All comics by Cobb

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by Cobb
2-18-06
look i really can't give you the robot, but i still want that escalade you promised. what kind of prophet are you if you can't deliver?
are you sure you wouldn't want 37 virgins instead?
i think you're a phony.
brrreeeport.
what's that supposed to mean? are you trying to distract me by using an intenet keyword to bring attention to yourself?
brrreeeport!

 

by Cobb
2-18-06
man religion sucks! i can't believe i was following a false prophet.
c'mon. your committment to him wasn't real. your jihad was just as false and his promise.
yeah but it felt spiritually invigorating to think of allah when i was destroying cities with my robot.
you were only falsely attributing a sense of release to a spiritual level when you simply lust for destruction like every other human.
oh yeah? what makes you so sure of all this? what makes you so sure it's just base human behavior?
because it feels so great putting you in your place.

 

by Cobb
2-18-06
so now that you know you're no muslim, where are you going to go?
i think i'll join the military.
that's pretty extreme don't you think?
well, at least i can feel honest about my lust for destruction.
you realize that they don't have mech assault robots in the real army. it's just you and a rifle.
i kick ass in call of duty 2 on the xbox 360. how hard can it be?

 

by Cobb
2-18-06
i'm the new guy from hq. we recieved the dna signals from the toilet and are effecting a rescue. i assume that you are the spy's bird.
how did you get to iran so quickly?
that's classified. show me to the toilet.
uh.. he's in there.
he doesn't have to send any more signals. your ordeal is over. we have choppers at the lz just outside.
no, it's that i think he's allergic to cardamom.

 

by Cobb
2-18-06
do you realize how much piss i wasted on that dna transponder? and they send you? a total amatuer?
hey. you're free from an iranian prison. maybe a thank you would be in order.
hey i've had much worse. all you get is a salute - only i'm kinda frozen in this position. you see there are limits to the comic software...
..yeah i know. my eyes are actually hazel.
so. now what?
we're going to haiti. don't your read the news?

 

by Cobb
2-19-06
..spread pattern and choke...
what are you mumbling about?
i'm trying to calculate some ballistics.
ballistics?
look. i'm going to prove that cheney shot this guy up close, that there's a cover up and that it proves the entire bush administration is corrupt.
oh. well i can't help you. remember? we all used 'faith-based math'.

 

by Cobb
2-19-06
so what if your ballistics calculations prove that cheney wasn't lying?
that's inconceivable. the entire universe of truth, mathematics and scientific inquiry stands against the lying treachery of the bush administration.
don't be ridiculous. there's no cover-up. it was just a simple hunting accident. you're grasping at straws.
inconceivable!
you keep using that word. i do not think it means what you think it means.
am i going mad, or did the word 'think' escape your lips?

 

by Cobb
2-23-06
where's my bird?
on vacation. c'mon, we have to get moving.
what's the hurry? if we're going to haiti, nothing is going to change there even if we swim.
i know but our mission is to scout out a location for a new secret prison, and we have to move aq detainees before the end of march.
what happens then?
dubai world ports takes over gitmo.

 

by Cobb
2-23-06
bush is blowing it again. i can't believe that he's rubber stamping this port deal.
since when did you care about national security?
i don't really, but it's fun to watch you conservatives squirm over this one.
imagine it. we actually do business with these arab lunatics. whoo i'm scared.
c'mon. admit it. you're fuming inside. you know terrorists could strike at any moment at strategic american ports.
yeah. look what they did to all our strategic oil in the mideast, right where they live.

 

by Cobb
2-23-06
you really think that american ports are vulnerable to arab terrorists?
well of course they are. if they weren't the president wouldn't be so desparately trying to tell us that everything is ok.
you've probably never even been to a cargo port in your entire yuppie life.
shows what you know. i support labor unions and environmental concerns.
ok so tell me how many dark skinned longshoreman you've ever met, mr union supporter. like some arab is going to go unnoticed.
many of our italian-american bretheren are olive complected...

