All comics by GarethB

 

by GarethB
11-05-02
This ends now!
I regret nothing!
Now we need a replacement Santa!

 

by GarethB
11-05-02
I'll be the replacement Santa!
You're a chicken!
I don't care!
Ok, you're the new Santa!
Hooray! The cartoon has ended! Merry Christmas!

 

by GarethB
1-30-03
One eerie night...
I'm an evil witch! HA HA HA HA HA HA!
But I'm gonna RULE THE UNIVERSE!!!!
No, I'm gonna rule the universe, and for saying that, I'll change you into something nasty!
You can't do this to me!
HA HA HA HA HA HA!
Oh crap.

 

by GarethB
4-15-03
Happy Easter!
Happy Valentines Day!
Wait a minute, something isn't right...
I know what's wrong with this strip...the pumpkins wearing deodrant!
Waht's wrong with that?

 

by GarethB
6-22-10
Oh dear. Where be I?
This is is Police Land, the magical land of policemen. You're under arrest.
What for? I didn't do anything wrong!
It's against the law to be in Police Land when you're not a policeman.
No! I don't even know how I got here!
Now you're resisting arrest! Prepare for several years of guilt and sodomy!

 

by GarethB
6-22-10
BLARG! I AM A VAMPIRE!
OMG you mean liek Edward he is so hot do you sparkle
Oh, for the love of....can't I go one day without being compared to Edward from that shit book? Can't vampires be scary anymore?
im TEAM EDWARD jacob sucks im just like bella go out with me
LOL twilight is sux

 

by GarethB
6-22-10
Bloody Twilight...ruining my reputation...
Shut up and count your blessings. I'm treated way worse in popular culture.
And who are you?
Victor Frankenstein. I'm not a doctor, I don't live in a scary castle, my monster is quite intelligent, I never said 'IT'S ALIVE'...
Geez, no-one likes a bookworm...

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
Crispy Bort surfs the web...
It's not fair! I'm the greatest human being alive - why aren't I an internet celebrity?
Hey, this 'Angry Video Game Nerd' has a lot of fans...
"He's the Angry Video Game Neeerd..."
Maybe if I do what he does - only BETTER because I'm so great - I'll get internet fame for sure!
What a fucking shitload of shitty fuck!

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
This show is such a great inspiration!
"Hey, Lois, remember the time...."
Now I need some games...let's try eBay...
Anything else? Maybe some posters. Yes, that's what I need! AVGN, eat yer heart out!

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
The first episode...
Today, we're reviewing Super Mario 64! I don't hate this game, but it's a horrid, wretched abomination that should be burned to a crisp!
So let's pop in this game and play the game that is a game I popped in!
Oh yeah, this is getting hot!
"Dear Mario, Please come to the castle, I have baked a cake for you!"

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
So Bowser stole the castle's stars, and Mario has to stop him? Don't they have police for this sort of thing?
Why is this in 3D? Mario isn't supposed to be in 3D! This isn't a worthy predecessor to the original NES game!
Face it, plumbing is ruined!

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
So the first level is 'Bob-Omb's Battlefield'. What? This is called 'Super Mario 64', not...'Bombs in Battlefield Jungle 64'! That's funny, right?
The boss of this level is this king bomb guy who's so fustrating, I want to go into the game and kick his ass!
Get over here!
Will the torment never cease?

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
Theworst thing about this game is that it's a one-player! One-player games are never good! What a bunch of fece-flavoured donuts!
Sorry, it's a one-player.
Can I play?
Oh dear.
Oh yeah, I'm evil. Blarg.

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
so, after cheating, I've reached the final boss, the big Koopa Turtle!
"GWA HA HA! MAKE ME A SANDWICH, BITCH!"
OK, OK, please don't hurt me! PLEEASE!
"You are such a pussy. You need to reassess your life."

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
This game fucking sucks fuck.

 

by GarethB
6-23-10
Compared to the other Mario games, this is the worst of the bunch! It doesn't even have any hilarious delivery of the word 'Spaghetti'!
Now to throw it onto that visible gas pipe while lighting this match!
And there was much rejoicing.

