All comics by Geniu$

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by Geniu$
9-18-01
Afghanistan
Osama, they're firing crudely drawn bombs at us, we're going to have to surrender, we must hand you over to the FBI to face a fair trial!
hey, listen man, this is Allah's bidding, this war is in his name, the world MUST end!
to be continued...
man, you one insane hairy fucker!
aww, come on, why don't you give Uncle Osama a hug?

 

by Geniu$
10-09-01
McDonald's restaurant, Los Angeles, California
I am pleased to be applying for da help wanted sign oos da window
hey man, aren't you that bin Laden guy from TV?
bin Laden? no no, no no no, I am Hank Law, USA USA USA!
yeah man, USA, uh, so have you ever worked in a fast food restaurant before?
sure, you have dog slicer? rat grinder? I kill camel with bare hands!
rat grinder? that's disgusting, we just cut them in half and put them between a couple of buns!

 

by Geniu$
10-13-01
"I wonder what happens when a man enters his own portal"
Andy Dougan?
Andy Dougan Andy, Dougan Andy Dougan Andy Dougan! Andy Dougan Andy Dougan Andy Dougan, Andy?
ANDY DOUGAN!!
DOUGAN!!!?!
A N D Y
Andy Dougan, Andy Dougan, Andy Dougan!

 

by Geniu$
11-21-01
you know, being a forum zombie can get pretty lonely!
I dig that man!
it's really not much of a life, sitting around, waiting for someone to say something so that I can reply, then sitting waiting for them to say something back!
yeah man! hey, some Newbie's just posted his first comic and they're starting to make fun of him!

 

by Geniu$
11-23-01
Elvishitler everybody!
so Boss Kajun, you say this chair will give me the best ass-fucking I've ever had?
um.....yes, that's, exactly what I said.....oh look over there! ROLL 2!!
aaaaarrrgggghhhhh
guess I forgot to wet the sponge!

 

by Geniu$
11-29-01
God visited Mary and told her of the arrival of their son!
HEY MARY, I AM GOD, I WILL NOW IMPREGNATE YOU WITH MY ONLY SON!
really? me? you've got to be kidding, is this a wind up? you, like, want to impregnate me?
But lo, Joseph was an atheist, and believed not in God!
Hey Mary, who the fuck are you talking to? Come over here, I've had a hard day carpenting!
and so they rode away on their little donkey!
Wh....Th....Fu.....?? I'M GOD, DAMMIT!!
Neeeiiiggghh...... Clippity Clop Clippity Clop Clippity Clop!

 

by Geniu$
12-26-01
don't you ever get tired of being an inanimate bedroom item?
not really, it's comforting to have a human lie on top of you, I can't say I've really wished for much more in life.
I don't get the thanks I deserve, I bring light god-damn it!
well, fuck you man, some of us are just born to get all the good jobs, just sit there and shut up ungratefull lamp!
aww crap

 

by Geniu$
1-14-02
here pal, ur you no that Prince Harry guy? you're cool as fuck man, smoking weed and shit!
Why yes, I am Prince Harry, did you see me on the news? Well? Did you? I was effing marvelous don't you think? drinking underage and stuff, what a cad!
aye man, that wis pretty cool, ah thought ye wur all a bunch o' fannies in the royal family, like yer da, he's a dobber!
so do you think I'M the cool one now? not my pop-idol brother? do you think I connect with the commoners better than him?
If ye wurny a ginger cunt, ah'd vote fur ye!
I can't believe father made me smoke all that marijuana just to show these morons that he cares.

 

by Geniu$
2-05-02
so then what did you do?
I just walked up to him and said "listen pal, if you think I'm going to give up without a fight, you got another thing coming" and......*gack*
Phil?.....PHIL?
*thud*
ah crap!
*gargle*

 

by Geniu$
2-05-02
One minute he was fine and the next he had collapsed on the floor, he just dropped dead.
I REALLY hate to say this, but I suspect foul play.
So, Mr Beatnick, you say that you weren't even in the room when he died?
Yes Inspector, I already told the police, I was in the kitchen getting a glass of water.
Seriously, you need to get me somewhere safe, he's after me, please!
Look sir, first we need to take your name, then check your address, then stop off at McCheesers, then....

 

by Geniu$
2-05-02
So, Mr Bongo, you say you know who the murder was?
Yes, but you have to promise me that you'll put me on some kind of witness protection program, I'm not safe here!
Don't worry, we'll sort something out, just tell me what you saw at that party!
Well, I thought something was up straight away when we got the invitation, Andy seemed a bit over excited about a party that had nothing to do with cheese and wine...
What is so strange about that?
Let's just say a party where you get drunk and put different toppings on biscuits isn't a good idea when Andy's around.

