All comics by Ranger77

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by Ranger77
1-29-06
Mount Clemens, MI - Jan 29 10:42pm
Becoming an Assistant Manager here at McDonalds is not a trivial thing. It requires certain....skills.
I'm sure it does, I'm just looking to get extra money that's all.
Ah, but what would you do to get it? The job we have in mind for you is dangerous and will challenge everything that you believe in. You will be directly involved in conflict....constantly.
Conflict?
RWorld HQ - Jan 30 11:35am
They want you to monitor how many sauce packets are given out with Chicken McNuggets.
Yep. Evidently, McDonald's considers itself in a state of war....

 

by Ranger77
1-29-06
Are you sure you were talking to McDonalds? This just sounds just bizzare.
Wait, it gets better....
Mount Clemens, MI - Jan 29 10:53pm
We are at war, Kid. The general public doesn't know that there are evil forces out there who want to take away our freedom....our way of life.
Can we stop for a moment? This IS still the McDonalds interview isn't it?
Do you have ANY idea the street value of a case of Sweet and Sour McNugget sauce??
No. Fortunately.

 

by Ranger77
1-29-06
Mount Clemens, MI - Jan 29 10:59pm
Everyday, across the country, terror cells are pulling in our drive thrus and trying to scam extra sauce packets. They're even enlisting their children in the effort!
Children?
No child needs four packets of Hot Mustard sauce for a Happy Meal.
Ah....
The sauce is LIFE! The sauce MUST FLOW!
You know, things really have to be getting surreal when you start using Dune references.

 

by Ranger77
1-29-06
RWorld HQ - Jan 30 11:49am
So you told them you weren't interested right?
Actually, I start training Monday. I just want to see how far these guys will go just to save money on McNugget sauce.
Umm....yeah.
I'm serious.
They gave you a gun didn't they?
Sig Sauer .228 with SXT Black Talon Law Enforcement ammo. These guys don't play around.

 

by Ranger77
1-30-06
Kid starts his training with McDonalds today and I'm a bit worried.
The Kid has a weird sense of humor. I doubt that McDonalds has created some paramilitary force.
No, it's true. Especially since they told him to show up at "The Farm" today.
"The Farm??" I find it hard to believe that he has to go to a CIA camp in Virginia to get training.
"The Farm" - Algonac, MI Jan 30 8:30am
Detroit!? Only two things come from 'Dee-troit' son, queers and really bad alternative music, and you don't look like no Primal Bunny. I don't believe you have what it takes to be on my lunch crew!!
You may have a point there.

 

by Ranger77
1-30-06
"The Farm" - Algonac, MI Jan 30 9:10am
Do you have a PROB-lem with what I'm tryin to teach you son?!
I'm just having a hard time justifying killing someone because they want to order McNugget sauce on a Quarter Pounder with Cheese.
I see....we got us an 'edjicated' boy here. Smart ass. I bet you're the kind of guy that would fuck a person in the ass and not even have the god damned common courtesy to give him a reach around!!
You know that's the fifth homosexual reference you've used since we started this training.
That....doesn't mean anything.
I mean R. Lee Ermey can pull it off, but dude you're just coming across as gay.

 

by Ranger77
1-30-06
Hey. Ready for a game of "Dude, that's fucked up."
Hit me.
I spent my day in a McDonald's training camp learning how to counter the terrorist threat of people scamming extra McNugget sauce from a sexually confused drill instructor.
My Dad's SuperBowl pre-game party will begin with a viewing of highlights from his high school football career as a "manager" aka the waterboy. Music by Queen. My mom's dressing up as a cheerleader.
You win.
I'm not finished. The pre game party will end with him and my Uncle Ray (in drag) re-enacting that Janet Jackson/Justin Timberlake incident in its entirety. I got issues, my friend....

 

by Ranger77
1-31-06
Uh...what are you doing?
Dad told me I should get more involved in the SuperBowl spirit and wear a costume for his stupid party.
Yeah, so?
I'm Mick Jagger.
Dude, that's cold.
Damn pharmacist wouldn't sell me any collagen.