 

by Cobb
2-23-06
hijacking islam is not so easy as it looks. my first human said i looked like a frog and my second human ended up joining the cia.
well, i could have told you not to start in america. you should have gone to europe like i did.
i don't see what the difference is. humans are humans. they're all pathetic and they smell awful.
well you should know by now that americans consider themselves different from all the rest of humanity. besides, there aren't many muslims there.
yeah but they have these really cool giant robots, and they'll do anything for an escalade.
well, at least i see you've been watching al jazeera.

 

by Cobb
2-23-06
i never thought i'd say so but i think you're getting complacent and lax about security.
whatever.
i mean, we're losing control in iraq - they just bombed this holy shrine, and you shrug it off.
how holy can it be if they blew it up? i mean ask anybody from texas about the alamo. they treat it like a holy shrine.
hey, i'm from texas. you watch your mouth, now!
whatever.

 

by Cobb
3-01-06
i've just added a usb quantum encryption device to my computer.
yes, but does it make ice cream?
seriously, i can send encrypted signals up to 8 km away instantaneously without the use of a physical connection.
so it's like wireless im.
but better, because so few people have it or know how cool it is.
i imagine you get a lot of bounced emails.

 

by Cobb
8-06-06
so this adnan hajj. he's the guy behind all the pictures of the green helmet guy?
that's yesterday's news.
he photshopped pictures of beirut to make it look like israelis bombed more than they did.
you're still hours behind what's up, dude.
ok so tell me what's up with adnan hajj now.
he's making a new commercial with jane hamsher for the ned lamont campaign.

 

by Cobb
1-20-07
..in other news, blogger cobb has revived his comic strip.
he says that he has realized the folly of dialog. getting people to laugh is more rewarding than getting them to think.
..in a related story, sam brownback announced his candidacy for president.

 

by Cobb
1-20-07
it's been a while. tell me, are you still a busybody bleeding heart white liberal with a secret desire for black dudes?
you got it half right. i gave up all desires for self-absorbed pseudo black pompous rich boys.
haha that's funny.
yeah why?
my family went broke.
i won the lottery. i'll pick you up at eight in the limo.

 

by Cobb
1-20-07
i have been fighting in iraq, iran, sudan and north korea since 2000.
my only real friend was a bird, a complete misanthrope. he was the only one who understood the usefulness of killing people.
i miss him. and rumsfeld.

 

by Cobb
1-20-07
i'm working for hillary! i'm working for hillary! i've never been so excited in all my life.
duff or clinton?
clinton of course.
you said all politicians were underhanded cuthroats with silver tongues and unrestrained egos who care nothing about reality.
well, that's just men.
did you stop to think that...oh nevermind.

 

by Cobb
1-20-07
so how are you opposing the war this week?
the surge is just a waste of american blood. there are too many troops in iraq.
so you've stuck a fork in shinseki's back. he's done.
shinseki?
the general you liberals pretended to love because he said rumsfeld didn't send in enough troops.
oh that's so pre-abu graihb.

 

by Cobb
1-22-07
increased israeli military presence in shebaa farms?
check!
increasing hezbollah agitation in the streets of lebanon?
check!
complete ignorance in the american public?
check!

 

by Cobb
2-09-07
you seem cheery.
well, it's been a while. but all this time i've never told you how articulate you are.. and i thought you should know.
i see. i never told you how perceptive you are for seeing that i am articulate.
what?
other people have never noticed my extraordinary way with words. not even the dean when he gave me my degree was so perceptive as you.
hmm. i didn't see that coming.

 

by Cobb
2-09-07
i'm flattered. do you really think i'm perceptive?
yes. in fact, i'm surprised that you didn't know i was going to say yes in answer to that very question.
do i detect a bit of sarcasm in that response?
wow! you did it again. incredible.
ok, you know what? this isn't funny any more.
amazing!

 

by Cobb
2-09-07
all i did was give you a compliment and you turn it back on me. what is so wrong with me saying you're articulate if you are?
what's so wrong with me saying you're a socially inept dork who still doesn't get it?
i don't see why i have to dance arround your insecurities. i say what i damned well please.
nobody's trying to stop you. so don't act all innocent.
we're having a racial fight aren't we?
feels good doesn't it?

