All comics by bigworm

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You told me I'd be working with a donkey!
Donkey... Ass... same deefference!
by bigworm, 3-05-11

 

by bigworm
3-05-11
You said I'd be working with a donkey!
The donkey queet!
Did you say "queefed"?
Si.
Well, that changes everything! Is there a chance I could meet her?
Her?

 

by bigworm
3-05-11
You broke the contract! How are we going to settle this?
I'm not chure. Meh-he-cans don't eat cheep.
Thank God for that!
But I make exception.
Where the fuck am I?
Don't worry... I gotcher' back.

 

Could you please say that again for our viewers who didn't catch it the first time?
Why certainly, I'd be pleased to... "Mojonswankin!"
by bigworm, 3-05-11

 

Oh Father... hast thou any graham crackers, marshmallows, chocolate, (and perhaps a dollop of transubstantiation), such that I could be the '8th potato s'more'?
by bigworm, 3-05-11

 

by bigworm
3-05-11
Once upon a time... there was a potato. By the time it had become mature, it was haughty and arrogant.
In return... it was shown a great deal of disrespect, i.e., shoved where the sun don't shine.
Thus our tale comes to a conclusion...
One potato, two potato, three potato, four! Shove as many as you like... my ass is the Door!

 

by bigworm
3-05-11
Bidda bing, bidda wham
Where's my fork?
Thanks for lettin' me watch...
... your dork fuck my pork!

 

by bigworm
3-06-11
Remember the other day when I said "I'm gonna' crucify you...", and then I said "Not!"?
How could I forget? I was so dissappointed!
Well, since then my love for you has grown so much that I've changed my mind. You're gonna' be crucified after all! Plus... to prove the depths of my love to any naysayers, I've added a bonus!
Oh gee Dad, this is wonderful!!! Please, tell me what the bonus is.
Get a load of this! I've arranged to have some of the meanest Romans whip the shit out of you while you're carrying your cross to the site! Now what do you think of that?
Wow! That is over the top! That's the cherry on the thought that counts."

 

by bigworm
3-08-11
We pump our sewage in the ocean... our cars poop in the air. We drive our cars to the ocean... and we go swimming there.
Whilst the Bo-bo, Hup-ho Warhawks, preen ca-ca from tail feathers caked! Layer upon layer of fecal rot... until it covers the whole smelly fucking place!
So let's not be fooled, by the 'love' we see... when we look upon some 'loving' face... for we are the shit of this universe! We are the Human Race!

 

by bigworm
3-10-11
I'd like to apply for the position of 'Despot', and to that end I have already slaughtered every other animal in the barnyard.
Okay, sounds good so far. Give me your last name first, and your first name last, and your middle initial.
...ummm...
Well?
My attache had all that information.

 

by bigworm
3-10-11
If you give me a moment, I can probably remember my name.

 

by bigworm
3-10-11
Have you got a toothpick?
What do you need a toothpick for?!! You don't have any teeth!!!
I was just lookin' to pass the time...
... 'till I shit my attache.

 

by bigworm
3-10-11
*brrnnngggg brrnnngggg*
Just a minute, I've gotta' take a call.
!
*Haven't I told you to stop calling me here?!! Listen... I know, I know... DUH!... nails are supposed to hurt! Hey, gotta' go, I'm in the middle of an interview...*
I know nothing!
Okay now... where were we?

 

by bigworm
3-10-11
I was able to remember my name. My last name is 'DAFFY'.
What kinda' name is 'Daffy'? That name ain't shit!
Thankyou! That reminds me... my first name is 'CA-CA'!
WTF?!!
CA-CA DAFFY?!!

 

by bigworm
3-10-11
You can tell by the way I have no cock, I'm a ladie's man... all I can do is talk.
Music loud, that don't bother me... 'cus when it comes to ears... I don't have any.
Ah, ha ha ha, stayin' uh, like I can't really get into singing this part.

 

by bigworm
3-12-11
This is a photograph of me when I first became sexually active.
But then I found (-insert your text here-)...
... and just look at me now!!!

 

Dear John, I must sever the bonds of our secret relationship. Please restrain yourself regarding any future attempts to see me again. I am honor bound to be with my wife only. With Love, Abe.
by bigworm, 3-12-11

 

by bigworm
3-17-11
We're bros right?
Right.
Then how come your bulge is bigger than mine?
Uhhh...
...'cus you don't tuck your tail in front?

 

by bigworm
3-17-11
What?!! 'Cus I don't tuck my tail in front? Are you sayin' you gotta' tail, and you tuck it in front?
Not exactly.
Can you imagine bein' with a bitch and she pulls your pants down and out flops a tail with your dick?
No, I can't, plus I can't imagine the position that puts her in.
She's probably wonderin' "Which one do I suck? The little round one, or the little pointy one?"

 

by bigworm
3-17-11
Don't make light of my situation. Having a small dick is a big deal.
First of all... I made light a long time ago...
... and second of all...
... I wouldn't know about the 'tiny dick' thing.

 

by bigworm
3-17-11
I didn't say my dick was 'tiny', I said it was small.
What's the difference?
How would I know?
One or two centimeters?

 

by bigworm
3-18-11
You know I've been thinkin'... you're not such a bad guy. We get along great most of the time.
Here we go again.
You could add an extra room, maybe like a basement or somethin', and I could sorta' like you know... live up here. I really am easy to get along with.
Let me state this EMPHATICALLY...!!!
... YOU'RE NOT GETTING A BIGGER DICK!!!

 

by bigworm
3-18-11
You got me all wrong! I'm satisfied with the size of my dick. I just think stayin' up here would be cool as fuck!
It is cool as fuck!
Well there you go! We're on the same page! We could double-team the hot chicks you get up here... like you could be all up in 'er ass, and I'd be up top...
Up top what?
Fuckin' 'er ear with yer tiny little dick?