 

by Ranger77
1-31-06
Had a little excitement in today's McDonald's training.
Go on.
"The Farm" - Algonac, MI Jan 30 9:10am Day 2
So in closing, our cost cutting measures have not affected our products or our service. Any questions?
Right here....what's the deal with the mini cheese slice on the Filet O Fish? Whose bright idea was it to do french fries in beef fat? What the hell is a McRib??
I was punished by being put in "the hole" which was actually a double-wide trailer with a TV constantly showing "Will and Grace" reruns. For three hours.
Are you SURE you want to work for these guys?? Geez....

 

by Ranger77
2-01-06
The following events take place between 10:30am and 10:40am, Jan 30.
I'm telling you dude, I gave them only two sauce packets. I swear.
You're stupid, Bob and I'll tell you why. You're lying to me. I could give a rats ass about the whole thing actually.
It's just this guy who's training me is waiting in the car, playing with a very large knife and seems to be excited about the possibility of "skullfucking" you, what ever that means.
It was BBQ. It's not like it was Sweet and Sour....
That's the problem, Bob. You were THINKING. This is McDonalds. You're not paid to think....

 

by Ranger77
2-02-06
I decided the McDonald's thing wasn't for me.
Finally. What made you change your mind?
Well at first I thought it was the mind numbing violence, the moral dilemmas about torture, the withholding of basic human rights with it came to McNugget sauce distribution....
Yeah....
But in the end, I figure it's just because they suck and I felt like eating a Nachos BellGrande.
Glad to hear you got your priorities straight once again.

 

by Ranger77
2-02-06
THIS is your costume for my Super Bowl party?
Yep.
I suppose this is somekind of dig at Mick Jagger's halftime show.
Yep.
I guess you could do a kareoke of "Jumping Jack Flash" after your mom's sideline report....
You haven't noticed Mom has been drinking alot and hitting Yahoo Personals lately have you?

 

by Ranger77
2-03-06
Quiet week. A bunch of Super Bowl comics and that weird thing about McDonalds.
Yeah we played it safe this week. Although I was considering publishing a comic about Xenu.
What the hell is a Xenu?
It could be Xemu as well. He was the leader of the Galactic Federation who some 75 million years ago came to Earth, killed a bunch of people and unleashed evil feelings across the land.
Ah....Scientology. I don't know, doing a comic about this Xenu or Xemu....won't that make some people mad.
I'm not sure. You don't think anyone would get pissed over a comic based on a religious figure do you? In this day and age?? Ridiculous....

 

by Ranger77
2-03-06
Okay everyone line up against that volcano. I've decided to screw up the Earth for decades until some hack science fiction writer creates a religion to remove my influence!! BWAH-HA-HA...!
****CONNECTION LOST****
Uh....Tom Cruise wants to talk to you. So far he's called you a "poopyhead."
*sigh*

 

by Ranger77
2-04-06
Hundreds of Hollywood actors, extras and high class prostitutes took to the street today to protest a recent Ranger's World cartoon that slams the Church of Scientoloy.
The cartoon on Stripcreator.com depicts the Galactic tyrant Xemu and a scene from the copyrighted doctrine that forms the basis for the Church's entire existence.
Actor Tom Cruise called the situation quote "really uncool," and has scheduled a press conference that will take place today after his afternoon nap.

 

by Ranger77
2-04-06
I admit my behaviour over the past year has been questionable but this attack on my faith is blatant and insensitive.
Mr. Cruise, is it true that your religion is founded on the belief of an ancient galactic war complete with spaceships and hydrogen bombs?
I challenge you to find less fantastic stories in the Bible, the Torah, or the Koran. Alot of people would say what is in those books are bullshit. We are different in one key aspect, however.
How so?
You don't get to know about or read our bullshit until you PAY. Alot. Next question.
Hey, when is MI:3 coming out?

