All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-27-17
I say there, Guvna... is this YOUR address?
It sure is, cutie! "221B Baker Street, London England"
Blimey! What happened to the domicile of Sherlock Holmes?
He moved out & I put my hair boutique here.
Balderdash! You can't remove him. His name is symbolic with this location!
Which caused me to name this shoppe..... "Shears, Locks n Combs"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-27-17
Vhat now Donald!
I want YOU to redocorate my private office, Melania!
This decor just doesn't reflect my fluid thinking & progressive future movements!
I'll see vhat I can do Dahling!
THIS is what she came up with!
I must admit, she DID hit a home-run on the "fluid movements" part!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-27-17
If you mixed yellow & red in 1926 ....
...what would you get?
The answer appears below...
Well...what are YOU supposed to be?
An "Orange Julius"...naturally!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-27-17
Daddy, what's a "Criminalist"?
Well Timmy I'd say...1) a flashlight 2) a crowbar 3) duct tape 4) rope 5) a gun...
M-O-M-M-Y!
hehehehe
George, you can be such a world class "dick" at times!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-28-17
Well Sister, our crowds have gotten bigger since I relaxed the Sunday night dress code.
Bigger? Yes...but not necessarily better!
You seem to have reservations. Why?
Some of them just go too far! Look!
What in the hell are you doing?
My nuts itch! What of it?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-28-17
...in the deep, DEEP south!
Listen up! You SLAVES all sleep in the barn Got it?!
Slaves? This is 2017, honky! Wait'll Jesse Jackson hears of this!
ME? Sleep in a barn? No way! I demand to see your Supervisor!
So? What the hell you wanna see ME about?
Uh....Can I sleep in the hay loft?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-28-17
John as a baby!
dada!
Stop touching yourself like THAT, boy! lt'll make you go blind!
John as a 15 year old!
I'm sorry Pop. I know you told me to stop.
You had BETTER! You know what'll happen. Right?
John, at 25, became a serial "Jerk-Off".
Is it a RED one? Dave, did you get me a RED outfit?
If you hadn't jerked yourself off into total blindness you'd already know that I did, ya moron!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-29-17
"Yellow Pages" P.R. Firm....1970's
Ted, I love that new.."Let your fingers do the walking!" ad campaign!
Glad to hear it, boss! Wanna meet the guy who thought of it?
Sure, Ted. I'll invite him over for dinner with the family!
C'mon in!
...or NOT!
The slogan just seemed like a natural to ME, sir!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-29-17
"A Fist Full of Dollars"
Aim for the heart, Ramone!
Actually, the name is "Reggie"!
"Dirty Harry"
"Do ya feel lucky? Well DO ya....SKUNK?
Skunk? I'm a Penguin, doofus!
"Sudden Impact"
When I'm done with you, you won't ever want to quit me, big boy!
Go ahead...make me gay!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-29-17
For $50,000.00, tell me, Chen, which one is the Caitlyn Jenner "doppelganger"!
Later, back at home......
I knew she'd be pissed. I just didn't realize HOW pissed!
So? You been ass-whooped by REAL women for a lot less, home-slice!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-30-17
Well Sister, It's the 5th Sunday of the month again!
And what does THAT mean?
It means the offerings will be down by 75%!
Why do you think THAT is Father?
Hurry up d_bacon! It's the 5th Sunday...our week to take up the collection at church!
..and can we use the extra money or what? Ka-ching Ragsy baby...Ka-ching!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-31-17
Hi mom! Look what I have!
Oh no, boy. You went and done it, huh? You went n stole yourself a baby?
No. Not really. Actually...it's an anatomically correct baby "sex" doll, I ordered!
Whew! For a minute there I thought you was F'd up in the head!
No way, silly! Now where did I put that "newborn" garter belt?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
7-31-17
Welcome to "Hiromi's Dry Cleaning"!
Is my outfit ready yet? I need to put it on. I'm due back!
How can you stand to do a job that is made up of so many dirty deeds?
Knock off the third degree and get the outfit. I'll put it on here!.
So the priest MAKES you "do him", huh?
Habitually!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-01-17
Well...that's one way NOT to lose a comic contest!
If I don't enter...I can't lose!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-01-17
Welcome to my establishment ! May I take your hat and jacket off?
Yeah..I guess if ya want to but...
Then please, to follow me!
...what I REALLY came here for was...
...to get ME jacked off...NOT my clothes!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-02-17
Hey Rags...get out here and mow this darn grass!
Ola, Senor! I can do that job for you. Grass is my speciality!
I'll just BET it is! But mine is Fescue not Maui Wowie, you Pablo Escobar wanna-be!
Aye carumba! How can you say that? That is slander, Senor!
So d_bacon was jailed for SLANDER!
So...you gonna bail me out or not Rags?
I think I'll just let you sit here until your mouth learns to not write checks your ASS can't cash!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-02-17
Yuk...not AGAIN?
