All comics by Kurashima

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by Kurashima
11-15-01
Oh , oh yes , oh my god yes , oh my GOD YES ....ohhhhh Zeus.
ZEUS?????? Spinner , how could you
Vish , i can explain everything.
*sob*

 

by Kurashima
11-15-01
Reset Now
Reset Now
Reset Now
Reset Now
Reset Now
Now , I think the game still has a couple of months playability left.

 

by Kurashima
11-15-01
Dear Kurashima. Will you Fuck off and die horribly. Please read this letter and then cut your own head off.
Or remove your intestines with a fork and then sit in a bath filled with live scorpions.
No matter how much you suck up Patrician , im still not letting you into Legion.

 

by Kurashima
11-16-01
WOOHOO! I did it. I , Forest , made the first big statement against legion and Fury by refusing to pull my ships.
Sounds good , but you realise its a futile gesture , almost like thumbing your nose at Spinner
What do you mean? Im great. I am a prince among men. The Rebel who shall lead all others against the evil tyranny of Furgion
Forest , theyll squish your planet , kill your galaxy , and leave you with nothing but a tiny lifeless planet surrounded by Debris.
But ill die a Martyr . Others will follow my example.
Actually ,my Instinct tells me youll die old , lonely , single and toothless. And nobody will give a shit about your planet.

 

by Kurashima
11-16-01
Look Messiah. Ive done everything i can to bring order and peace to the boards. Its totally in order now
Marilyn , i asked for order because things were out of control,but youre closing threads without any kind of reason.
How can you say that. Ive closed threads by all the major troublemakers and things are quiet now.
Youve closed threads by all the personalities BECAUSE theyre personalities. All we have left now is threads about how crap the game is.
Well , at least theres no threads saying the mods are crap.
Thatd be a great relief if i didnt know you were closing them as soon as theyre posted.

 

by Kurashima
11-16-01
Welcome to "Legion Recruitment". Todays letter is from another hopeful Candidate..
"Dear Kura. I want to join Legion because i rock and you need me and im great and have a l33t Score. Signed A .Newbie.
You cant hide from me Patrician. I know its you and youre still not getting in .

 

by Kurashima
11-17-01
Rampage Addresses the Troops
My fellow Legionnaires. The battle is won. NoCeX is dead. We are once more , the dominant alliance in Planetarion.
Weve had our critics. They said we were gutless , cowardly , and only picking on the little guys.
So weve agreed to stop attacking the Creators planets for a week.

 

by Kurashima
11-17-01
Dammit Wolfbabe. We killed NoCeX , and Legion are getting all the credit.
Sid , calm yourself. People know we did our share. They still fear the Fury name throughout the known universe.
Are you sure? I mean , all the WP are defecting back to Legion , and all we get are former NoCeX members with smouldering wrecks of planets.
Little do you know that ive already lined up a BC position in Legion for next round.
Why are you grinning like that?
Im having a multiple orgasm because we just recruited Patrician.

 

by Kurashima
11-17-01
Well Patrician. Tell me , why do you want to join Fury.
Because i Ran Blue Tuba single handedly , im a great PA player , and i need a top alliance.
Theres been some history between you and Sid , you realise that he may decide to block your application.
Im sure Sid is a big enough man to realise anything i said previously was just in the name of alliance politics.
"Sid has less PA talent than a quadriplegic Platypus"
HEY! Ill have you know the platypus is a very intelligent creature.

 

by Kurashima
11-21-01
So , Baby , can i buy you a drink?
Well , i dont really drink im afraid.
Well , can we skip straight to the part where i take you home and fuck your brains out?
Yeh , sure.
Woohoo!
Damn. Correct answer here was "No"

 

by Kurashima
11-27-01
Forest .......i have come for you.
ARGH!. Jesus , you scared the crap outta me. Who the hell are you.
I am he whos name shall not be spoken. The Evil One. And you are to be one of my lieutenants
Whoa. Hold on there big guy. I mean , people dislike me , but im not EVIL.
You microwaved an ex-girlfriends hamster and fed it to her kids in a Happy Meal box.
HEY. That Hamster had it coming.