 

by Ranger77
2-04-06
Can you explain why there is so much of an uproar over those cartoons in Europe?
Muhammad is the true prophet of Allah. It is wrong to depict him in any way, let alone in the demeaning way that he was portrayed by the European press.
Some people would say that such a stand goes against freedom of speech and freedom in general.
Maybe. But I call it religious insensitivity. You should not attack the beliefs of men because they are personal and run deep.
So you are also against the way Scientology has been portrayed in the Stripcreator comic "Ranger's World."
Are you kidding? That was some funny shit. Religion is religion but Scientology is full of asswedges.

 

by Ranger77
2-04-06
Can you explain why there is so much of an uproar over those cartoons in Europe?
Muhammad is the true prophet of Allah. It is wrong to depict him in any way, let alone in the demeaning way that he was portrayed by the European press.
Some people would say that such a stand goes against freedom of speech and freedom in general.
Maybe. But I call it religious insensitivity. You should not attack the beliefs of men because they are personal and run deep. You do not see such blasphemous depictions of Christianity.
He's...um....never actually looked at THIS site has he?
I'd say that would be a good guess.

 

by Ranger77
2-05-06
Chuck, you have to realize when we get into these public relations catfights you can't just go around giving interviews to people.
Dude, they asked how I felt about all that Scientology crap and I told them.
You've made the situation worse. It's bad enough that half of Hollywood is protesting the strip.
HALF of Hollywood is in town here in Detroit for the Super Bowl, dude. Besides what I said about those Scientology protesters wasn't THAT bad.
AP is quoting you as saying "Fuck them fucked up fuckers."
Yeah, I guess I was a bit wordy....

 

by Ranger77
2-05-06
Hello.
Hey how are you. Glad you could make it to my Super Bowl party, but I find I am bit saddened.
Okay. How come?
Well I was just considering the dangers of religious fundamentalism. And of course Coretta Scott King passed away. It's been a truly bittersweet week. Pardon me, gotta catch C-Span...
Your Dad's plastered isn't he.
Absolutely.

 

by Ranger77
2-06-06
Glad to see you're up. You were pretty drunk at the Super Bowl party, Dad.
I didn't make a fool out of myself, did I?
Not exactly. Your friends did get kinda pissed when you wanted to discuss foreign economic policy during the 3rd quarter. Uncle Ray hit you with a shoe in an attempt to shut you up.
That explains the bruise, I guess.
Things got real interesting when you turned off the TV and announced Oprah was your role model and that "Will and Grace" was the best show ever made.
Oh God....

 

by Ranger77
2-06-06
Mom just IM-ed me. She wanted to know if you were ok. You were still passed out from your Super Bowl party adventure when she went to work.
Well if she's asking I must not have pissed her off too much when I was drunk.
No you didn't. She thought you were pretty funny, pleasant and very accomodating.
Ok....what did I promise her?
Four hours, next Saturday. Pier 1. Shopping for candles and little wicker Potpurri baskets.
Yep. It's offcial. Now would be a good time to throw up, masterbate and and leg it to Cleveland. In that order.

 

by Ranger77
2-07-06
Biel says that the Church of Scientology wants to send a representative over here to discuss their objections to last week's comic.
Whatever. So Tom Cruise comes here. Big Whoop.
Nope Not Cruise. He's got a yeast infection. Won't take drugs for it either. He says its a state of mind.
So who are they sending?
"Guess..."
*sigh* You guys just don't get it do you?
Actually we do. That's the problem.

 

by Ranger77
2-09-06
Yep....another lawsuit! Here's 'straight to video' celebrity Trey McTrevor and D&G General Counsel Biel Z. Bubb with the legal commentary!
Why do you guys always pick on celebrities? I mean come on, calling my good friend Tom out like that.....
It was a joke. Not only that....but a joke in a comic strip. And it was directed at Scientology not Tom Cruise. You really don't have a case.
It doesn't matter. We will do what ever we can to get you to retract those comics. We're not as dumb as you think....
Whatever happened to freedom of speech?
Freedom of speech is fine.....as long as you keep it in context of that Magna Carta Declaration thingy that talks about it.
You know, I could kill you right now and no one but late night Showtime viewers and those who explore the bargain video pile at WalMart would notice.