 

by Cobb
2-09-07
hello there little fellow. how are you doing?
protect me!
well, that's what i'm here to do. where are your parents?
if i told you the entire tragic story you would be so filled with anger and rage that you would embark on a campaign of destruction and vengeance that would last 1000 years.
uhh. we don't work that way.
then you clearly cannot protect me.

 

by Cobb
2-21-07
so dude. i'm going to start taking iraq seriously.
well, that's a change.
yeah. see i figured out that moqtada al sadr actually has assitance from iran. it's some special technology. that's why can't catch him.
really? that's interesting. what is this technology.
it's called a 'surge protector'.
god i hope they bring back the draft!

 

by Cobb
2-21-07
i mean i like celebrities as much as the next guy but it is a little bit crazy.
first anna, now britney. who's next?
you know, you'd think that with all the technology we have to find out about celebrities, we could use it to find bin laden.
you make a very interesting point, but you're not going to draw me into a political discussion.
why not?
because i'm the real father of that baby.

 

by Cobb
3-06-07
i'm thinking of a word. two syllables.
oh cool. is it a noun?
yes. a person or a thing.
hmm. not a place. oh wait. does it start with an 'n'?
yep.
that's not fair.

 

by Cobb
3-07-07
i'm voting for hillary. you're voting for obama, right?
no. why do you think so?
duh. this is the chance for everybody to vote for who they are.
i can't believe you think that's all there is to it.
i'm voting for hillary..ooh sorry, kerry's not running.
huh?

 

by Cobb
3-15-07
what are you doing?
reading twitter.
what are you doing now?
writing a twitter entry.
how about right now?
adding you to my twitter friends list, ok?

 

by Cobb
3-15-07
what's with the pirate getup?
que?
the pirate costume why.. do you speak english?
no. no ingles.
uh, let me guess. this is your clever way to escape immigration authorities?
voy al disneyland

 

by Cobb
3-15-07
¿usted me piensa conseguirá cogido?
no, i think you will escape immigration. i have to admit, nobody will think you're a wetback.
¿qué pensarán?
well, you kinda look like an ambiguously gay slacker.
¿qué medio del 'gay'?
'gay' means no democrat will ever say a harsh word against you.

 

by Cobb
3-15-07
usted entiende me pero le no habla español.
hey, i'm a black man. i got enough problems without speaking spanish.
¿puede usted enseñarme a hablar inglés?
sure, repeat after me: 'fine corinthian leather'
ha ha very funny.
yeah well you're busted too, pedro.

 

by Cobb
3-17-07
you hate haliburton right?
of course. they're a giant evil corrupt organization that profits from insider deals and no-bid contracts.
but they employ lots of people and make good money.
all the more reason. they're all about profits. the world would be better off without those crooks.
well, they must have heard you loud and clear. they're moving their hq to dubai.
but...but.. that means we can't tax them. i mean they're depriving america of much needed tax revenues..

 

by Cobb
3-17-07
wait a minute. let me get this straight. you hate big corporations but they should stay in america.
yes, so we can tax them and convert their evil profits into beneficial programs for the poor.
what about jobs?
what about them?
aren't 'jobs' beneficial programs for the poor?
don't get smart with me.

 

by Cobb
3-17-07
you obviously don't understand. big corporations cut millions of jobs every opportunity they get. ever heard of enron? duh!
i've heard of the unemployment rate, so if all these corporations are randomly killing jobs, how can it be at only 4%?
you wouldn't think it was 'only 4%' if you were one of those 4%.
and you wouldn't think profits were evil if you were smart enough to make any.
it's clear that i'm going to have to kill you.
bring it on.

 

by Cobb
3-19-07
..this is sparta!! i love that line.
are you talking about that disgusting violent movie 300?
hey, those guys saved western civilzation.
they were barbaric eugenists. you know they killed all children that weren't perfect.
you mean like abortion?
..uh so how about that ncaa tournament?

 

by Cobb
3-21-07
28%
ok stop being so cryptic, what's 28%?
according to the latest polls, that's the approval rating of the pelosi congress after 100 days.
yike. that's lower than the president's approval rating.
that's lower than the belly of a pregnant snake.
ok, i get it. so change the subject, already. and change that shirt will you?