 

by Geniu$
2-05-02
Phil had been telling everyone about his idea for an anti gravity car...
You see, the reason why people failed in the past is because you don't try to make the car float up, but instead, try to make the rest of the world sink down!
fascinating!
There was one man who seemed a little more interested than everyone else...
that idea is BRILLIANT!
the biggest problem was, when we tested more than one car at a time, fountains of molten lava washed away most of the assistants.
No-one else seemed to take any notice of him...
...but I just realised that there's not really much money to be made running a roller disco, so I moved into fashion modelling, but they wanted me to do light porn, at first I was a little scared...
kill me

 

by Geniu$
2-05-02
Phil slipped off to get a beer and I noticed the weird guy was missing.
Dude, I'm going to get a beer!
Well, okay, thanks for telling me!
Hmm, it says in the police report that Mr Beatnick was in the kitchen at the time of the murder, was it him?
Nah, Beatnick was passed out in the lounge, he had just lost some party game to Andy, I'm not surprised he didn't want to admit that.
It was only Phil, Andy and myself in the room when he died.
Hey!
Hey Andy, I just got into an argument with some weird guy in the kitchen!

 

by Geniu$
2-05-02
So, who was the murder then?
The murder was....
*click*
What the...?
arrrggghh!
*click*
Bongo?

 

by Geniu$
2-05-02
Well, it says here that they had to close the case on Phillip due to lack of evidence!
mmm-hmm
So I guess they'll be closing the search on the witness!
I would think so!
So what do you want to do now?
Let's patent that anti-gravity car! MWA HA HA HA!!!

 

by Geniu$
2-11-02
Keep digging bitch! If we find something we're gonna be rich for a gazillion billion fucking years!!
Wait! I think I've broken through a hole. Meh, just looks like a fucking lost city. At least I can take a break away from this whining bitch
RAAAR!!! THAT'S RIGHT, TOBOR AND HIS ASS NAZIS FOLLOW YOU HERE ALL THE WAY!!! NOW YOU'VE DONE THE WORK, GIVE TOBOR RICHES OR LYING DOG GETS IT!!!
Err, there might be something of a minute little kinda awkward sorta problem there big guy...
RAAAR!!! LITTLE DOG SAY HELLO TO BOB THE ANAL FISSURE!!! RAAAR!!!
This doesn't hurt, I'm gonna live through this, no problem! That anal bleeding will stop itself in time and the dust and sand of the desert wont irritate my red ring. *unf* OH MY GOD!!!

 

by Geniu$
4-17-02
Alright Leon, your walking through the desert and suddenly you come across a tortoise...
A tortoise? what's that?
you know what a turtle is Leon? same thing. You reach down and flip the tortoise on it's back, Leon. You watch it lying there, legs in the air, belly baking in the hot sun, but you're not helping.
What do you mean I'm not helping?
I mean, you're not helping, why is that Leon?
I dunno, is it because I'm a fucking robot?

 

by Geniu$
4-17-02
Well, we all met up at a line up, someone had managed to get us together in one room, we were only going to do one job together...
it was you, wasn't it?
yes.

 

by Geniu$
4-18-02
I killed your wife!
you bastard!
10 minutes ago:
I killed your wife!
you bastard!
Half an hour ago:
I killed your wife!
you bastard!

 

by Geniu$
4-18-02
Hey kids, I'M_ON_FUCKING_ACID!!!
Uh?
Jeeesus, WHAT THE FUCK AM I DOING? TV dinners? why the hell would I want to shrink a huge chocolate bar?
Mr Wonka?
And where the fuck did all those freakin' midgets come from?
You promised me an everlasting knob-gobbler, dammit!!

 

by Geniu$
4-22-02
On Genesis:
Ah, we found you, many years ago we shot your body onto this planet in the hope that you would be reborn.
who are you? and who am I?
you're Elvis Presley, the King of Rock 'n' Roll, I'll make millions by taking you home.
and who are you?
My name is Mr_Bin_Laden, I'd like to just strap this *special* sequenced jump suit to you, if that's ok? You've got a meeting with the President today.
cool!

 

by Geniu$
4-22-02
I can't believe it, this is where he lives, this is where Elvis has been hiding out for years, I'm going to meet my hero!!
Hello dear, what can I do for you?
YOUR Elvis? What a gyp, you're all old and frail.
I AM nearly 70 you know.
King of Rock n Roll my arse.

