All comics by UnknownEric

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by UnknownEric
9-18-07
Mommy, will you read me a bedtime story?
Sure honey, let's see what books we have here...
You can hear "The Very Horny Caterpillar," "Horton Hires A Ho" or "The Jizmstain Bears."
I'm scared.

 

by UnknownEric
9-24-07
Eh. What a let down. Come on, let's go Tijuana and get some blow.
Sweet. I'll suck off some cartel guys to save us some cash!
In Tijuana
Just close your eyes and give me a twenty when I'm done.
Ay! Mi rabo es grande!
*glorp glorp*

 

by UnknownEric
9-24-07
Hey, you want to come to the strip club with me?
Nah, I've never really understood strip clubs.
What's there to understand?
Well, it's just a bunch of naked chicks on drugs trying to get all your money.
If I wanted that, I'd just go hang out with your mom.

 

by UnknownEric
9-25-07
What did you do last night?
I went to a John Mayer concert.
Oh my God, John Mayer? You know how I know you're gay? You listen to JOHN MAYER.
Well shit, I thought the fact that I had your dick in my mouth last night would've tipped you off sooner.

 

by UnknownEric
10-10-07
LET'S FUCKING HEAR IT FOR ANUS!!!

 

by UnknownEric
10-11-07
There once was a man named Bill Schitz. He was tired of everybody making fun of his name.
Hahahaha, Bill Schitz!
So he went to the courthouse and got it changed.
I'd like to change my name.
Phew! I can see why!
To Bob Schitz.
Hi, Bob.
Hi, George.

 

by UnknownEric
10-12-07
And on the seventh day, the Lord rested.
Amen.
But on that eighth day, he looked down on all he had created, especially on Adam, and loudly declared...
"Let us fucking hear it for anus!" And it was good, yea.
Amen.

 

by UnknownEric
10-15-07
Hi, I'm Paul McCartney. You may remember me from the cinematic classic "Give My Regards To Broad Street."
Fuck you too.

 

by UnknownEric
10-15-07
What's the difference between you and Rush Limbaugh?
I dunno.
I've never rubbed my balls on Rush Limbaugh's face while he was sleeping.
Excuse me, I have to take a shower.

 

by UnknownEric
10-15-07
Man, modern politics sucks.
Seriously. Where are the larger-than-life figures? The heroes fighting for what's right and not just election. Like Eugene Debs! I'd have BUTTSECKS with Eugene Victor Debs.
I truly hope that was some sort of comic exaggeration.
No! Dig him up! I'll go to town!

 

by UnknownEric
10-18-07
In advertising, a catchy, short slogan can often majorly boost awareness of a product.
For example, Nuprin did very well with their "Little. Yellow. Different." campaign.
Whoa, whoa, whoa... that ad was about Nuprin?
Well... yeah. What did you think it was about?
Fucking an Asian chick!

 

by UnknownEric
10-18-07
I never knew that you could dance like this.
It makes a man wanna speak Spanish.
Chupa mi rabo, puta.

 

Oooohh oooohhhh oooooooohhhhh ooooohhhhhh
by UnknownEric, 10-18-07

 

Thank ye for fucking at Ye Olde Fucke Shoppe!
by UnknownEric, 10-22-07

 

She wants a value meal... how many more chickens do we have back there?
by UnknownEric, 10-25-07

 

by UnknownEric
10-27-07
You DO think I'm beautiful, don't you, Charles Tan?
You didn't answer me right away. You had to think about it first, didn't you? If you really had thought I was beautiful, you would've spoken right up. I know when I've been insulted!
What the fuck just happened?

 

by UnknownEric
11-01-07
Whoa.
You see that hottie over there?
Damn. I'd do her in a minute.
I mean, literally. Three pumps and I'd be DONE.

 

Well, Merry fucking Christmas to me!
by UnknownEric, 11-17-07

 

by UnknownEric
12-05-07
You could drink a beer with me! Unless you're against beer, in which case, I'm against it too!
By the way, JESUS!!!

 

by UnknownEric
12-07-07
Sometimes I'm convinced that I spend too much time thinking about things that nobody else ever would.
Like wouldn't it be funny if Mike Ness from Social Distortion had a daughter and named her Pea?

 

by UnknownEric
12-19-07
Psst, hey... would you like any cocaine?
Yeah, sure!
Awesome.
Do you know where to get any, cause I'd like some too.

 

by UnknownEric
12-19-07
I WANT COCK!
OH FUCK, I WANT COCK!
Am I late? I heard someone wanted me.

 

by UnknownEric
12-26-07
SUPERMAN THAT HO!!!
Don't mind if I do.
La-de-da-de-da...
THWACK!
Ow.
FOR JUSTICE, BITCH!

