All comics by Spiffy415

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by Spiffy415
2-24-02
A few of us are going out. You wanna come?
I can't, I have to work.
Work?! It's Friday night! Do you know what God thinks of that?!
But the other guys are going bowling!
HELL NAW!!!

 

by Spiffy415
2-24-02
Van Roy's Law: An unbreakable toy is useful for breaking other toys
You're an idiot and so is the guy who said that
Brad's Law: Dan's casual insults refer not to me but to himself.
Dan's Law: disregard Brad's Law
Ahhhhhhhh, damn
That's right.... Idiot

 

by Spiffy415
2-24-02
What do you want to do today?
I dunno, what do you want to do?
I know! We need to go to the men's hangy things.
Men's hangy things?
You know what I mean.
No I don't and I don't want to either.

 

by Spiffy415
2-24-02
I've done it! I've taken science to the next level! My name will go down in the books. I might as well be the title of the books!
This invention will revolutionize the world forever. After this the only way is forward. I've done a great justice to humanity with this!
Egads, man! What is it?
Need a quick fire extinguisher? Take a guinea pig and squeeze it!
*sniffle* That's beautiful, man.

 

by Spiffy415
2-24-02
In my life, I've learned there's only three rules to business. One, buy low, sell high.
Two, don't spend more than the difference.
And three...always pay taxes, 'cause the government carries guns.
Oi! Hand over yer cricking coins!

 

by Spiffy415
2-24-02
I'm a paradox! I'm Irish and allergic to alcohol!
I'm a paradox! I'm Canadian and allergic to beavers!
I'm a paradox! I'm a robot and allergic to Java Script!

 

by Spiffy415
2-24-02
I'm a paradox! I'm Asian and allergic to rice!
I'm a paradox! I'm a rabbit and allergic to carrots!
I'm a paradox! I'm a whore and allergic to sex!

 

by Spiffy415
2-24-02
I'm a paradox! I'm fire and allergic to heat!
I'm a paradox! I'm a cowboy and allergic to cattle!
I'm a paradox! I'm a stoner and allergic to brownies!

 

by Spiffy415
3-01-02
Uh, Tina...don't look now, but I think we're in dire need of surviving.
Maybe someone should help Michael...
AHH! IT BURNS!!

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
In the beginning, there was nothing.
The God said, "Let there be light!" And there was light.
There was still nothing, but you could see a whole lot better.

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
But that has nothing to do with our story.
Twenty minutes later, or perhaps more like millions of eons later, or maybe in the middle of the two but closer to the second...
Daniel Bitterbatter was born...
Dammit Ann! Which end do I feed with the bottle?!

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
Daniel was a spritely young fellow, always making himself more popular with the girls.
I have a weiner and you don't!
He always respected his elders.
I have a weiner and you don't!
And always played nicely with dominatrix penguins.
I have a weiner and you don't!
Prove it, scum!

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
One day, in the peak of his youth, Daniel got some horrendous news.
I have a weiner and you don't!
That's it you waste of sperm, you're going to military school!
Daniel was shipped off immediately.
Bye Danny! We'll miss you!
Nine years in a military academy will wipe his smutty mind clean!
Do you think that was a wise parental decision on our part?
Who gives a damn! Let's get cracking on making this new kid the president!

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
At military school, Daniel faced some challenges.
I have a weiner and you don't!
Not for long you obsessive little twit!
With the removal of his genitalia by the more than willing sargeant instructor, Daniel fell into a hushed world of silence.
That's what I thought!
Until Daniel learned of reverse psychology.
I don't have a weiner and you do!
God dammit, I'm going to gut you like a trout!

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
Nine years later, Daniel returned home.
Mom! I'm home!
Holy shit!! What the fuck happened?
I left military school after about a year. It got boring. I joined a traveling circus ring that needed an amazing "Missing Genitalia Man".
You mean you don't have a weiner anymore?!
Neither do you!
That's it, you're going straight to the naval academy!

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
The naval academy, frightened by Daniel's wild new look and constant penis babble, immediately gave him a burial at sea.
I used to have a weiner you didn't!
Running short of breath, Daniel tried to compensate for oxygen the only way he knew how.
Don't talk about your weiner! Don't waste air!
But it was to no avail.
Fading...fading... fading....WEINER!

 

by Spiffy415
3-13-02
Oh Daniel, we hardly knew ye!
If only I had taken responsibility in you life instead of passing you into the arms of others!
Yeah, you really blew that one.
Well thanks to you our second son has a can opener sticking out of his shoulder blade!
Well at least he'll always have a way to open_cans_when_he needs to! Besides, I swear, this little guy here is going to be master of the fucking universe!
Oh the benefits we'll reap!

 

by Spiffy415
3-15-02
Well Toby, what do you want to be when you grow up?
I have no idea, Mrs. J!
Well, I've found a wonderful career assessment test that can help you determine what you'd be perect at!
Stellar!
So what are your results?
Your ideal career choices are...soil conservationist, ship deckhand, and nuclear weapons technician...... Fuck.

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