 

by GarethB
6-24-10
For this review, I'm joined by my friend, Spritey McSprite the Sprite!
Um....bang-a-lang.
Today, we'll be reviewing Earthworm Jim 3D, and hey...
Fine, I don't need you! I can review this game by myself!

 

by GarethB
6-24-10
So, in this game, Earthworm Jim has been knocked into a coma, and has to go inside his mind to collect marbles and udders to help him get better.
As long as Jim's going into his mind, could he take the movie The Wolfman, starring Benicio Del Toro? That movie was the most gigantic pile of defaecation I ever WITNESSED!
Hey, making fun of bad movies makes you cool, right? oh yeah, Twilight sucks as well.

 

by GarethB
6-24-10
When you go into Jim's brain, there's a giant dog head telling you to collect all the udders, as if to mock you.
HAHAHA! YOU MUST COLLECT ALL THE UDDERS, BUT YOU'LL NEVER DO IT BECAUSE YOU SUCK!
It's a lame joke, but the effects look cool, right?
HAHAHA! Cough. Cough.

 

by GarethB
6-24-10
So, the first level is a...farm? With cows and chickens as soldiers?
Who's in charge of this platoon, Gomer Pyle? Well, GOOOOOOOOOOOO
OOOOOOOOOOOOOOLY!

 

by GarethB
6-24-10
Well, at least you get some abilities , like spinning your head about...
...and whipping your head, so you can whip a hole into a cow's anus!
You shame my brethren.

 

by GarethB
6-24-10
So now we move onto the boss of this level, Psy-crow! WTF, I thought this was a chicken war, not a crow war!
You have to collect 100 marbles before he does, but you have to be some small-dicked acrobat to collect them all!
Fuck. Crap. Oh me. Oh my. How difficult.

 

by GarethB
6-24-10
I wish this game was in my mind because it fucking sucks! Now to burn it out of existence!
Fuckballs.

 

by GarethB
6-25-10
You're absolutely Alice, I'd know you anywhere!
Awesome!
This has to be a dream...
No way I'm deleting this for my DVD, copyright laws be damned!
What an awesome movie, I can't wait to play the game!

 

by GarethB
6-25-10
American McGee's Alice is your typical, everyday, ordinary, typical, ordinary, typical game based on a movie.
The plot is that Alice's family died in a fire, and because of this, she went insane and made Wonderland fucked-up. Some hero she turned out to be!
Who knew the Cheshire Cat was such a dick?
"And you've picked up a bit of an attitude...SO PISS OFF!"

 

by GarethB
6-25-10
So right off the bat you can tell this is nothing like the movie! Didn't Alice originally have a red shirt?
And what's with all these gnomes? Um........................did they ever make 'Alice in Wonderland 0..............................
........Alice vs the Gnomes'? Yeah, that's good.

 

by GarethB
6-25-10
So, you'll encounter several enenenemies...card turtles, imps, ants, roses, chess pawns, rancors...
LOL HE MAED STAR WARS JOKE STAR WARS = FUNNY!
But these guys weren't even in the fucking movie! What a piece of SHEE-AT!

 

by GarethB
6-25-10
And the graphics suck! I don't care if they were good for their day, graphics are what matters most in a game and thus this game sucks!
Alice in Wonderland wasn't the best classic to turn into a game. What about a game based on The Wizard of Oz?
Oh no! I comitted a crime and ended up in that prison from that HBO show! I hope I don't get raped!

 

by GarethB
6-25-10
I may have played only ten minutes of this game, but that's enough to realise it sucks balls!
Hey! Another unnecessary character! They make me horny!
I'm the Jabberwock from the game you've been playing...
Well, you know your game sucks right?

 

by GarethB
6-25-10
Your insults mean shit to me, as I know how pathetic you really are! You make this show not to entertain, but for profit and personal gain! You selfish, misbegotten and unnatural man-child!
You plagiarised James Rolfe, and don't put in half the effort he does! He makes videos for fun and to entertain others, not to inflate his ego! You're not even a gamer...
WAAAAH! IT'S TRUE! IT'S TRUE!
And if you'll look to your right, you'll see a horrible, shitty reviewer being pwned and rightly so.