 

by Kurashima
11-27-01
Dear Mr Banker. I know things havent been going too well for us here at fifth season .......
Hey , it looks like youre writing a letter.
but with the credit card money finally being free to use , i think we should be given an extension on the overdraft to run round 6
Hey , it looks like youre writing a letter.
I didnt ask for your opinion
Hey , it looks like youre writing a begging letter.

 

by Kurashima
11-27-01
YOU! The one known as Messiah. You are to be the next addition to my evil army.
Youve clearly got the wrong person. I just moderate a set of messageboards.
Your job entails you being evil towards 2000 people a day and being completely above reproach to your bosses.
Well , you know , i never thought of it that way.
And youre from Aberdeen,
ill get my coat .....

 

by Kurashima
11-27-01
Now , my plans continue apace. Nobody can stop the evil that will overcome PA
Halt Vile Creature. Your Evil recruitment ends here.
Wha? Ahh , Zeus. youve saved me the bother of tracking you down. You are to be my next recruit.
NO. I am a fair and just man who eats , sleeps and breathes this game. Your evil schemes have no relation to me.
"Closing Accounts , TheSlammer.com , Butchery of the English Language"
You forgot to mention leaving Messiah in charge of the boards.

 

by Kurashima
11-27-01
This is too easy. This game has more evildoers than the pits of hell.
Wha? Who the hell are you. No , im sorry , Fury are NOT recruiting.
Hmm , Synthetic Sid isnt it. Im sure youre on my list somewhere.
Ha. If your list is Fury planets to attack , i warn you , you wont get a single roid.
I think ill give this one a miss.
Did you SEE the kicking we gave Elysium last night , and the night before , and before ......

 

by Kurashima
11-27-01
My Minions. You have been selected for your unique abilities. Together , we shall go forth and destroy the world through Planetarion.
I hope this gets me Laid.
I hope this gets me respect.
I hope this gets me paid.
I hope this gets me Roids.

 

by Kurashima
11-30-01
Right. Now i have my army , i must crush the PA crew , then i shall finish off Spinner.
Not So Fast. You may have corrupted Zeus , and several others , but before you stands a being of TRUE power.
Oreo , youre in no position to fight me. You run the Beta. You commited a heinous crime already.
HAH. Theres nothing ive done that hasnt been in the best interests of Planetarion. Your lies dont fool me.
You appointed Sunday8pm as BetaCrew.
I ........I......... Oh god , its true. Just kill me now.

 

by Kurashima
11-30-01
Vish , I cant deal with this. Hes got Zeus , and Oreo , and Sid , and , and .........
Spinner. Calm down. Whats the worst he could do , hack a few accounts , make a few people suicide his fleets on your planet?
He Might destroy the servers , or make the bank foreclose , or , or , or ...
Erm , Spinner. We fuck the servers up on a daily basis.
But what about the banks ....
Dont worry. I gave them your house as collateral.

 

by Kurashima
11-30-01
VISH? Oh god. Vish ..oh god no ....
uhhhhhhhh ........
Look , cant we talk this through?
Its Over Spinner. I have come to destroy you , and Planetarion ,once and for all.
WAIT. Why are you doing this anyway ....why do you hate my game so much ..... WHO ARE YOU!!!!
*grin* Youve found me out. And now , i shall reveal myself in my TRUE guise.

 

by Kurashima
12-01-01
OH MY GOD! FUDGE! WHY?
Ha! Youve run the game into the ground , you and Vish take all the credit , and i work all the hours god sends for no money.
But you formed the game with us , you shared in the glories of round 1 and 2 , and , and , and
Its Over Spinner. Im taking back the game , and since the only other Directors of Fifth season are you and Vish .....
I dont suppose i could just write you a cheque?
Im afraid not. Prepare to die Spinner.

