All comics by Beaz

Profile

 

by Beaz
2-02-04
Friday - 9:05pm - The Rescue
You better put that gun down, if ya know what's good for ya.
Oh my God... Ned. Y-yes, sir. I'm gone.
Yeah fag, piss off.
You're lucky I got here just in time.
Yeah, all thanks to this little mousey. Hey mousey, how can I ever repay you?
3,500lbs of cheddar in small, unmarked slices. Biotch.

 

by Beaz
2-06-04
How's the soul harvesting, Bob?
Er, it's Phillipe, sir.
Oh, haha. My mistake, all you silly little devils look the same to me!
Why do we have to freaking put up with this guy... Jesus.
Don't bring ME into this, asshole.

 

by Beaz
2-06-04
Some people...
Jesus, we have a problem on Earth again.
What? What is it?
We have extremely high numbers of boy-touching again. Can you do something about it?
HAVEN'T I DONE ENOUGH?! I DIED FOR ALL YOUR SINS! JESUS! I mean.. uh..
Okay okay, I'll take care of it...

 

by Beaz
2-06-04
See you next Sunday, Timmy! God Bless!
Waaaaaaaaaaaah!
"FATHER THOMAS! YOU MUST ATONE FOR YOUR SINS! YOU SHALL RECEIVE THE SAME TREATMENT AS THE BOY! AN EYE FOR AN EYE! ARISE, St. TOBOR!"
Your day hath come! Thou shalt be CORNHOLED.
Oh no! How awful!

 

by Beaz
2-06-04
Woopsie!
I was about to come!!... *dead*
Welcome to hell child molester. I'm your guide, Phillipe.
What an cute name! And look how tiny you are! Adorable! ... Hey, while you're down there... well, you want to kiss a bishop?
I really hate you fuckers...
...so yeah... you going to blow me or what?

 

by Beaz
2-06-04
I feel so free without boxers on! What's your problem?
Every time the wind blows I see your balls.

 

by Beaz
2-06-04
In response to shark_energy's comic "I.T. Girl"
*Ooooh God...that's great*
What the fuck is going on here?! I'm the SENIOR I.T. PERSON! Get out here bitch!
Now. Back to work.
*Oooooh... you really are the senior I.T. person...*

 

by Beaz
2-17-04
*sob sob*
Hey, TOBOR, what's wrong there fella'?
I didn't have a date on Valentine's Day. *sob*
...
Well maybe if you'd stop forcefully ass-raping people they'd answer your phone calls...

 

by Beaz
2-17-04
Tuesday - 9:30am - The Beginning of the End
Whistle while you work... la tee da dee da tee daaaaa...
Hello, Dave.
Jesus Christ, Ned, what are you doing here?
Not even the fires of hell could keep me from coming back for you.
So it begins. In 3 days, we shall meet on the battlefield.
May God have mercy on you, Dave.

 

by Beaz
2-17-04
Tuesday - 10:00am - Dave's forces meet
Here you are, Dave. You saved me once, now I'll come to your aid. You may have the leftovers of the SodomyBot army!
Fantastic!
Ready to cornhole, sir.
We will show those bitches where it is at.
Meatbag whores.
I cannae feel muh left side, cap'n, but aye'll go to me grave for ya. Aye, that I will do.

 

by Beaz
2-17-04
Tuesday - 3pm - At a college job recruitment station
Come one, come all! Many available slots! Easy jobs! File papers, empty trash, and destroy Dave...
You know I'm all for it. That asshole has it coming.
I don't care what the job is! $8.50 an hour is great!
Can we bring our shotguns to work too? Please?
Wait, what was that last bit? Something... Dave?
Oh who cares, I'm just doing this for the free office supplies! Unlimited Bic pens! Yayee!

 

by Beaz
2-17-04
Dave - Dedicated to networking, software compatibility issues, and preserving mankind...
*****What happened between***** *****these two men? Stay tuned***** *****for the final episodes of...***** ***************The I.T. Job***************
Ned - Seeking revenge to strike back at and destroy Dave, no matter the cost...

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
Wednesday / Thursday - The SodomyBots begin hunting down the interns and filing clerks one by one...
A little late to be walking home alone, is it not?
Ha ha ha! Nice try 'Bots, but I'm a complete slut! Your sodomy will have no effect on me.
Shit. What now?
I guess we'll just have to do the usual and kill her.
AFFIX BAYONETS!
Wait! Can't we sodomize her anyway??

