All comics by mandingo

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by mandingo
8-16-07
...so you see, Jesus's love is unconditional. there are no "deeds" you can do to make him love you more or less than he already does.
let us prag.
HAHA! he said prag!
let's kill him.

 

by mandingo
8-16-07
don't worry, minister. you'll get the hang of being a man of god in no time. why not retire to your room for the night.
i have the hot oils ready, papi.
let us prey.
that was quicker than i thought.

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
i like pie.
i'm undecided.
but what about its pie-ness.
sold!

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
i'd like to play that pie game but that guy keeps playing it
maybe if i pull out my quarters so that he knows i have next game
GURG
that's a sockfull of proclamation, you FUCK

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
i think you and mandingo should try to work it out
...
I'm beginning to understand some things about the ObiJo years!
and i'm beginning to understand about 10 other people including squidrabies!
how'd it go?
we came to a mutual understanding.

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
hey, i think i'll wander into the ocean for a little swim. what could go wrong?
it's not like one of them will gut me and use my hollow corpse to make a point to any other surface dwellers who might invade shark territory
I CAN SEE YOUR LIPS MOVING!

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
my god, my god, why have you forsaken me?
ACK! BEES!
hehe
do me right now.

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
arrrrr, welcome to Davey Jones' locker, ye sexy men. take off ye shirt and commence scrubbing me poop deck with baby oil
are you talking to me?
no, eely. i be practicin
practicing for what?
the glorious day the Gay Cruise line "goes down" and "plunders me booty"

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
i think your wish is about to come true
*CLUNK*
are ye gay?
no!
PERFECT!

 

by mandingo
8-17-07
i'm not a pumpkin, i'm an upside down basketball with a face drawn on it and a twig jammed in for a neck
see, there's my unibrow at the bottom and my two eyes and then that black semi-circle at the top is my frowny frown
i was less frowny before the twig jamming
this is an intervention

 

by mandingo
8-18-07
okay, we're at the White House, Captain Fantastic.
indeed, Tom.
looks like there's 20 armed guards, not counting any snipers. okay, this is why i brought you. incapacitate them so i can get inside and get the files that prove the president is working for the mob.
only then will America truly be a democracy again. let's do this, Captain Fantastic! ...Captain Fantastic?

 

by mandingo
8-18-07
put your right arm out
put your right arm in
put your pants back on, stop shaking it all about.
never!

 

by mandingo
8-20-07
i've never done this before. i'm not sure what to do.
well, first you let me in.
and then what?
apparently, rape my cat and steal my tv

 

by mandingo
8-20-07
what do you see?
a blowjob in my future if you want this place to stay open.
we kind of expected. my mom's already disrobing in the broom closet
no need to bring her into this
*gulp*

 

by mandingo
8-20-07
sucky sucky 5 dollah!
thank you, no. i'm waiting for the bus to Oxford.

 

by mandingo
8-20-07
♫there are many colors in the homo rainbow♫
what about mauve?
and then he's like, "what about mauve!"
FAG!

 

by mandingo
8-20-07
hey, man, i don't know how to tell you this, so i'm just gonna say it... Santa's cheating on you
what?? no way!
you've always been jealous of us!
3 blocks later...
Santa?

 

by mandingo
8-20-07
man, i just totally ate that guy. hope no one saw
hey, you just totally ate that guy!
no, i didn't!
yes, you did! i totally saw! i'm gonna tell the world! this news will usher forth a new earth! one without religion! one without sectarian violence! one without
*burp*

 

by mandingo
8-20-07
are you sure this is the way to the Desert Kingdom, Joe?
right. insentient. always forget that about you.

 

by mandingo
8-21-07
jesus christ, where did Scotty beam me down at?
*rustle*
there could be all sorts of vicious entities about
don't you think, Bones?
could be, Jim.

 

by mandingo
8-21-07
maybe i'm just paranoid, but i feel like every time i look away, my student teacher goes through my purse
yeah, i was just paranoid
he does it even when i'm looking right at him

 

by mandingo
8-21-07
son, it's time to send you out into the world
i'm 12!
so let me tell you what my father told me when he gave me a gentle push from the nest: today you leave me not as a boy, but as
a coke mule apparently!
oh, right. you knew grandad

 

by mandingo
8-21-07
how'd your date with Joe go? he pull your finger?
nah, we're still too awkward around each other

 

by mandingo
8-22-07
you just ate out my mother!
i know and i'm so sorry! we drank too much and things got out of hand!
french kiss me, i want to know what she tastes like

 

by mandingo
8-22-07
i've caught the bus with this same guy for 10 years and we've never said more than two words to each other
6 years earlier...
FUCK ME!
CAN DO!

 

by mandingo
8-22-07
are you sure this is an evil headquarters, Ninja Tyrone? it looks like a regular house
are you sure this is their Weather Disrupter we're stealing? it looks like a plasma tv
okay, what's a Super Meteorologist doing working in a pawn shop?

 

by mandingo
8-22-07
Dear Jim, You keep the water cooler too cold. I drank it and my balls receded so far, they became ovaries. Sincerely, Joseph
you meet the new girl in accounting?
i sucked her cock at the Christmas party!

 

by mandingo
8-22-07
hey, you have any nudie pictures of your wife?
no, unfortunately, my wife was diagnosed with multiple myloma last year. she fought hard, but the chemotherapy changed her. she drowned both of our children in the bathtub before taking her own life
want some?