 

by bigworm
3-18-11
Oh my goodness boy! What have you done?
You've heard about Japan?
Yes... of course.
Well...
... I was chanelling Tibbets and all hell broke loose.

 

Pssst... shamrock?
It's got to be real... his pants are green.
by bigworm, 3-18-11

 

by bigworm
3-18-11
I really like my dick... and long to give it a lick.
But alas, I can't. So I shan't.

 

by bigworm
3-23-11
You know we can't buy vegetables from Japan anymore. It's because of 'radiostation-activity' all over the roots.
You're so ignorant. The government just says that so you won't know the real reason.
So smartypants, what's the real reason?
It's because now they're all muddy!

 

by bigworm
3-23-11
Dad says we're going to see Elliot Gould's scrotum again for vacation this year.
I know... that's bullshit!!!
What do you mean you kids don't wanna' see the scrotum?
But dad... we've seen it already. We wanna' see something different.
Like what? Disney World?
No! Like Elliot Goulds' cock!

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
I'd like to thank you all for coming out to see me tonight.
Being the world's first biped horse means I had to run all the way here on my hind legs...
...and man are my hooves tired!

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
You don't have any hind hooves you fucking idiot!
Ahhhh! You're right! I guess I'll have to grow me a new set!
So first you're a horse, and now you're a lizard?
No, now I'm an ass!
No, you were an ass from the get-go!

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
No... really! I'm also the world's first talking horse!
No you're not! That was Mr. Ed!
Hmmm... you're an older crowd than I thought.
Yeh! Where's the respect?
Okay then... I'm the world's first biped talking horse!
WTF?!! Just a minute ago you were an ass!

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
Well... that's my show for tonight! I hope ya'll had a good time!
Oh sure! Like listening to you flip-flop from 'ass' to 'horse' is having a good time!
Okay then... what's the difference between me starting the show at 275lbs. and ending the show at 252lbs.?
What the hell's that supposed to mean?
*CURTAIN CALL... CURTAIN CALL*
Oh, I get it! Ha ha ha *phew* ha ha ha ha ha!

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
You're not such a bad crowd after all. I appreciate you stayin' around to listen to more of my shit!
Ha ha ha ha ha Ha ha ha Ha Ha ha ha ha Ha ha !!!
I gotta' tell you... you're laughter is so wonderfully symmetrical!
??! I don't get it!
Hee-haw Hee-haw Hee-haw Hee-haw Hee...Hee...Hee Haw Haw Haw
I get it now... it's just some more of his shit!

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
So... that's just some more of my shit, huh?!!
That's what I said!
And whattya' have to say now?
...ummm
We were wondering if there was a provision in your show whereby the audience could retract something said previously.

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
Rise and Shine! Rise and Shine!
Not today huh?
Move over Rover, let Jimmy take over... I don't...
...Rise and Shine today. Maybe tomorrow...or maybe three days... I just can't say.
Feelin' better Son?
Thanks Dad... I needed that.

 

by bigworm
3-24-11
What do you say to a vacation?
I say YAAY... where are we going?
I'm goin' to Chinatown... and you're goin' up on the cross for 3 days.
WTF's this all about?!!
This way you can't nag me about firecrackers!

 

by bigworm
3-25-11
This isn't exactly what I had in mind for vacation...
I walk a hundred miles underwater to this lovely resort...
... but at least I have a can to crap in.
... just to find Bozo crapping in my casita!

 

by bigworm
3-25-11
Dude!!! How'd you get all bloody anyway? When we got here you were clean as a whistle!
Phantom body experience...
Phantom whaaaa......??????
... on your part.

 

When we get off this island baby, I'll buy you anything you want!
Don't worry, when I get off this island, it'll be at your expense!
by bigworm, 3-25-11

 

by bigworm
3-25-11
Can I be saved even though I'm just a lowly crab?
Absolutely! Everlasting life is yours as well.
Yippeee!
I reckon you'll be gettin' 3 days worth.
My shell's kinda' hot... I think I'll go for a swim.
You can swim... but you can't hide!

 

TAXI!!!
by bigworm, 3-25-11

 

Let's see now... "Four score and seven years ago... four crabs set forth..." Nah, no one's gonna' go for that.
by bigworm, 3-25-11

 

On my 16th birthday I turn into an ostrich!
by bigworm, 3-25-11

 

You mean right here in front of everybody?
by bigworm, 3-26-11

 

Oooppps...
Step on a crack... break your mother's carapace!
by bigworm, 3-26-11

 

Mooo...
Er er er er ERRRRR!!!
by bigworm, 3-26-11

 

by bigworm
3-27-11
Hey dad, when I grow up, am I gonna' have an extra face on the back of my head like you?
Well... that depends on if you're married to a woman who demands oral sex.
You mean mom demands oral sex?
I should've kept silent. It's a heinous thing.
You mean you lick her anus?
I wish.

 

by bigworm
3-28-11
When does sex with children become 'child pornography'?
After repeated viewings by law-enforcement.
Which law-enforcement agency would take the lead in a child pornography investigation?
The one with the biggest...
...'thing'?
No... collection!

 

by bigworm
4-01-11
I hate women so much...
... I stick my dick in them!

 

by bigworm
4-07-11
I don't understand what I'm being arrested for officer. I'm so shy, I don't even sing facing the audience...
... so how could it be 'indecent exposure'?
Listen bud... if I'm standin' at the entrance to the auditorium, and I can see 'Mr. Mojo risin'...
... that's indecent exposure!!!

Showing page 19.

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