All comics by mandingo

Profile

 

by mandingo
1-17-07
hey, how'd your blind date go last night
it sucked. she called me the wrong name during sex
the night before
fuck me, PeeWee! fuck me, you tiny cocked motherfucker! deeper, PeeWee, deeper!
what'd she call you?
Thor.

 

by mandingo
1-26-07
if you could pass any law, what would it be?
i'd change that gavelly DUN DUN sound that separates scenes in law & order
...but her name's on a joint account with his. looks like Mrs. Jenning knew the victim a little better than she let on. SPROING
sproing?
sproing?
sproing.

 

by mandingo
1-31-07
i made aguamole today which is what some mexicans i know call it when you make guacamole but add a filler like sour cream or mayonaisse
don't call them mexicans, you racist. call them mexican-americans
but they're from mexico
and that gives you the right to shit on their sofa?
so you're saying i should call them mexican-mexicans?
i'd make mexican the hyphen if i could

 

by mandingo
2-02-07
if you could pass any law, what would it be?
i'd make icepick lobotomies legal. then i could hop in a time machine, go back to 5 minutes ago and give you one so you couldn't ask me this stupid fucking question.
yeah? well i anticipated that, jack. that's why a little while ago i made my law 'no icepicks on time machines.'
yeah, well guess what? i anticipated THAT.
i didn't actually. good one.

 

by mandingo
2-02-07
a train leaves Boston going 60mph
another train leaves New York going 40mph
how long will it take before you realize i'm distracting you so my friends can steal your plasma tv?
wait, let me grab a pencil

 

by mandingo
2-23-07

 

by mandingo
2-23-07
hey, Gene, come on in. rest of the band's already here.

 

by mandingo
2-23-07

 

by mandingo
3-21-07
there is a rose is spanish hare-lem
"har"
there is a har in spanish hare-lem
hardy har har
there are two hars in spanish hare-lem. one of them's a dude.
check the adam's apple

 

by mandingo
3-21-07
time to come in, Billy
awwww, mom
don't "awwww, mom" me. i gave you lots of time to play. now say goodbye to the Dogpound
bye, guys.
does he have to, Mrs. J?
*sniff* it's kinda hard bein snoop d-o-double-g

 

by mandingo
3-28-07
hey man, i heard some guys broke into your house and raped your wife and then your daughter and then your wife again and then your daughter
and then you and then you and then you and then you and then you and then you and then you and then you
and then you. i didn't hear what happened next
jesus carried me

 

i don't even know how to do that
just pretend like you're throwing it but don't let go
by mandingo, 3-29-07

 

by mandingo
3-31-07
hey Joe, what's up?
nothing. i just mouth raped McDonalds
why do you always have to use the word rape? it's offensive
i don't know. why do you always have to word rape my good mood?
now if you'll excuse me, i'm gonna quarter rape Pac-Man

 

by mandingo
4-05-07
your fugitive's name is Dr. Richard Kimble. i want a search of every warehouse, farmhouse, henhouse, outhouse, doghouse, courthouse, jailhouse, house of blues, house of pancakes, houses of the holy cd
house of cards, fullhouse, straight flush, and three of a kind in the area. i also want Hugh Laurie taken behind the treeline and shot

 

by mandingo
4-21-07
CHRIST GOD JESUS!!! SQUIRREL OF THE APOCALYPSE!!!!
i am?

 

by mandingo
4-28-07
no, Butch, that word is spelled "sent" not "cent." your spelling would be much improved if you stopped confusing s and soft c sounds
32 years later...
Butch, with all your pent up anger with women, I really think you need to work on your feminine side
you got it!

 

puffy just had kittens! do you want one?
sure, i'm starving
by mandingo, 4-29-07

 

so when you were in a band together, did your name really come before will smith's?
just order!
by mandingo, 4-29-07

 

hey dj cow, what was that kickass beat you just played?
moo.
by mandingo, 4-29-07

 

hey dj computer chair, what was that kickass beat you just played?
by mandingo, 4-29-07

 

step away from dj turkey sandwich, you MONSTER
i was just asking her what that kickass beat was she just played
by mandingo, 4-29-07

 

you were FANTASTIC
*burn crackle burn*
by mandingo, 4-29-07

 

i see london, i see france!
have you seen my wife? last i saw, she was talking to dj housefire
by mandingo, 4-29-07

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
i am a dangerous corndog
you don't look like a corndog
that's what makes me so dangerous

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
I RAPE GODHEAD I RAPE GODHEAD I RAPE GODHEAD I RAPE GODHEAD
what are you doing??
just being a corndog, man

 

LIBERATE LIBERATE LIBERATE LIBERATE
we no even sell cron drog
by mandingo, 6-08-07

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
let's play Godhead
i always get raped when we play Godhead
yeah
let's play

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
LIBERATE LIBERATE LIBERATE LIBERATE
LIBERATE LIBERATE LIBERATE LIBERATE
wanna play Godhead?
how u play?

