All comics by Mumbojumbo

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by Mumbojumbo
5-09-04
"Dear Santa:please can i have a bottle of Big Beastie for xmas this year? i have been very good this year!"
I WANT FAGS! ASDLFJJJJJJJJJJJ2834BUMTIT BOOBIES!
hmm....
Steve,your stubble has really grown in!
HO HO HO! come sit on my knee,young lady! HO HO HO!

 

by Mumbojumbo
5-11-04
The Manics comeback gig...
*belch* we aah tha Manic Street Preachers,this one *sniff* is called.......um.erm,its a new song *burp*
James struggles to remember any new material
kinda like *BURP* y'know,its *blech* a new...new.....new song......
Easy solution!
this is called Motorcycle Emptiness...

 

by Mumbojumbo
5-11-04
Texaspete hassles JDB after the gig...
howdy! y'all Manics are shit y'all! *insert smily face here*..um.....y'all!
you....you....you *belch* i might be in a shie....um......fuck *sniff*...BAND (thats it) but at least im not a pest.
Pete seems speechless!
quick,think of something witty!
Texaspete-boy genius!
YEE HAW! RIDE 'EM COWBOY!
he wears a cowboy outfit,i play in one...

 

by Mumbojumbo
5-11-04
hehe,it's Ville Valos from alt Goth Finnish legends HIM! its a bit dark isnt it?! *crys*
well,my dear,we are lurking in the shadows!
:( why do you have a gun? you think i'd be used to them by now from my trips to Glasgow!
sorry,im not Love and Razorblade and Death loving pasty faced rock god Ville Valos,now i shall reveal my true identity!!!!
OH NO! IT'S BIG BASTARD BOUNCER DARIUS!
GET OOTAH MA NIGHTCLUB YA HOOR! *trumpet* RAAAAAAR!

 

by Mumbojumbo
5-15-04
Morrissey appears on Jonathan Ross
*insert witty and clever comment here*
Mowwissey,pwease be my fwiend! *insert ass kissing comment about new album here*
the world IS full of crashing bores it seems
blah blah blah blah blah
someone should set his hairdresser on fire
*fawns,yet gets no nice things said about him*

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-20-04
NEWSFLASH!
news just in! the Manic Street Preachers internet forum is full of porn,Big Brother talk,paedo jokes,angry pushy Hitler-esque moderators,shit jokes and angry self-important Americans!
we asked a member of the forum to give us his opinion on the scandal.we have disguised him to preserve his identity on the board:
oh aye likes,its a' fu' oh kiddie porn jokes and talk of Scottish fitba.they even talk about the Manics! mind you thats nae concern tae me,Mumboju.......um,Oxo.aye,him.

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-20-04
somewhere in a dungeon in Northern Norway...
OMG!!!!!!!1111111111oneoneone i'm like,totally gonna have you bum me!!!11111oneoneone
aww man,but ahm still a bit sore fi the rogering ah got fi bumming that policeman earlier!
dissapointment....?
awwwwww man!!!!111111 but who am i gonna get to offer me teh sexx?!1111111oneoneone
i know the perfect person!
dissapointment no more!
!!!!1111oneone its Manic Faerie!
*crys* if my cock isnt big enough i've brought a bottle *huh*

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-20-04
the Scottish meetup!
Mumbojumbo ya big hairy bawbag! how the fuck aye ya fudd?!
Endless_Nameless ya weegie cunt! who the fuck decided to hold the Scottish meetup here in Glesgae,the erse end of the world?! whoever done it is a doss cunt,likes!
things get out of hand...
whit the fuck is wrang wi Glasgow likes?! ahl fuckin' chib you ya dobber!
BRING IT ON YA PIE!
then...
well this was inevitable ya East coast cunt!
ah well,Barlinnie aint all that bad,look it says "Duncan Ferguson wiz here" on the wall!

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-26-04
the England team talk...
now Darius,make sure you score the penalty,the whole nation is relying on you!
no problem boss!
after the penalty...
Darius! you missed! now the nation will look for a scapegoat! ah to hell with eet,i'm off for phone sex with Nancy
sorry boss.i'm off to get changed
in the dressing room,Darius' real identity is revealed...
thats better! ah wiz fuckin gawn daft in thon England shirt,luckily i took penalty lessons off Gary McAllister! noo,ahm aff to gie Alan Hanson prankies!

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-26-04
Sven and assistant Tord Grip discuss tactics
now David James ees my number one,i hope he is getting plenty of practise on his hand to eye coordination Tord!
MOO! of course he is Sven,infact,he told me he was away to practise his hand to eye right away!
thats what i like to see from my players,always wanting to better themselves!
indeed Sven.with players of such dedication and commitment,we can't fail to win Euro 2004! MOO!
meanwhile...
holy crap,Lara Croft has huge tits....

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-26-04
Sven meets his captain...
alwoight boss,you wanted to see me?
ah,yes,Dayveed,good to see you.
Sven has some bad news...
i'm afraid due to budget cuts in Portugal,we have to go look for the ball you used for your penalty...
a few light years later...
can you see it? i have to be home in 20 minutes see Brooklyn.he's teaching me the 3 times table tonight
keep looking Dayveed! perhaps its over there,next to Chris Waddles ball...

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-26-04
Sven recruits a motivational coach for the team...
hello mr Eriksson! hopefully i can be of some assistance!
if i'm being honest i don't fancy our chances much.how can i instill some belief into my squad?
and...
easy!
problem solved!
...and when you awake you will belive your mediocre overrated squad are world beaters!
*zzzzz* WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIENDS!!!! *snort* ULRIKA STOP IT I'M ASLEEP! *zzzz* wha?!

