All comics by Duke396

Profile

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Oh yes I did go there
Man I was fighting a stupid bull netch the other day and it shocked the crap out of me before I killed it!
Haha, that's retarted, thats why I cast a 200 point fireball spell at it and watch it crash.
Stupid, just shoot it with a bow and arrow, target practice.
I used a special spell I made by hacking into the game that puts me directly on top of the Netch and I watch my character gouge his eyes out with a master's lockpick.
*rolls eyes* What the hell ever man, you did not hack the game like that...
You guys gotta check out this sweet house I downloaded! Man I should so be doing my taxes right now.

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Oh the hilarity
Mom says I'm getting the Explorer.
Mom says I'm getting a Tiburon.
Mom says I'm getting a Corvette.
Mom says I'm getting her truck.
Did you really say all that?
Um, yeah, I did.

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
This is how we do
Okay so first order of business. Allen you're gonna be the vice Dictator, Kyle will be Secretary of War, and Shane will be the Janitor of my estate. Cameron can be the Minister of Silly Walks.
Haha, that works.
Why do I have to be the Janitor?
Hey would you rather have that job or be exiled from my Kingdom? that is... the world.
I think I'll just go back to the moon.
Very well, I'll have my private shuttle ready for you in 2100 hours.

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Die in the name of Saroshalism!
What did I do?!
You disgraced my presence by not bowing upon my countenance. Also, you're standing on my laptop.
Crap, so that's why every time his laptop gets broken someone dies...
You'll never take me alive!
Um, I was just kidding... *runs*

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Oh crap the cops... Hide this bottle.
Alright there it goes... ah crap it spilled.
Hi folks!
Gotcha license?
Yessa!
Alright. Have a good night.

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Ask and ye shall receive
Hey guess what, I dyed my hair blonde!
That's cool, can I see a picture?
No, I hate it. It looks terrible. You're gonna laugh.
I'm quite sure it looks fine. Did I laugh when you thought you fell through a black hole?
Stay tuned to see more of her in the future!
YES YOU DID!!
Okay maybe that was a bad example...

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Somewhere in a GIT Breakroom...
Hey pardner did you see this pr0n I found?
Heck yeah man that shyt is great!
Hey guys whatcha doing?
Lookin at porn. Wanna see?
You mean Women? Naked? .... they have those? .......... There must be a way to integrate this into my plan of world domination.
What? No, no. That's a blue footed boobie.

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Today we invade Canada!
Okaaaaay... but why?
Because it'll be easy. All we have to do is sneak by their mounties and their air force planes.
You mean plane. Singular. And don't forget about that bass boat with the 50 cal on it. They've really expanded their navy in the last year.
So what do you propose to do?
Nothing. Nothing at all. Leave them alone, and they'll have no reason not to go anarchist. Besides, they make a good buffer zone. All we have to do is sit here and wait.

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Greetings, your grandly lipid eminence.
Um, what are you doing in here?
I'm your personal hippie. Allen hired me to follow you around and make fun of you when he wasn't able to.
Great... I'm gonna kill him. How much is he paying you?
30 dollars an hour. This position must be really important to him. And he said something about calling you Green Acres as much as possible.
Believe me its his favorite job... now GET THE F@$& OUT before I call security!

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
In the backyard
Hey, did you know there's an ax murderer loose in the Mill?
Noooooooooooooo? *eyes get really big*
Yeah, he was last seen about 3 miles away from here running through the woods. Hey, aren't those woods over there?
Crap! Quick, lets get on the trampoline, he won't find us there!
Under the Trampoline
AHHHH! Allen? Allen! Am I dead?!
Mmmmmmmhmmmm?

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Hey lemme in on your plans fatso!
Who the heck are you?
You don't remember me?? Dan-dee!
Hey! Decianturd! Didn't think you'd make it. You look... different.
To be continued...
Why is that idiot here?!
You want the truth or the lie?

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
I'm being serious!!
I told him he could be the book keeper. Also he's in charge of insulting France.
You expect me to believe that? How stupid do I look?
Well...
DON'T EVEN! Why is Dan here?
Remember that hippie I hired to make fun of you? ...his assistant.

