All comics by christopher7murphy

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I’m rather upper class high society- God’s gift to ballroom notoriety-I always fill my ballroom-The event is never small-
---clicK---
What are you doing in the dark? I thought I heard you talking to someone.
No..no. Please turn off the light.
Is he gone?
...The social pages say I’ve got- The biggest balls of all!

 

I gotta get out, I gotta break it out now, Before the final crack of dawn.
So we gotta make the most of our one night together. When it's over you know, We'll both be so alone.
Like a bat out of hell !
Shane! Come back! Don't leave!

 

Agnes? I went ahead and cleaned your windows and cleared the gutters out.
If you want, I'll go to the grocery store for you.
Thank you.
Now, that's a nice butt.

 

Dear kind stranger, Please take care of my darling little baby.
Love him like your own. Care for him. Teach him right from wrong.
I'll pick him up in seventeen years. 5:00 sharp!

 

It started when a bat struck our hero with heart stopping fear!
Cable prices are sky-rocketing. It costs almost eighty bucks for basic!
ARRRRRRG!
It was an omen. He would fight crime. He would right wrongs with the aid of his house-servant, Alfred...and his loyal partner, Captain B.S.
Not THAT Alfred.
Hush...We aren't suppose to discuss the legalities until the BAT-Lawyers say so.
Less we not forget...the mayor of Audass City!
Screw em! Screw em! Screw em!
Sir? They said they would be here sometime between 8am and 7pm next week to install your cable.

 

Will there be Super-Hero guest stars?
Superman?
-clicK-
Aquaman?
-clicK-
IRON MAN
Mr. BATador? Sir, have you ever thought about the benifits of exposing your secret identity to the world?
-clicK-

 

There will be thrills, chills, and condensation!
Captain! The toilet is plugged!
There will be commercial endorsments!
Flushit, Flingit, and Wipe! Toilet Engineers and Communications.
...And did we mention POOP JOKES? Lots and lots of POOP JOKES!
Your Honor! The city toilets are all clogged! Sewage is running over! There's a special on burritos in the commisary!
This can't be good.

 

In the Bat-Room in the super secret Bat-Cave in the valley next to Audass City:
There has been a serious overtaxing of your Pipe Line. I'm afraid your porcelin will need a lot of work.
This sounds expensive.
Oh, yes...there have been serious plumbing problems across the city. All this business will help put my kids through college.
In fact....I'm thinking that I might be able to afford cable!

 

Mr. Flingit? You are the city's best Poo Engineer. What's wrong with my facilities?
It's hard to tell, but I think your ballcock may be cracked.
No, no...that's just an old sports injury. What's up with the john?
Ohhhh...It's overflowing.

 

Toilets across the city are overflowing! What will we do?
This is more than a coincidence...it has the hint of DIABOLICAL!
Meet Ignatious Phillip McFreely
BWAHAHAHAHA! Pee, my minions! Pee!
-snif- whats that smell? It's the distictive hint of "diabolical."
...and his gang, The Urinal Circle.
It's Ben's cologn...he's always trying to stand out.
Look! No hands!

 

Meet I.P. McFreely and his gang: The Urinal Circle.
Heheheh. Soon we will flood all of Audass City.
Great plan Boss!
Do we get recruitment bonuses?

 

Les Wenodforget, the mayor of Audass City.
Phone call, your Honor.
Call me Lesley.
'Ello?
Mayor...Do you remember me? You ruined my life! And I plan on ruining yours!
Mom?
NO...It's Iggy, you fool!

 

Who is this?
Iggy. Ignatious Phillip McFreely. We went to school together.
You made fun of me everyday in class. Made my life a living hell.
You'll have to be more specific.
-sigh- You're married to my sister.

 

What is it, Iggy?
Mayor, I have a list of demands. Hold on while my minion reads them to you.
Go on.
-ehem- You will resign the office of Mayor. You will apologize to I.P. McFreely for brutaly teasing him in school and you will legally change your name to "Peter McSkeeter"...
...And beer. Thirty thousand cases!
Hey! No improvising!

 

Hey, Lenny. Why does the boss want us to pee nonstop into the main sewer line, causing all the toilets in Audass City to overflow?
The boss wants to humiliate the Mayor because he was constantly picked on in school.
Gee, Lenny...you are so smart.
You're part of the Urinal Circle, too..why do you always ask me?
Cuz you're part of the INNER Circle of the Urinal Circle.
So that's why my socks are soggy n' yellow.