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-29-04
The Queue at Wimbledon...
COME ON TIM!
oooooh COME ON TIIIIIIIIIM!
Inside Centre Court...
COME ON TIM!
oooooh COME ON TIIIIIIIIIM!
inside every decent and sane minded tennis fans mind...
COME ON TIM!
oooooh COME ON TIIIIIIIIIM!

 

by Mumbojumbo
12-24-04
Mumbo,high on Irn Bru,corners Santa Claus!
haw,how come ya didnae bring me ony Buckfast ya pie? DO YE WANT CHIBBED?!
Ho Ho Ho! but Buckfast Tonic Wine isnt very festive young Steve!
ya doss cunt! its Scotland,its as festive as a deep fried Mars bar!
ho ho ho! in that case,pour me a glass! MERRY CHRISTMAS!
Several glasses later...
*hic* are you sure you know your way to Lapland? *belch* dearie me,that Buckfast is potent stuff! Mrs Claus is going to,how do you say,'burst' me!
shut yer puss Eccie Claus! *hic* Lapland canae be that far awa'...its next tae Methil,right?

 

by Mumbojumbo
12-26-04
Slatex and Mumbo discuss...
thats pure shockin' whit they bampots on the forum are sayin! fuds! i've never even been to Morecambe!
and i certainly aint Wise! *spaffs*
the conversation continues...
its not like we're funny,or even share a bed!
i know.......
then...
fancy sharing a bed?
right ahead of you!

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-17-05
Mandy and AMO land on a desert island...
ah,bliss! there is no one here on this desert island to spoil our endless bumsex and mutual masturbation!
=D
ah shit,who is that?!
=O
Bollocks,its Andrew WK! ah well. hey Andrew,do you like cock?
PARTY HARD!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!1111111111111111

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-17-05
Could Strife opens a letter as fellow mod Mumbo looks on...
I've recieved a letter from Hanswire!
no danger! what does it say man?
Cloud reads on...
It says he wants to make friends! and take me on a wee trip! isnt that nice of him?! Better hurry,got loads of sheep to shag first!
Aye,well have fun ya doss cunt!
The trip destination is discovered...
This place looks terribly familiar....
Right,whos first for the red hot poker up the pee hole then?

 

by Mumbojumbo
6-17-05
Spangles meets a sweet wee squirrel in the woods....
aww,aint you a sweetie?!
*squeak*
...you wanna lez with me?
*!*

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-12-05
Let Robinson Sing comes to church...
ah,hello my son,how can i help you?
a crisis?! surely not?!
i am having a crisis of faith father.my whole morality depends on your answer.i hope you can tell me the answer to a question that has troubled me for a long time...
and what is that,oh blessed one?
the crisis is revealed...
can i have a wank in church?
!

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-12-05
Ripperjack decided to browse the interweb...
wonder whats going on on the forum today?
Let Robinson Sing: "I wonder what its like to wank under the sea?"
AMO logs on too...
a wank under the sea?! i have no idea! =D
Let Robinson Sing: "I wonder what its like to wank under the sea?"
unsurprisingly...
*WANKS*
AMO: =D

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-12-05
from deepest darkest Scotchland
the forum is very quiet today,ah well,ill spam it with my inane humour and posts about wanking anyway
=D
from deepest darkest Preston
I must keep on posting! i just had a cracking wank!
muhahaha! shut up and burn! now,wheres Cloud Strife gone?
from deepest darkest Newcastle
i appear to have mutated due to this radiation =(
=D shut up Morgan =P wheres my pc?! *wanks*

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-13-05
hey Mr Builder,can i ask you a question?
if he asks if my name is Bob,i swear to god....
is your name Bob?
!
cool! any chance you can do my other ear while you are there?
AAAAAAAAAAARGH!

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-13-05
Ripper is shamelessly abused by a Coldplay fan in the park!
HAHAHA,You're a Manics fan!
cunt.
And at home!
muhahaha'! Lifeblood sold like 4 copies! X&Y sold like 3 billion!
cunt.
But strangely not at work...
Do you want fries with that sir?
cunt.

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-14-05
Let Robinson Sing goes to the hairdressers...
hi there,i am looking for a nice new haircut please thank you sir.
oooh super,my first customer as a newly qualified hairdresser! what super do can i interest you in sir? *minces*
and asks for a new look...
hmm,can you take quite a lot off please? its summer and i need to lose some of the mop.
no problem sir! just go and sit on the chair over there. oh,this will be SUPER! *minces*
as ever,things do not go quite as forseen...
WHAT HAVE YOU DONE?! how am i supposed to have a wank now?!
oh dear.bit too much off the top?! *minces*

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-14-05
That Manics forum sure looks like a cool place to hang out! those pretty Sky Blue icons seem to bring power and fame!
it certainly seems that way!
yep...
yep...
so,you wanna invade earth then?
yes,and lets hope Will Smith doesn't screw us over,like the last time...

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-14-05
I want you to hit me,as hard as you can.
what?!
The first rule of Project Mayhem is no one talks about Project Mayhem.
Holy crap,you shot yourself Tyler!
argh! can anyone hear the Pixies?

 

by Mumbojumbo
7-27-05
Cloudy takes AoB for a walk...
oh! Michael! the Aberdonian countryside sure is beautiful in the summer! kiss me!
...yeah,sure thing Dolly....
Whoops!
...did he just call me Dolly?!
ah shit.... Hayley,...would you do something for me....?
Then...
Is this close enough to a sheep?
Ash shit,its the wrong kit! its not even fleece! last time i borrow something off of Doug...

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