All comics by edoggydog

 

by edoggydog
10-17-05
Welcome to Fred's Steakhouse! I can sit you at this table here, if that's okay...
Groovy!
Do you know what you'd like to order?
Yes. I want a sirloin steak, and make it lean...
In which direction?
?

 

by edoggydog
10-17-05
...so, that's when I decided to package my world's famous coffee, and sell it on the internet.
Groovy!
I call it, "Rex's T-riffic Coffee". What do you think?
Interesting! [*yawn*] Anywayz... Do you know what you call a dinosaur that's very punctual?
A "pronto-saurus", dickhead?
I take it you've already heard it?

 

by edoggydog
10-17-05
(Apparently, Dracula forgot about Daylight Savings Time!)
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-17-05
I had to chop down your neighbor's hundred year-old oak tree just to rescue your stupid-ass cat!
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-18-05
It suddenly dawned on our hero that he was supposed to have worn a costume. Fortunately, no one realized he had on his everyday get-up...
Whoah! Scary costume!
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-19-05
I had to shoot up your neighbor's family before he'd give me back your "Girls Will Do Anything for a Necklace of Cheap, Shiny Beads" video. Sorry about the mix up!
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
10-20-05
...so, then I told the joke, "What did the bird say when his house fell apart? CHEEP!"
Groovy!
Anyhoo... I just read a news headline on Yahoo that the "Netherlands may not be [Micheal] Jackson's home anymore." I mean, I didn't even know he was Dutch!
"Neverland", not the Netherlands, beak-boy!
Really? Never mind...
Learn to read, for fuckssakes!

 

by edoggydog
10-21-05
So, I hear some dog trainer on the radio by the name of "Uncle Faggy", or something like that...
Groovy!
Anyhoo... He said some woman called him about her husband not wanting the dog on the bed, and she did. Well, Uncle Faggy says he can fix the problem by training with love, affection, and patience...
Sounds reasonable.
What I can't figure out is did he mean he would be training the husband or the wife?
Uh... I think he meant the dog, doofus!

 

by edoggydog
10-27-05
...so, I says, "These tits aren't going to generate lactation all by themselves!" Anyhoo... The doctor will be right with you.
Groovy!
Nurse Titty- er, Betty said you wanted to talk to me about your cousin's death?
Yes. Someone left a garbled message on my voice mail saying my cousin "went to a strip club and died from a bad cough, man!" That doesn't make any sense to me...
No, no, no... You got it all wrong! I left the message, and what I said was "he went on-line to Stripcreator.com and read a bad Kaufman." That's what killed him!
D'oh!

 

by edoggydog
11-02-05
...so, then after returning from my world-wide skank cornholing tour, I decided it was time for me to get back creating more of my kooky comics!
Groovy!
Now, I'm on my way to go see my mommy for the first time since I got back. I'll catch ya later, my friend...
Damn! If, he finds out I've been giving his mother "dirty sanchezes", he's going to kill me! Therefore, I must follow him out to the parking lot and drop an anvil on his head! Heh, heh, heh...
?

 

by edoggydog
11-06-05
This scientist decides he wants to clone himself. So, he takes a strand of his hair and maps out the DNA in order to create an exact duplicate...
...which he does- except for one small problem: the clone he made of himself has a filthy mouth! And, since know one else knows that this clone is not really the scientist...
...everyone thinks the scientist has a dirty, obscene mouth. Therefore, the scientist devises a plan to kill the clone so he can get his life back to normal. So, he takes the clone to the top...
...of a five story building and pushes him off, intantly killing the clone. Later, the scientist is arrested, and is charged with the crime of "making an obscene clone fall"!
And, that's why I'm picking the Chargers to win the Super Bowl... The End!
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
11-07-05
...so, then I said, "Suck it, Beotch! 'Blow' is just an expression!"
Groovy!
By the by... Did you see that spanking Arizona put on the Bruins two days ago? 52 to 14!
I did! And, do you know what "UCLA" stands for?
"U Clowns Lose Again"! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Fight on, USC!