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
Well, he's fsking FIRED!
One little problem with that... His pay comes directly from my little side job's funds.
(yelling from down the hall) Hey fatass can you move I can't see my computer screen!
(yelling back) I'm not even in the same room, idiot!
Point being?
Allen I'm going to kill you, bring you back to life, and kill you again...

 

by Duke396
1-05-07
I know I'm wrong for it.
(hears footsteps) Hey Ali, come here.
(comes around the corner) No its me Shez.
My bad, I knew the footsteps were less brain rattling this time. Well, tell your bro to come over so you two can read these comics. Where is he anyway?
He coulda been sneaking I guess, right? No but he's over there eating.
I thought that's what he was doing 4 hours ago?
Yeah.

 

by Duke396
1-06-07
So what are you doing?
The same thing I always do. Try to take over the world. One girl at a time. Bwahaha.
Just to remind you, you fail alot.
Point at me and 3 fingers point back at you.
That's the best you could come up with? Besides, I have an arranged marriage... and taking over the world is easy.
I was attempting to be nice about it. At least I won't be stuck with some camel jockey I've never met before.

 

by Duke396
1-06-07
Don't be stupid, we don't ride camels. And even if we did, the proper term would be humphreys.
Now that just sounds dirty.
Everything sounds dirty to you, jackass!
Mmmm... tomato paste... say it slowly...
No!
Seeya later I'm gonna go get some smokin hot mango juice... say that one slowly..

 

by Duke396
1-06-07
so stereotypical
what's up my nigger
nuttin much cracker, how's that wetback friend of yours doing
not too bad, he met up with some jewbag lawyer and these chinks down at MIT and hit it big, now he's down at the casino.
with those injuns? man i remember when he used to clean pools all day
yeah. next thing ya know he's gonna be dancing around the fire. oh well, im going to go back to the trailer park and kiss my sister, seeya later
cool im gonna go steal someones tv

 

by Duke396
1-06-07
Dude, wtf is that outside?
Oh, that's my Camel.
But I thought you said--
Shut up.

 

by Duke396
1-06-07
Sam: Stop tickling me!
Allen: *tickles*
Sam: I'm warning you!!!
Allen: *tickles*
Sam shoots Allen with her lazer vision! Dun dun Duuuuuuuuuun.
Sam: I warned you.
Allen: Ahhhhh!

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Hey man, guess what.
I dunno, what? I thought you went to the moon...?
Nah man I skipped out on the whole shuttle thing. I got a new job, working at the airport.
That's cool, what do you do there?
I'm the drug dog.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Soon the leaders of the world will be here to discuss their terms of surrender to my regime.
Ring...ring...
This is President Bush. On behalf of the world leaders, I have called to inform you...
Yes? That you will all surrender and bow to my image?
...No. We just wanted to say "screw you." Also, there's a nukular warhead en route to your office building.
...I see.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
*twiddles thumbs*
How'd that meeting go?
Um... Well...
Well what? Spit it out! Do we own the world yet? And why did you ask me to meet you in the basement?
...Does that answer your question?
AHHH! It's Nukular!!

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Finally you're here, what took you so long?
Maybe the fact that I had to go through decontamination and travel to the anus of the world? Where are we anyway?
Come inside, it's cold out here. We're in Afghanistan. Don't worry, we'll only be here until I have our office rebuilt.
Oh, Great. Hey isn't this where Saddam was captured?
Sarosh Hussein? Come out with your hands up.
I can't believe they sent the guy in the red shirt that no one's heard of before...