 

The Mayor's office called. I.P. McFreely and his gang are peeing so much, they plan on flooding the city unless thier demands are met.
There's only one thing to do!
Right!
I gotta get my comic collection to higher ground.

 

I can't do it...arrrggg!
My only job is to convert comic strips to captured images.
Oh, Boo Hooo Hooo! -sob-
Ohhh, PNG Renderer...why are you so down?

 

You'll have to get to the Mayor...and stop I.P. McFreely!
Mom can't drive me...how will I get there?
I packed you a sandwich. It's jam, your favorite.
-snif- okay.
Now, I don't want you to be scared....
I see it! And its a short bus too! Yay!

 

Good Bye! Have fun!
Be good!
Master B.S., the bus pulled away twenty minutes ago.
-snif- I know...It's just his first bus ride...maybe I should follow him to make sure he's okay.

 

The Short Bus Express: When you
YAY! My very first bus ride.
absolutly have to get there, but don't
What an adventure! Weeeee!
care how ya smell when ya' do!
YAY! A new friend. I saved you a seat!
Hey, PUNK! Give me that jam sammich or I'll moidilize ya!

 

The Short Bus Express: The bus prefer
Give me that jam sammich now!
Wow! You have a costume? Are you off to save the day, too?
red by more Amish, and South Americ
I want your sammich! Give it to me or I'll chop you up and spit you out and feed you to the hogs.
an Baseball recruits than competition!
Please!

 

The Short Bus Express: Don't look our
Grrrrrrr!
Hey...do you want half my jam sandwich?
passengers directly into thier eyes.
You got jam EVERYWHERE!

 

The Short Bus Express: Expect delays
Look what you did.
Now I'll just have to walk the rest of the way.
Sorry.
Are you still my best friend?

 

My new friend was going to share his jam sammich with me.
But when I cut into it, I got the whole sammich all over me. He walked off upset.
Heheh...Smucker!

 

Splitting the rag. Swimmin' down stream. Pissin' like a race horse...Hey..that's an idea.....EH?
-BrrrRing-BrrrRing-
'Ello?
Iggy! Hey pal! It's Tony! Have I got....
MR STARK! I told you before...I am happy with my current secret identity!
-clicK-

 

How's production, Lenny?
Bad, Boss. We've been urinating constantly for four days straight.
Well, you know what you have to do.
Right, Boss.
Ben, it's time.
Alright! BEER RUN!

 

B-DoubleE-DoubleR-U-N, BEERRUN!
Ohhh...I LOVE that song. Who sings it?
um..Well, that was me?
Are you sure it wasn't Todd Snider?
No...I'm pretty sure it was me singing just now.
-snort- ..sorry...beerruns get me silly.

 

Hey, Lenny?
Yeh, Ben.
Do you ever think that all we're ever doing, is pissin' our life away?
Well...being part of the Urinal Circle..it's kind of our "special ability."
I'm just tired of going home in wet socks.
You know what your problem is, Ben? You forget to look out for number one.

 

pssst- You're the BookStore, aintcha?
um...yes.
Can I get a copy of the newest Harry Potter?
Not yet. It will be on sale next week.
Awww..come on. You can get me one copy. I know you have them in the back room.
You're the Book Narc, aintcha?

 

Come on. Let me have the latest Harry Potter...please?
um...Okay!
AHA! You are busted! I am turning you over to the Book Police. There is a severe STRICT-ON-SALE for Harry Potter number seven!
Oh...no. Number seven is NOT out yet...you asked for the latest. That would be number SIX.
Abort! Abort! All units return to base.

 

I would like to see your Stephen King books, please.
Sure. Follow me. King is in the 'K' section.
DERR! I know King starts with a 'K.'
Well, I just thought I'd help you find the book.
But why would I care where you keep it?
Give a man a fish, he eats for a day. TEACH a man to fish, he does it the fuck himself and leaves me the hell alone.

 

The Beer Run Continues
We could change our profession.
You're right. We could do ANYTHING! Sing, dance, sail a boat...anything!
Pull over, now I've gotta pee.

 

Wait here. I'm gonna pee in those woods over there.
Heheh! Going to water the tree's, are ya?
Kind of spooky out here.
Boo!
AHHHHHH!
Whoa! You peeled the bark off that tree across the park!