 

by Cobb
4-02-07
have you seen the youtube video with the guys who jumped off the petronas towers?
yeah that is so awesomely cool. i really admire those guys.
have you seen any combat footage of iraq on youtube?
why would i waste my time on something like that?
death-defying heroism perhaps?
jeez. i bet you're one of those guys who liked '300' too.

 

by Cobb
4-04-07
presidential pardons. who deserves 'em?
scooter libby.
ha! no way. sandy berger.
you gotta be kidding me.
shaquanda cotton.
wow. i agree. so, what are you doing for dinner?

 

by Cobb
4-04-07
ahmadinijad has released the hostages. i can't believe it.
what's to believe? he's just another head of state. he can't be all bad.
i think he got a clue that iranian hostage taking jsut doesn't sit well with the american public.
you just can't admit that negotiation can work and diffuse these problems non-violently.
ahh. he's just lucky that he didn't let this drag out.
or what? some republican president would send him some missiles through country two?

 

by Cobb
4-04-07
can you believe that eddie murphy is having a baby with scary spice?
isn't he too old to be having babies?
apparently not. and not too stupid either.
but what i want to know is if he's followling the spice girl rules. if you wannabe my lover...
you gotta get with my friends... dang does that mean what i think it means?
stop thinking like a man.

 

by Cobb
4-06-07
ok so now you're all paid up, are you happy?
i want to hear you say it.
forget that. you just wait until football season.
football, basketball it doesn't matter. florida rules.
when did you start drinking the gatorade?
from the nipple, man. from the nipple.

 

by Cobb
4-09-07
..so what we really need to do is pay attention to the growing threat from china.
i dunno.. i mean they're still pretty inwardly focused. i mean all they care about is taiwan. what kind of global threat is that?
but, they have a billion plus people and they're going to use all the oil.
yeah but they've had a billion people all our lives, and still they freak out over 23 million in taiwan.
and they hold billions of dollars in american treasury notes.
were you being truthful when you said that size doesn't matter?

 

by Cobb
4-09-07
so have you heard about this new rapper on the radio?
is he any good?
well, sorta, but you know they're ragging on him because he's white.
oh. slim shady? is there a new eminem album out?
no, this is a new guy. he's called don something. he made a record about nappy headed hos.
no. sorry. i never heard of him. must be an east cost thing.

 

by Cobb
4-11-07
i know this is a crazy question but what's worse about what don imus said, nappy-headed or ho?
what kind of question is that?
i'm just asking..
like i'm supposed to accept one part but not the other?
it's just a theoretical...
i'm theoretically two inches from your neck

 

by Cobb
4-11-07
well, i don't see how a strong black woman needs to get all bent out of shape over what some shock jock radio..
..what if he was talking about your mother?
i'm just saying with all the problems in the world, aids, war, health care.. it's a big deal over name calling.
and i'm talking about your mother.
hey. leave my mother out of this.
alright. now you're talking like a black man.

 

by Cobb
4-11-07
so i'm going to a games party and we're going to play news trivia.
i've got google, digg, wikipedia and some other special resources at your disposal. shoot.
what was the name of the ship that lost the british sailers without firing a shot?
that would be the hms chickenshit. haha. no just kidding. it was the hms cornwall.
good. thanks. by the way, what does 'hms' stand for?
holy muslim safehouse

 

by Cobb
4-11-07
april is alcohol awareness month.
i wasn't aware of that.
you should try to become more aware.
i am aware. april is also stress awareness month.
really?
you realize there's a really cool way to combine our awareness.

 

by Cobb
4-11-07
are you aware that april is foot health awareness month?
i thought it was yukon biodiversity awareness month.
it is. and it's also irratable bowel syndrome awareness month.
you're shitting me
i shit you not.
there's gotta be a website somewhere...

 

by Cobb
4-12-07
how long have i been in the middle east fighting this gawdawful war?
i can't remember the last time i had a decent meal.
i'm really craving a burrito right now.

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