All comics by friendy

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by friendy
1-15-06
Доктор, можно я у вас в больнице работать буду? Всё-равно кем, хоть горшки за больными выносить.
Эээ, дорогой мой, боюсь я, что больные как только тебя увидят
будут готовы не только сами за собой горшки выносить, но и про болезни свои забудут.
Тогда почему бы вам не сделать меня врачом?

 

by friendy
1-18-06
Those presents are great, mommy, but how about a pet you promised me?
I haven't forgotten about it honey, it's in the basement. But first I have to warn you.
It's not a usual pet, it's from another planet, the Earth.
Oh, great, mommy!!! Show it to me, I'm dying to see it.
Wow!!! What a cutie! Oh, that's what I will call you - Cutie.

 

by friendy
1-18-06
Mommy, I wonder, is it a male or a female?
I don't know honey, but I will look.
Hey, stop it!!!
Shhh, stand still, be a good girl ...uh ... good boy, actually.
So he is a boy, great, may I take him for a walk?
Yes, but don't forget to put the collar on him.

 

by friendy
1-18-06
Have you got any literature about exotic pets?
Sure, what pet exactly?
A human.
Hmm, I'm afraid I never heard of these before, but I will look.
No books, sorry, but I found a web article, I'll print it out for you.
Thanks a lot.

 

by friendy
1-18-06
Outside the bookstore.
Ha, Cutie, see what I got! An article about your kind! I'll read it at home and now let's go and see my friends.
Hello, Litney, this is my new pet Cutie, it's a human and it's from another planet.
Wow! I want such too! Can I have its cubs when there are any? By the way how are the human cubs are called?
I don't know, but we have to find a couple for him yet, I'm afraid it's impossible because the humans are so rare here.
But we can mate it with some of our animals, cross-breeding may give some good results, you know. And I am a walking evidence of it.

 

by friendy
1-21-06
I wonder if anyone tried humans as food.
Hey... don't even think of doing anything like this to my pet!
Ok, ok, calm down, I've been just wondering.
Now I will think twice before giving you his cubs.
Oh, come on, maybe we'll just try his finger, besides it will show whether they have regeneration like some other animals. What can be better than a good biological experiment. Ok, ok, I'm shutting up
Well, if you want to know about humans so much let's go to your house and read this article - the only info I could get on them.

 

by friendy
1-21-06
Humans or homo sapiens. Their only habitat is the Earth - a planet in Solar system. The first humans were brought here by Captain Tkol. The humans are perfect pets for those who like conflicts
and problems and tired of their boring, monotonous life, they are rather intelligent and therefore are very capricious and selfish, consequently they hate being forced to do something.
Humans can eat everything though they often refuse to eat what they don't like, it is recommended not to pay any attention to this pickiness or they will quickly realize you weaknesses and may turn
into home despots. ... A rather poor article, I'd say. I hope to write a better one eventually. And to use it as an essay for my biology class.
Now I have to buy some food for him but I have no clue what.
Oh come on, after reading the article you shouldn't have that question. Try Yummy Universal. They say all pets just love it.

 

by friendy
10-07-06
At A Service Center
Your ad said it will last till the end of my life and what do I get? It broke after two weeks.
Sorry, sir. We'll solve it. Just a moment.
Our company always keeps our promises!

 

by friendy
10-30-08
Sorry, but I can't go to that Halloween party tonight, I have to work overtime.
Oh, come on, it's Halloween, I wonder when was the last time you had a normal one.
Actually, I'm having a perfect Halloween
????
My husband is a vampire, my mother in law is a witch, my boss is a monster and my life is a nightmare.

 

by friendy
6-13-09
Let's see what we have in the fridge. Hmm... a half-empty glass of milk.
So you are a pessimist...
No, I just hate milk.

 

by friendy
7-06-09
You know, my brother is a famous racist!
Well... there's nothing to be proud of.
Nothing?! Are you kidding me? He is F1 champion!

 

The Abba song you were supposed to perform at the King's bachelor party was "Dancing Queen" not "The King Has Lost His Crown"
by friendy, 7-16-09

 

Do you have anything for my cross?
by friendy, 8-06-09

 

by friendy
11-30-09
Switzerland. Who Wants To Be A Millionaire? Special political edition
What are the most dangerous weapons in the hands of islamic fundamentalists?
A) Guns B)Explosives C)Political power D) Minarets
Hm... I'm going to ask the audience.

