All comics by Moonfire013

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by Moonfire013
8-23-07
So what was that whole passing-the-goblet thing about?
the blood sacrifice? we do that to bind our solitary auras together and to show the dark master that our commitment is solid.
Didn't you use Welchs grape juice?
are you going to follow me around all night or--?
Well if you'd stay still long enough to listen to my important message then I could go back to the afterlife and you could be on your way.
gotcha.

 

by Moonfire013
8-23-07
Dude, this is good shit. It'll totally fuck you up. What're you up tonight?
i think i'm just gonna pop these caps, sit in calvary cemetary all night and write poetry.
Awesome. Totally awesome. Who's that other dude you came with?
him? he's my dead uncle who's returned from the grave to give me an urgent message, or some shit.
Dude, why does everything cool happen to you?
*shrugs* just don't ask him to take off the cloak, he has some kind of chubby for it.

 

by Moonfire013
8-24-07
Travis? Travis? Are you okay? Man, how many did you take?
woah...
razzle snarg durgle jorg
hehe.... puppies
Jesus H. Christ

 

by Moonfire013
8-24-07
ugh.. my head. what happened last night?
You got fucked on a whole bunch of shrooms, wet yourself in the cemetary and lay in the fetal position for four fucking hours sobbing and crying for your mommy. That's what happened.
seriously? how did i get home?
I fucking carried you all the way down Canal street you pussy. Oh and you might want to wash the puke off your sisters dog before she gets home.

 

by Moonfire013
8-24-07
i gotta start getting ready for work. you gonna be okay in here by yourself?
What do I look like? A child?
whatever.
douchebag.
20 minutes later...
*Hysterical Laghter*OH MY GOD!! OH MY GOD!!! Thats what you look like?? Two words! DORK ALERT!!

 

by Moonfire013
9-14-07
September 9th 2007: MTV's Video Music Awards.
Ladies and Gentlemen..... Britney Spears!
Gimme more.. g-gimme...... ummm gimme.... more?
*****************SILENCE****************
Is this a joke?
What the--?

 

by Moonfire013
10-05-07
Friday Night: Week One
Woah! You have a huge rack! How much do those weigh? Twenty, twenty five pounds?
Sorry, I'm taken. My friend would be happy to fuck you though.
Friday Night: Week Five
Your friends a prude.
Sorry, still taken.
Friday Night: Week Ten
My boyfriend sucks, wanna hook up?
Meet me out back in five minutes.

 

by Moonfire013
10-05-07
A Few Months Later
That was awesome.
Totally.
Marry Me?
Does this mean we can move out of your moms house?
Only if you promise to cook all her recipes the way she does, and fold my clothes in the exact same way.
Fine. But I'll have you know I plan on having babies right away and only contributing 2% to our gross annual income.

 

Note: It's sad but true.
Oh Yes..... Oh God.... Give it to me!! Now!! I want it now!!
yeah... that's it!
by Moonfire013, 10-05-07

 

by Moonfire013
10-05-07
I just pissed myself.
Again? That's like the third time this week!
I know. Oh wait I think I have to shit.
Quick, get the truck! My turd has hair!

 

by Moonfire013
10-05-07
Your wife is in her room and doing well. While the nurse is getting her settled you may want to get dressed in surgical scrubs, this will get messy.
How messy?
The bathroom's down the hall.

 

by Moonfire013
10-05-07
The anxious grandparents-to-be wait patiently down the hall...
Get away from me! Get the HELL away from me!
Hours feel like days as they wait for news...
PUSH! YOU NEED TO PUSH!
I AM PUSHING YOU ASSHOLE!!
Finally it happens!!
*baby crying*
IT'S A GIRL!!

 

by Moonfire013
10-05-07
Sometime During Year One: 3 AM
Honey, why is the baby laying fully dressed in the empty bathtub?
Sometime During Year Two: At a Friend's House
Honey, why is the baby eating wet dog food?
Year 3 - 7
I don't get it, we buy her all these fancy toys yet she's been sitting on the living room flloor playing with a pair of socks for the last three hours.
Don't worry, she'll grow out of it......right?

 

NOTE: Again, sad but true
yes! more! oh God yes!!
oh fuck yeah!
by Moonfire013, 10-06-07

 

by Moonfire013
10-06-07
You know what? You suck. You never listen to me, or take my opinions seriously. That and your boring, all you want to do is sit around and watch television.
Yeah? Well your a fucking nag. Maybe if you spent half the energy it takes to run your mouth all day and put it towards something useful, like maybe, getting a fucking job I wouldn't be so stressed.
YOUR stressed? Listen asshole I'm the one stuck at home all day with two screaming kids!
Big fucking deal! Wanna try lifting lumber 9 hours a day, 5 days a week?
See?! You always do this! You always belittle my opinion!
Shut up and get me a beer.

 

by Moonfire013
10-31-09
Feel free to kiss the fattest, hairiest, whitest part of my pock-marked ass you gimpy motherfucker.
If you keep complaining about retarded shit it will only be a matter of time before I take that fucking cain of yours and beat you to death with it.
I work fucking 12 hour days. I don't have time for your nonsense. It's not my fault your life sucks.
It's not my fault that your wife invited her boyfriend to come live with us. It's not my fault that your so fat you can't even get into your car.
Maybe you should spend less time on youtube and more at the fucking gym. Or maybe you should go all out and drive into that fucking tree you've had your eye on.
Either way, shut the fuck up and leave my stuff alone!!

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