 

by GarethB
6-28-10
Today, I is not going to not review Doctor Who: City of the Daleks.
This Doctor Who game is based on Doctor Who and is available for free on the BBC website.
Good thing it's free because it's so bad it isn't even worth cat shit!
I AM POO. POO POO FUNNY.

 

by GarethB
6-28-10
This game is so bad, even the Doctor himself hates it!
Yes I do.
Yes, that's totally Doctor Who and not some homeless guy I found by Co-Op doing this for my loose change.
I THINK DOCTOR WHO IS GOING TO SAY A FUNNY JOKE!
I'd like to stick around, but my Tardis is double-parked outside.

 

by GarethB
6-28-10
So this game is called City of the Daleks, possibly because there's a shitload of Daleks everywhere! In cities, in buildings...
And even in Barnes and Noble...
Ooh, Kama Sutra! Wait, can we do that?
And you can't even attack any of these Daleks! I go near one of them, and they zap me! What a shitload of fuck!

 

by GarethB
6-28-10
Another irritating thing is this ginger chick who keeps following you around, and doesn't do anything! I just want to throw her across the fucking screen!
I'M A SPECIAL EFFECT TO DISTRACT FROM THE BAD JOKES!
Yeah, fear my misogyny!

 

by GarethB
6-28-10
Now, I don't really care for these types of games, because I pretty much suck at them, just like every other game ever made...
...but these sneaking past the Daleks bits are shitty shitloads of fuck! Touch the lasers, you die, touch the poisonous plants, you die...
Well, at least the cutscenes look nice! But Sylvia should be in more of them cause she's HAWT! Games should cater to us creepy perverts more!

 

by GarethB
6-28-10
Doctor Who, I'm too lazy to fully play this game! Use your magic sonic screwdriver to get me to the final level!
Alright.
So now I have to go to this control then the chick, while the Daleks are blasting lasers like a....
....Mexican laser blasting bean. Sheet!

 

by GarethB
6-28-10
CALL 999 CAUSE I JUST GOT DALEKKED!
You're under arrest for the brutal murder of comedy.
HELP ME!
I don't know you.

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
Today I went and saw Toy Story The Third. It is the third movie of the Toy Story series that has two movies preceding it.
The animation was good. The story was good. The acting was good, especially the guy who played the cowboy's friend.
But did you know that the first movie had a shitty game that was a shitload of fuck on the Sega Genesis?

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
What terrible voice acting! I can do way better than that!
To infinity and beyond!
Hey! Get me my newspaper!
No.

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
One problem with this game is that there's barely any story! I mean, why do I have to get these army guys out of that tub?
And how come you first have to keep fighting the spaceman, then you end up working with him? It makes no sense!
I could just read the manual, but I don't know how to read!

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
So, most of the game you jump around on things. You jump on platforms, you jump on things...
...you jump on BALLS.
You know, because testicles can also be called balls, and testicles are humourous.

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
OK, so I'm up to this boss, which is a giant spaceman who shoots weird thingies at you.
It's too easy, and that's bad despite the fact I hate difficulty of any kind. I wish for more of a challenge.
GAZE UPON MY BRILLIANT SPECIAL EFFECTS!
Raar.

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
WITHOUT GAME GENIE, I have reached the final level!
It involves flying! This isn't what Toy Story is about, so who cares if it's fun?
Now for the ending, because that's the most important part of a game!

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
"Well done, you have completed Toy Story? Hope you enjoyed it, thanks for playing?" THAT'S IT?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?!?
It should say...um..."Well done, you have completed...this crap game. Hope you...DIDN'T enjoy it!" HAHAHAHAHAHAHA
I'M A COMEDY GENIUS BUY MY SHIRTS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

 

by GarethB
7-22-10
Now, despite the fact it has ABSOLUTELY FUCKING NOTHING to do with Toy Story, I'm gonna play some Donkey Kong!

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