Well Neil, is the commode working again or not?
I plunged it for an hour Boss and nothing! I guess I'll go to the cafeteria and get a ladle & dip out the turds!
What else should I have expected from a..."dip-shit"?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-03-17
These two girls are....
I'm so sorry you hung that mirror over our bed.
Oh yeah? Well I'm sorry we both gotta sleep in it!
...prime examples of what it means....
That's nothing. I'm sorry I ever met you!
You're sorry? I'm even sorrier!
...to be "RUE"-Mates!
You CAN'T be sorrier than I am!
Oh really? I'm even sorry that I'm SORRY!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-03-17
Now that "Mooch" quit who's gonna be my Press guy, Melania?
You need a man who knows how to "massage" the truth!
Yeah, I know! I got a guy in mind but he's not immediately available!
Really? When can he start?
Oh, in about approximately, 145 years, depending on good behavior.
Donald, I know you're pals, but you gotta FORGET about Bernie Madoff!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-04-17
Can you believe somebody bought the entire city of Nipton, Ca. to make it into a pot farm?
The whole city, eh Tooms?
Yes siree! All 80 acres of it!
Sounds to me like some bored guy with more balls than sense is taking a huge chance!
Little did Tooms know......
As the new owner of Nipton, Ca. you can rename it if'n ya want!
Why thank you, Mr. Mayor! I'm kinda partial to the name "Potsylvania"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-04-17
Next on..."The Deadliest Catch"...
Argh...bring me the new deckhand trainee, Mr. Sweed!
Aye, aye skipper. This one's a doozy!
So...you wanna be a deep sea fisheman, eh?
I think it would be a FABULOUS idea. What with semen everywhere, I can hardly wait to me mated!
Well Sweed, I told that new guy to get off me boat!
Too bad for him you waited till we was 50 miles off shore!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-05-17
What'dya say, Gregor?
The cat must have his tongue!
C'mon ...tell us what we wanna hear!
"Hoot man"! Ya happy now?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-05-17
Are you Gay Gabe?
Freddie the fudge packer? Herbie the homo? Percy the poof?
Ya think maybe he took offense?
I don't see how! And they call ME squirrely!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-05-17
Here Spike! Come here boy! Let's play!
Good boy...c'mon, I got a nice toy for you to chew on. Come here boy. That's it. Down boy!
Thanks Spike...but next time a little less teeth, OK?
The things I do for drugs!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-06-17
Why in the heck did you wanna meet here?
It just seemed natural, to me!
But why HERE? I thought we were going to a nice club!
But you said you wanted to suck down a "cold one"!
You keep forgetting...I don't speak "prostitute"!
Oh? So now it's all MY fault, is it?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-06-17
Hi Frank...wanna "Heineken?
A "Heineken"?
FUCK "HEINEKEN"! Gimme a "Pabst Blue Ribbon", Dorothy!
Only if you'll spank me after I do!
Ya gotta love this fuckin broad!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-07-17
I see a cave over there. I'm going inside for a look!
A cave? On the moon? Be careful!
Whoa!!! It's just like he said!
So...have you made any discoveries?
Yup! Harold Arlen had it right all along. It's only a paper moon!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-07-17
So...what's it gonna take to get THAT car into YOUR driveway?
First I gotta take a test drive? OK?
Sure, I'll ride along.
That night.....
But you made the sale, right?
He ran me over before I could get in & stole the damned thing!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-08-17
At Chez ragu/d_bacon......
What's wrong now, Rags?
Have you seen all the pissed off black people on our lawn?
No...why? I made the sign & put it out there like you asked me to!
You're SURE? It said "Black Lives Matter", right? RIGHT?
Ooops! "LIVES", you say? I think I put "OLIVES"!
The shits gonna hit the fan NOW!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-09-17
Aren't you the guy who directed the original "True Grit" film, Henry Hathaway?
Yes and I need you to guard this mail!
OK! Who's it for?
Glen Cambell, but don't tell him!
Why not? He'd LOVE to get fan mail!
It's HATE mail!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-09-17
Maura goes away on business......
This motel room seems nice enough...
...and the price is definitely right!
Hi ya, lady!
...but on 2nd thought...

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-09-17
Holly, just off the "Greyhound Bus"...
Chill, Yo!
Take THAT, you perv!
*sniff, sniff* "Summer's Eve"? Yummy!
?
So...you my bitch now! Ya feel me?
I think I love him!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-10-17
You North Koreans don't scare me one bit!
But...
But, NOTHING! "F" with ME and I'll drop the most bigishly huge bomb on your country that...
But I am just...
Just WHAT? Spit it out, Dong O Sum Yung Guy! Just WHAT??
Just here to deliver your crab rangoon from "Chinese Express"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-10-17
ragu4u chats with a neighbor....
Too bad you're stuck in a wheel-chair, bro!
