All comics by DexX

Profile

 

Sorry, I don't know any guys named Brian.
by DexX, 10-15-05

 

Thanks for your help! The fire's over here!
There's a fire?
by DexX, 10-16-05

 

by DexX
10-17-05
Hey, fuck you! I like it here! I don't want to be sold off!
Yeah, you arsehole! You can't just buy and sell us! I'm not going into that fucking case! Got it?
Hey, just shut up and get in your case, you whining little bastards! I'm taking you to the pet shop and that's final!
Hey come back! What did I say wrong?
Gah! Get away from me, you freak!
Yeesh! What's up with her! I only asked her if she wanted a raging case of crabs...

 

*sniffle*
Gesundheit.
by DexX, 10-17-05

 

Just piss off, will you!
Seriously! I promise I won't bite. I just want a bit of a lick!
by DexX, 10-17-05

 

by DexX
10-18-05
Och, lad. I'm Euan McTavish, and His Majesty, King Liam Campbell, has sent me looking for his long lost son, abducted from the palace over twenty years ago.
The lost prince, now a grown man and heir to the Scottish throne, is rumoured to be working in this remote forest, hunting deer for a living.
You are the spitting image of the king, lad. Could it really be you? Are you... Hunter Campbell, Royal?
Eat shit and die.

 

by DexX
10-22-05
Wait just one fucking second... You're a real rabbit???
Fuck! Sprung!

 

by DexX
10-23-05
Okay, you ready?
Yep, ready. Go on three. One... two... three!
Chop! Slice! Hack! Mangle! Gut!
Six point eight seconds!
Damn it! Seven point two! To be fair, though, that axe gives you the edge in dismemberment races.

 

by DexX
10-24-05
Little Shop of Horrors... The Producers...
Debbie Does Dallas... The Witches of Eastwick...
Many cult films have been reborn as stage musicals, but all will be brushed aside by the magnificent premiere of... Star Trek: The Musical!
Lay some funky beats down for me, Scotty!

 

by DexX
10-28-05
I'm tellin' you dude, dress up and serenade her. Never fails.
Okay... if you say so...
Later...
*ahem* Janet, I just wanted to say...
I WANNA KNOW WHAT LOVE IIIIIIISSSSS... i WANTCHA TO SHOW MEEEEEEE...
Somehow... I think not...

 

by DexX
11-02-05
Bacon... honey... we need to talk...
I don't like the sound of this.
Now, I just want to say that I love you, I really do, and I want to try to get through this with you...
You're breaking up with me?
No... I... I've become a vegetarian.
NOOOOOOOOOO!!!

 

by DexX
11-02-05
Suddenly, a handsome stranger in a spacesuit appeared on the scene...
Hey there baby, you're so fine. / Never seen better throughout space and time...
Hello there, big boy. Why don't you beam up and see me some time!
Hey! Mae's my heavily-pixellated holographic girl! I'm afraid you and I are going to have to take this outside!
Sure, let's go! I'm not scared of you...
*gurgle!*
...mainly because I have a spacesuit and you don't.

 

by DexX
11-03-05
*HISSSSS!!!*
Gah! No! You can't do this!
You're right, actually... you don't have a neck. *sigh* This city is full of chubby bastards...
Hey, I can't complain - I'm fat, but that means I'm not dead.
Give it ten years, fatso. Count Cholesterol's gonna bite you on the arse.

 

by DexX
11-04-05
Ahhh, Luigi, my good man. What does my favourite cannibal chef have cooking tonight?
Ahh, my friend-a Butch! I have-a something very special for-a tonight's dinner! I'm-a cooking a celebrity!
Oooh, sounds exciting... tell me more...
I found-a Madonna and knocked her out. You know how I like-a to roleplay; I dressed up as a sheep! May I present-a...
Madonna dressed as-a lamb!
*sigh* Getting eaten, and subjected to insulting puns...

 

by DexX
11-05-05
Hell Mr Dominingsez. If you can spare a couple of minutes I'd like to as you some questions about your long distance phone provider...
Oh, sorry - this is a really inconvenient time. Maybe I could call you back in a few hours. What's your number there?
Sorry, we can't accept incoming calls at this office.
Oh, that's fine. Just give me your home number and I'll call you after you finish work.
Uh, no, I don't want you to call me at home.
Yeah, funny that! *clunk!*

 

by DexX
11-06-05
This one was taken in Aspen, first thing in the morning. What a beautiful snowfall... perfect skiing conditions.
Oh, this is me meeting the Stay-Puft Marshmallow Man. I expected him to have a huge ego, being a star and all that, but he was actually very sweet - no pun intended!
This is me visiting my friend Kate Moss. I'm posing in front of her personal stash - about a week's worth, apparently.

 

Costume? What costume?
That's it. I'm going home.
by DexX, 11-06-05

 

by DexX
11-07-05
You know, I just haven't been feeling horny at all lately. It's like I have no sex drive at all.
GAH!!!
Call Mulder and Scully! My friend has been replaced by an alien replicant!
...a married alien replicant!