 

by Geniu$
4-22-02
Elvis, I'm glad you've decided to make a come back, however, with todays market, your old style will need a bit of a revamp.
Sure thing Clive, I can do anything, anything at all.
There might be an opening in the Hip-Hop category, white boys are very in just now.
E to the motherfucking P, homeboy.
The Elvis Comeback Tour 2002:
...so I dropped that bitch, like a sack of bricks, and fucked her friend instead...

 

by Geniu$
4-23-02
Hey Brian, why do we eat grass?
Well Gary, we eat the grass so that our stomaches and intestines can break it down into substances that can be used by our bodies.
what are you? some sort of Biology teacher?

 

by Geniu$
4-25-02
Mr Blair, we need to improve your public image, Bush seems to declare "War" on everything that the American people hate, they're eating out of his hand.
Maybe we should declare war on America?
Everyone hates America.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
Uh, is everybody here?
I stil dnot see wy we hav to hold this meating in teh dark!
Shut up FeetForEars, let's just get on with it.
Right, what we need to do, is draw up a list of demands, and present them to those forum bastards.
It's almost impossible to draw in the dark.
Actually, there is no such thing as "almost_impossible", what you mean is, it's 'quite difficult', but not impossible.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
right, well, first of all, I want to ban all this foul language, there is simply no need for it.
Right IndyPete, mark that down, the Priest wants less swearing.
I'm not taking the notes.
Yeah, sorree, im takign the notes, who sed waht?
I WANT MORE ROBOT CHARACTERS!
Look, we already discussed this, we aren't asking for new characters, just some simple rules of decency.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
Well, most importanly, I say we discuss the Anti-Sodomy law, all those in favour of the law being passed?
Aye.
Aye.
Moo.
NEVER!!!
Aye....uh....oh......aaaahhh AAAAAHH AAAAAHHH, NO!!

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
Right, well, maybe we'll just ignore the Anti-Sodomy law for now, some of us want to survive this meeting.
You're all a bunch of simple minded arse bandits, I hope you die a slow horrible death.
who the fuck was that?
Bah, it's just Jesus, ignore him, he's drunk.
Listen, I think I should be the default character, I'm ready for it, I can handle it!
do you have any idea how much Canadian dick we had to suck to get that position? Trust me, you don't want it.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
Many hours later....
Ok, I think we've finally made sure everyone's happy, lets just post our demands and see what happens.
I'm still not sure about the ban on Graviton Generating Rotor Turbines.
What the fuck are you talking about?
No, let's not get into this fucking argument again, just leave it.
Be sure to put in an extra order for some Anal-Eaze.
THAT'S RIGHT, I WANT MY BOY TO BE ALL SLIPPERY!

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
They want me to draw them up a fresh wardrobe of clothes every week?
...and we also want DexX to draw us some exciting colourful new locations.
...Brad should print out his pick of the best comics every month and sell them in a book, with all proceeds going to the Catholic Church.
WTF???
...and we never want to see another Cowboy Physics pardody, ever again.
ah crap.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
one month later:
it seems no-one listened to our demands, we're still here, with the same shitty clothes, and the same degrading jokes being made about us.
I just don't think we had enough leverage, what we need is a proper leader.
There's no-one with enough experience here, no-one that they will listen to.
Hmm, I can think of someone, but it'll be hard to find him.
It's not one of that shitty Disney crew is it?
No, I was thinking, Charlie Brown.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
*knock knock*
Well, this is supposed to be Charlie's place.
Yeah? What the fuck do you want?
uh, Mr Brown, I'm from Stripcreator.com, we need your help.
Is that the website run by that fucking Canadian? No thanks, that guy can fucking drink me off!
No, it's not him that wants your help, WE need you to teach HIM a lesson.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
So, you want me to lead this band of angry comic strip characters to get your demands met?
Pretty much, yes, they won't listen to us, but you're a legend, they'll HAVE to take notice.
Ach, I'm all washed up kid, I aint got what it takes any more.
What about your old crew? surely you could get them back together?
Not a chance, those bastards were all about the money, once Shulz died, they all fucked off to persue solo careers.
Actually, I thought I saw Linus doing porn.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
Dear God, ass-raping robots, gay cowboys, pink donkeys, floating heads and a million strips taking the piss out of religion, this guy is nuts!
yeah, me and my sister have been continually portrayed as cheap child prostitutes.
Really?
I'll just bookmark this page for later.

