All comics by docmike

 

by docmike
4-01-08
I died for your sins so you will have everlasting life.
Ha Ha, I get it... April Fools!
No, I'm serious! God sent me to suffer and die so that you won't have to go to hell.
Dude! You can stop already. I get it. You're hilarious!
Okay... Can you help me get down from here? My back is killing me...
Dumb ass...

 

by docmike
4-30-08
Wednesday, April 30, 2008, 4:59PM
Don't forget about the meeting tomorrow morning at 8:00 sharp!
Sorry, tomorrow is the National Day of Prayer. I'm going to stay home and pray with my family.
What did you pray for last year?
Let's see... an end to the Iraq war, no more hungry children, no more violence against innocents, and lower gas prices.
So I'll see you at eight then?
Seven-thirty...

 

by docmike
5-07-08
An "Evangelical Manifesto" is being released today to take back the term "evangelical" from politics and return it to its theological roots.
The Evangelical Theological Society requires members to agree on just two points: the inerrancy of Scripture and belief in God the Father, Son and Holy Spirit.
In response, the Atheist Society said they still agree that Scripture is useless mythology and that the bible-god has multiple personality disorder.

 

by docmike
6-25-08
I asked him if we were still forbidden to eat pork and if we still had to stone people... And he said, "No, that was the Old Testament."
So then I asked him about the man lying with a beast thing...
You see where I'm going with this, honey?

 

by docmike
11-07-08
You see, Noah was drunk and naked and fell asleep in his tent. Then his son, Ham, came in and saw his pop's tallywacker, so he ran to tell his brothers who covered Noah up with a cloth.
But since Ham had already seen Noah's trouser snake, Noah cursed Ham's son, Canaan (Noah's grandson), and made him a slave to Noah's other son, Shem, who was Cannan's uncle.
You said to tell him the story of Noah...
I meant the other Noah story, dumb ass! You know, the one about the boat?

 

by docmike
11-18-08
Morning Rounds
That kid won't curse his parents again, Lord!
Afternoon Rounds
Adulterers check in, but they don't check out.
Evening Rounds
Gay Pride Parade...

 

by docmike
12-02-08
You think it's hot here? -God
That's what I'm talkin' about!
You go, God!
God Hates Fags! 9-11 Gift from God! God Hates America!
They got that shit right!
Reverend Phelps is da man!
Imagine No Religion...
Now that's offensive!!!
I'm speechless...

 

by docmike
12-12-08
How do you like my Christmas tree?
The Bible says Christmas trees are for heathens. Jeremiah 10:2-4
Let's sing Christmas carols! "Let there be Peace on Earth..."
Jesus said, "Don't imagine that I came to bring peace on earth! No, rather a sword." Matthew 10:34
Is this the "War on Christmas" Bill O'Reilly keeps talking about?
No. My parents are hard-core Bible Literalists and I'm just here to ruin your Christmas like they've ruined mine...

 

by docmike
12-31-08
We should teach Creationism and Evolution side by side and let the kids decide for themselves.
Should we also teach Astrology along with Astronomy; Phrenology along with Neurology, and Alchemy along with Chemistry?
Of course not. No intelligent person still believes in that antiquated stuff.
Wait for it...

 

by docmike
1-14-09
The Earth is round, Dad, not flat!
Are you sure?
Yes, I'm sure! Haven't you seen the pictures from the space shuttle?
Whatever... I bet you'd make a cute spaceman.
This is humiliating...

 

by docmike
1-22-09
Without the Bible to guide them, people would be running around stealing, raping, and killing each other in the streets!
So if there were no God, you would likely just kill me right now?
That's right, Tom.
Then, P-Praise the Lord!

 

by docmike
1-22-09
Without the Bible to guide them, people would be running around stealing, raping, and killing each other in the streets!
You mean, as opposed to what we have now?
Gotcha!

 

by docmike
1-22-09
Without the Bible to guide them, people would be running around stealing, raping, and killing each other in the streets!
So... I CAN'T borrow your stapler?

 

by docmike
1-22-09
Without the Bible to guide them, people would be running around stealing, raping, and killing each other in the streets!
Wait, Ted! Where you going?
Dumb ass...
Ted?

 

by docmike
2-11-09
Matthew 15:1-7
Why won't you wash your hands before eating?
You hypocrite!
Excuse me?
You're hassling me about not washing my hands? You people don't even kill your children for cursing you, as God commanded!
Well, uh... Bon Appetito!

 

by docmike
2-20-09
Hebrews 12:6
Oh Lord, please prove that you love me!
You sadistic bastard...

 

by docmike
3-10-09
Genesis 19:8
Please don't rape the angels! Take my virgin daughters instead!
Did you hear that?
Yes, Lot saved us! He is just and righteous.
Did you hear that?
Yeah, Dad called us virgins!

 

Every time someone clicks a Christian ad on an Atheist website...
...an angel loses his wings.
by docmike, 3-13-09

 

by docmike
3-30-09
Ephesians 5:22-24
The Bible says, the husband is the head of the wife, even as Christ is the head of the church.
So, basically, you have to treat me like Jesus!
This is not funny, Rose!

 

by docmike
5-11-09
Jesus loves you and God has a plan for your life.
Well, Mother Nature thinks you're smokin' hot, Sweetie!
huh?
Oh, sorry. I thought you were flirting with me...
A girl likes me! Wait till the guys at Kingdom Hall hear about this!

 

by docmike
8-18-09
Luke 24:16
Why are you guys so sad?
Our Lord Jesus Christ was killed and now we have no one to worship.
...uh...well... Don't you recognize me? It's me, Jesus! Yeah, that's it! I rose from the dead!
But you don't look anything like Jesus. You're old and bald and at least a foot shorter than him.
Well...I...uh...I'm... just testing your faith! Yeah, that's the ticket! You're not losing your faith, are you?
No! Of course not, Jesus! Praise you Lord!

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