 

by Kurashima
12-02-01
The usual meeting of Minds.
Cock Jockey
Monkey Spanker
Turd nibbler
Arse Bandit.
And on , and on , and on ......
Fucktard
Shit Swallower.

 

by Kurashima
12-09-01
Yes. Fudge did Kill Spinner and take over Fifth Season.
I was just one ship tweak away from perfection. I know it.
Fudge immediately sold the rights to the game to a consortium of TPE members.
Its a done deal Don. This shit is all yours now.
Cheers Fudge. And i hope you beat that double murder rap.
Forest never did get laid. Zeus never did get paid.
DAMN YOU FUDGE!
DAMN YOU FUDGE!

 

by Kurashima
12-13-01
WOW. Sunday lost it big time. Did you SEE how i put him down? "A Kid thats had his toys taken away from him". I was AWESOME!
Oh God YES Nod. You were magnificent.
And when i brought out those huge words to make me look smarter than him. It proved im still PA's most popular Celeb.
Nod , you were wonderful. Now , lets retire to the bedroom and celebrate.
But i havent told you yet about how i used a word with FIVE FUCKING SYLLABLES to demean him AND the whole of PA in the same sentence.
Must ..... control ...... fist ....... of ...... death ....

 

by Kurashima
12-13-01
Now , Osama , if Al Qaeda wants to make a statement , i think Oslo instead of London. And i know just where to plant the bomb.

 

by Kurashima
12-13-01
You know Forest , im going to miss having you and Sunday8pm around on the boards.
Why? Ive retired for the remainder of the round to regain control of my life , and Sunday has lost the plot like hes Jack Nicholson in The Shining.
I mean , with both of you gone , theres nobody to make people think "Im Glad im not one of them".
Theres always Spinner.
Good Point.
And i would start on Deerbarn , but its not very PC to pick on the Mentally Ill.

 

by Kurashima
12-24-01
What the hell is this?
Merry Christmas Nodrog. This is a Special Gift from Spinner to keep you entertained throughout the festive period.
Spinner sent ME a gift? Is it ticking? Any traces of white powder?
None at all. Its a thank you from him to you for making his life a living hell for the last 2 years.
I swear im never complaining about another shipstat.
Sucky Sucky , me love you long time.

 

by Kurashima
12-25-01
So i said to him "Those Rotor Turbines arent going to generate Gravitons by themselves"
Ha Ha Ha
Hey , what the hell is this.
What the?
No wonder i couldnt rotate those gravitons. I shoved my PC up my ass last night.

 

by Kurashima
12-25-01
Jenny. Look , i know things seemed to be going wrong between us. But i brought you here to remind you of how things used to be between us.
Nod. Im really sorry that i broke up with you. I had been having such a terrible time with the trial , and you being in jail , and my exams.
I mean , hey , That bed looks good. And i thought , you know , if we lay there for a while we could go back to how things were.
Youre right Nod. I cant believe i ever left you. When we are in bed together , its the greatest feeling alive.
Well , i brought my laptop , and i made sure this room has 2 phone sockets.
Yep. And i installed Mirc on mine , just in case we need to port between them.

 

by Kurashima
12-25-01
Sunday , i put my faith and trust in you to run the Beta , and you let me down.
Oreo , look. I did my best. Spinner,Vish,Fudge werent around , it was all going to crap , and they wanted to make me a scapegoat for it all.
Sunday , thats why we brought you in.
Fuck you Oreo.

 

by Kurashima
12-25-01
Yo. Whassup. Whassa brotha gots ta do to get a bucket a' fried chicken over here.
Dre. Seriously man , weve put up with your "Gimmick" now for like , a year. Its time you were told the truth.
Messiah , why you be dissin me man. I am the portal master blaster brutha.
Dre. Listen Carefully to me.
Youre White.

 

by Kurashima
12-31-01
He makes toilet twice daily
A fetish for rubber and wet feet
That would be our Arthur

 

by Kurashima
1-05-02
Ho Ho Ho. Another Quality TPE prank. We are just the best Nodrog.
Damn right Don. I mean , who would have thought we would fool so many people . We are so great.
So i guess its back to ending all the sentences in "Cock" again.
Fraid so.

