All comics by BobRogers

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by BobRogers
1-24-07
One Nut Willie! Hey, I didn't know you were in this cartooon series. How are you doing man?
I CAN'T COMPLAIN. WHO WOULD LISTEN?
Why are you shouting? I am standing right here.
IT'S NOT ME. IT'S THIS CHARACTER. THE OWL IS AN OBVIOUS CHARICATURE OF COMEDIAN GILBERT GOTTFRIED
Who?
SON OF A BITCH!!! DID YOU JUST STEAL MY LINE?

 

by BobRogers
1-24-07
Two babes in a bar...
I stopped by "Hey Now" on the Stern Shrine Forum today.
So what was it like? I know you've been having problems there for a while.
Looks like somebody set off a roach bomb and scattered "the clique" into the woodwork.
I know how happy that must make you to see all those verbal rapists get a comuppance.
Problem is, everyone is gone, excepting that Lightning guy and Nick the Hood.
Oh, you mean the guy with the swaskita tattoo? I want to jum his bones.

 

by BobRogers
1-24-07
Glad you could make it Mr. Tombs. We'll be having the memorial service for "the clique" this afternoon at 3:30, testimonials at 4 and tea at 5.
Ok. . .
Then at precidely 5:30 we will deliver the casket to you at the cemetary for burial.
OK, Faddah. I'll be ready to fill in the grave before dark.
Nick pays his final respects to the late and unlamented "clique."
I really wish I had some popcorn.
We'll be back

 

by BobRogers
1-25-07
So if I understand this correctly, The Canadian thinks you are a quadraplegic with no bowel control, and thinks he's hurting you with "gimp" insults, right?
Yep. He sees all wheelchair people as helpless diaper crappers.
That's a lame as Dave arguing that it's impossible to have 6 wheels on a wheelchair and calling people "nigfers."
I know. Watch this.
Standing is the easy part
Getting back up after falling on your face... priceless.

 

by BobRogers
1-25-07
Every once in a while, Nazihood peeks through the personality curtain...
Du schaust sehr dumm.
What?
Ich muß dich bald töten
I don't like your tone, mister.
Wir müssen kämpfen und du mußt sterben
Goddamn Canadians. SPEAK ENGLISH! I'm outta here.

 

by BobRogers
1-26-07
Scientific discussions sometimes have unexpected consequences...
The word random is used to express lack of purpose, cause, order, or predictability in non-scientific parlance.
So what are you saying?
The mathematical theory of probability arose from attempts to formulate mathematical descriptions of chance events, originally in the context of gambling...
Are you trying to explain how people burst into flames for no good reason?
Ahhh. Pretty much.

 

by BobRogers
1-28-07
Officer Obie takes an assault report from a Palestinian student at a Quaker college in NC...
5 Quaker football players kicked my ass. Doc said I suffered a concussion and nerve damage.
The FBI is calling it a hate crime. I really don't feel safe here at Guileford Univerity anymore.
"Quaker football player. . ." That's not an oxymoron?

 

by BobRogers
1-29-07
Welcome back to the Shrine Dave
I'm not here
If you're not here, then who is posting?
Not me...
Might as well sign in Dave. You've been outed.
My NAME is Loretta. I don't know any Dave.

 

by BobRogers
1-30-07
So that's the manuscript for your new book Doc?
Yeah. I have shopped it out to a couple of agents. It'll be interesting to see what happens with it.
So me and Doc were talking about his new Howard Stern Unauthorized Biography and . . . Hold up. Are you a QUAKER Football plaer?
Thee be correctamundo, Pilgrim.
Chaos Theory and Karma have been messing with me all day long.

 

by BobRogers
1-31-07
A visitor arrives at Dave's house...
Hello, is Dave there?
Dave is on the computer right now pretending not to be on the Stern Shrine. Who want's him?
I'm from the Acme Escort Service - Special Barnyard Sex Department.
Oh. You must be the sheep Dave ordered for tonight's orgy.
There must have been a mixup in the paperwork. I am the homo chicken.
Dave says come on in. H'e just got to nick out to the chemist's for a tube of vaseline and some condoms.

 

by BobRogers
1-31-07
I wonder what the hold up is. That gay guy from SFN was supposed to be here an hour ago to give me a good time.
I wonder what's keeping him. I don't have all day.
Sorry I'm late.
A transvestite Rabbit? That's just way too sick. I'm outta here.

 

by BobRogers
1-31-07
I understand the inventor of the bagpipes was inspired when he saw a man carrying an indignant, asthmatic pig under his arm.
Unfortunately, the manmade sound never equalled the purity of the sound achieved by the pig.
Much of what happens in the world below is either happy or unhappy accident.
Based on that logic then, it's ok to do this...
It was an insane thing. These SFN guys were giving Doc a hard time, then all of a sudden a freakin' truck falls out of the sky and squashes 'em.
Karma is a bitch, and I don't mean Earl's brother's Spanish girlfriend.

