All comics by filiaprefect

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by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Somewhere in Mexico...
You done yet?
Yeah, just a sec.....oh....oh shit....um....
What the hell? You see a snake or something?
...........
Andrew?
...........

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Still lost in Mexico, Andrew has vanished...
Oh, this is just great. That nitwit's dead and I'm all alone in the middle of a desert in Mexico. What's next?
Woooooooooooo....
Hello? Who's there?
Nobody special.
God damn it.
I am the ghost of Warren come to guide you through the desert and be a egotistical fucking murderous asshole! Fun, huh?

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Still in the desert....Warren's ghost has appeared...
Where's Andrew?
He fainted when he saw me. He's probably recovering now.
Ooooh, my head. Hey, Jonathan, I just saw the weirdest thing. It was War....ren...?!?!
Hey, hun. How's the road trip?
He fainted again.
Yeah, I have that effect on people.

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Still in the desert....Andrew wakes up
Warren, you can't just sweep back into my life again. Especially since you're, ya know, dead.
Of course not. I mean, after all I've done to you, why should you hop back into bed with me?
I'm glad you understand.
Of course. I mean, after manipulating, using you and landing you in jail, why should you let me do all sorts of erotic things with my tongue to you again?
...................
Me being the scumbag I am, why on earth would you want to feel my pulsating manhood between your legs again.....?

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Still in the frigging desert...
If you ignore him, he'll go away.
But...but....he keeps talking about all sorts of NC-17 rated stuff....which we used to do nightly when you were asleep or away, but....it's, well, distracting.
Deal with it, Andrew. Warren's an asshole. A dead asshole. Hell, we're probably hallucinating him 'cuz of all the desert heat. He'll probably go away once we get to a town.
What if I, uh, don't want him to go away?
What's going on here? I detect mutinous plotting. I'm good at it, I should know.
I can't believe you fell in love with this dick.

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Arrr, he be a wiley one.
Look, Warren, it's been nostalgic, painfully nostalgic, seeing you again, but it's time to poof away.
You're gonna regret this, chach! You will rue the day you passed up on a goodbye screw from the late Warren Meers!
Goodbye...screw...?
No. Nope. Nada. No. NO WAY.
We'll be over behind that bush for the next hour or so.
I can't believe this.

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Sex in the desert
Oh...oh my god....ohhhh yeeeaah....that's right....
*whistles* Scooby dooby doo...where are you...
Yes, that's the spot...right there....oh god oh god oh god...yes...come on...
This is like a really really bad fanfic.
"WHO'S YOUR DADDY? HUH? HUH? SAY IT!" "YOU WARREN!!! "
Yes, this is an extremely bad fanfic on Stripcreator.com, no doubt about it.

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Still in the desert......!!!!!
That was the most disgusting thing I've ever had the misfortune to overhear, ever, in my entire life.
Yes, well, that was the best twenty minutes of my afterlife.
*sarcastically* Oh, I'm sooo happy for you. And where's your two-timing bride?
You know the rattlesnake hole I mentioned? There was a rattlesnake in it.
That screaming in terror must not be in my own head then.
I'd help, but I'm afraid of snakes. And I kinda don't care.

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
What rattlesnake hole?
Wait a second, you never mentioned a rattlesnake hole.
I did in the first draft.
Yes, well the first draft doesn't cut it. Now the punchline is ruined.
There's a punchline?
Yes, this is a really bad fanfic on Stripcreator.com. Didn't you know?
Whoah! Then in canon, I must be in Hell right now!

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
Sooo not cool, guys! Why did you leave me to get eaten by that rattlesnake?
Didn't you see the last strip? There was no rattlesnake because Warren forgot to mention it in the first panel.
I'm starting to think we've been in the desert too long, Jonathan.
No, see, this is a really bad fanfic on Stripcreator.com. Why else would Warren be fucking you?
Now that just hurts my feelings.
Well it's *true*.

 

by filiaprefect
8-24-02
And so it ends...
Hey, wait a second, where did Warren go?
He must have disappeared while we were talking about the nonexistant rattlesnake from the rough draft.
You mean he...he left me...he flew away and left me...AGAIN?!
Looks like it. He, *was* dead after all.
So I was thinkin', ya know, you'd get a whole lot more business if maybe you got some chicks to rain hellfire 'stead of those winged demonds.
Do you *ever* shut up?