 

by Ranger77
2-11-06
In further news, protests in Hollywood, New York and Chicago continued in backlash to the Stripcreator comic "Ranger's World" and it's jabs at Scientology.
Talks between the comic's creators and celebrity Church of Scientology spokepeople have proven ineffective so far. Actor Tom Cruise is said to have flown to Detroit to lodge a complaint in person....
What....what....what you guys did is just....just....just not groovy. Not....not....not groovy at all.
This is a joke right? I mean this IS panel three....

 

by Ranger77
2-12-06
Tom, it's just a comic.
You...you...you are crowding my space man. Making fun...fun...fun....of my beliefs. Not cool. Not cool.
Umm....are you okay?
I've got a stress related....related....related disorder. it's just a state....state....state....of mind. I can cure it myself with vitamins and excercise.
Vitamins and exercise. You actually believe that alone will help you.
Yes.....yes....yes....that and a little Peruvian Flake to take the edge off. You got a rolled up....up....up....$100 bill and a Black AMEX card I can borrow?

 

by Ranger77
2-12-06
Helena, I heard Cruise was around here.
He's talking to B right now. Evidently Tom's yeast infection has turned into somekind of speech disorder. I've been watching the freak show on the monitor.
And....
So far he's proven himself to be a short, weird little guy. Myself....I'm questioning all my teenage masterbatory fantasies.
When dreams die, they die hard.
Yep. Bastard owes me at least half a dozen orgasms that I can think of and the money I spent to rent 'Cocktail' when I was 15.

 

by Ranger77
2-12-06
So you're better now?
FUCK YEAH!
Funny I didn't see you do any vitamins or exercise. Is cocaine use endorsed by your....um, faith?
FUCK YEAH!
This is about as good as this conversation is gonna get isn't it?
FUCK YEAH!

 

by Ranger77
2-17-06
Listen, I know you're a big movie star and all that but even if you Scientology guys consider yourselves a religion, you're still a weird ass bunch of freaks.
And guess what?? Your belief should not cancel out my freedom of expression. Any argument you could possibly make to the contrary is fundamentally flawed.
Yellow cheese is evil.
Focus, Tom. Fo-cus.
Processed. Cheese. Food. Individually wrapped. I think that's pretty much proves my point.

 

by Ranger77
2-18-06
The outcry of angry actors over comic depictions of Scientology continued today with tragic results.
During protests in Los Angeles, Jenna Elfman spilled a Starbuck's Latte on her Versace outfit while trying to answer her cell phone.
Clearly upset over the matter she later issued a passionate statement condeming religious intolerance and the lack of fashionable Bluetooth headsets with "bling."

 

by Ranger77
2-19-06
We won't apologize. Sorry.
Fine then. You will have to live with your actions. Imagine a world where Isaac Hayes, Jenna Elfman , John Travolta and myself refuse to make movies. All because of you. How do you like that!?
Heh.
I just got an idea for a ten part series starring L Ron Hubbard and baconman.
I think my yeast infection is back.

 

by Ranger77
2-20-06
You seem a bit off tonight. What's wrong?
Mom and I got into it. She said I spent too much time online yesterday and that if I didn't get out more my communication skills will suffer and I would never be popular.
Too much time? What were you doing?
Well I deleted my LiveJournal and worked on my MySpace page. I created a few Stripcreator comics and pretty much chatted using Trillian because all my friends are using different freakin IM clients.
The way of the geek is fraught with dispair and seldom understood.
Dammit....I was supposed to release my Podcast today.

 

by Ranger77
2-20-06
So....is he gone?
He's leaving now. Finally. Get this....he saw Helena and is actually trying to 'talk' to her, if you know what I mean.
Not very smart.
Yep. But remember we are talking about Tom Cruise....for all his freakish weirdness, he does have a thing with the ladies. I imagine he has a more sophisticated rap....
You know I would jump a couch and buy you a Sonogram for the privilege of having you suck my cock....after the appropriate contracts are in place of course.
Wow, and here I thought it was impossible to have a reverse orgasm....