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
NOOOOOO!!
Um, did you do that?
No, I thought you did.
Hm, oh well.
Yeah, oh well. I wonder if Best Buy fixed my laptop from when that idiot stepped on it.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
At Best Buy
Did you guys fix my laptop yet?
No.
You sluggish inferior beings! I demand a new one then!
...No.
GET ON IT!! I'LL SUE YOUR BRAINS OUT! I'LL REPORT YOU! I'LL...I'LL...
Yeah, okay, whatever. Come back next week.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Hey guys what's up?
Crap, how did YOU get here? You smell like Vietnam! And your face resembles a bear trap!
Hey, just because I smell like burning flesh and festering rice patties doesn't give you the right--
Shut up!! I could have SWORN I told you to come to my office yesterday for a "special meeting."
Yeah, about that... I was running a little late and just as I pulled into my space you saved for me, the whole place went up in smoke!
Why couldn't he be on time FOR ONCE!

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Can I talk to you for a minute?
I guess... what's up?
Well, I have this problem... there's this growth on my back.
How do you know? It's not like you can see it... I know you can't rotate on your axis that fast, the gravitational lag is too great.
...It hurts.
You didn't go to decontamination, did you...

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Allen! What do I do?!
Go to the doctor...
He's dead, Jim.
Am not!
How do you feel now?
Much Better.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Bartender, I need 7 Jager bombs.
Sounds like someone's having a bad day. Coming right up.
Hey sexy, want to come back to my place?
...Bartender! Six more please...
I said, wanna come back to my place?
Alright! I'm driving.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Next time we have to ride down Main street with the guitar...
Haha, yeah.
...Listening to your twisted transistor...
Hold it between your legs!
This is stupid...
After the main stupid thing!

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
I need to ask you something else.
Yeah?
*looks down* Is my junk showing? I can't tell.
Well, I wasn't going to say anything...
Was it there before?
Yeah, but since I got back from the doctor it feels... superhuman. Still haven't actually seen it though. *shrug*

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
I thought you said you were having the office rebuilt?
Oh yeah, I almost forgot. *POOF*
Did you fart?
No, idiot, I just fixed the office.
That simple huh? ...What else can you poof into existance?
I'm not telling.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Where the crap is my fan? *digs around for it*
Why are you looking for a fan?
I just saw it recently but I can't figure out where. Wait, I think I know where it is. Be right back.
Ah. My presence has allowed my omniscience to manifest itself in you, thus you now know where it is.
What?
On second thought, I don't feel like going. Why do I need a fan anyway?

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Thanks for coming to the office. Why aren't you doing your job, secretary of war?
Because you've been taking up all the space in the comic strips?
No, seriously. All you do is sit in your cubicle and eat apples.
Oh come on man, you haven't told me who you wanted to go to war with! You're the dictator, not me.
I thought we established that we were going to war with everyone but France and Canada?
Maybe, but no one told me that. Your fat blocks all the sound from coming into my cubicle, and you never call me into the meetings.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Besides, I'd love to blow France off the map. That'd be my first target, since you obviously can't invade everyone at once.
Fine, but we still have to take over America.
You haven't taken over anyone yet, what are you even the dictator of at this moment?
The freaking office building! How else do you think I poofed it back into existance?
Hey guys, watch this new silly walk!
You guys are retarted! I'm taking the rest of the day off.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
I thought I told you to inform Kyle about the meetings?
I did!
Then why hasn't he showed up? He doesn't know what's going on and he blames it on my fat.
Well, that is a problem. But I always tell him, I just think he can't hear me over chewing the apples. He never acknowledges me.
Whats up with that anyway?
I think he needs a 12 step program.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Someone to see you sir!
Send him in.
I accept your challenge!
What challenge? I never made a challenge.. And who are you anyway?
You don't recognize me? I'm Ali's joystick that floats around and craps on things, reborn! Which is why I accept the turf battle challenge, to win back my heritage!
Wow, okay. Security!