 

by filiaprefect
8-26-02
It was a dark and stormy night...
Chancy, dude, wtf are we doing in Sunnydale? All's I want is a nice rum and coke, some blood on the side, o'course...
Relax, Lilla. We're here to steal the Gem of Amazon.Com, which makes an vampire invulnerable!
Like, Chancy, don't you mean the Gem of Amara?
Oh yeah!....Aw, fuck...
Yo, Slayer, before you stake me, I'd like to thank you. I always hated that guy.
No prob.

 

by filiaprefect
8-26-02
Somewhere in Africa...
Bloody 'ell, how'd I get to Africa in the time it takes to show an ad for Fluorodent?
Do not question the will of the Powerful and Almighty Lord Joss.
Gor blimey, where'd you come from little girl?
I came from the staff meeting room above the stars. The Powerful and Almighty Lord Joss sent me to tell you to stop gabbering and go talk to that guy with the paper-bag over his head.
Wot, you mean that Colin Baker guy?
Holy piss in a toaster, no! Stay away from that guy. He's creepier than Acathla on a bad day.

 

by filiaprefect
8-26-02
Spike wanders the desert, and finds Paper Bag Demon's cave.
Olly olly oxenfree! Paper Bag Demon, show thyself! Or something.
Hi there. How's it going? Would ya like a mint?
I'd like to give the Slayer what she deserves. *wink wink, nudge nudge*
Ooohh, you want to give her a good kick in the arse, huh?
Um...let me repeat myself, I'd like to give. the. Slayer. what. she. deserves.
*picks up the script* Aw haw, that Powerful and Almighty Lord Joss is a wiley one, ain't he?

 

by filiaprefect
8-26-02
In the cave of the Paper Bag Demon...
So, let's get this party started. What do I have to do to get, ya know, that thing...with the stuff?
You must face the most terrifying and death-defying task imaginable...it will challenge your intellect, your strength, your agility, and the very fibre of your being!
Gor, now yer talkin'! Come on, give it to me, ya bloody ugly wanker!
You must watch in its entirety, including any special features on the second disk, the special limited edition DVD of Doctor Who's Season 22!
Now that's just bloody cruel and unusual punishment.
What can I say? I'm evil.

 

by filiaprefect
8-26-02
An incredibly long period of time later...aka, after the commercial break a half hour into "Two To Go"....
The sound of....GIANT SLUGS...
No...more...PLEASE, God....no more...
You have done well, vampire. Better than I expected. Much better than that Warren prick, surprisingly enough.
Excuse me?!
Oh, I spend my weekends in Hell when my frequent flyer miles get high enough.
Still lost here. It's been three commercials for Smirnoff and I've already missed just about everything going on in Sunnydale.

 

by filiaprefect
8-26-02
Meanwhile, in Hell....
Okay, here's the scoop. Your first week of eternal torment is the "transition period". It's a time to kick back and think about why you're here, ya dig?
Yeah, I "dig" buddy. Let's just get this overwith. Eternity's a long time.
No, you're not getting what I'm sayin', dude. The first week's pretty easy. I mean, the mornings are gutwrenching torture, but the afternoons are kinda...
Yeah yeah yeah, okay. What's my first punishment?
You get to watch Season 22 of Doctor Who. It kinda pales in comparison to my favorite punishment, Decapitated Head Bowling, but...
TOM BAKER'S LEFT NOSTREL, NOOOO!

 

by filiaprefect
8-28-02
Back in Africa...
So, uh, I get that *thing* now, right?
Oh, no, first you have to do a little favor for me.
Please don't tell me you want a blow job. I haven't done one of those in y...I mean...perish the thought!
Very funny, Seinfeld. No, I'd like you to get me Simba's autograph.
Excuse me?
You know, Simba. From The Lion King. I'm a huge fan.

 

by filiaprefect
8-28-02
Spike searches for the ever-elusive Simba
Bloody 'ell, where am I supposed to find a lion in the middle of Africa? And in broad daylight. What the fuck?!
Yo, chach, you lookin' fer Simba?
Yes, indeed I am.
I's gots the goods on Simba right 'ere. It'll cost ya though.
Do bees even *have* penises?
Now look 'ere, mistah potty mouth, I don't find that too funny.

