All comics by BobRogers

Profile

 

by BobRogers
7-14-06
While dave explores the launch pad, meanwhile, up in the administration building...
I am the R.A.P E. 5000, Series 5. I am programmed to serve your needs.
What?
The new Robot is sexually harassing me.
We here at Acme Rockets Inc. are happy to welcome your new generation of Rocket Assembly and Programming Evaluators.
Could you show me where the R.A.P.E. building is please.

 

by BobRogers
7-18-06
My personal assistant has assured me that you have all the qualifications necessary for a productive carreer at Acme Rockets.
I am GLAD to have this new job. I HATED my old job and I HATED my old boss and I HATED my old life.
Mkay. Report to Building C and ask for Mike.
Yaaaaaay! thank you thank you thank youuuu!
Why does MY division get all the psychiatric cases?

 

by BobRogers
7-18-06
Dave meets his new supervisor.
Welcome to Building C, Dave. My name is Mike and I will be your supervuisor.
Great. What will I be doing? Working with robots? Assembling rockets? Training to walk in space?
Ahmm. I see Bill didn't brief you. I hate when he does that.
What?
This is Building C, the Acme Rocket Company Fleet Car Wash and Clean Up Department.
The urge to kill

 

by BobRogers
7-31-06
What do the interior of a crashing airplane and the "Hey Now" section of the SternShrine have in common?
Lots of crap flying around. People with their heads ducked to avoid flying debris...
... and Psycho Monkey Dave pondering the biggest myetery of the universe...
Eep. Why nobody love me?

 

by BobRogers
8-04-06
After work, in the park...
You're looking happy, Dave. What have you been up to?
I've been writing fan letters to my new hero.
Who is...
Mel Gibson, of course. He said all wars are caused by Jews.
If you call me Sugar tits I am kicking your ass.
You're just jealous because my hero's in the news and you don't even HAVE a hero.

 

by BobRogers
8-04-06
Mel Gibson! What are you doing here? You just missed Dave. He's your # 1 fan you know.
Are you Jewish? You look Jewish! Is Dave Jewish?
Dude! What difference does it make? Besides didn't you apologize for all that "Are you a Jew" stuff?
Yeah I did. I think I did. I was drunk when I said that. Or was I sober. Goddamnit! I'm 50 give me a break.
To answer your question, my name is Jay Gargoyle. I'm not Jewish but I am gay. You got a problem with that.
Damn I am hung over!

 

by BobRogers
8-04-06
This all sucks equine, you know.
What does?
All this bruhaha over a couple of drunken racial epithetss. You see more anti semitism on South Park than I ever said.
Yeah, but there are no Uber-Christians on South Park. Those guys are all barbarians.
The tenents of my religion prohibit me from being against Jews.

 

by BobRogers
8-04-06
Are you talking about the same religion that tortured hundreds of thousands of Jews during the Inquisition?
We were just trying to get new church members.
Come on, Mel, for serious. More people have been killed in the name of Christianity than jews ever thought about.
I could BECOME Jewish, I could CONVERT. Ahhh What were you saying?
Dude. You have a billion dollars in the bank. How many jews are going to stay pissed at you wth a bankbook like that?
Good point. My next movie is in Mayan anyhow. There can't be THAT MANY Jews at Disney.

 

by BobRogers
8-27-06
Dave has finally come completely unhinged.
And you are suggesting that this is a new or unpredictible thing?
Well, no. I mean, he's always been a complete wack job. Stern Shrine actually adopted him for just that reason. Now though, he has absolutely lost it.
In what way that is news?
He has "come out" against oral sex.
Isn't that an oxymoron?

 

by BobRogers
8-27-06
Dave is on a tear...
KD is a DRUNK! He drinks BEER!
Not everyone who drinks beer is a drunk. Not every drunk drinks beer.
Bob doesn't REALLY have a Wheelchair!
So, what is that thing with wheels and an electric motor that he rides around in all day?
I hate EVERYBODY!
Now THAT has the ring of truth.

 

by BobRogers
8-27-06
Dave SHOULD know better than to go onto the road background but...
I'm going to make a VIDEO right here on this highway!
I can't do it until this STUPID DOG gets out of the shot.
This one is going straiht to YOUtube! I WILL win a prize.

 

by BobRogers
8-28-06
A sudden rise in mysterious cat murders catches Tiger unprepared...
Cats in Bags. Bags in River!
Hold up there buckaroo.
Cats in Bags. Bags in River!
You can't do that. Cats are cute and cuddly and we purr and endear ourselves to all mankind!
Cats in Bags. Bags in River!
This calls for a strategic withdrawal...