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
So this.. thing, came into my office earlier claiming to be your joystick that floats around and craps on things. Musta been off its rocker. Kept talking about some Challenge.
What? I thought I ate that thing. No, I threw it away. Do you think it was really the Joystick?
I dunno, coulda been. It did float. And I think it left a stain on my rug.
This cannot be...Where did it go after it left your office?
Psh, nowhere. I had security lock it up in the basement.
Good thinking, I'll go interrogate it.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Who do you think you are, claiming to be the joystick that floats around and craps on things?
I'm the joystick that floats around and craps on things. Reborn.
Reborn as what, a metal tampon rocket? You look ridiculous.
You're one to talk about looking ridiculous. Do you like ICP or something?
No, this isn't makeup or clothing, this is my natural appearance. Do you actually expect to challenge me?
Error on line 23

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
So what did you end up doing to that thing? Electric shocks? Chinese water torture?
No, I revealed my true identity to it and it died from sheer amazement. Why are you in my office anyway?
Oh, whoops. I've been putting my placard on your door whenever you leave. Been using this office for about a week... I guess I'll go back to mine for a while.
You're an idiot. Wait a minute... so it was YOU who took my food wasn't it?
I could have. I thought, hey, what does he need it for. Later.
You owe me!

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Give me some food man you owe me.
Get out of my office.
Why should I, you've been using mine for a week you said!
Yeah, well at least I don't follow you around to do it.
True.
Bye then.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
"Yeah, well at least I don't follow you around to do it." "True" "Bye then"
What movie is this anyway? "The Saroshalist Manifesto"? Boring! *shuts tv off* I'm going to the bar.
Bartender, can I have a shot of Tequila?
I dunno, can you? Ha, ha, I'm just kidding. Coming right up.
Hey, aren't you the guy from that movie?
No. You never saw me here.

 

by Duke396
1-07-07
Grandma, what's the Saroshalist Manifesto?
It's an evil document that was written around the time I was 20. The plan was to build a world empire under one leader, the Saroshalist Ali.
Where did you hear about the Manifesto anyway?
From that movie, The Saroshalist Manifesto.
You know, the one with Ben Affleck as Allen, Jackie Chan as Ali, Nicolas Cage as Cameron, Leonardo DiCaprio as Kyle, and Bernie Mac as Shane?
Uhh, no, I don't know that one. Must have bombed in the theaters.

 

by Duke396
1-10-07
Hmm, haven't seen her in a while.
Myspace Happy. No Eat You.
I think I'll send her a comment.
Unexpected Error.
You'd think they would learn to expect it by now...
*dies*

 

by Duke396
1-10-07
What the crap? I must have fallen asleep in my office...where did that clown go?
Holy crap man, you'll never believe this... I fell asleep in my office and dreamed that all this was some boring movie and Ben Affleck played me!
What are you talking about?
I'm tellin you man, we momentarily ceased to exist. There was no Manifesto, just some stupid kid and his stupid grandmother. And something about Myspace.
Alright, sure. And I'm fat. Ha.

 

by Duke396
1-10-07
DAMNIT!
What?
We need a vacation, that's what. Pack your bags, we're going to Florida.
Oh, I see, you want to go down and see your little sweetie on my company credit card! Well it's not going to happen on my watch!
Did he forget that I have my own company credit card?
Hey there stranger...

 

by Duke396
1-10-07
Meanwhile back at the office...
Dangit Allen I said not on my WATCH!!!
Um, would you like me to go find him sir?
Yes, go get him. But Sparrow can't go!
Nooooo problem!

 

by Duke396
1-10-07
Yo Allen.
Heyyy, Rotted Fur, what are you doing here?
Ali sent me to, in his words, "bring that stupid idiot back here, I don't care how many pieces he's in"
Oh, I see. So am I going to have to evade capture to continue my beach frolick?
Nah. *kicks back* I kinda needed a vacation myself. We'll go back whenever you're ready and I'll tell him I couldn't find you.
Sweeeet. You bring the beer?

 

by Duke396
1-10-07
Look I can swing my leg over my shoulder!
Did your mommy teach you that?
How am I supposed to get anything done when these two idiots are the only ones showing up for work?!
Hey Ali, come crush this fool.
Allen: Get out of my office! This is not a recording. I repeat... Get out.
God, he thinks of everything...

 

by Duke396
1-10-07
Wanna try a new form of transportation?
Um, not really.
Come on, do you trust me?
Yeah, but this... this is different.
WTF!

Showing page 2.

« Previous Next »