 

by filiaprefect
8-28-02
The Bee wants business
I'll tell yas all about Simba's whereabouts if you get more flowahs to let me pollinate thems, ya get me?
How the bloody hell am I supposed to get a bee laid?
You're a smooth-talkin' sorta fellah. I'm sure you'll figure somethin out.
Yes, but in three panels?
Bub, we gots three months of this crap.
The "Buffy" message boards are surely fuming.

 

by filiaprefect
8-28-02
Meanwhile, back in Sunnydale...
I walk into this bar looking for action, right? I see Chancy here, a short dopey guy, I figure he won't mind that tattoo of Dick Clark on my ass...
Riiight.
So I go over and give him the lookover routine, start talkin' bout the stocks and whatnot. And we go back to his place and he says...
Does she ever stop frigging talking?
..."Look, sweetheart, I'm sorry your cat got run over when you were three, but I'm a vamp and I'm gonna have to kill ya now."
How sweet.

 

by filiaprefect
8-28-02
...she's still talking
But apparently Chancy wasn't as dopey as he thought, 'cause we banged like no tommorow after that.
It's the meek ones that surprise you.
And afterwards I guess he was so impressed he decided not to kill me, and turned me into a vamp instead.
What a touching *yawn* story.
Yeah, ain't it? Got sick of him after the first fifty times we banged, but hey, that's life.
Is the story over? Does this mean I can stake you now?

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
Spike goes in search of a flower for the bee to pollinate
What the 'ell is a Christmas tree doing in the middle of Africa?
Hey there, sweet thang. How's about you decking my halls? Rowwwrr.
Gor, I'm not into that sort of kinky stuff anymore. Say, you wouldn't happen to know any flowers would you?
Touchy, touchy. What a waste of that fine undead bod. Well, I've got a flower you might say, and it wants to open up for yoooou.
Blimey, this tree sure wants trimming.
Lead the way, apple dumpling.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
Back at the bee's place...
Yo, man, what's been takin' you so long?
There's your bloody horny tree over there. Now tell me where Simba is.
Simba should be down the street a ways sunnin' hisself and all that. And what'd you mean, tree? Trees don't got flowahs.
Deal with it, sod. I'm getting out of here.
Hey baby.
Now that's what I'm talkin' 'bout.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
"A wimba weh, a wimba weh..."
Hark, who goes there?
I'm Spike, big bad vamp from your neighbors to the north. I'm looking for Simba.
And why you be going looking where you oughtn't for kings and such, lad?
Honestly, that guy with the paper bag over his head said he wouldn't give me this...thing he promised he'd give me, 'less I brought him ole Sim's John Hancock.
Wot, Colin Baker?
I said the same thing.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
The kangaroo knows Simba up close and personally
Look laddie, I can get you wot you want if you just do me one small favor.
Acathla in a toaster, what NOW?
Zip up yer fly, boy, fer cryin' out loud. It's killin' me to shame.
*zip*
Here's your bloody autograph, ya poof. Get on with ye.
W00t!

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
Back at Paper Bag Demon's cave...
I got you yer bloody signature. Now give me what I came 'ere for!
A napkin?! You expect me to exchange this for a napkin?
It's Simba's handwriting, see? Right there.
You couldn't get me a mimeographed headshot? At least? Just a little one?
Now see here, I passed your bloody tests. I even got a bee laid today. Now give me what I want!
Okay. Here's your soul back.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
A little while later, back in Sunnydale, Season 7 begins
*sigh* I thought that vamp would never shut up. Ah, Xander, you're...uh...in color.
Yeah, I figured the avatar I used in the previous strip I was in looked even more rediculous than this one.
You grew a beard.
Yeah, that'll happen when your girlfriend cheats on you with the undead and the only lesbian you know gets shot.
You don't consider Willow a lesbian?
Buff, I know for sure she's not.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
Dawn, it's Season 7, you're supposed to be in school!
Yeah, Buffy, but Kit and Carlos decided to skip to go shoot up behind the Video Store and I tagged along.
Dawnie, skipping school is WRONG.
You weren't ever in class in high school.
Sure I was. Sometimes. Maybe. Well, there was always impending apocalypses to be prevented.
That's not what Giles said you were doing in that library.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
In the basement of the newly built Sunnydale High...
What are we doing in this basement, again?
Kit and Carlos and Dawn pulled a Haley Osment and my date's ex turned into a snake.
Ah, yes, but of course! And this means...?
We're the only principle characters left from Season 1.
God damn it.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
Meanwhile, in England
Now, Willow, I know this must be really difficult for you, learning to be in control of your magic again, but it is crucial.
It will be a long, hard journey, testing your every skill and strength, along with hard work and persistence.
Can't we just skip all that and get to the angsting?
Sure. A couple cut-scenes and you'll be back in Sunnydale anyway.
Can't forget about KIT and CARLOS.