 

by Ranger77
2-21-06
Meanwhile....a press conference is in progress.
Now look, turning over security of our seaports just makes good business sense. The United Arab Emirates are our ally. We have nothing to fear from Saudi Arabia.
I hate you.
I'm sorry, did you say something, my esteemed diplomatic colleague from Saudi Arabia?
No. Please carry on, my American friend and ally.
Anyway all this talk about how most of the 9/11 hijackers were Saudis and funds for terrorism are being funneled through the UAE are ridiculous....
You suck and your country blows.

 

by Ranger77
2-21-06
Um, Senator....I know you support this seaport outsourcing thing but it seems to me to be a bit short-sighted.
My boy, you have to understand, this is an era of Globilization. You have to do these things to make money.
Well I watched that press conference and it didn't seem like that Saudi guy really liked Americans that much.
*sigh* The Saudis are our friends. To think otherwise, or to object to this deal would make you a racist. Give me one reason why we shouldn't trust Saudi Arabia?
Umm....the Arab guy at that press conference said "You suck."
Well, yes. Americans will suck from the teat of prosperity once this deal goes through. You have to stop taking things out of context, son....

 

by Ranger77
2-23-06
Senator, I really can't stomach this globalization argument when it comes to US ports and national security.
That's because you're young my boy and dont truly understand how the world works.
Okay.... If that's true explain it to me.
It's simple. In order to prosper a nation must have a global view. It helps everyone in the end. The actions of the United States must not reflect isolationism.
Actions like, say, the trade/tarriff war we got into with Japan over steel, our refusals to sign the Kyoto Treaty on Global Warming and staying out of the International Criminal Court.
Whoa there, son! I said GLOBAL view, not hysterical.

 

by Ranger77
2-23-06
Ok, tell you what....I'll agree that this port thing is a good idea if you can answer one question for me. Would the President have supported this deal on Oct 1, 2001?
You know....a few weeks after 9/11.
Hello?

 

by Ranger77
2-23-06
In the interests of fair access, we have that representative from the UAE here to tell us how he truly feels about Americans.
Thanks. To clarify my comments of a few days ago, the United Arab Emirates is a friend to the US.
That's good to hear because....
Even if you are all pork eating conspirators who want to destroy Islam by influencing the creation of blasphemous Danish cartoons. Blood will run in the streets until you all worship Allah.
Um....ok.
Other than that you guys are cool.....FOR ME TO POOP ON!!! See there you go: American humor. We like you. So give us the damn ports already.

 

by Ranger77
2-23-06
Hey. Please stop being so racist. I mean come on give it a rest. Why shouldn't the UAE run our seaports. You wouldn't be so upset if they were Asian. I just read an editorial in the LA Times and ....
LA Times. Um, you're a liberal right?
Well I'm Progressive if that's what you mean. I don't see how that....
And when Farenheit 9/11 said all that stuff about the Saudis you called Micheal Moore a racist too....right?
Ow.
Believe it or not, things made more sense when I carried a gun and worked for McDonalds.

 

by Ranger77
2-24-06
Yahoo News (AP) 2/24/06
Anti-gay protests by a small religious group at funerals for troops killed in Iraq have prompted more than a dozen states to move to restrict picketing at funerals.
Westboro Baptist members picket military funerals, holding signs with such messages as "Thank God for IEDs" and "God Hates Fag Enablers." They say God is punishing America for tolerating gays.
And you think WE are fucked in the head??
Shut up.

 

by Ranger77
2-27-06
We've been doing some pretty heavy and intense strips lately so we thought we'd lighten it up a bit.
You realize of course that this idea is very....how can I put this delicately....gay.
Reality shows usually are. Can you and your brother do it?
My brother is talking to "your star" right now. We'll see how it goes, but it must have taken an warped, altered, demented mind to come up with something as silly as....
"....Pimp Makeover."
....so you asian cats like them blondies don't you? I can give you the hookup with some fine bitches if you teach me some of that Jackie Chan shit.
My friend, I'm sure I'll be showing you "some Jackie Chan shit" quite soon....