 

by friendy
12-11-09
Look, here is the new hospital I bought!
Cool! But where did you get the money for it? Bank loan?
Nope, just sold some of your hopeless patients for organs.

 

by friendy
12-11-09
Hello, I'm doctor Crappy. How can I help you?
Not to live up to your last name. Ha Ha Ha!
Actually, Dr. Crappy is the best doctor in our hospital after me.
Later that day
Ha ha, if I'm your second best I can only imagine the skills of the other doctors you hired
Who said I did?

 

by friendy
12-11-09
So, are you going to hire more doctors?
No, but I've already hired some nurses. Look.
But those are prostitutes!!!
Well, now that I have my own hospital I can make my dreams come true, can't I?

 

Santa!!! Santa!!! What a nice surprise! Take some milk and cookies, Santa!
Thanks, dear, but I came here to take something more precious.
by friendy, 12-12-09

 

by friendy
12-13-09
Aaaaaahhhhhh!!! Mommy!!!
There, there, my dear, one more injection and you will go back to your mother.
OOPS... My bad... To your great great great grandmother.

 

by friendy
12-13-09
Enough! I'm taking my husband out of here!
But, Mrs Yelling, I assure you, your husband is enjoying his time here like he wouldn't in any other hospital!
And that's exactly the reason why!

 

by friendy
12-20-09
Damn! Where is my scalpel?
Inside a patient as usual?
OH MY GOD! ... I'm afraid... this time..inside a nurse...
Now that's what I call a workplace injury!
Well... this wasn't exactly... at ... workplace... and not exactly ... an injury...
*sigh* I got it the first time, Crappy, I got it the first time.

 

by friendy
12-20-09
*sob* I lost five patients today. FIVE! *sob*
Looks like someone has forgotten to take his antidepressants
But I lose them more often when on antidepressants!
Yeah, but you don't get depressed.

 

by friendy
12-21-09
HOW LONG DO I HAVE TO WAIT FOR MY TURN, DOCTOR?!
I have nothing else to do than waiting in line for a simple checkup!
CAN YOU WORK QUICKER?
Who was that idiot who called them "patients" instead of "impatients"

 

by friendy
1-26-10
Hey, Creepy, is John Smith your patient or mine? I'm afraid I lost his records.
Why don't you ask him?
Er... um...because he is dead.
That kind of answers your original question, doesn't it?

 

To make my afterlife Hell they sent me to Heaven.
by friendy, 5-27-10

 

by friendy
9-12-10
I have an idea how to make more money. Let's organize a restaurant in the morgue!
Wow! That's creepy!
A week later.
Doctor, where is my mother?
I believe she is in the morgue...
... having lunch...

 

I'm so sorry, doctor... But you creep me out! Can I see another doctor?
Sure! See the one in the next room. And take an extra pair of undies with you.
by friendy, 10-05-10

 

by friendy
10-11-10
When you asked me to repair your computer you didn't mention you had a keyboard for blonds.
So?
Using it I feel like a blond using a regular keyboard.

 

by friendy
11-04-10
And the son said unto him,
Father, I have sinned against heaven, and in thy sight, and am no more worthy to be called thy son.
For once, you are right. I disown you. Now go and kill yourself.
And Pharisees say unto him,
Master, this woman was taken in adultery. Now Moses in the law commanded us, that such should be stoned: but what sayest thou?
What?! Are you saying you are questioning the law? Give me that biggest stone over there.
Love your enemies, but hate the enemies of your country. And what for did you think God let you invent bombs and tortures?

 

by friendy
11-05-10
Sir, I came to conclusion that Mr. McNail was murderd by space aliens.
?????
Because everyone else says they didn't do it.

 

by friendy
11-05-10
Why are you firing me, sir?
Jim..., you are a good person, but you are too naive, you believe everything people tell you.
Not EVERYTHING! I didn't believe Mrs Light when she confessed to have killed her husband.
And? Who turned out to be right?
Exactly! See what happens when I don't believe people!

 

by friendy
11-05-10
And so, Jim started his own detective agency.
So, did you find out if Ted is cheating on me?
I did. Your husband is true to you, ma'am.
Oh! Thank you so much, detective! *kiss*
This is Roger, Jim's old classmate whom he hired as his new secretary.
But how did you find that out?
I asked him.