 

by BobRogers
2-01-07
Jump for Duck?
We are neither impressed nor amused.
Jump for Duck?
I was just thinkung about an afternoon snack.

 

by BobRogers
2-01-07
Jump for Duck?
Didn't you get chopped in the last strip?
JUMP for Duck.
Don't get sassy with me, boy. I OWN this barnyard
Jump for Duck!
Damn son, slow down. We're both on the same page here.

 

by BobRogers
2-02-07
J. Gargoyle explores the new backgrounds and the depth of his character...
All these different new backgrounds are a little unsettling to an expositiory character like me.
Now don't get me wrong. I like to travel as much a anybody. The occasional trip to the beach is good for the soul as well as the tan.
Thing is, you never know who you are going to meet on one of these little journeys . . .
Excusing me, sahib. I am sooo looking for my detonator. It's a little shiny thing with wires and a red button. Have you seen it?

 

by BobRogers
2-04-07
OK bub, just tell me in your own words what happened here.
JumP foR dUck.
I know you're nervous, Just take your time. You were saying, "A truck driver assaulted a goat, who attempted to resist..."
JUMP FOR DUCK!
"... then a Canadian and some mope in a black hoodie jumped into a limo with a gay italian named Vasselino and Rusty the Dog bit the guy in the limo...
Jump For Duck.

 

by BobRogers
2-04-07
Hi Dave. I see you are back posting on Stern Shrine again.
Shhh. I am being "stealthy." Nobody knows it's me.
Disguise? Dave, you couldn't disguise yourself at midnight in a blackboard factory with no moon and black makeup.
Don't get uppity with me, cartoon boy. I will kick your ass, wheelchair and all.
I really have to do something about whales falling randomly out of the sky like that.

 

by BobRogers
2-04-07
Lets you and me talk about why you dropped a 300 ton sperm whale on my head.
I can't beleve you just said SPERM whale. That is so gay.
Huh? Wha? Gay? Shut up, you NIGFER!!!
What exactly IS a "nigfer," Dave?
Stupid falling whales keep interrupting my conversations.

 

by BobRogers
2-04-07
Are you sure this is the best way to bring democracy to Iraq?
Yep.
This is not looking a lot like democracy to me. Are you sure this is the best way to secure peace?
Yep. Pretty sure.
Well, the whole country is in flames. Muslims are blowing up muslims and Iran is getting a nuke. Are you sure this is the road to peace?
Let me get back to you on that

 

by BobRogers
2-05-07
Accidentally stumbling across porn online is a worldwide problem...
Searching Google for "Pitcairn Island" for homework assignment...
Finding "Naked Teens of Tahiti" and "sex and Incest on Pitcairn Island."
Searching Google for "Lake Elsinore, CA" for homework assignment...

 

by BobRogers
2-05-07
Panic . . .
You need to take a deep breath, calm down and reconsider what's causing you distress.
I am dead. A sperm whale fell on me from Space. It was supposed to land on Dave but somebody screwed up and it landed on me.
You are not dead. This is that place you go when you die in a punchline. You'll be back in a few strips, sitting on your bench. Now...
Panic. . .
Will you WATCH where the HELL you are dropping the DAMN sperm whales PLEASE?

 

by BobRogers
2-05-07
SNOW SUX!
I disagree Dave. Delicate flakes of crystal snow drifting out of the sky form a winter wonderland...
I CAN'T DO MY PAPER ROUTE BECAUSE OF STUPID SNOW!
No worries Dave. I don't read the newspaper you deliver, and frankly, neither does anybody else. Just relax. You'll have a stress aneurysm.
OK Dave. I'll admit that you being buried in an avalanche validates your complaint.

 

by BobRogers
2-06-07
Three astronauts make the news. Two NASA females fighting over a shuttle pilot...
On the one hand, it's flattering to have two women fighting over me.
On the other hand, as an astronaut and NASA Shuttle pilot, having two female officers fighting over me is a bad PR idea.
Plus, my wife is going to be pissed outta her mind over the headlines...

 

by BobRogers
2-07-07
I am seriously in love with snow.
Is it something you can take a pill for?
On the level, man. Snow is cool, especially piled in 5 foot drifts and closing school, roads and bridges.
And how does that reconcile with the 6 wheel go cart that you ride around in?
I have chains.
Shoulda known...

 

by BobRogers
2-08-07
After listening to the news on National Public Radio . . .
Dude. Anna Nichole Smith is dead.
Who?
Anna Nichole Smith. You know. She married a billionare and he croaked and left her his money, then her son died and she had a fatherless baby . . .
Ok. I remember now. How did she die.
She was in Las Vegas and a Sperm Whale fell on her hotel . . .
And you, of course never being one to let a gag die easy...