 

by edoggydog
11-09-05
I had a great time with you tonight. I'm glad we met on Batch.com! Wait here while I go "take off my face". I'll be right back...
Groovy!
Would you like a night cap?
GAH!!

 

by edoggydog
11-09-05
I had a great time with you tonight! You made it so easy for me to share with you my "feminine" side. I'm glad we met on Snatch.com... Wait here while I go change...
Groovy!
Would you like a night cap?
GAH!!

 

by edoggydog
11-09-05
I had a great time with you tonight! You made me feel like a true LADY, and not a WHORE like everyone else! I'm so glad we met on Hatch.com! Wait here while I change...
Groovy!
Would you like a night cap?
GAH!!

 

by edoggydog
11-09-05
I had a great time with you tonight! You didn't treat me like a "piece of ass" like all the other guys do. I'm so glad we me on Scratch.com! Wait here while I go change...
Groovy!
Would you like a night cap?
GAH!!

 

by edoggydog
11-09-05
I had a great time with you tonight! You really brought out my "good" side. I'm glad we met on Latch.com! Wait here while I go change...
Groovy!
Would you like a night cap?
GOTH!!

 

by edoggydog
11-11-05
Okay! Okay! I'll tell you what World War II was like if you just quit harping on me! In fact, I'll SHOW you what it was like!
Groovy!
Happy now, fuck-face?
Yes, I am!

 

by edoggydog
11-11-05
...and, the audience kept cheering for Bugs, and booing me! So, I devised a plan to rid me of that stupid rabbit once and for all!
Groovy!
"I wired two sticks of dynomite to a certain key on a xylophone. Then, I challenged him to play a song of my choosing, knowing he would blow up once he struck that note. But, there was one problem!"
Ehhh... [munch] What's up, duck?
YOU'RE PLAYING THE GODDAMN SONG WRONG, YOU FUCKING IDIOT! STEP ASIDE AND I'LL SHOW YOU HOW, ASSHOLE!

 

by edoggydog
11-11-05
Being that he was the only "normal-looking" person in the bar, our hero gets lucky by default!
Why don't you come over here and buy me a drink, you big stud?
Groovy!
She was speaking to me, asshole!

 

by edoggydog
11-14-05
We are currently having technical difficulties. We apologize for this inconvience and have our top men working on the problem. Your comic will be up shortly...
...and, that's why I prefer K-Y Jelly over Vaseline!
Groovy!

 

by edoggydog
11-14-05
Yo, dawg! Whattup? You shoulda seen the fine-ass beotches that slid through my crib on Saturday!
Groovy!
Dawg, they was the freshest, the livest, the flyest-
Dude! May I make a request?
Yo, dawg! You name it, I'll game it!
Embrace your "whiteness"!

 

by edoggydog
11-16-05
...then, I says to the guy, "Well, it's nothing worth losing you head over!"
Groovy!
So... When is the window repair guy gonna come and unstuck me? My neck is really starting to HURT!
Soon.

 

by edoggydog
11-30-05
So, I had an interesting lesson in my criminology class today...
Groovy!
It was about how some arsonists get sexually excited when they set fires and watch buildings burn! But, I guess I really don't understand why it would be a turn on...
Well... Unless you've masturbated to lit candles, you wouldn't know, would you?
What?

 

by edoggydog
12-01-05
...then, in the early 80's, I invented a diet candy that was an aid to lard-asses for losing weight. I was making a killing!
Groovy!
Uh, not "groovy", dipshit! I named the candy "Aids", and when HIV came out the next year, I lost everything! Then in 2001, I decided to rename the candy, and try to make a comeback...
Really? What was the new name?
"Al Qaeda"!
Did it work?

 

by edoggydog
12-04-05
...then, I says to the cop, "Throw in the monkey, and the handjob's on the house!"
Groovy!
Anyhoo... Did you hear the news? I've been appointed to the President's Anti-AIDS Advisory Council...
You? A Crackwhore? Giving advice on AIDS prevention? That makes NO sense!
Well... It makes about as much sense as Terry Bradshaw being a spokesman for Supercuts!
Or, Michael Moore being the "voice of reason" for the war on terror!