 

I am BATador.
Did you know that you scared the piss out of me?
um...I'm sorry about that.
I thought you were an omen. One that would strike fear in my heart. One that shows me a sign...
Well, I've heard that happens quite a lot in comic strips.

 

How would you like a job? You could be a minion just like me.
Okay. What do I have to do?
Can you pee?
Can I? I could pee even before I could ride a horse!
Great...in fact, bring the horse!

 

You found a recruitment for the Urinal Circle out here?
Yep! Take a look out your window.
BOO!
ARRRRG! -cough- cough- sputter-
Whoa! He is good.
Ha! Right up your nose!

 

Welcome to the Urinal Circle.
All I have to do is stand around that hole in the floor and pee?
Yep. Head up and eyes forward though!
And to think , I went to college for this!
And you're in luck...tomorrow is casual Friday!

 

Wow, since hiring the new guy, our output has trippled!
I don't like him.
Look how he sucks up to the Inner Circle.
That's the way! You're a natural.
Look! No hands!

 

I notice there are no women working for you.
Well...last year there was a lawsuit.
There was name calling and a lot of hurt feelings.
They kept leaving the seat down!

 

BATador? Is that you?
Good news, Captain B.S. I got a job!
But you're suppose to be stopping I.P. McFreely from flooding Audass City.
But I was offered this great job....and I've already been promoted.
I've gone from "minion" to "peon" in a day. Iggy says I'm "going places!"

 

Your boss is Ignatious Phillip McFreely?
I'm near the main office of The Audass City Sewage and Typing College.
BATador, you genius! You've gained the trust of the Urinal Circle.
I think they like me.
Do you think you can keep a low profile until I get there?
They gave me my own cubical!

 

Good news, Your Honor! BATador has infiltrated I.P.McFreely's gang.
His secret headquarters is at the Audass City Sewage and Typing College.
Sewage and TYPING? I didn't think there were Typing Colleges still in business?
Hello? Hence the diversification!
Good Gawd! Get my stock broker on the horn!

 

Iggy?
Mayor, have you thought about my demands?
HA! The jig is up! BATador is spying on you as we speak.
Drat.
Back at the Urinal Circle:
It looks like we have a leak.
Well...DERR!

 

Mr. BATador? I've decided your position in our company is no longer required.
-snif-
I want you to clear out your bladder and meet me in the executive washroom.
Oooo! Is that where the going away party is? (I'll act surprised.)

 

Mr. BATador, I have tied you up, redressed you, slipped a pair of glasses on you, and will SINK you by flushing you out to sea!
Mr. McFreely. Don't make me anchory. You wouldn't like me when I'm anchory.
You LET me tie you up just so you could say that...didn't you?
-giggle-

 

Lost in love and I don't know much
Goodbye, Mr BATador!
-flush- glub-
Was I thinking about -fell out of touch
Just for that...I'm not attending the annual picnic next Saturday...humph!
But I'm back on my feet -Eager to be what you wanted!
I sure hope my "Air Supply" holds out.

 

Say...is that BATador? He looks like he's in trouble.
BATador? Here? He was so cute as a little baby. I use to bounce him on my knee. He's my Godson, ya' know?
...........................................................................................................................
Damn. I think he sees us.
Hey! Over here! Na-na-na- na -na- na- na-na- na -na- na- na-na- na -na- na- Hey, Aquaman! Na-na-na- na -na- na-

 

While tending his undersea garden,
Sha na na na, sha na na na na, Sha na na na, sha na na na na, Yip yip yip yip yip yip yip yip
Aquaman reminices about his stage days with The Silhouettes.
Mum mum mum mum mum mum-Get a job Sha na na na, sha na na na na
Na na na na na ..ummm..oops
You called?

 

Na-na-na -na-na
Hey! What the hell are you doing?
I'm calling for help in the language of fish. My Uncle Arthur taught me how to speak it.
You're not making any sense. I don't think you know what you're saying.
Na-na-na -na-na ?
Yes, yes! I'm sure your penis is quite small...this water is cold.

 

Hey, Ben! Did you hear what happened? They FIRED BATador!
Oh...that's terrible.
Not only that, but the boss tied him to a cement block and flushed him out to sea!
BATador is a great guy. We have to save him!
What can we do?
I'm not sure where it is right now, but I think I saved Hitler's brain.

Showing page 15.

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