Actually Rags, I enjoy it. Chicks constantly gimme "pity" blow jobs!
...and then concocts a plan which I'll...
Wow! REALLY?
Yup! Except for my chaffed cock from all those luscious, pouty lips, I'm cool!
...bet you probably already guessed!
Tell me again why you want me to snap yer spine?
Just shut up & DO it already!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-11-17
Outside Chez ragu/d_bacon....
Will you people PLEASE stop coming here?
But....
Go away and NEVER come back or we'll call the cops!
Geez Louise...
Go ahead, d_bacon call the coppers on em! Maybe we can get into that special program.
Yeah, Rags baby! I never thought of that! Imagine "US" in the Jehova "Witness Protection Program"?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-12-17
Good Evening, your Majesty!
My daughters will be arriving soon.
How will I recognize them, Sire?
They'll be wearing purple...the color of Royalty!
The King is trying to pass us off as his daughters again.
As if! Everyone KNOWS we give him better B.J.'s than THEY do!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-12-17
What do you mean we "Hammer Heads " are being challenged?
A more advanced but self destructive species has appeared!
More advanced? HOW?
They've found a use for something called "tools" but even tho....
...they won't last!
*ouch* what the f...?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-13-17
Why do you coal miners always bring canaries along?
In case gas is leaking, you'll die first!
But.....
Too bad for you. Hahahahaha....
Too bad for YOU canary farts are noxious, a-hole! *poot*
*ack ack*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-13-17
You mean I can't stay HERE?
Sorry but I thought you would have seen this coming.
How could I? I thought I did everything you asked!
You shoulda guessed by the title you acquired!
Here I am!
Well if it isn't "Mother Inferior"! I've been expecting you!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-14-17
At the "Restorative Justice Seminar"...
I'm glad you're gonna be the first speaker!
A small gathering, eh? It's still early yet!
Gathering, you say? Down here we call it a "MOB" Here...take a peek!
If I must!
What in the holy hell is this "Restorative Justice" crap, Duane?
Well Billy Bob, I'm a thinkin it's more of them intellectual darkies elbowin themselves onto the old "Kum Bi Ya" train!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-14-17
I'm the delivery driver. You Det. David Mills?
Yeah, why?
I got a package for ya!
What's in the box? I said...WHAT'S IN THE BOX?
At the morgue with Lt. Bill Somerset...
Holy shit, Tracy...John Doe done F'd you up ROYAL!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-15-17
Remember when I put you on "probation"?
Yes. I seem to recall that!
Well, I've come to a decision!
And...?
So how'd it go with Sanderson?
Ain't it obvious?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-15-17
Room for one more?
Your people roughed up my boy pretty good, as I recall!
Let's not go crying over spilled milk! It's time to move on!
...and MOVE he did!
It may have been something I said!
Yeah...he gets touchy like that!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-15-17
You're sure you're from "Tidy Maids"?
Yeah. Why do you ask?
Because the last girl they sent me was...um....well, more French looking.
Fishnet stockings? Cleavage exposing boustier? Extreme mini-skirt? She probably had no mop or bucket, right?
Back at "Tidy Maids" Cleaning Service
Hey...you're back awfully early!
He wanted "Tidy Maids" escort service.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-16-17
Hey Pops, I got a great idea!
I'm all knowing, ergo, I already know and I say "Forget it"!
But... it'll be a hoot! C'mon...
Oh well, OK...just this once.
Salem, Or. 8/21/2017 10:15 to 10:20 am
Hey...what the fuck?
Maybe we blinked & missed it?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-16-17
This Statue is an insult. It MUST come down.
We at the "N.A.A.C.P." won't take "NO" for an answer. Replace it...NOW, Mayor!
Geez...Calm down lady! I'll have it taken care of.
Later that day!
There! Problem solved...and so life-like, too!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-17-17
Hey d_bacon, looky here! American Horror Story Season 7 has been named.
It's called "Cult"! What? Not interested? Or AFRAID, maybe?
I know you're under there. I can smell your fear!
*queeeef*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-17-17
Daddy, I'm going to a Fraternity party tonight!
Fraternity? Which Fraternity?
It's either "Tapa Kega Beer", I Felta Thigh" or "Rape a- Dame Aday"!
Hmmmm
Or... you could just stay home & have drunken sex with ME as usual!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-17-17
Gimme a pack of the strongest condoms you got!
Please to wait here. I keep the "Black Beauties" in the store room. They are $20 per pack!
Geez, twenty bucks for one condom? Why so much?
You wanted strong and besides you can rinse it and reuse it all year. Does it fit well?
Hell...I don't know! Can ya turn down the air in here? My dick shrivels up in the cold.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
8-17-17
Let's go shoot up our school!
Nah..that's so "yesterday"!
How bout a nice bomb scare at the Mall?
The Mall, huh?
Yeah!
What's a fuckin Mall?

Showing page 17.

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