 

by UnknownEric
1-05-08
with all apologies to choad...
The kick is up...
..
ohhh, and it's high and wide...
...just like Britney Spears.

 

by UnknownEric
1-07-08
THE MONKEYS ARE REFORMING!!!
Whoa.
The Monkees? Awesome! I hope they go on tour!
Me too! I've always wanted to see them live!
Mike Nesmith is totally my favorite.
Humans! Quick, eat their brains!

 

by UnknownEric
1-07-08
Mr. Telephone Man, there's something right with my line...
...when I dial my baby's number, she sucks my dick every time.

 

by UnknownEric
1-14-08
Chugga chugga, choo choo!!!
It's so cute watching Read play with his trains.
Look out, Percy!
He gets so engrossed in them.
Oh shit, Thomas!
Uh-oh.

 

by UnknownEric
1-14-08
Did you teach Read to say "shit"?
Think of a good answer. Think of a good answer. Think of a good answer.
What the fuck do you think?
D'oh.

 

by UnknownEric
1-22-08
Hello?
Hey baby...
Jesus! I was hoping you would call.
Last night was awesome, baby.
*giggle* You know I only do that for you, right.
That's what they all say.

 

Can you show me WHERE he touched you?
by UnknownEric, 1-23-08

 

by UnknownEric
1-24-08
Hey Kimmie, why is your nickname "Buttsex"?
Because I smoke a lot of weed.
Oh, okay.
Much, much later...
Wait a minute...

 

by UnknownEric
1-24-08
Were you there when they crucified my Lord?
I was, actually.
Holy shit, they're crucifying Jesus!
Of all days to leave my camera at home...

 

SCORE!
by UnknownEric, 1-24-08

 

by UnknownEric
1-28-08
"Store manager slain in apparent robbery"
Man, as if it isn't bad enough the guy gets killed...
...it was his parents that did him in.

 

by UnknownEric
1-30-08
I'm bored, what do you want to do?
I dunno, what do you want to do?
Come on your tits!
Fuck.

 

by UnknownEric
2-01-08
Kip Winger? You're going to have to come with me.
What for, officer?
That girl you've been screwing? She's only seventeen.
Seventeen? But she gives me love like I've never seen!
She's too young.
But she's old enough for me.

 

by UnknownEric
2-01-08
You're with me, leather.

 

by UnknownEric
2-08-08
Hey buddy, why so down?
Jessica Alba gave me herpes.
Oh...
...you lucky bastard.

 

by UnknownEric
2-08-08
So how much do I owe you?
Nothin'. It's been taken care of.
Huh?
It's on me.
Sweet! Thanks, Jesus!

 

YES WE CAN!
Oh no, you di'nt.
by UnknownEric, 2-11-08

 

Emmy from Dragontales in 10 years...
Will you suck my cock for $20?
DEFinitely!
by UnknownEric, 2-11-08

 

by UnknownEric
2-12-08
Amy Winehouse, I hear you were mugged last night.
Nah, I wuz almost mugged.
Almost mugged?
Yeah, I right put a stop to it.
How?
They tried to hit me with some rebar, I said NO NO NO...

 

by UnknownEric
2-14-08
And then we could use the money we save to expand the business? What do you think?
Yeah, you want to know what I think?
We should have sex.
Like, in the butt would be great.

 

by UnknownEric
2-20-08
And so he said, "What doctor did you go see? Doc Pomus?"
*crickets*
I hate you, Unknown Eric.

 

by UnknownEric
3-03-08
You can't stop me, James Bond.
What's your name, woman?
Tightvagina Jones.
*sigh* We... we're not even TRYING anymore, are we?

 

by UnknownEric
3-12-08
If Paul McCartney covered Bobby Brown...
...would he call the song "Macca Roni"?

 

by UnknownEric
3-25-08
Hey, young feller, looks like you're my new cellmate.
Oh God, don't rape me! Please!
Rape you? No, son, a very special person showed me how wrong that was once upon a time...
Once upon a time
Oh crap, I didn't know it hurt this much.
QUIT YOUR BITCHIN'. RAARR.

 

by UnknownEric
4-02-08
So what's the sale on?
Misprinted novelty tees.
Like...?
"Lick My Virginia," "Com Dumpster," and my favorite, "Fuck Me, I'm Amish."
I'll take twelve.
We also have "Weaver Patrol" in XXXL.

 

by UnknownEric
4-08-08
It looks like you're writing a letter. Would you like help?
It looks like I just gave you an aneurysm. Would you like me to call 911?

 

by UnknownEric
4-08-08
wehn tentacles loev a woman tehy nail teh fukcing bich!
Mom, I gotta be honest. This was the worst puppet show EVER.

Showing page 19.

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