All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
11-30-06
Hunter, your Jedi has the initiative.
Well, since the enemy's within my reach I'm making a full attack, which means four strikes with my main arm and three each with my other three arms, for a total of thirteen attacks at a +25 to hit.
And this is why you keep a tight rein on DM's during Character Creation.
Ah.
I see.

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-06
Jason's character successfully takes cover behind the wall.
What the Hell? Why are you always hiding behind shit?
Because my HP is made of Suck!

 

by HCRoyall
12-02-06
As you explore the old base, you are confronted by two large sentry robots complete with arm mounted laser weapons.
I'm going to run away, shooting Jason in the knee with my shotgun as I go so he'll distract them.
Why do you guys always pick on me?
Because it's easy.

 

by HCRoyall
12-04-06
Dude, face hits don't count. You have to hit them the chest with that weapon for a kill.
If you insist.
::gurgle::

 

by HCRoyall
12-06-06
Well, this is certainly interesting. Chris, the random personality trait I rolled for your character is "distrustful of magic".
And You're the meat shield in a party with a True Name Wizard..
A Shadow Mage...
And a cleric of the Fire God.
Keep your spells off me, you damn dirty casters!

 

by HCRoyall
12-06-06
"I'll give you a choice, drow," he says. "Leave or die. I'll never accept one of your kind into this organization."
I have a better offer. My companions have the clues to find the floating city you're after. Let me join, and I'll lead you right to it.
You're selling out your friends?
The Guildmaster thinks for a moment, then says "We have a deal."
I've said it before, and I'll say it again: The murderous drow has no friends.

 

by HCRoyall
12-10-06
I read on your LiveJournal that you lost your voice. Is that true?
Somehow, I should have expected this...
Hello?

 

by HCRoyall
12-10-06
Ooo! Film reels from the 50's!
Everyone will have a flying car and eat nutrient pills in the future!
Experts guarantee that people will be vacationing on the moon and living on Mars by the dawn of the 21st century!
There's got to be someone I can sue over this...
Everyone will enjoy peace and harmony and always get along with their neighbors, and those darkies will be all sent off in a rocket to Jupiter!

 

by HCRoyall
12-10-06
Let it be known that I had lost my voice and was trying to give my vocal cords a rest when he decides to ask an endles series of questions...
Can I ask you another question?
>:|
What was that? Oh, Charades! Ok, Six words...
>:(
"I'm... Going... To... Kick... Your... Ass..." Uh oh...
>:)

 

by HCRoyall
12-11-06
Ugh, I hate getting up to go to work on Mondays...
Jeff! Why is it that since you moved in I randomly walk outside to find someone's decorated our stoop in the middle of the night?

 

You're going to be God for a week.
I spent the week being an all-powerful asshole. Now I can learn an important lesson and miraculously change my entire life around by not being an asshole. Hooray!
by HCRoyall, 12-14-06

 

by HCRoyall
12-21-06
Hunter, you and your horriblye low hit points fall from the dragon's mouth as it dies from Tom's attack, taking 6 falling damage. You die.
Deja Vu.
At least you went out fighting. I got turned into a puddle of ash and goo when it breathed on me as I was running away.

 

by HCRoyall
12-21-06
So you have your new characters ready?
Yep. I'm a half-elf Beguiler.
I'm a halfling Druid with a dire badger as my animal companion. His name is Mushroom.
I hate you so much.
Oo! Use your wild shape to turn into a Snake!
o/' A Snake! It's a Snake! o/'

 

Sure, everyone knows about Rudolph, but does Bessy get credit for saving the day during the milk shortage of '83?
by HCRoyall, 12-24-06

 

Companies implement policies to limit the amount of smoke breaks taken by their employees.
RAAAR!!
AAAAAHHH!!!!
by HCRoyall, 12-27-06

 

Internet memes will become part of mainstream media.
And in today's news, an earthquake in Gurkmenistan has leveled the capital city and thousands are injured, many more suspected dead.
O RLY?
by HCRoyall, 12-27-06

 

Internet porn will leave many people unable to engage is sexual intercourse without involving bizarre rituals.
Again! LOUDER!
Ungala Ftah Cthulhu! UNGALA FTAH CTHULU!!
by HCRoyall, 12-27-06

 

Hundreds of retail workers will be mauled to death by rabid geeks in search of the newest gaming systems.
by HCRoyall, 12-27-06

 

by HCRoyall
12-28-06
I couldn't pick up that whiskey for you. The guy at the store said they don't sell liquor, only booze.
The guy at the LIQUOR STORE told you they don't sell LIQUOR? Only booze, which is another word for liquor?
Yes. I didn't feel it was worth arguing with him at the time.
Excuse me, I have some stupidity to punish.