 

by Ranger77
2-27-06
B, even though I despise the guy, as an African American I cannot in good conscience remain silent about this "Pimp Makeover" thing. Where are you going with this?
The concept is fairly simple. The pimp will make a bunch of sexist statements, spout how great he is and accuse you of being "not Black enough" whatever that means.
Go on.
And then monks will probably beat the crap out of him.
Works for me.
I guess there should be a makeover in there somewhere.

 

by Ranger77
2-28-06
Today's episode of "Pimp Makeover!" (A TwoMonks production!)
The monks asked me to give you a lesson in tolerance and diversity.
Lissen here, ain't no woman ever taught me nuthin...I'm the teacher, know what I'm sayin'? And....
***SWOOOP! THWACK!***
That was a "roundhouse." Since you left yourself open, your pain tolerence should be very low.
Owww! Bitch you broke my....!
***CRUNCH***
Now that was a kick to the ribs. Kicking someone while they're down usually isn't allowed except under the "bitch" exclusionary rule. Notice the diversity in the moves I'm using to kick your ass.
Ugk!

 

by Ranger77
2-28-06
'Pimp Makeover' continues with a class on etiquette!
Um....can you tell me how to get to Cass Avenue....um....you stupid ho? No, wait I mean bitch, no I....
Nope, he's still not getting it. Tag him.
AIIIIEEEE!
It was the "ho" thing wasn't it?
That and the fact that somehow you thought "bitch" would be more acceptable.

 

by Ranger77
2-28-06
"I heard you have a problem with the series we're starring you in."
Lissen here Penguin. I'm tired of getting my ass kicked all up in here by bitches, monks...shit ain't right!
"I don't see the problem. You have a starring role."
In what?? You say this here is a "Pimp Makeover." 'Makeover' into what??
"We haven't quite figured that out yet. Meanwhile....Next up: Sexual Awareness training!"
It's CORNHOLLIN' time, yo!
Oh, hell no.

 

by Ranger77
3-01-06
I think I'm being a bit hard on "The Pimp."
I disagree. At first I was a bit apprehensive, but now I'm onboard with the whole concept.
What changed your mind?
Having us participate in the makeover effort, mainly. My contribution is exposing him to the Arts by letting him recreate roles from recent movies....
You sure got a pretty mouth there pardner.
What the hell? You better step off, son or I'll break YO back....

 

by Ranger77
3-02-06
This is "The Pimp." For the past week he's been going through a series of challenges.
These tasks are designed change his perspective on things. Maybe help him become a better person. A makeover, so to speak.
We're not sure what stuffing Siberian LongTooth gerbils in his underwear has to do with the whole thing, but the crew thought it might be fun.
Will someone please shoot my ass. Please.

 

by Ranger77
3-04-06
"It's been a week, and now the stunning conclusion to 'Pimp Makeover'"
Ok, maybe it was just a way to screw with the guy. Is that so wrong? I mean he's an idiot. There is no way we can makeover....
Have you seen a copy of this month's Vanity Fair laying around here?
Yeah. Right. There is NO WAY I'm buying this one.
Seriously there's a photo essay about China I want to check out.

 

by Ranger77
3-05-06
7
So you're the reformed "Pimp", eh?
Yes, but that whole Pimp thing is behind me. I was such a sexist dog. Now I have principles and a firm moral foundation to live by.
00
That's admirable.
Yes, and I hope that the animosity that was between us can be forgotten and we can be friends.
!
So I'm thinking the real "pimp" is either dead or tied up and gagged somewhere. How much are the Monks paying you to do this?
Enough to get that Plasma I've had my eye on at Circuit City, my brother.

 

by Ranger77
3-06-06
So I'm watching this flick and I'm thinking the woman is hot, and the effects are cool, but the story sucks.
I feel bad because she was a decent character before they decided to make a movie about her. Hollywood screws up again.
Especially because all guys secretly love a smart, beautiful woman who can kick ass. You'd think the movie just couldn't fail.
Yeah, its a shame.
And at that point we stop the comic and leave the readers wondering if we are talking about UltraViolet, Bloodrayne, Aeon Flux, Underworld 2, Resident Evil, Tomb Raider, Elektra....
Or Catwoman. Hmmm....that's pretty evil on your part. More than usual I would say.

Showing page 14.

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