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
In Sunnydale High's basement....
Oiy, luv, I'm back in black! And, uh, angsting. Yes, that's it. I hate myself. I hate the world. I don't care if they're the only thing for breakfast, I hate kippers!
That's great, Spike, but no one cares. Kit and Carlos are in trouble!
Who the bloody hell are Kit and Carlos?!
Them.
Hi!
Como esta usted?

 

by filiaprefect
8-29-02
Still in Sunnydale High's basement...
You're goin' down, punk.
Que es? Tu quiere una tequila?
See what I mean?
Pesky buggers, those 150-foot snakes.
Kazaam, smartass!
Mi cabeza!

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
One day, in a secret underground laboratory....
Hey I got a really good idea for a biological weapon.
And that entails? Be succinct, please, I'm late for the Nobels. Snappy snappy.
Well, see, heh, what if...heh heh...what if...aw man this is great...what if we made a virus that could turn people into zombies?
Sounds great. Smashing. Just, uh, don't let it get out or anything. That'd be bad publicity.
Heh heh heh. Wtf?
You didn't think that guy was a total shmuck, did you? I'm the security interface program. And eight, apparently.

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
Suddenly, Spence appears....
Who the hell are you?
The sleazebucket love interest.
I'm flattered, but I'm kinda not into that sort of...
Sorry, but there is NO way you are the protagonist of this flick, bub. The audience demands a hero that runs around shooting things in a short skirt.
Actually, I've got one in the back room...
*shudders*

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
Spence is interested in one thing only
My name is Ted, but I usually call myself "Trix" on the weekends.
That's great, but I'm here for the virus. *YOINK*
What a nice guy. Wait a second...
Oh, hey, it's that little girl again.
Just for that blatant stupidity, I'm making sure you're the first to be gruesomely murdered.

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
Wtf is going on? Why'd you drag me out here? Why was the second major scene of the film centered on my being naked? And why can't I remember anything?
Don't complain, Mila. You're naked in *every* movie you're in. As for the amnesia, it's the Hive's safety mechanism.
The Hive? Pleeease tell me that's a strip joint.
Fall in, random guy, noble guy, annoying guy, bitchy girl, and token black! Wait, that last one's me...
And who are you?
The asshole guy, though really, I'm the fake asshole guy, because the real asshole guy is the mysterious guy for the first half...

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
In the basement...
Well, this is sufficiently creepy. Marilyn Manson's score adds to it.
Marilyn Manson did the score? What were they thinking?
Aside from my boobs, that's the only really cool thing down here.
But didn't you see the zombie dogs in the trailor?
Yeah, how am I supposed to do wall flips in highheel boots?
Fifth Element, Mila. Fifth Element.

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
Hey Mila, it's me, James Purefoy. But you can call me "Spence". Let's have erotic flashbacks together and allude to the fact that we're married.
Sounds like a plan. But what about the zombies? And the sneaking suspicion that this was entirely your fault?
See, that's irony.
I could smack you right now.
Told ya so.
Shut up.

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
Alright, let's see what happens when I poke these buzzing thingies over here.
You don't want to do that Dave.
Ouch.
The colonies should never have left us!
That was just rude.
Let's nuke her British little ass.

 

by filiaprefect
8-31-02
Hey, you look yummy. *BITE*
Um...ow.
Yeah, look, there's hundreds of us. *BITE BITE BITE SLOBBER* Really.
Fucking fuck fuck fuckity fuck fuck fuck.
*MUNCH MUNCH MUNCH* Arrr, expendable characters give me indigestion.
You're going DOWN bitch!