 

by HCRoyall
1-03-07
Ernie, you find quite a few magic items on this guy, one of which you instantly recognize as a ring of fire resistance.
My last character could have used that.
Your last character would be your current character if you'd gotten one of those instead of those stupid boots of gravity.
Oooo, Burn!
Ironically, Ernie's last character did just that.

 

by HCRoyall
1-04-07
So my girlie and I were making bread on New Year's Eve (it's our little tradition) and this year's recipe was for Mexican sweetbread, which is supposed to have a sugary crumble topping...
Why won't this stuff get crumbly?!
Umm... Because you should add sugar to make it crumbly, instead of flour, which makes it doughy.
Oh. There we go.

 

I'm sure you're all wondering who the winners will be tonight. The answer is no one who actually deserves an award.
by HCRoyall, 1-13-07

 

And the winner for best nude scene is... Janine McSlut!
There are so many people I'd love to thank, but most of all my plastic surgeon for upping my boobs one more size!
by HCRoyall, 1-13-07

 

by HCRoyall
1-19-07
Okay Ryan, since you killed Bob the Unstoppable and won the Most Broken Character Tournament, you get first dibs on his hoard. The first thing you find is a sword composed of pure energy.
Sweet! I've got a lightsaber!
No, it's a Brilliant Energy weapon.
So, a lightsaber.
No, lightsabers cut everything. Brilliant Energy weapons only cut living material.
So... a really crappy lightsaber then?

 

by HCRoyall
1-19-07
How did Ryan beat Bob the Unstoppable, you ask? Round One:
Okay Ryan, Bob hits you for forty eight damage.
I have damage reduction of 50, with no way to bypass it.
Round Two:
Bob unleashes his fire breath on you. You take 79 points of fire damage.
I have a ring of universal elemental immunity.
Round 3:
How is it that anyone else could whup you in a heartbeat, yet you are able to beat the thing that ate them for a midnight snack?
Wasting a lot of feats and money on random things that stacked?

 

by HCRoyall
1-24-07
Two announcements: Asa will not be joining us anymore because of classes, and Ernie is on my shit list now.
I knew giving Hunter that dire badger miniature was a bad idea...
Your bad luck he got a Myconid and an Iron Cobra in the pack of minis he just bought.
o/`Badger badger badger badger...o/`

 

by HCRoyall
1-24-07
Asa, the Helm of Brilliance will explode, expending all its remaining charges on everything within range, if you take 31 points of fire damage or more.
The same thing happens if you break one of the gems set in it.
Hear that? That means all of you are my bitches, or I blow us all to crispy chunks.

 

by HCRoyall
1-25-07
Yesterday
Hi, I'm moving this weekend and need my power switched to the next townhouse over by Friday.
No problem. I'll leave the new account info on your voicemail at your home number.
The power in your new place will be turned on next Monday like you asked. Your current power is being turned off tomorrow night.
Why is my power being turned off tonight and the new power not being turned on until Monday?!
The computer says the new power is already on. You clearly are the one at fault for our employees' stupidity.

 

by HCRoyall
2-03-07
Okay, I know it's early, but lets quit for tonight.
I just wasted thirty minutes in-game summoning a horde of elementals to help us with a boss fight, and you're caling it quits? Early to boot? I demand satisfaction!
They'll still be there for next time.
Not if no one remembers he summoned them.

 

by HCRoyall
2-07-07
Wow, Hunter. You've been playing for less than an hour and you're already dead.
Hey! Somebody finally broke your record!

 

by HCRoyall
2-07-07
Hunter, you just single-handedly killed a Great Wyrm white dragon.
I did it! I broke my curse!
Sweet! I knew you could do it!
You were rooting for the dragon the whole time!!
I fail to see how that's relevant.

 

by HCRoyall
2-08-07
At the NFL offices, months ago...
Hello Prince, thanks for coming today. To get to the point, we want you to play at halftime at the Super Bowl. What will it take?
Well, I would just have one small request.
Name it.
I want Janet's costume designer.
This can't lead to anything good...

 

James, we've received numerous complaints about your... sayings, so to speak.
With all this faggery-daggery-doo going on here, you're ignoring those porch monkeys to Wop at me about dumb Spic-Nip words?
by HCRoyall, 2-08-07

 

Someopne called about a little Faggery daggery doo?
Dammit, Steve, I told you, not while I'm working.
by HCRoyall, 2-08-07

 

by HCRoyall
2-21-07
Ernie, that staff will take you four months to enchant it yourself.
That long? David's building his own demiplane, and it's only taking him a couple weeks!
I have an answer to that, Ernie. I'm a wizard. You aren't. Suck It.
You heard me.