 

by mandingo
8-23-07
welcome to your cubicle!
which one is it?
you're standing in it, silly!
but this isn't a cubicle. it's a hallway between cubicles
so i stabbed him in the throat and ate his black heart!
that's how all your stories end.

 

by mandingo
8-24-07
hey, babe. long day, huh?
no kidding. this new schedule is killing me. the overtime pay's nice, but it's just way too many hours.
i'll say. with you getting home after 1, my midnight blowjob streak almost ended.
almost?

 

by mandingo
8-24-07
sleep with me, or i'll erase the rest of it
never!
sleep with me, or i draw Gerta, your 400lb lesbian cellmate.
i am a lesbian, dumbass!
Gerta just got a penis
and some BIG OLE balls

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
hello, Dr. Jones... or should i say, Dr. MENGELE!
you didn't capitalize the r
who am i, you ask... wait, what?
the r. shouldn't it be, "or should i say, DR. MENGELE!"
no, i was putting the emphasis on the surname since it's so universally reviled
reviled? i thought you were talking about good ole Pete "Fly"ball Mengele down the hall

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
no, i'm NOT talking about Pete "Flyball" Mengele. i'm talking about YOU actually, Dr. Jones!
it's "Fly"ball actually
because of your negli... what?
you said Pete "Flyball" Mengele, it's actually Pete "Fly"ball Mengele.
that's asinine. Flyball's his nickname. what possible reason could you have to put quotes around Fly but not ball?
ball is his middle name

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
then why isn't it Pete "Fly" Ball Mengele
because the nickname came from a lazy flyball he dropped in a company softball game
aha! then it should be Pete "Flyball" Mengele! "Flyball" is the nickname, regardless of what his middle name is!
except that Pete's a real stickler about wanting people to always include his middle name when they say his name
why would he care?
well, he dropped a saltine-sized tab of acid in college and created a sport called Peteball. i guess he likes reliving the glory days

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
so since he makes you say his middle name, you go with Pete "Fly"ball Mengele because Pete "Flyball" Ball Mengele sounds retarded
exactly
could this get any more confusing!
actually...
your 4:30's here, Dr. Mengele.
thank you, Karen.

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
none of this has anything to do with why i'm here!
why are you here, Dr. Mengele?
i'm not Dr. Mengele, you're Dr. Mengele!
no, i'm Dr. Brown
no, you're Dr. Jones!
i thought i was Dr. Mengele

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
so you're saying you're not Dr. Jones??
nope, i'm Dr. Josh Brown
could it be? could it be that i've forgotten the face of the man who ruined my life? the man i've sworn revenge against?
no idea. let's grab a brewski and figure it out
so then "Fly"ball's all, "infield fly rule, infield fly rule!" and the team's like, "you're 10 feet from the warning track, Pete!"
HAHA!

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
christ god jesus, how much did we drink last night?
about half of lake superior
you were magnificent, by the way. so gentle. and to think, i confused you with that animal
what did he do to you anyway?
he was high on coke and botched my mother's abortion. i slid down her leg and into the sewer, living like a monster, the only thing keeping me alive, my sworn vengeance for Dr. Dan Jones
Dan Jones?? ...this probably isn't the best time to tell you i'm known as Josh "Dan Jones" Brown for booting a routine grounder in the 3rd.

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
it was a really craggy infield

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
you shouldn't have made him angry!
i thought i could take him.

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
i have a long list of phobias so i invited a psychiatrist friend over to talk
karen? karen, are you here?
time to add doors to the list

 

by mandingo
8-25-07
excuse me, can you tell me where there's a hardware store?
why? you need rope so you can hang a brother?
what a prejudiced thing to say! "all klansmen hang African Americans" is like saying, "all African Americans eat watermelon!"
fine, whatever. there's a Home Depot around the corner.
rope, please, and hurry. he's getting away

 

by mandingo
8-26-07
get in my coffee cup
you dropped too much acid, dad. try to relax and breathe
Timmy... is that you? i'm not feeling too good, son. i think i'm dying! there's something important i have to tell you before the acid takes me over again! it may just save my life!
what is it, dad!
get in my coffee cup

 

by mandingo
8-27-07
sir, do you know why i stopped you?
i've got a handle on that, i think. the part i'm wondering about is why you dry humped my hood then beat my wife to death with your billy club
do i tell you how to do your job?
you did, actually. in between the hood-humping and wife-beating, there was a solid three or four minutes of suggestion
i should probably run

 

by mandingo
8-28-07
what the hell is all this, pop
these are all my love letters to your dead mother, son
really? i didn't know you and mom were romantic. all you did was fight
i know. this is my way of finally getting the last word. i wrote all of these after she died
all they say is "I FUCKED YOUR SISTER" over and over again
which is what we fought about mostly. though since your mom died, your old dad's been kind of lonely, so about fifty of those apply to you now too

 

by mandingo
8-28-07
uh oh, Kung Fu Greek. it seems the time machine dropped us off 3000 years too early. this is the Minquin people of Barbados, known throughout history for their loose women
and crabs.
all sorts of seafood, actually.

 

by mandingo
8-29-07
i'm home, pop!
if you're my arm, what the hell is this i'm holding?
that's one of those novelty cloth arms people hang out of their trunk to make it look like there's a body in there
HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA HAHAHAHA
i'm about to lose a popularity contest to a piece of cloth, aren't i?
oh yeah.

 
by mandingo, 8-30-07

 

but it's pronounced Rah-Shell
shut it, you filthy murderer
by mandingo, 8-30-07

 

roaches check in...
by mandingo, 8-30-07

Showing page 17.

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