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
At Brad's place:
Well, well, well, if it isn't ol' slap nuts himself, Charlie "washed up" Brown.
Listen Brad, I represent the characters of stripcreator.com, and I'm here to issue you with a list of demands...
not THIS again
...if you don't meet our demands, we will be forced to open the doors to your server and let the whole world see your collection of child porn!
you can't defeat us drunkie, just crawl back into whatever whole you came from and I'll spare you.
it's a war yer after then?

 

by Geniu$
4-28-02
I warned you once, I gave you a chance to back out, but it looks like I'll have to get rid of you once and for all.
bring it on, Canadian!
you see, there was one guy who never wanted to join your rebel army, he was working for me since the beginning...
really? who's that?
HEEEERRREEEE'S TOBOR!
good grief!

 

by Geniu$
4-29-02
Every single day, innocent comic characters are made a fool of on this website, they are the butt of racist, sexist, blasphemous and just plain sick jokes.
with your help, we can help these characters start new lives for themselves and regain their pride, for just $2 a month, you can sponsor a character.
your $2 will help the character get a new job, a new home, even some new clothes and escape the endless torment of tentacle rape.
you will be sent a monthly update of your sponsored character, so that you know exactly where your $2 is going.
So please, sponsor a character today, it's only $2.
of course, for $5, you could have us both!

 

by Geniu$
4-30-02
so, we finally made it to the comics, here we are, available to be used as the punchline to some low brow humour.
yeah.
I suppose it's more than some people get, I mean, it's not that bad a life really, is it?
tell that to horse!
hey good lookin'!
ah, crap.

 

by Geniu$
4-30-02
Hey Karen, what's going on? I thought you had a date with Alan tonight.
Oh Craig, he used me, I found out that he's been seeing Caroline behind my back.
That's terrible Karen, what a bastard, are you sure he's cheating on you?
Yes, I saw the two of them together, they were kissing, I just ran away crying.
aww, come here and give me a hug, does he know you know?
yes, he saw me and tried to phone, but I switched my mobile off.

 

by Geniu$
4-30-02
I'll tell you what, go and change into your comfy clothes and I'll make some hot chocolate and we can watch a film.
ok
later:
Craig's so understanding, he's always there for me.
it's a shame for Karen, she's such a nice girl and yet she's always getting fucked over by complete bastards.

 

by Geniu$
4-30-02
*DING DONG*
I'll get that Karen, you just stay here.
thanks Craig.
Alan? You bastard, if Karen weren't upset enough already I'd kick your arse right now!
look, tell Karen to phone me, she's got it all wrong!
I'm not telling her anything Alan you bastard, now fuck off before I make you!
I'll come back later, when you're not here!

 

by Geniu$
4-30-02
Karen, you deserve better than Alan, you're a great girl.
but I really loved him, he was so nice to me.
he wasn't, Karen, trust me. he's a bastard, forget about him, he's no good for you.
I know you're right Craig, but I still love him.
don't let him talk you into taking him back.
don't worry, I won't.

 

by Geniu$
4-30-02
you'll meet the perfect guy one day, I promise you.
but who would want me? It's not like there's guys throwing themselves at me, I'm a reject.
I know someone who loves you.
who?
me Karen, I've loved you from the moment I met you, I've just never had the courage to tell you.
oh Craig!

 

by Geniu$
4-30-02
that's right Karen, I love you, I love you more than I can ever tell you, you're all I ever think about.
I've been keeping these feelings bottled up for months now, I was the one who sent you the presents on Valentines day, not Alan.
oh Craig, you're so sweet.
but I just don't find you attractive.

 

by Geniu$
6-17-02
woah, hey, what the hell is happening here?
I seem to be floating in some kind of void in the universe...
...and just when I thought Andy was going to eat the damn biscuit!

 

by Geniu$
2-28-03
Dude, did you eat my Super Sugar Snappy Crunch Flakes?
Um, I dunno, I ate something from a tube that had your name on it.
Well, the cereal comes in a box, maybe I just ran out.
Maybe.
What the hell was I eating then?

 

by Geniu$
2-28-03
Dude, I can totally see you!
Huzzah!

 

by Geniu$
2-28-03
Wow, those tampons ARE super-absorbent.

 

by Geniu$
2-28-03
...and so Jesus was resurrected to show his followers that they would have a place in his father's kingdom.
That still doesn't explain anything to me though, WAS Deckard a replicant?
...and so Jesus was resurrected to show his followers that they would have a place in his father's kingdom.
That still doesn't explain anything to me though, WAS Deckard a replicant?
...and so Jesus was resurrected to show his followers that they would have a place in his father's kingdom.
That still doesn't explain anything to me though, WAS Deckard a replicant?

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