons.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

We argued for hours about which of our costumes was scarier, until the Monster got tired of waiting in the house and came out to devour us.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

After three hours and no success, Maura thought that Queens probably wasn't the best place to be selling Confederate Memorabilia.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

Clowns are always funny. Until you're raped by one.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

"Soon," Abe thought as he examined his abominable creation, "Those execs will rue the day they cancelled Fish!"
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

No one had the heart to tell "Captain" Jerry that his "ship's computer" wasn't really what he thought it was.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

It isn't wise to poke the Tiki. I had to learn that the hard way.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

When they say if you walk far enough you can see the back of your own head, they're right. But what they don't tell you is that you aren't too pretty after the trip.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

Some days it's just not good to be a door-to-door salesman. Luckily my hasty dinosaur disguise confused him long enough for me to get away.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

He wasn't a perfect clone, but when I told him to fetch me a beer he didn't argue half as much as my wife.
by HCRoyall, 11-18-05

 

I found out quickly that humor is not equal across all medias...
...so then I said, "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!" Hello? Is this thing on?
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

I suppose I should have been listening to my doctor as he listed my options, but I was too busy trying to convince the walls of his office to stop dancing.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

Some would say leaving a baby on an artillery range is insane, but I believe my mother was just trying to teach me valuable survival skills.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

Mere days after his run in with Skippy the Emasculating Squirrel, TOBOR plugged himself in and got in the bathtub.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

The battle was epic and climactic, but in the end, the only real winner was Little Susie, who made millions selling the footage on pay-per-view.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

For the life of me I couldn't figure out how it got in my house. But DAMN it had some nice boobs.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

After seeing Tron, I thought it would be cool to get sucked into a videogame. That was until I got stuck inside a copy of Pong.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

"This is the spot," he said. Then the cave bear ate me.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

After that radioactive squirrel bit me at the park, I thought I would get cool squirrely superpowers. Unfortunately I only got rabies and radiation sickness.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

My mom disowned me after she found out I was gay. I think the meth lab and snuff porn had something to do with it as well.
by HCRoyall, 11-19-05

 

It wasn't a very good ventriloquist act. You could easily see his lips move. But I was impressed that the goat could operate the dummy without any fingers.
by HCRoyall, 11-21-05

 

I began to suspect he wasn't a real doctor when he made a hasty exit as the cops pulled up.
by HCRoyall, 11-21-05

 

by HCRoyall
11-22-05
Tonight on a live edition of Masterpiece Theater, we present a scene from Fyodor Dostoyevsky's classic novel, The Brothers Karamazov.
She knows! Your brother is a scoundrel, Alexei Fyodorovich!
Umm... Line?
We now break for commercial, where I will beat a certain actor within an inch of his life and drink myself to oblivion.

 

The Captain was not amused when he found out that the creature was in fact a MALE of the species...
by HCRoyall, 11-22-05

 

Here's the exact moment I was scared out of my skin.
by HCRoyall, 11-22-05

 

You can't see it here, but the green screen is for a carefully designed CG love suite.
by HCRoyall, 11-22-05

 

by HCRoyall
11-22-05
E.S.P. test. Testing. Are you getting this psychic message?
Need to... concentrate... mustering all of my latent psychic abilities. Can you hear my thoughts?
Ah, fuck me.
I think I just became impotent...

 

by HCRoyall
11-29-05
And that's why I can't continue with this relationship.

 

I'm not sure why the duck challenged me to a duel, but I'm pretty sure he didn't go ten paces before turning around and shooting me, either.
by HCRoyall, 11-29-05

 

Man, did that puppet make a fortune as a porn star...
by HCRoyall, 11-30-05

 

I knew I should have left him in his natural habitat, but he was just so cute. Besides, I told myself, there's nothing wrong with a squirrel having a pet.
by HCRoyall, 11-30-05

 

At first I didn't see any harm in humoring those door-to-door evangelists, but one thing led to another and soon I had an infestation of Wiccans in my yard.
by HCRoyall, 11-30-05

 

When I told him I wanted him to steal my virginity, he took it a little too seriously.
by HCRoyall, 11-30-05

 

Hell turned out to be almost bearable when a filing error threw me in with a bunch of jewish vampires.
by HCRoyall, 11-30-05

 

Turning around, TOBOR found himself faced with his archnemesis and the only one to ever defeat him...
by HCRoyall, 11-30-05

 

Not many people know about the "Squirrel in the Moon". Nasa's been keeping it a secret for years.
by HCRoyall, 11-30-05

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-05
One day at the ranch...
... so then I said, "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha!
I gave your girlfriend AIDs.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-05
Look, I don't know how you did things back in Queens, but 'round here things are different.
I grew up in Uganda.
What does you having AIDs have to do with this conversation?

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-05
So I was thinking the other day, "There's got to be a better way to get rid of my victims than burying them in the landfill." And then I got inspired.
I think I'll pass on the chili, thanks.

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-05
Have you ever wondered what life would be like if certain things about the world were different?
You mean like "what would the world be like without Statutory Rape laws and a minimum drinking age?"
I was thinking more along the lines of a "what if we had wings?" type of deal.
Oh. Then no. Not at all.

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-05
Death to you!!! Mwah hahaha!!
Really? What a wonderful turn of events!
Wait, what?
I can turn around if you prefer to kill from surprise. Hack away, sir! After all I've been through, this'll be great!
Ok, I'm leaving. You managed to suck all the fun out of killing.
Damn, I can't even get murdered right...

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-05
Umm... Hey. Hazunda... I was wondering...
CHLOROFORM, A SHOVEL, AND A LONG STRETCH OF DESERTED HIGHWAY.
You're good.

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-05
Dudes! I just checked, and HC's on his way to 700 comics! We need to celebrate each missed centennial all at once!
And we all know there's only one way to do THAT!
Dance Dance Revolution contest! Whoo!
Sorry.

 

by HCRoyall
12-07-05
I had a genuine Jimmy Buffett moment this morning.
On the way back from the latrines this morning I blew out my flipflop, stepped on a pop top, cut my heel and had to limp on back home.
Then I realized there was neither booze nor a blender waiting for me and I let out a lengthy string of curses.

Showing page 13.

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