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
When she has much better things to be doing, such as applying for college, ripping off "Resident Evil", or writing the Great American Novel, filiaprefect likes to obsess over her favorite TV show.
"BUFFY THE VAMPIRE SLAYER R0X0RS!!!!!!
filiaprefect, why do you like this show so much? The writing? The storylines? The action?
THE HOT GUYS.
There surely must be something else that you admire?
SLASH. ABOUT THE HOT GUYS.

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Sooo, filiaprefect, what else do you like to do besides reading slash about the male cast of "Buffy the Vampire Slayer"?
Actually, I sometimes contemplate existentionalist philosophies. Ya know, why things are the way they are, and all that.
Likes Keates and Sartre and all that? What was your conclusion?
The answer was right there under our noses all along. It's simple. This theory is so simply profound that it will warp our culture entirely. I have discovered that life's journey is like fanfiction.
How is life's journey like fanfiction?
Sometimes you get real good ones, with proper grammar. Sometimes you get stinkers, no paragraphing or anything. And sometimes you get those 'fics that leave you wondering "WTF?"

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Bargaining
Hey, I got a great idea! Let's summon the powers of eternal darkness to bring Buffy back to life!
Let's not and say we did.
Afterlife
I will eat your soooooul.
Aw, fuck.
Flooded
How 'bout I take over Sunnydale?
How 'bout I suck at life?

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Life Serial
Geezus, I can't do anything right, can I? Why not just shove me back in that grave, toss the dirt over me, and get this done with?
Aw man, I'm such an asshole. Heh heh heh. Buffy sucks. Gwahaha. Andrew, stop gazing adoringly at me.
All the Way
Um, Anya and I are getting married. I think. Yeah.
Save me because I'm a dumbass!
Once More With Feeling
All singing, all dancing. Yeeeeaah.
But Bufffyyyy, I looooove you.

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Tabula Rasa
Tara doesn't love me anymore! KaZAAM.
Who are you? Wtf? Amnesia? Dammit, Wil, I thought you'd stop at the penis glamour spells. THIS IS GOING TOO FAR!
Smashed
Let's have raging sex and knock down a warehouse.
Okay.
Wrecked
I'm a drug...er...magic addict.
I have sex with the undead. Go figure.

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Gone
Hee hee hee, I'm invisible!
I'm just a walking vibrator to you, aren't I?!
Doublemeat Palace
Oh, so that's where the temp staff went.
GWAR. FOOOOOOOOD.
Dead Things
Thanks a lot for that Katrina girl, dude. That Buffy chick's made the death count real low this year and...
Aw, fuck.

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Older and Far Away
PAY ATTENTION TO ME, GOD DAMN IT!
When did this happen? Oh, wait a second...
As You Were
Didn't expect your old beau Riley to show up with his wife and expose an undercover demon hatching plot, did ya?
Get the fuck outta my house.
Hell's Bells
Ya know what, on second thought, this marriage thing is a pretty risky venture...
You've got to be shitting me.

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Normal Again
You're not really a vampire slayer, hun. That was all a dream sequence. This is really the movie "Girl Interrupted".
Some fuckin dream sequence! At least I get to make out with a disturbed yet sexy bisexual bitchy girl...wait a second...Faith?! Season Three?!
Entropy
Buffy hates me.
Xander hates me too. Let's have sex.
Seeing Red
I would never rape Buffy! This is all Marti Noxon's fault!
And I bet you didn't expect I'd actually turn out to be the Big Bad, did ya? Or kill off one of few noble lesbian tv characters.

 

by filiaprefect
9-01-02
Villains
Sorry, Warren, but meek innocent little Willow, moi, is the Big Bad. Now prepare to get your skin ripped off as all the fangirls weep copiously.
Bitch! Now the fangirls will never know for sure if me and Andrew were doing it.
Two to Go
I luv you Wil, just not in the groping bush whacking sense. Don't make me have to kick your ass.
MaGiC iS fUn. yOu WiLl DiE nOw!
Grave
You don't want to end the world, Willow! Remember that yellow crayon?
And after this commercial for Fixadent, I'm going to be ironic and give Spike his soul.

Showing page 2.

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