 

by BobRogers
8-29-06
World AIDS Day is Friday December 1st 2006.
Why do I need to know that?
Because AIDS Awareness should be the number one priority of every human being gay, straight or Republican.
But I am a Catholic Democrat.
We forgive you of that.

 

by BobRogers
9-01-06
Bob's novel is not moving quickly...
It was a dark and stormy night. Rain poured out of the sky like tears from Dave's eyes after a date...
Suddenly a shot rang out!
You're not on SternShrine picking on Dave are you?
Not yet. But I'm getting there.
'cause you need to cut the guy some slack you know.

 

by BobRogers
9-03-06
Dave is gone.
Gone? What do you mean gone?
He has abandoned SternShrine, refuses to answer AIM Instant Messages and has become a hermit.
Of course you know that's just wishful thinking, right?
So who's Mutt?
Damned if I know.

 

by BobRogers
9-04-06
I'll have you to know that my name is not "Butters!"
But doesn't your boss at work call you Butters, Butters?
That is completely beside the point! My name is not Butters, Skippy, Albert, Loretta, Bunky, Calvin, Hobbes, or ANY Damn thing!
So what is your name, Butters?
I HATE you Bob.
Thought so.

 

by BobRogers
9-04-06
Hi Dave. Welcome to The Village.
I am not a person. I am a NUMBER!
Dave, I know you feel confused sometimes my son, but we here in The Village on The Island can end your pain forever.
There's no Dave here. My name is 111-222-3333. I am anonymous.
Listen, bitch. If you think this dummy up routine is going to help you escape, you are crazy. This is SURVIVOR and you are the only white boy here.

 

by BobRogers
9-05-06
i HATE this stupid island. I hated this stupid island the LAST TIME I was on this stupid island and will ALWAYS HATE this stupid island.
This island is not so bad. It's kind of like a TIME OUT with coconuts.
Who the hell are you?
My name is Leroy. I am your inner negro.
Get the f**k outta here.
You have many personalities Dave. I am but one.

 

by BobRogers
9-05-06
See, it's like this Dave. Everyone has an inner child. You will always be a child, so someone has to fill that "inner void."
Not listening
That's where me and my mates come in. Different personalities express different components of your overall structure.
Not EVEN listening
Take me, for example. Your inner negro appears when you start becoming too racist. Sort of as a balance.
God! Make him QUIT TALKING!

 

by BobRogers
9-05-06
I am Fiona, your innerWal-Mart Associate...
No WAY!
You can't run away from yourself Dave. You can't work for ERAC forever!
Deep down inside, EVERYBODY wants to work at WAL-MART!

 

by BobRogers
9-06-06
Don't tell me. Let me guess. You're another one of my personalities, right?
Don't be silly Dave. I'm Doctor Horsefeathers, your Psychiatrist away from home.
@$#!%@ YOU! I don't need no %#$@#%$ shrink. What I need is to be left the %#$%@$# alone!
Ah. Tourette Syndrome. This is going to be more interesting than I thought.
So what do I have to do to get rid of you?
Well. This is the tropicss. I thought we might start by swimming with some harmless stingrays...

 

by BobRogers
9-08-06
Somebody call for ERAC?
What? NO WAY! Enterprise doesn't rent elephants!
I'm not an elephant. I am a Chevrolet Impala!
Chevrolet Impalas do not have tusks.
Sometimes you just have to wait for it...
Unfair justice...

 

by BobRogers
9-09-06
...so I said to him, "I'm not an elephant, I'm a Chevrolet Impala
Then **SPLAT** a Peterbilt with a load of steel on ran right over him doing 80 miles per hour.
Then I woke up and realized that it was all just wishful thinking.
You know Forest, if you don't eat pepperoni watching night time TV you won't have dreames about Sally and his friends.

 

by BobRogers
9-09-06
Where's Sally?
Who?
You know, Sally, Sparky, Skippy, Albert, Bunky, Corky, Loretta, Butters, Wally The Wash Boy...
Oh. You mean, where's Dave?
Nobody calls him that anymore.
Doesn't he WORK Saturdays?

 

by BobRogers
9-10-06
I think you did a really great job in the short time you were with us. Can I buy you a beer?
Sure. make it Bud Light. I've been cutting back on carbs.
So what are your plans for the future, now that this gig is over?
Well, I've got a new hobby now, cat-stomping. It's a lot like "Whack A Mole" except you do it on Astro Turf.
Sounds messy though.
Oh, I KNOW. You get all that squishy cat hide in between your toes... But if I get good enough I can go pro and get my own reality show.