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
get over here, silly
nuh-uh

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
get over here, silly. i just Godhead you and Weng. you know i can't Godhead three times in a day! it'd be some kind of new record!
well... okay
A NEW RECORD!
gauze

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
GET OUT HERE AND TAKE MY ORDER
go way!

 

by mandingo
6-08-07
how was your trip to America? did you LIBERATE our brothers?
no luck there
did learn this new game though
how do you play?

 

by mandingo
6-08-07

 

by mandingo
6-11-07
flame off
wow, i didn't know it could stretch like that!
Flame Off.
though that was probably mostly Thing's doing
FLAME OFF!
silly! chlamydia doesn't work that way!

 

by mandingo
6-12-07
went kinna hard on 'er, didncha?
they grow that other half back like a worm

 

by mandingo
6-15-07
BACONMAN AND MENTAL PATIENT STORM TIBET
YA
unless baconman and tibet hallucinations are why you're a mental patient to begin with. if that's the case, your only path to mental health and freedom is to break your dependence on such illusions
LET'S STORM TIBET AND FIND OUT
YA

 

by mandingo
6-15-07
hey, where's the Robin Hood: Prince of Thieves videogame?
EXACTLY, KEVIN COSTNER
Exactly.

 

by mandingo
6-15-07
just waiting to see the mayor
yup, me too. need to see the mayor man
the mayor-o-rama
are we gonna talk about last night?

 

by mandingo
6-15-07
i think that fish is following me
are you stalking me??
i'm a fish. fish can't stalk people.
yeah, but most fish can't breathe air and hover around either
i think we should be together

 

by mandingo
6-17-07
so, is it cancer?
give me a minute. since my Eloise died, this is really all i have

 

by mandingo
6-17-07
at last, igor, my work is complete! they say i play god, i say i AM god! look upon it, igor!
you, uh... you mated a deer with a water cooler?
well, no, i just hot glue gunned them together. the deer's long dead by now but the cone cups are fully stocked, igor! FULLY STOCKED!

 

by mandingo
6-21-07
an otter pop break? now? really, bob? really?
goddamnit, jan. it's the blue one.

 

by mandingo
6-21-07
i think harry potter's gonna die at the end of the series. either that or he'll become the defense against the dark arts teacher and fill that high-turnover position for years and years to come
christ
i really need to get some pumpkin pussy

 

by mandingo
6-21-07
who are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?
i'm sorry, but i was ordered to put you down, mission specialist johnson. now that God has been proven to exist, NASA is outsourcing its astronaut corps to archangels
no! stop!
there, there. *prick* just go to sleep, it will all be over soon
i did it, vice admiral. the entire astronaut corps has been neutralized. but i don't feel so good now. it's a hell of a thing to do to a man, let alone on christmas
who are you and what the hell are you doing in my house?

 

by mandingo
6-21-07

 

by mandingo
6-21-07
kind of strange running out of gas on our first date and all
are you sure this is the way to the gas station? it looks really deserted
look, i'm getting pretty freaked, can we just go back to the car?
take off your pants

 

by mandingo
6-21-07
forgive me?
no.
that suit is ridiculous
i think i need the protection
c'mon, it's easy to mishear "Summarize Freddy got Fingered" for something else after half a fifth of Beam
THREE TIMES??

 

by mandingo
6-21-07
what's in the case, sir
can't tell you that
is it a muffin?
i can neither confirm nor deny the existence of a muffin in this case. what i can tell you is this...
it ain't a cupcake, jack. i think we both knew that going in.

 

by mandingo
6-22-07
what have we done
just watch the shuttle, man. just watch the shuttle

 

by mandingo
6-22-07
i hung that news 3 poster up on the door so that whenever someone walks in, i can pretend they're a mystery guest to interview
great, great. look, i have to take a dump. where's your shitter?

Showing page 14.

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