 

by BobRogers
2-09-07
Anonymous message board posters suck donkeys and sheep.
Are you feeling angry, my son?
I guess I am a little pissed, Father. I work hard on these cartoons and anonymous assholes bust on them even when they are funny. They all should die.
I think I have a solution to your problem, my son.
Sigh.
Just follow me over there to that darkened soundproof room with double locks on the door...

 

by BobRogers
2-09-07
Change is in the air...
Six and a half feet of snow in 4 days. I am losing my optimistic attitude, man.
I think you might be right. Let's moove the conversation indoors.
Ok. Outta the wind. Now what was it you wanted to tell me?
Cartoon # 203, which is this one, is the last one that will be posted in "Hey Now" on Stern Shrine.
So you are moving the toons to a new forum on The Shrine?
Yes. A forum where only Shrine Members can read them and comment. That way I will get honest feedback instead of "Guest" monkey feces.

 

by BobRogers
2-09-07
IHeart drops by the cartoon strip for a brief visit...
Bob, you've been on this computer for 14 straight hours. What in the world are you doing?
I am running a series of complex algorithms designed to solve one of the world's most difficult and unsolvable problems.
Really? like how to end world hunger? Or how to see that every child gets a college education?
No. I am trying to figure out the exact trajectory needed to drop a sperm whale on Osama Bin Ladin.
Sorry I asked.

 

by BobRogers
2-10-07
Bob finds Dave at the morgue and finds that unusual...
Dave, why have you set up your computer in the morgue?
Because I am chatting with dead people.
WHAT? Seriously. You know that not only impossible but also incredibly creepy.
Chatting with the dead is NOT impossible. I am doing it right now.
Wow, dude. You are trippin'.
Dear Undertaker. You are a Nigfer Really, I like John Cena MUCH BETTER. You should not even BE in Wrestlemania.

 

by BobRogers
2-11-07
I just can't believe it's still snowing. At first it was cool, but then the drifts reached 14 feet and I couldn't get around, even with snow chains on the wheelchair.
I know what you mean. Yesterday I was sitting in the park and I saw a pink Taurus sliding sideways down the street and Dave making a video of himself correcting the slide.
I saw "Jump For Duck. He was walking around saying, "Ski for Duck?"
Wish we could do something about all this snow.
Thanks, Neo. I owe you a Dr. Pepper.
Neo?

 

by BobRogers
2-12-07
I, Nick The Hood have a message for your fearless leader over in Iran. Tell him he needs to knock off sending weapons and explosives to Iraq.
And what if he doesn't?
Get the picture, Ali Babba?
Tell him I will personally be waiting for his reply in ICBM Master control.
I don't know who's more insane, us or them.

 

by BobRogers
2-12-07
The mad red spambot is annoyed by loss of access...
Tobor seriously pissed, Moderator turned off "Guest" access to message board. Tobor will find Doc and cornhole him!
Why?
Tobor believe Blond Human Girl trying to steal Tobor's balls.
ROWWWWWR!!!!
Beat Feet!

 

by BobRogers
2-13-07
Hello, I'm Mitt Romney, a former Republican governor of Massachusetts. I want to be President of the United States.
You're a Mormon, aren't you?
Yes, that's true. But that just another way of saying ultra-conservative Christian.
So, Mr. Romney. What can you do for voters like me.
I can talk to God and make it stop snowing in Upstate NY.
I'm on board.

 

by BobRogers
2-14-07
The First Great Romney Clinton Presidential Debate...
You're a Mormon!
You're a woman!
You're a polygamist!
You're pro-abortion!
Let's get a room at the Super 8!
I will make you howl like a wolf!

 

by BobRogers
2-14-07
Big Daddy finds his exile from the cartoon strip disquieting.
The won't even let me back into the character pool. I'm stuck down here in the file room in the basement, alone and sad.
There's no one to talk to. It's a little spooky and I think I hear things moving inside the walls.
I would like to hear how turning off the lights is supposed to help...

 

by BobRogers
2-16-07
???
!!!
Dave's been riding around in an invisible jeep...
Ahhh. So that's what that was all about.

 

by BobRogers
2-19-07
So anyhow this web site explains that there are 10 dimensions. 3 is the one we live in and 4 is time, through which we travel in one direction...
What the...
DAMN Dave and his invisible Jeep!

 

by BobRogers
2-20-07
You seem chipper today.
I feel pretty good. I am taking a break from all the drama and chaos on the message boards
So whatcha doing now?
Just chatting with different friends on AIM.
Meanwhile, One-nut Willie is coping with some changes...
THERE'S NO WI-FI IN THE WOODS! IT'S COLDER THAN BLUE HELL OUT HERE. WHERE'S MOTEL SIX WHEN YOU NEED IT. SON-OF-A-BITCH!