 

by BobRogers
9-11-06
Dave makes the Mother Of All Videos
I *snipping* OWN the Stern Shrine and every mother*snipper* who goes there!
I can be as stupid as I want, as obscene as I want, and can force feed the product of my mental disease on everyone...
and there's not a *snipping* thing any mother*snipper* can do about it.
They're too LIBERAL to ban me. They're too fascinated with my sub-human stupidity to ignore me..
I make Joey Boots look like a college educated Baptist choir boy by comparison and yet every member of the forum LOVES ME. I am INVINCIBLE.
SEIG HEIL to DAVE! SEIG HEIL to Dave! I am the KING OF THE INTERNET, THE EMPEROR OF VIRGINS and I OWN the *SNIPPING* STERN SHRINE and EVERY MEMBER IN IT!

 

by BobRogers
9-11-06
Something is wrong with my computer
It's been really slow and sluggish lately. The hard drive starts and stops by itself. Ads keep popping up when I am not online...
I think I need a new puddin spoon.

 

by BobRogers
9-23-06
Introducing Yupo, Video Maker and ERAC Superhero...
Monty is looking for you, Yupo. Something about a video you recently placed on YouTube.
Also, Iheart, Doc, Dman, DaintyKane, KD and James Bond are all looking for you and they had weapons of mass destruction...
If only it were that easy to bluff Iran.

 

by BobRogers
9-23-06
Got a brand new wheelchair today. Jeeze this thing is fast. It has six wheels and two electric motors...
There goes the sound barrier
Eat your heart out Chuck Yeager!

 

by BobRogers
9-23-06
A brief encounter in the park...
Osama Bin Laden is dead.
What? How do you know this? Did somebody shoot him?
The French quoted the Saudis as having said he died of Typhoid Fever in August.
It's about time if it's true. Allah must have needed another asshole in heaven. Now maybe we can get the rest of 'em to commit suicide.

 

by BobRogers
9-23-06
For somebody with a supersonic wheelchair you're looking pretty glum.
I AM a little down right now. I just heard that Osama Bin Ladin might be dead from typhoid fever.
And tha'ts bad news because...
Typhoid Fever, kidney failure, old age. I am depressed because he didn't suffer enough.
Now I'm depressed too.
It's contageous.

 

by BobRogers
9-24-06
From the Illogic Olympics comes this year's gold medalist...Dave.
Wheelchairs don't have 6 WHEELS!
How many wheels do you count on the six-wheel wheelchair you're standing in front of, Dave
That 6-wheel wheelchair only has FOUR WHEELS!
Sigh.
Some arguements are best settled by a speeding 40 ton Peterbilt.

 

by BobRogers
9-24-06
#$@%$#@ You Monty.
I'm not actually Monty. I am Monty's Attorney
No you're not.
Actually, I am. I have a legal and official paper here for you. Just sign here, here and here.
I'm not signing ANYTHING. What does it say?
It says #$@%$#@, you, YUPO!

 

by BobRogers
10-02-06
Here it is Halloween 2006 and I haven't been able to think of a single act of terrorism brutal enough for Infidel America.
I have been pacing back and forth for hours trying to come up with a henious crime that will shock the USA to its foundation.
Hold up. I HAVE IT! A crime so shocking that America will be in turmoil for decades! It's diabolical or my name's not Osama

 

by BobRogers
10-02-06
WOO HOO!
Eeeeeeeeee HAW!
What the HELL was that?
Dave just got a check in the mail from Pakistan.

 

by BobRogers
10-02-06
Dude... Dave doesn't know anyone in Pakistan. Who sent him a check?
Believe it or not, Osama Bin Ladin.
What? Get the *snip* outta here!
Dude, it's true. Dave thinks he won the Pakistan lottery.
How am I supposed to keep a straight face?
Dude! You're one-dimensional, you'll handle it.

 

by BobRogers
10-04-06
Denial is not a river in Egypt. Marmite is real and Dave can't tell people from bots.
You aren't sitting in a park in a wheelchair!
You aren't even real. You are just a bot. I'm BLOCKING YOU FOREVER!
How are you going to do that Dave? I'm sitting right here.

 

by BobRogers
10-12-06
You do realize that nobody loves you, right, Steve?
That's IMPOSSIBLE. I'm young and cute and liberal and hip and ENGLISH for crying out loud.
According to your MySpace Profile, you are a gay part time model, dope dealer, video pirate wack job.
I'm not GAY! It says I like GIRLS! GIRLS, I tell ya!
Kinda WARM there in the closet, ain't it mate?
Grrr

 

by BobRogers
10-13-06
Hey, Gargoyle, have you seen Bob around? I just wanted to tell him that I like the cartoons.
Um, Artie, you're in a cartoon now.
Damn that was fast!