 

by DexX
11-15-05
Tennis was more interesting before they got robots to play it.

 

by DexX
11-16-05
...and the goal goes through! Australia is going to the World Cup!
OH YEAH!!!
We did it! We're through to the World Cup! I can't believe it!
Went through extra time and into a shoot-out, but we got there in the end! This is so exciting!
You know... a whole lot of Aussies who have never seen a game are suddenly going to be diehard soccer fans...
...until we get knocked out in the first or second round, naturally.

 

by DexX
11-16-05
I've been thinking, Frank... we've been stuck here a while, now, and I don't think we're ever going to be rescued... I'm thinking, well, we might have to do something... kind of... sick...
Uh... what are you trying to say, Harry?
Well, you know... we might not have any other option and, uh...
Harry! Are you suggesting... you know... *wink wink* "Hello sailor"?
What? No, not sex, you tit! I'm talking about cannibalism! One of us will have to eat the other to survive!
Oh... more like "Goodbye sailor" then?

 

by DexX
11-23-05
Intelligent Design? God, what a stupid term.
What do you mean?
If we were "designed" then there was nothing "intelligent" about it. I have all kinds of devolved bits and pieces on me that haven't been useful for eons.
Oh yes... the appendix, a withered vestigial second stomach that serves no purpose apart from getting infected and killing you.
Yeah, the appendix, nipples on men, the way your hairs stand up when you're cold... this shit is like legacy code.
You know what this means? If Intelligent Design is true, then God is Microsoft.

 

___________________________________________
I told you not to buy a fucking Lada.
by DexX, 5-01-07

 

by DexX
7-18-07
I'm thinking I should do a tour of all the "big" roadside attractions some time... I haven't been to The Big Trout in Ages!
You mean you actually want to go to The Big Pineapple?
Sure! Do The Big Banana while I'm up there, then there's The Big Earthworm, The Big Merino, The Big Rocking Horse...
You forgot the most important one.
Oh?
The Big Waste of Time and Money.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
*sigh* I'm really hoping that quitting my job is the right decision...
You're doing the right thing. Time to move on to greener pastures. No wait, that's for cows. Time to move on to a more conducive work environment. That's better.
A greener work environment! A more conducive pasture!
Working for a boss who's a real cow!
As_you_can_see_I've_re-written the greener pastures safety manual and prepared a powerpoint presentation for all new cows explaining the finer details of the cud-chewing process. What do you think?
Moo.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
I'm standing for election as the Liberal member for Arse Monkey.
I want to live in that electorate. Our electorates need more exciting names.
You can be in the electorate of Grope And Goat.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
It's a little known fact that that an ancient ancestor of mine, named Scott the Unlikely, was the fourth wise man present at the birth of Christ.
He was omitted from the Christian bibles at an early stage, though certain ancient Jewish texts refer to him as the Bearer of Unnecessary Gifts.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
The French dolphin says:
Le squeak!
The German dolphin says:
Das squeak!
The Swedish dolphin says:
Bork bork bork!

 

by DexX
8-01-07
Dear Mr X, Thankyou for your letter to the Minister dated 12 April 2007. Please understand that regardless of your point of view and the issues you have raised, you still suck.
The Minister feels that due to your complete and overwhelming suckage he will no longer respond to any of your correspondence, and will instead laugh at any future correspondence you may send...
...and will phone you just so he can make rude monkey sounds at you. Yours sincerely, Abundant Suckage, Department of Rude Monkey Sounds.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
The King of Wrong wears a crown of goats and sits upon a throne made of dried mollusc mucus.
The King of Wrong does not receive many visitors.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
Curse you for making me snort!
Yay! Snortage!
Mmmm snortage; its stocks are trading quite well on the commodity market at the moment... I wonder what happens when snortage stocks crash?
People in the area of effect need to wear gumboots for a while.
*snort* Snortage stocks rose 5% in late trading today on the back of some wild and outlandish statements by the King of Wrong.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
When I put these pants on the whole lower half of my body is blanked out, like the fuzzy pixellisation you get on TV news reports when they can't show you someone's face.
So if we all squint intensely at your legs, the picture should resolve like one of those magic eye pictures?
Indeed. Stare long enough and you can see a duck playing a harmonica.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
You shall be my idol.
And a fine one you have selected, indeed, the greatest!
Yay, greatness!
A mighty gold colossus!
Ooooh, nice...
Giant gold-plated genitals swinging in the breeze so that all those pedestrians might gaze up as they pass between my golden calves and gasp in awe.

 

by DexX
8-01-07
Australian tradesmen are sensitive, new age guys.
The whole arse crack display stuff is just a protective shell to keep the world from knowing the true tradesman inside...
...the one that hugs trees, goes to moon worship festivals, and plays the recorder to summon the mother goddess to help him unclog your toilet.

 

by DexX
8-02-07
Knock knock!
Who's there?
Interrupting cow!
Interrupting cow who?
...well?
Fuck, did I miss my cue?

Showing page 15.

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