 

by edoggydog
12-04-05
...then, I says, "Chump don't want no help, chump don't get no help!"
Groovy!
Anywayz... I've been doing this new diet plan, and it's working wonders. I've already lost twenty-five pounds in only three weeks!
Really? What's the name of the plan?
Full-blown AIDS!
Can I read about it on-line?

 

by edoggydog
12-08-05
Thanks for shopping at Paperclips! You're next for check-out, sir...
Groovy!
Did you find everything all RIGHT?
No. Some of the items were on the LEFT...
Whaaaaaaaaaat?
And, NO, I don't want a FUCKING REWARDS CARD!!

 

by edoggydog
12-12-05
...then, I says, "Them aren't rotar turbines. Them's squirrels!"
Groovy!
Anywayz... I was on the freeway, and saw a really, filthy van with "wash me pleale" written on it. What does "pleale" mean? I don't get it! Usually, people write...
Oh, God! Not ANOTHER boring story! Maybe, if I concentrate, I can switch boorite here to someone a little more sexy...
..."please". Is pleale some sort of new code word I'm missing out on? If, I'm at a restaurant, and I ask someone to pass the butter, should I preface it with "pleale"? And, if I do, will clowns...
Boob-YA!

 

by edoggydog
12-13-05
(The role of convicted murderer Clarence Ray Allen, due to be executed in California on 1/17/06, will be played by the "geek-cripple"...)
...and, even though they executed Tookie last night, I'm 99.9% positive they won't fry me!
Groovy!
I mean, I'm old, blind, deaf, confined to a wheelchair, and the date set for my execution is just one day AFTER my 77th birthday!
Well... Good luck!
(January 17, 2006, 12:01 a.m.)
Yeeeeee-OUCH!!
Happy birthday!

 

by edoggydog
12-13-05
I had a great time with you tonite! You really brought out my "inner beauty". I'm so glad we met on Catch.com! Wait here while I get out of these uncomfortable clothes...
Groovy!
Would you like a nightcap?
GAH!!

 

by edoggydog
12-13-05
I had such a good time with you tonight! You didn't try to "baby" me like every other guy. I'm glad we met on Swatch.com! Wait here while I go change...
Would you like a night cap?
GOO!!

 

by edoggydog
12-13-05
Sure, I'll tell you what happened to my arm...
Groovy!
I had three dates scheduled last Friday, Saturday, and Sunday nights. All of them were "sure things". So, I took a Viagra before each date.
Yeah? But, how did your elbow become dislocated?
I got stood up!
You're supposed to alternate hands to avoid such injuries!

 

by edoggydog
12-16-05
Welcome to Staubachs...
Groovy!
What would you like today?
I'd like a large cup of your Chai Tea!
Good call! Y'kow, the last guy that ordered that accidently ask for a large cup of "Tai Chi". So, I preceded to kick his mother-fucking ass!
Whatever, dude... Just bring me my motherfucking drink, okay?

 

by edoggydog
12-17-05
Dude... I've been walking around the bar, dragging my feet on the carpet, and rubbing my pant legs together. I think I've built up a shitload of static cling! May I?
Groovy!
**ZAP!**
YEE-FUCKING-OUCH!!
You okay, dude?
Hit me again!

 

by edoggydog
12-18-05
... then I says, "Rotar turbines? I thought you meant skanky whores!"
Groovy!
Anyoo... I was flipping through the cable channels, and I came across a movie called, "Out For Justice"...
Was it any good?
No. It sucked hind tit! Which really surprised me since it starred Brian Bosworth and MC Hammer!
You ARE kidding, right?

 

by edoggydog
12-22-05
December 26th, 2005...
...and come to find out, not only does Rudolph's nose light up, but so does his left testicle!
Groovy!
Anyhoo... The reason why you got coal in your stocking for Christmas is because you've been very NAUGHTY this year!
If, I've been so naughty, why didn't you SPANK me instead?
Becasue, you would have LIKED it!
Damn! What does a niggah have to do to get spanked around here?

