All comics by HCRoyall

Profile

 

When I got to Heaven, I thought there would be a little more to the tour than learning the best places to spy on cute girls in the shower.
And over here...
by HCRoyall, 12-08-05

 

It seemed pretty cool when I built it, but people didn't seem to like the giant robotic penis puppet.
by HCRoyall, 12-08-05

 

by HCRoyall
12-08-05
Whatcha doing?
Doing some research on AIDs. I'm curious about the treatments and how close they are to a cure.
Would it help if I said I was sorry?

 

by HCRoyall
12-08-05
So I was about to score with this chick the other night, right?
And she's really pushing me to use a condom, says she has AIDS.
So I say, "What does safe sex have to do with kinky toys?"

 

"You have AIDS," the hallucinatory doctor said. I never should have believed that cactus when it said it was a virgin.
by HCRoyall, 12-08-05

 

by HCRoyall
12-08-05
RAAR! TOBOR CORNHO--
I have AIDS.

 

Even though they forgot to add the CGI effects to the blue screen, The Mad Doctore of Tiki Island was still a pretty good flick.
by HCRoyall, 12-09-05

 

Blood-farting Chicken from Outer Space was not what I was expecting. I went to see German fetish porn and got some crappy sci-fi movie.
by HCRoyall, 12-09-05

 

Giving myself the ability to make things explode by pointing at them was genius. I like getting mugged just for the line-ups at the police station.
by HCRoyall, 12-09-05

 

"Hold that pose," I said, right before nailing her foot to the wall. What did she expect? I'm a Post-Modern artist.
by HCRoyall, 12-09-05

 

Mark just couldn't win, it seemed. He'd get tickets to a concert, his buddy Rob would join a band. He'd be possessed by a demon, while Rob became a roadie for Marilyn Manson.
by HCRoyall, 12-09-05

 

I really can't understand why no one wanted to volunteer for my act...
by HCRoyall, 12-10-05

 

by HCRoyall
12-12-05
Hi there. TOBOR here. I just wanted to put out this public service announcement.
If you have AIDS, please go kill yourself now and save everyone else a lot of time and worry.
Plus, it's no fun to ass-rape your pathetic, diseased, emaciated bodies.

 

by HCRoyall
12-12-05
You know, I was okay with the small quarters and lack of other company on this space station. Hell, I didn't even mind sharing that hot alien hooker with you.
But now they're firing missiles at us because you didn't wear a condom and caught Martian AIDS. And now, you've left me with no choice...
You're off the Christmas list this year.
NOOOOOOOO!!!

 

The script was great, but the shaky camera and bad direction made "Space Pedophiles 4" a pale shadow of the previous three.
by HCRoyall, 12-12-05

 

Ensign McCullen was well known as being the only Redshirt to make it back alive, but after the mission to the planet of the Donkey-Rapers, I'm pretty sure he wished he hadn't survived...
by HCRoyall, 12-12-05

 

Too bad he got twenty to life, because that was the best puppet show I've ever seen.
by HCRoyall, 12-12-05

 

Best. First Day of School. Ever.
by HCRoyall, 12-12-05

 

I'm not one to complain about spotty silverware or a table that wasn't quite wiped down thoroughly, but the clown in my soup was more than I could stand.
by HCRoyall, 12-12-05

 

I thought my secret shame was well hidden, but it turns out my frat buddies had taken polaroids...
by HCRoyall, 12-19-05

 

After three dead redshirts and two injured supporting cast members, the captain was forced to abandon the babysitting mission on Kindergarten V...
by HCRoyall, 12-19-05

 

Boy, was I ever embarrassed when I got to the party. I mean, Okay, so I forgot it wasn't a costume party, but how was I supposed to know that bacon guy was Jewish?
by HCRoyall, 12-20-05

 

And they never spoke to each other again.
by HCRoyall, 12-20-05

 

Things went downhill once they found out my midget was really just an elaborate puppet...
by HCRoyall, 12-20-05

 

by HCRoyall
12-24-05
Honey, what are you doing? The party's just about to begin!
I have to make sure the Y2K bug doesn't destroy our computer.
I thought the Y2K scare was over years ago.
It was. I rolled the clock back on the computer so I could have an excuse to avoid those demonic apes you call your friends.

 

Agoraphobia is probably the most ironic weakness a superhero can have.
by HCRoyall, 12-30-05

 

Why he felt the need to arrest fifty granola bars I'll never know, but being deputized was pretty cool.
by HCRoyall, 12-30-05

 

The Church of Meat was an insightful but short-lived religion. It was just bad luck for them to start up just before the Atkins craze hit.
by HCRoyall, 12-30-05

 
by HCRoyall, 12-31-05

 

I GOT CRABS FROM THE GIRL IN THE STOCKROOM!!!
And the pharmacy won't have your cream til after the New Year.
by HCRoyall, 12-31-05

 

by HCRoyall
12-31-05
Just thirty minutes to a Happy New Years!
Yeah, about that...
I'll only be happy because this past year was horrible. My parents died, my dog ran away, my house caught on fire, I wrecked my car...
And your girlfriend is over there blowing your best friend.
Oh, God dammit.

