All comics by Trace

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by Trace
3-12-06
what have you got against my mother?
apart from the restraining order?

 

by Trace
3-12-06
they're at the door, they're trying to break in
don't panic...i've e-mailed your mother and she's on her way
is she bringing some weapons or the army or something?
no...
but i figure we can use the time it'll take them to eat their way through her to escape

 

by Trace
3-12-06
are you saying my mother is fat?
of course not dear
good. and anyway it's glandular in her case
only if they've changed the definition of glandular to "eats everything that isn't nailed down"

 

by Trace
3-12-06
anyway...that's quite enough of my mother thankyou
that's what the zombies said

 

by Trace
3-12-06
the zombies are in the house and they're eating my mother...i hope you're satisfied now
who are you talking to? me or the zombies?
harsh

 

It's a (dog's) wonderful life
every time a bell rings a dog gets his dinner
by Trace, 3-13-06

 

by Trace
4-11-06
i thought i might go and watch some late night telly
you do realise it's 2 in the morning don't you?
look woman, there's a serious life altering documentary on and it's important to me to watch and analyse it in depth to understand my place in the universe
oh whatever...just don't expect me to wait up for you
oh baby, that's the stuff
....and now on big breasted babes, savannah and trixie get down and dirty

 

by Trace
4-11-06
ring ring
hello
hey baby, the post production meeting has overrun a bit and i'm gonna be late home
oh ok, how much longer are you going to be?
couple of hours i reckon. i'll be back as soon as i can
she's gonna be really pissed off with you, you know
nah it's alright, i'll just tell her i was abducted and forced to consume copious amounts of alcohol by aliens doing an experiment

 

by Trace
4-12-06
zzzzzz
zzz... *snort* *mumble*zzz...but i don't have my spear
zzzz..huh...wassat?
zzz...zzz... *mumble*... alone in the woods with a cardboard box... zzz
click
oh for christ's sake...SHUT UP!
zzzzz.....*snort*...zzzzz....i can do subtle... zzzzz

 

by Trace
4-12-06
what's jake saying now?
oh, he's on about "the man" again
now he says that anarchy is the way to go
oh PLEASE...that pseudo-punk wouldn't know an anarchist if one shoved his cock up his middle class arse
harsh...but true

 

by Trace
4-12-06
grrrrrrrr
TRACE...get your psycho dog off me will you
don't torment the little fella
TORMENT HIM! i didn't do anything to him
i was talking to the dog

 

by Trace
4-12-06
yes, I talk to my dog as if he's a baby
there's a good dog, mummy has to go out for a while i'll be back soon
*whine*
good boy, SIT...STAY... nice dog... DOWN...walkies?
grrrrrrrrr
if you don't bite me i'll let you hump my leg
grrrrrrr

 

by Trace
4-13-06
after several pints
you're so gorgeous *hic*
i know
no really...i fucking love you *burp*
yes dear
i really...i fuc.....zzzzzzzz
*sigh*

 

by Trace
6-22-06
i'm very surprised you turned up for our date you know
oh really, why's that then?
well, people believe all zombies are mindless, groaning creatures that shuffle slowly around trying to eat the living's brains. i really hate being stereotyped like that
maybe you shouldn't have chowed down on the waiter then
well, you didn't have to write a poem about it

 

by Trace
6-22-06
that is absolutely the last time i get drunk and play truth or dare with the romans
*sigh*
the bastards know i can never resist a double-dare

 

by Trace
6-24-06
dear sir, it has come to our attention that your village has not been pillaged yet. we respectfully ask that all maidens of child bearing age be put in one hovel to facilitate their capture and rape
thanking you in advance, the vikings
p.s. sven says can you ask the cute blonde guy to join them

 

by Trace
6-24-06
butch believes that the little voice in his head is satan and that he is urging him to kill in his name
i blame myself for the 23 murders he's committed over the last 6 months
i've got to stop playing him slipnott while he sleeps

 

by Trace
6-24-06
you're joking right?
nope
you're really going to drain my blood, mutilate me and then leave my corpse in the middle of a corn circle
yep
why?
it's rag week

 

by Trace
6-24-06
dear sir, we would like to inform you of our intentions. we plan on boarding your vessel, murdering the crew and stealing all your valuables before sinking your ship
please be so kind as to gather in one place so we can begin. thank you for your co-operation, the pirates
p.s. yarrrrrrr

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