 

by edoggydog
12-23-05
Say... You're kinda cute! I just LOVE a man in a beret! Wanna hear what I'd like to do with you?
Groovy!
I'd take you back to my place for a couple of drinks. Then, I'd take you into my bedroom. After taking off my top, I'd let you suck on my big tieoa nyu qig pelf mxnam...
?
...wuijag psrthnm anka ioa opdgn iao ago qe oop rtiya agnsh aao oegh ad hqa nnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnnn nnnnnnnnnnnnnn
Damn! It looks like edoggydog got WAY too excited when he was trying to type in her dialogue!

 

by edoggydog
12-23-05
Sure... I'll tell you the latest problems in my life, cracker-boy!
Groovy!
The cow won't give no milk, the chicken won't lay no eggs...
...and last night my uncle got lynched by the local KKK!
WHAT? You've got no EGGS?!

 

by edoggydog
12-27-05
Did I ever tell you about my cousin in New York who has leprosy?
Groovy!
Uh, not "groovy", you dumb monkey! ANYWAYZ... Last night, he experienced his first ball drop in Times Square!
That's nice- wait a minute! New Year's eve isn't until Saturday...
I know, spooge-breath! Did I mention he has LEPROSY? Hello? Work with me!
I wonder what Chuckafuck's doing right now...

 

by edoggydog
12-27-05
...so, then I says, "More turbines, less gravitons!"
Groovy!
Anyhoo... Getting back to your question: no, I don't know the difference between a large pizza and a black man...
The pizza can feed a family of four! HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA...
!
...HAHAHA...HAHA...HA.. ..HA... I'll shut up now.

 

by edoggydog
12-28-05
...and, then the one says to the other, "Relax, Jerry! Maybe, he didn't know you were an elephant when he told that last joke!"
Groovy!
What's your favorite "The Far Side" cartoon?
The one where there is a hospital ward full of horses with broken legs, and the doctors are blasting them with shotguns!
Fuck off!
Sen-sah-tive!

 

by edoggydog
12-29-05
July 4th, 2006...
...other side effects include: dry-mouth, wet-sphincter, arid-vagina, and cotton-cock. We now return you to Box News...
Groovy!
Today, in California, the San Andreas Fault was renamed, "Bush's Fault"...
In fact, all the fault lines in America were renamed after the President today because, as we all know, EVERYTHING is Bush's fault!
And, here I was blaming it all on the illegals!

 

by edoggydog
1-02-06
So, I went downtown last night to see that new Jim Carey movie...
Groovy!
It was pretty good. I especially enjoyed the butt-fucking scenes between the main character and his tranny girlfriend...
Butt-fucking scenes? Tranny girlfriend? That sounds WRONG. Uh, what was the name of the movie?
"Fun with Jane's Dick"...
Sexy! Where's it playing?

 

by edoggydog
1-05-06
...so, while everyone else was flying south for the winter, I flew due west. I spent my winter vacation in Hawaii, and they in Hawaiian Gardens! HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA HAHAHAHAHAHA [*tweet*]
Groovy!
By the by... Why is it called "jock itch"?
Uh...
I mean, shouldn't it be called, "COCK itch"?
@$#%&@%$%#@...

 

by edoggydog
1-05-06
Come on MySpace!
Groovy!
Oh, wait...
You DID say "space", right?

 

by edoggydog
1-05-06
Come on my tits!
Groovy!
What's the URL?

 

by edoggydog
1-06-06
Mee-OUCH!!
Groovy!
Got milk?
I wish I knew how to quit you!
MEE-FUCKING-OOUUUUCCHHH!!!
BINGO!!

 

by edoggydog
1-06-06
Yee-OUCH!!
Groovy!
I love how you RAM me from behind!
I wish I knew how to quit EWE!
OW! OW! OW! THAT HURTS SO BAAAAAAAAAD!!!
JUMANJI!!

 

by edoggydog
1-06-06
Yee-OUCH!!
Groovy!
Can you lend me ANOTHER twenty until payday?
Damn! I wish I knew how to quit this broke-ass motherfucker!
IS THAT ALL YOU GOT, CRACKER?!
AUNT JEMIMA!!

Showing page 14.

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