 

by HCRoyall
12-31-05
Where have you gone, Joe DiMaggio? Our nation turns its lonely eye to you. Woo woo woo...
What's that you say, Mrs. Robinson? Joltin' Joe has left and gone away. Hey hey hey...
Okay, okay, I'll stop playing Simon and Garfunkel while I'm working. Sheesh.

 

by HCRoyall
12-31-05
How come you never ask me how my day was?
Because most times I REALLY don't want to know.
See, THIS is why I keep saying we need to go to couples counseling.
One, we're not a couple; and two, we already tried and you knifed the guy before he could say what you should do to improve.

 

It turns out that the final battle between good and evil wasn't quite what I had expected.
by HCRoyall, 1-02-06

 

by HCRoyall
1-05-06
Argh! I need to meet people, but I suck at socializing!
Why dont you try coming on MySpace?
Well, Okay.
I said MySpace! SPACE!!
Oops.

 

by HCRoyall
1-05-06
What's up?
Butch, we need to address this addiction to Roleplaying Games you have.
Oh, it's not an addiction.
Butch, denial is the first stage.
No, I mean it isn't an addiction, I do it for an insanity defense in case I get caught.
Carry on.

 

by HCRoyall
1-06-06
Wah hey!
I require your assistance in the kitchen. There's an issue with some spoiled food.
I eat all my leftovers. It's not mine.
No, that's not what I mean. Just go see for yourself.
Uh...huh...
You may fry and eat our delicious flesh, but you can never take... OUR FREEDOM!!

 

Genetic tags for homosexuality found. Baptists make a 180 and say abortion is cool, but only gay babies.
by HCRoyall, 1-06-06

 

by HCRoyall
2-04-06
Letter from your mom?
No, my brother the government scientist.
The one who builds stuff for NASA?
Yep. He says the world's going to end in 30 days. Meteor.
That letter's postmarked at two months ago.
Really inspires faith in our space program, eh?

 

by HCRoyall
2-25-06
You know what our problem is, Jim?
A lack of conscience, no inhibitions, and both the knowhow and materials to avoid being caught?
I was going to say "No Cable TV", but that's an accurate assessment too.

 

by HCRoyall
4-08-06
As to why I've been gone, Well, life has been hectic since I got back, but it's going good.
As to why the background changed from the desert to a farm...I live in redneck central and my parents raise goats and chickens.
E-I-E-I-O.

 

by HCRoyall
5-12-06
So I'm finally moved in and now have an internet connection.
I'm going to get those groceries put away.
Okay, my roommate isn't really crippled, but we pretended he was to increase our chances of landing the apartment.

 

by HCRoyall
5-12-06
Hello? Is anyone there?
I'm the only one left... I'm all alone...
Well, at least no one will find out I've been pissing in this thing for the past two years.

 

by HCRoyall
5-12-06
Day 10: When our DSL was supposed to be connected.
[No connections found]
Day 25: After they tried to activate the connection on the wrong number and had to start over.
[No connections found]
Day 30: Five days before the most recently given activation date.
What the fuck?!
[Connection found]

 

by HCRoyall
5-13-06
Now to search for internet porn.
[No connection found]
Eh? Restart!
[Local Area Network connection #1 found] [Wireless network connection found] [Local Area Network connection #2 found]
Local Area Network connection #2? There's only one network cable plugged in.
[Local Area Network connection #3: network cable unplugged]

 

by HCRoyall
5-13-06
I have a simple solution to illegal immigrants. The border guards shoot on sight and put the bodies on stakes along the border as a warning to the rest.
Wait, scratch that. That's a waste of ammunition.

 

by HCRoyall
5-13-06
Watching boorite and dcom duke it out in chat is a bit annoying.
It's like a porn movie where they try to have a semi-serious plot, but then edited out all the sex.

 

by HCRoyall
5-14-06
One day at the ranch...
...so then I said, "Day without immigrants? Day without me paying their illegal asses!"
Fuck.

 

by HCRoyall
5-14-06
Robert Thompson! Now you die!
Dude. I'm Tom Roberts.
Seriously.
Google and Mapquest have earned my wrath!

 

by HCRoyall
5-15-06
It's sad that people don't believe me when I say I'm Christian.
Jesus threw out the laws of Moses. So it's hypocritical for Christians to hate gay people.
Besides, the text clearly states that Moses only hated gay GUYS. Lesbianism was still okay.

Showing page 14.

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