 

by Kurashima
1-11-02
*sniff* That was moving. I never realised until he was gone just how much i missed Spinner.
And Vish too. Its like losing a family member who you hated and always criticised , but loved deep down inside.
*sniff* Well , the wake is at Spinners house. I suppose if we hurry , there might be some Carrot Cake left.
Ill settle for a bottle of beer and you not making carrot top jokes all night.
But whats this .......
Hmmm. "Graveyartarion" Steal bodies , build hearses , buy land. I wonder if the domain name is available

 

by Kurashima
1-27-02
So , Kura. Meeting in the pub on Tuesday. You sure this is a good idea?
Of course. Dace and Sunday can go a few hours without killing each other.
Im thinking more of putting Sunday and Sarina in the same building.
What. She can handle herself. And its not like Sunday has any aspirations there .... does he?
Meantime , in Chateau 8pm
Im Going to the chapel and im GONNA get Married!
Next Up - Tips on how to impress the girl of your dreams.

 

by Kurashima
1-31-02
Nod. I have a confession to make. I am your Father?
M..m..m..my father? I never knew.
Yes. And Jenny is your Sister , and Yahwe your brother.
Oh god. Ive been sleeping with my sister ,and my brother is gay. But when you die , i inherit Fifth Season.
This isnt quite the emotional reconciliation i had hoped it would be.
Itll be like Round 2 all over again. Oh boy oh boy oh boy.

 

by Kurashima
2-10-02
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT ME!
LOOK AT ME!

 

by Kurashima
2-10-02
Hi. My name is Bob. Im a German , and id like to discuss WW2.
AHHH! HOLOCAUST DENIER. CLOSE THREAD. REPORT USER!
Hi , my name is like , Erika , and id like to discuss Swimwear.
AHH. BIN LADEN SYMPATHISER. DELETE THREAD. REPORT USER.
MM , you really need to calm down man.
AHHH. COMMON SENSE. DELETE THREAD. REPORT USER. SNIFF GLUE. OUT-MOD JBOY!

 

by Kurashima
2-10-02
Oh yeh. I mean , i dont just close a thread , i make sure i get the last word. Do you know how much that pisses them off?
Oh yeh man. I mean , once , i closed one of Nodrogs threads , just for the status it would bring me.
*Ding*Dong*
Oh yeh man. I once called Deerbarn a thieving scouse cunt. Course ,i waited till he wasnt a mod anymore.
Yeh. I saw it. You da man. Hey , MM. Can you get the door.
OK. WHOS THE FUNNY CUNT THAT INVITED SUNDAY8PM.

 

by Kurashima
2-10-02
Hullo. Mah names JBOY. Ahm a mod on the Jenruhl Discuschion boreds. Ahm dead hard me.
Proof positive that a comic doesnt need a "Killer Line"

 

by Kurashima
2-13-02
Spinner . Dude. I have to tell you this. This just isnt working out.
What on earth do you mean Woody?
I cant do it. Im sure id be great at the job , but i just cant kill Zeus.
Woody. Look , its simple. Hes a superstitious idiot. Just wave your scythe around a lot and tell him to quit or youll take his soul..
Cant I just keep parodying the Sunscreen song?
God no. Im trying to kill the boards , not make them fun!

 

by Kurashima
5-20-02
Hes back. God almighty , hes started making comics again. What are we going to do?
Spinner , calm down. I mean , when he left , the game was crap , badly run , and we were almost out of business. The game has improved a lot now..
We need something that will get him off our case , and stop him making comics to mock us.
Youre right. A strong game is not enough. We need something that will win his praise in his next series of comics.
Sack Zeus
Sack Zeus.