 

by BobRogers
2-20-07
What's with all the fireworks?
Porno Bombs
Porno Bombs?
We're being attacked by Canada. They're lobbing porno bombs across the border.
What kind of porno bombs?
Nude pictures of chubby French-speaking Montreal mopes standing posing with pregnant goats.

 

by BobRogers
2-21-07
JUMP for Duck?
J-J-Jump for Duck?
Uh-oh.

 

by BobRogers
2-21-07
I miss the old days when "Life With Bob" was all about me.
The cartoon strip has always been about you and the people who surround you in cyberspace.
So why not have me in every cartoon?
That's not how the creative mind thinks, Dave. Life is about interaction and personality. It can never be 100% about you.
It HAS to be. I am the only important person in the world. Everybody else are nigfers!
Now THAT's the Dave we all know and love.

 

by BobRogers
2-22-07
You are really starting to bug me, Duck.
Jump for Duck?
You keep saying the same thing, over and over without really communicating at all.
Jump. . . . . . . . . . Duck?
I am going to reach down your throat and extract your spleen through your windpipe!
PMS...

 

by BobRogers
2-22-07
Global warming! Rising seas! Co2 pollution! Time to PANIC!
Relax, Future President Romney. It's all under control. Besides, YOUR people aren't contributing to global warming so no blame, no foul.
You have me confused with the AMISH! I am MORMON, dagnab it! We have more cars than Lutherans and Baptists combined.
Take it easy. What could happen in your lifetime anyhow?
Umm. Never mind.
Yum

 

by BobRogers
2-23-07
Nick The Hood almost never discusses his day job...
I am cooler than God.
What?
I am cooler than God. He's been on vacation since the Noah Incident. Whereas, I have been on the job since Cain and Abel.
1 Trillion souls harvested without an accident.
Information overload.

 

by BobRogers
2-23-07
I disagree.
What?
I disagree with your statement that you are cooler than God. He gives continuously. You take. His is the greater, though lesser seen task.
Prove it.
God gave us Michael Jackson and Anna Nichole Smith. Look which one you took.
Smart ass.

 

by BobRogers
2-26-07
You really need to do something about Dave...
What's he doing now?
He keeps leaving the door to the Puddin' Spoon Closet unlocked
Oh, God. I SO don't want to know any more about this...

 

by BobRogers
2-27-07
Listen, God, I know I don't have an appointment, but your secretary said you could probably sneak me in between angels ...
I can spare a little time, what's up on Loretta's World?
It's Bob, Sir. He seems a bit lethargic these days. Readership is down. Literacy is down. He's talking about closing the strip.
And you see this as a bad thing?
Frankly, yes. As a former long time resident of the character cache, i can vouch for how creepy it is in there... and dark. It's a kind of death.
Perhaps what he needs to do is find a new forum, like "Failing Enterprise" or "Rocky's Rubber Room." I'll talk with him about it.

 

by BobRogers
2-27-07
Hello Bob.
God! long time, no see. I love it when you bring me here. I can get out of that damn wheelchair for a while. Wazzup?
I've been hearing some whispers that you are losing interest in making cartoons. Is that true?
Yeah. The audience has dummied down below 4th grade level. There's this asshole Canadian who dogs me about everything. I'm losing interest.
Have you thought about moving to a new forum?
Well, the "Babes With Big Boobs" forum could stand an insertion of humor... but the whole illiteracy thing just bugs me.

 

by BobRogers
2-27-07
So essentially, you're feeling sorry for yourself and are about to obliterate an entire planet just for sh*ts and giggles?
When you put it like that it sounds a bit selfish, but yeah. What's the point of a cartoon strip on a billion person internet if only 3 people see it?
When you entertain but a single person you are doing my work. Go forth and be funny.
What if I don't feel funny though? What if I just feel like bitch slapping somebody or shooting them?
That's why I created the Democratic Majority in Congress.
Thou talkest in riddles sometimes, Oh Lord.

 

by BobRogers
2-27-07
Listen, kiddo. Life's not always fair or funny. Sometimes people are too busy or too dense to stop and enjoy a cartoon. Why not just roll with it?
Truthfully, the subject material is getting beyond chaotic. Death Squads, cliques, Dave mindlessly calling people "nigger. . ."
The abject stupidity of it all has just overtaken me. People used to have a little twinkle in their eyes when fighting. Now it's "go for the blood."
You sound genuinely discouraged.
Disgusted at the truth of human nature I guess. What's worse, I'm guilty of the same juvenile behavior as those posters i am tired of.

Showing page 17.

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