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
Suddenly, there was a massive missile attack...
Damn. Retreat. Retreat.
Someone, quick! He's getting away!
Chaaaaaarge!
That's the 'Bot that raped my brother!

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
Thursday - The Captain has been cornered by Wild Bill
Go and tell your master that we will not be terrorized by his robot army. We WILL win this war!
You are as foolish as you are weak, human.
Nevermind. I'll deliver the message to him personally. (Ch-CHIK)
?
BLAM!

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
It looks like you want a date for Valentine's Day. Press [OK] to run Microsoft Matchmaker
Success! Your perfect Valentine's date is all arranged.
I can't wait.
Hi! <3!
What a fuck.

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
Thursday - Back at the Office
Yes! A new "Boobies" link on Fark!
Bad news, boss. 50% of the SodomyBots have been decommissioned.
How the hell could you let that happen? What are we going to do now?
I don't know, boss. How did we get into this mess anyway? What happened between you and Ned?
You want to know what happened? Then have a seat. It's a dark story, and it takes place long ago...

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
From the beginning, we were forced to be friends.
Bitch.
I don't know what it was, but he was always a dick. But still, our parents made us hang out.
Bitch.
No matter how old we were, he was always a punk. Here we are on Halloween.
Punk-ass bitch.

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
One day while playing football...
Hey Ned! Go long!
I'm open, bitch! *Hoooonk* *THWUD* Ahhhhhhhh! My legs!
Someone help!
You are such a bitch.
God, what a mess. Anyone have a spatula?

 

by Beaz
2-19-04
But one day... he went too far...
You realize it's your fault I'm in this Goddamn wheelchair, right bitch?
That's IT!
...so I pushed him off a cliff.
Wow. Way to overreact as usual... biotch.

 

by Beaz
2-20-04
You wanna fight? C'mon girly! you may look tough but... ah... who am I kidding. Mop up the floor with me already.
You have to lick her boot first, spankling! Have I taught you nothing?
[insert a lot of -very- personal attacks... and a slap to the face]
...
Um...looks like you got yourself a fight, Kitten.
Can't say I didn't see that coming.

 

by Beaz
2-20-04
Somehow, Ned survived. Feeding on rats and small dogs, he managed to crawl back to civilization.
Hate fueled him then...
Feeding on rats and small what?
...revenge fuels him now.

 

by Beaz
2-20-04
So you see, this is why we must fight. He will never stop...
...until the last one of us lies dead.
?
Fuck this. Sucks to be you, dude. I quit.

 

by Beaz
2-20-04
*Blam* *Pow* *Punch* *Bang*
And so the fight begins!
Eat metal death, human!
*Bop* *Crunch* *Slam* *Cornhole!*
Fuck that, die you rusty box of bolts!
Eat lead shitholes! (Ch-CHIK)
*Boom* *Snap* *Crackle* *Pop*
Resistance is futile!
Never surrender!

 

by Beaz
2-20-04
Now it's just you and me Ned. En garde!
Prepare for a painful and slow death!
Sound of record scratching...
*ahem*Gentlemen, may I have your attention please?

 

by Beaz
2-20-04
?
?
You're both fired. We're outsourcing the I.T. department to an Iranian company now. Please vacate.
I am so sorry to be seeing you go. Best of wishes to you.
FIN! .......... ?
...the fuck?

 

by Beaz
5-25-04
Tuesday - 11am
Do I still have any fans?

 

by Beaz
5-25-04
Good evening and welcome to BEAZ-24 Newscast LIVE! I'm your host, Bret. Tanya is off tonight dealing with a herpes outbreak.
This just in: The new season of "The I.T. Job" has... been cancelled. This was due, in part, to it being completely re-hashed shit.
We here at BEAZ-24 pledge to you better quality programming in the near future.

 

by Beaz
3-03-05
So, if a new comic maker disappears suddenly, and no one really knew him well... does anyone care?
...
I'm sorry, but who the hell are you?

 

by Beaz
3-03-05
Bob! BOB! I just made my FIRST two panel comic! The world is a beautiful place!
2-panel... wha..? You mean the place where I'm taking a dump right now?
Oh come on. It's not like this was going to be a good strip ANYWAY!

 

by Beaz
3-04-05
Mr. Boo, I've got to ask you a serious question...
Go right ahead Mr. Rotten.
Well, Mr. Boo, is it true you don't have a single bone in your body?
Yes, Mr. Rotten, yes that is true.
Well then, WOULD YOU LIKE ONE?! *laugh laugh*
Oh, you are just too much. Ho ho. I mean Boo... boo.

Showing page 2.

« Previous