 

by Kurashima
5-20-02
Look , Zeus. Weve had a meeting to discuss the best ways forward for Planetarion and its community , and weve come to a conclusion.
Why , youve adopted my ad campaign of "Play Planetarion because life sucks anyway". Excellent.
Not quite. You see , weve decided theres a better way to spend the resources we currently devote to your salary.
Would this be the salary you havent paid me for the last 2 years because Fifth Season was going bankrupt.
Errr , yes.
Thought so.

 

by Kurashima
5-20-02
Look , Zeus. We had to cut costs. Im sorry , but youre fired. Weve brought in someone younger , cheaper , and more talented to do the job.
*sob* How could you. After all that i did for this company All the spelling mistakes , the whole Slammer.com thing.
All the times i jumped to the wrong conclusion. All the times i .... i .... i .....
Ill get my coat.

 

by Kurashima
5-20-02
Im sorry we had to do this , but we need to protect our profits. Goodbye Zeus.
At least tell me whos replacing me. Who could POSSIBLY be as good as i am at this job.
Well , we thought about it long and hard .... but im afraid youre not going to like the answer to this one Zeus.
Pah!. Im a big boy now. Nothing could be more humiliating than losing my job like this.
Hi there Zeus. Thanks for all your hard work , i promise ill do a great job in your place.
THEAMION?

 

by Kurashima
5-21-02
Zeus , im sorry you had to go , but i think im a better choice for this position anyway. Im younger , more talented , better looking , less Irish.
But youre a Puppet for gods sake. I bet Spinner can make you do whatever he wants whenever he wants.
Untrue. I have complete control over everything i do. Im the perfect man for this job.
You didnt get this job on good looks and personality. How on earth did you manage it?
Take a guess at whos hand is up my ass.
Ahh.

 

by Kurashima
5-21-02
And So , Zeus left , for a self imposed Exile in the deepest , darkest place he could find
A place so dark , that his thoughts would not be distracted as he plotted how to regain his PR job from the Hand Puppet.
STOCKTON ON TEES!
Oh god , hes going to do Marilyn Manson jokes again. YOU DID THOSE IN THE LAST SERIES!

 

by Kurashima
5-21-02
Ok , and ill just put out this announcement saying that PA has just won the International Game of the Year award from AOL.com.
But thats completely untrue. I mean , we havent even won an MPOGD award in the last 6 months.
True , but if i send out a press release saying "Were crap , but were still in business. Play our game or we'll nuke your system" , ill get done for false advertising.
But thats what we did for round 6's advertising campaign.
Which was run by .......
Zeus. I see what you mean.

 

by Kurashima
5-23-02
Meanwhile , back in Stockton.
I must regain my position as PR man for Planetarion. MM ,you must help me.
Well Zeus , ive forumlated a few theories on how to do it , but i warn you , its a hard road.
Pah. I will do anything. Climb any mountain. Sleep with any creator. I WILL regain my post.
Well , my studies of the boards show that there is one factor you lack which would make you more popular than ANYONE , and force Spinner to re-hire you.
You cant mean ....
Yes Zeus. In order to regain your job , you must become SCOTTISH!

 

by Kurashima
5-23-02
Right. Lets do it. Lets make me a bona fide Scotsman.
Ok Zeus. Repeat after me. "Ach ma wee Bairn" , "Gonnae No Dae That" , "Jings Crivvens Michty Me"
Oh my little child , please refrain from such acts , oh my goodness thats terrible.
Its worse than i thought. It appears that away from the calming influence of PAHQ , youve contracted a highly contagious deadly virus.
Why am i spelling things correctly and speaking in an Oxford accent?
Youve contracted Yahweitis. Theres only one known cure. Come with me to the Nodatron.

 

by Kurashima
5-23-02
Now youre SURE this will work. I dont want to come out of here a vegetable.
Of COURSE i am Zeus. Now , step inside , and we can begin the process.
What do i do now.
Just sit down , and press that green button in front of you. The one marked "Scotsman". Youll see some flashing lights , and then the process will be over.
I take it this process isnt very painful? ....... ARGH! ITS CUTTING OFF MY ARMS AND LEGS!
I knew there was something i forgot to mention.

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