 

by HCRoyall
2-23-07
All right, let's see your new character.. Gorf the Squisher?
He's a half-giant and his weapon is pretty much an anvil on a stick. He likes to squish things and does it quite well.
I hate you so much.

 

by HCRoyall
2-24-07
Now, I want to start doing a Vampirr: The Requiem campaign every other saturday because I'm a little burned out only doing D&D.
But I need a lot more maturity from you for that, because V:tR has a much darker and more adult theme. It isn't a game for your usual childish antics.
So, we have to pretend to be angsty goth kids?
We pretend to be angsty goth kids pretending to be angsty vampires.
I'm allergic to angst. It makes me break out in Emo.
My character will have a widow's peak and an opera cape!

 

by HCRoyall
2-24-07
But aren't the vampires pretending to be normal people? Then we'd be pretending to be angsty goth kids pretending to be vampires pretending to be normal people.
And then if they started playing D&D, we'd be pretending to be angsty goth kids pretending to be vampires pretending to be normal people pretending to be wizards and paladins.
An Opera Cape?
And I would max out my skill in reading minds, so I would only feed on the evil-doer, just like the Vampire Lestat.

 

by HCRoyall
2-24-07
What if one of the characters died?
Which one? The angsty goth kid, the vampire, the normal person, or the fantasy character?
I thought you hated Anne Rice's stuff.
I do, but it would piss Hunter off something fierce if I made a character like that.

 

by HCRoyall
2-24-07
On Second thought, I'm going to let Jake run a campaign every other Saturday instead.
Ooo! New DM!
Fresh Meat!
Just so you know. our tradition to welcome a new DM is to make the most broken characters possible. Enjoy your sanity while it lasts.
What have I gotten myself into?

 

by HCRoyall
3-05-07
This just in! KISS is cancelling their upcoming tour!
What?! No!! I've waited years for this!
According to a police report, an unidentified man wielding a knife assaulted and seriously injured band frontman Gene Simmons...
BUTCH!!!
What? I left him his signature tongue!

 

by HCRoyall
3-12-07
And that's why...
If you say one more word I'll rip your testicles out through your throat.

 

by HCRoyall
3-14-07
4:30 Yesterday afternoon
Nobody's here yet. I guess they're running late.
4:50 Yesterday afternoon
Oh, hey Tom. I was just about to leave. I tried getting a hols of Luke, but his cell phone's turned off.
I thought you guys would be at it by now. I have Phil's number; call him and see what the deal is.
Oh hey! Luke's car broke down and he couldn't get to the shop to open it up. I would have called you but I didn't have your number.
There shall be a reckoning come Saturday. And Luke shall rue the day I spent half an hour out here because his phone was off.

 

by HCRoyall
3-14-07
Okay, you failed the saving throw. You fall unconscious.
Whuh-oh.
As the poison wears off, you wake up to find yourself...
My character is immune to poison. I thought it was a drug.
Well, that screws up my plans right good...

 

The official statement was death by Picasso, but the crime was too much like a Monet for me to just leave it alone...
by HCRoyall, 3-19-07

 

by HCRoyall
3-19-07
*Cough**Wheeze*::dies::
That's a great metaphor for the Dems getting on the Administration, but I just asked for the time.

 

by HCRoyall
3-22-07
According to these polls, gorilla felching has lost popularity to orangutan rimjobs.
And I already signed the little guy up for classes, too. Dang!
What?

 

by HCRoyall
3-22-07
So far this contest hasn't been very productive.
According to my research, it's all because of Wirthling.
I'm inclined to believe you, but what sort of research did you do?
These pictures and graphs contain all the data I've collected.
This is a picture of a Hoover and a crayon drawing of a monkey sucking a tennis ball through a garden hose.
It's a quantitative ratio of Wirthling and suck.

 

by HCRoyall
3-22-07
So how's the little bundle of joy?
It's not so bad now that I've gotten used to him.
I told you he'd grow on you.
Yeah, I like him so much I told my wife I wanted another ASAP. But she said to put at least two years between kids.
That reminds me of a news story I saw; China has an issue with their citizens selling unwanted children.
Way ahead of you. Did you know UPS can deliver overnight from Asia?

 

by HCRoyall
3-22-07
Did you know the newest thing in art nowadays is using fecal matter for your medium?
And on a related note, I'd advise you keep an open mind when I show you my new pieces.
What did you smear your stinking feces over this time?
It started out innocently, I swear.

Showing page 18.

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