 

by BobRogers
10-15-06
Obsessing on YouTube...
***********
***********
Oblivious... thy name is Dave.
***********

 

by BobRogers
10-16-06
Suddenly, out of the silent autumn a titanic explosion rocks Dutchess County NY...
What in the unholy blue hell was that? Did North Korea nuke Poughkeepsie?
Close. Enterprise Rent A Car Inc. fired Dave.

 

by BobRogers
10-17-06
Hey, Artie! Long time no see. What's happening in your world?
You mean aside from the 6.7 earthquake yesterday?
That wasn't an earthquake. Dave got fired from ERAC yesterday. What you felt was the tantrum he threw afterward.
So you are not going to allow him any dignity in this situation?
Dude. This is the guy who thinks being in a wheelchair is gay and punked Allison for being unemployed.
Yeah you're right. No mercy.

 

by BobRogers
10-17-06
Inside Dave's mind...
ERAC Headquarters has been bombed by Iranians. If only we hadn't fired Dave.
Human Resources is a mess. I bet Dave could make this better.
Without Dave, ERAC will be just one big crime scene.

 

by BobRogers
10-17-06
I am really "on edge" here. Why won't anybody hire me? I am going stir crazy. I just want to take a shower and go to work!
Ok, Mr Gravy. Tell me what your qualifications and experience are...
I washed cars for ERAC and picked up customers sometimes.
And you feel that this experience qualifies you to be secretary of defense, replacing Donald Rumsfeld?
I certainly couldn't do any worse than he has.
Cheap political potshots are my life.

 

by BobRogers
10-17-06
Doc, what can you tell me about Asperger's Disorder?
Asperger's Disorder may not be the only psychological condition affecting a certain individual. In fact, it is frequently together with other problems such as:
Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder, Oppositional Defiant Disorder, Depression, Bipolar Disorder and Obsessive Compulsive Disorder
How would that affect my friend's job prospects?
Working at Enterprise Rent A Car would be a good choice. They're pretty liberal.

 

by BobRogers
10-17-06
I SWEAR IDF U LUVED NEAR ME I WOULD COVER YOUR CAR IN PIZZA HEESDE AND THAT TAKE ABABEBALL BAT TO IT YPOU ARERERE RTELSALAODNGJ PISAISNGN EM, OFF
Time for your meds Dave. Let's calm down a bit, shall we?
I'll TAKE ABABEBALL BAT TO IT YPOU ARERERE RTELSALAODNGJ PISAISNGN EM, OFF
This is NOT going to help you find a job, Skippy.
Just saw Dave. He was mumbling to himself in ARABIC. Why was he limping?
Doctor just broke 4 hypodermic needles in his ass.

 

by BobRogers
10-17-06
Dave's meltdown becomes more incoherent as realization sinks in that there will be no more paychecks coming his way from ERAC for him having been fired...
U R A NIGSHGAREHSWHSAGREHGEGRRSHGSERB
He called you a what?
You do realize that I could never in a million years make this *snip* up, right?
Indubitably.

 

by BobRogers
10-18-06
This is Roland Headcase, WRRV News, at Enterprise Rent A Car, talking with Tim, of Human Resources. Tim, why did you fire Dave?
Well, Roland, as you know, we at ERAC try very hard to employ the handicapped, the desperate and the clinically insane as much as possible...
... and when we first heard about Dave, we thought there was a chance he might be a good fit in our staff of wierdos and malcontents...
So what happened?
We got a call from Bob, our # 1 stockholder. It was an interesting conversation. After that, Dave became redundant...

 

by BobRogers
10-18-06
Dude! YOU got Dave fired?
Where did you hear that?
On the radio. WRRV, just now. He interviewed Human Resources Tim at ERAC.
In answer to your question, no, I didn't get Dave fired per se. They may have taken what I said more literally then I intended.
What did you say to them?
I may have mentioned that Dave doesn't like Howard Stern

 

by BobRogers
10-18-06
So right after Bob called, Dave's Branch Manager personally asked Dave about the "rumor" that he hates Howard Stern.
How did Dave respond?
Dave replied *BEEP* Howard Stern and *BEEP* Sirius Radio, *BEEP* the no good mother *BEEP* on the Stern Shrine.
Wow. I have never seen that many "beeps" in one dialog balloon before.
Anyhow, ERAC is a BIG Howard Stern supporter and anyone who hates Howard gets fired. They kicked it over to me.
Well, that clears the air. Thanks Tim. Now back to Boris in the studio.

Showing page 14.

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