All comics by ChimpyNuts

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by ChimpyNuts
1-20-02
So this bitch asks me for my number, right? And I'm like "Whore, I don't just give out my number like that, fuck!"
And then she gets all "What the fuck is your problem, man?"
And I go "Nothin', you cheap whore, I just don't appreciate you actin' like I'm your manbitch!" and she goes "FUCK YOU!"
So I'm like "No, bitch, fuck you!" and she's all "NO FUCK YOU" and hangs up 'n shit.
Fuck man...
That's the last time I call Pizza Hut.

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-20-02
Hi and welcome to Talking With Kate! Today our guest is a jello inflation fetishist named Chad! Let's give him a hand!
/audience claps.
Uh... hey audience, hey Kate.
Hello, Chad. Welcome to the show.
Yeah, sure thing. Thanks for having me.
Of course. So, Chad, you're a jello inflation fetishist, correct?

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-20-02
That would be correct, Kate.
And what, exactly, is that?
Well, it means that I get sexually aroused by pumping animals full of jello until they're massively obses. And once I get them to that point, I fuck them.
You... you what?
Get turned on by the thought of fucking inflated animals to obesity with jello?

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-20-02
What? I can't help it if I'm creative...
That's not creative! That's fucking sick!

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-23-02
LyKe I aM sOoOOOo ToTaLlY iNtO ~*bRiTnEy SpEaRs*~!!!!! R u???? ShE iS sOoOooO lYkE ~*kEwL*~ ^OMG^!!!!!!!!!
^OMG^ wE cOuLd LyKe gO tO a LyKe ~*CoNcErT*~ oF hErS 2gEtHeR!!!! wE wOuLd B lYkE soOooO ~*KeWl*~!!! ^OMG^ wHaT dO u SaY????
ph33r teh Yahoo! chatters.
I hate you.

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-23-02
We're recruiting for our church group. Have you sinned recently? Do you pine to be forgiven?
If so, come to church with us. God will forgive you for all of your sins and then you can go to Heaven! What do you say?
I hate you.

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-23-02
I am puzzled by why you don't do your homework. Is it because you need help?
If you need help, you can get a tutor. What do you say?
I hate you.

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-23-02
Mr. Cornfield told me that you said "I hate you" publicly in the classroom today. She says you have an attitude problem that's becoming out of hand.
We can either send a letter to your parents, requesting that they teach you proper manners for you to use in public settings, or we can work this out between us. What do you say?
I hate you.

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-23-02
How was school today, Kate?
I really fucking hate you.
Oh, look what time it is! Time for an apology! ... Hello?? ... !(#*!(*%^

 

by ChimpyNuts
1-23-02
Why are you so mean?
I'm not mean. I'm joyfully challenged.
WHAT?!?#(!*%

 

by ChimpyNuts
2-28-02
Hi, my name is Andy and I like to pretend I'm Canadian because my parents dropped me on my head a lot.
FKR I AM TEH 1337 NEUTRALBOT!#*$% /me stabs
FKR JoO CALLED ME GROSS /me sets on fire.
NOOOOO!

 

by ChimpyNuts
7-27-02
The cast says "hi" for their return.
Hi
Hi
Hi
Hi
Hi
Hi

 

by ChimpyNuts
7-27-02
Yo
Way to wreck it by being 'different' and 'unique', moron.

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-02
Society is filled with people who conform. They conform to certain ways of dress, certain ways of behavior, and certain ways of outlook.
They're all bloody conformists. They go along with what's "hip", what's "cool" that month of the year. Bloody sheep, I tell you.
And the leader of the flock is the administration. And I mean the administration of everything, not just one thing or two things.
The administration of the school is like the administration of the country and the administration of the workplace. There is no difference.
They are all heavily into conformacy. By wearing this kilt, I express that I am comfortable with my masculinity. Therefore, I do not conform to society's...
ideology that men should not wear anything skirt-like. I do everything in my power to make it known that I will not be a conformist like all the rest!

 

by ChimpyNuts
9-15-02
Hey! You look and sound exactly like that huge group of people over there that are wearing kilts and looking dejectedly at everybody else -- way to be a non-conformist.
You tried so hard and got so far, but in the end it just doesn't matter.
Fuck.

Showing page 2.

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