 

by friendy
11-27-10
Once upon a time in ancient Greece...
Why are you carrying a lantern on a sunny day like this?
I'm looking for an honest man.
But do you have a definition of one?

 

by friendy
12-02-10
Jim??? Did you by any chance forget you are not working here anymore?
I didn't. I only brought you a criminal. He confessed to a bunch of murders. Here's the list.
Hm... Let me see... No JFK, MLK and John Lennon this time. That's what I call progress!
What??? You had his confession before and you let him walk???

 

Hey, Creepy, the Santa you hired is so drunk that I can't wake him up.
What makes you think I'd waste money on hiring Santa? I had one of your comatose patients dressed up and put under the Christmas tree.
by friendy, 12-23-10

 

by friendy
12-24-10
Oh, hello, Mrs. Peterson, your son is out working on his current case, but you can wait for him here.
No, Roger, it's you I want to speak to. You are his best friend, so maybe you can give me a piece of advice. How do I tell him the truth about Santa Claus, you know, my Jimmy still believes in him
*sigh* Surprise, surprise... Well, if you didn't tell him that decades ago why bother now?
Because my husband has become too old to climb down the chimney.

 

Roger is in the bar with a buddy.
You know, thanks to my boss, we have that really cute nativity scene in our office this Christmas.
And with my boss we have naivety scenes all the year round.
by friendy, 12-26-10

 

by friendy
1-07-11
And now let's go back to Jim's youth:
The sequence you should have followed was: give her the money and then arrest her, not give her the money, have sex with her and then arrest her!
Oh, I'm sorry, sir, but I thought having sex with her after I arrested her would be too kinky.
When I told you to check this powder I meant with the test kit, not with your mouth!
How many times do I have to tell you! Elvises we are arresting are fake! So, please, throw that autograph where it belongs - into a trash can.

 

by friendy
2-21-12
When I was a kid my parents used to say in prison they give you only bread and water.
I thought that was awfull and said to myself I must never get into prison.
Haha, well, you see now, all of you were wrong.
Yeah, but I'd rather lived on bread and water THAN EATING THIS SHITTY, LUMPY, STINKY GOD-DAMN CEREAL!!!

 

I'm afraid some of our patients won't survive that heat.
Ok, take them down to the morgue.
by friendy, 8-04-12

 

by friendy
1-27-13
*weep*
Honey, please, stop crying, I love you... I'm sorry this hurt your feelings...
Then why don't you do it! *sob* Please, please!!! *sob*
No, darling, this won't happen. Look, I'll do anything for you, ANYTHING, anything but this.
*weep*
No, I'm not unbanning you in my blog.

 

by friendy
6-29-13
Hello! Could you help me find the dead body I lost? I was drunk so I don’t remember where I put it.
Ok, I’ll see what I can do.
Several days later.
So, here is your corpse, it was in a ditch by your fence. Next time don't forget where you put things!
Oh, next time I won't, thank you so much!
You are welcome, thanks for choosing my agency! Goodbye and have a nice day!
Bye, thanks once again!

 

by friendy
9-26-13
Sweety, what does the "F" on your T-shirt mean?
Fuck off!

 

by friendy
11-08-13
So, how was the surgery on the World’s first person shot from a 3D-printed gun?
Promoted to the World’s first person killed by a 3D-printed gun
Damn, I was hoping for a record …
It IS a record, take a picture of him and send it to The Onion.

 

by friendy
11-14-13
Thursday evening
Scott, I'm taking a day off tomorrow. It's Black Friday, you know.
Ok. Have a nice black weekend.
Black weekend???
Well, I believe every day is black when you're unemployed.

 

by friendy
11-24-13
Angie, make me a facebook skin that would show my friends as enemies. I'm so bored of having only one facebook contact.
Sure. And who is this lucky one? Your mother?
Of course not! That's my racist friend Jack.

 

by friendy
11-26-13
Scott, I can't believe you are friends with this stupid racist pig Jack.
You see, Jill, there are two reasons for that.
Reason one: Considering the racial breakdown of world's population he is an 85% misanthrope which puts him in my team.
Reason two: I can be mean to him with people actually rooting for me.

 

Scott, when you say you want to destroy the world, does it include your mother?
Not until I'm 21. I will still need her to buy me whisky.
by friendy, 12-05-13

 

by friendy
12-07-13
Tom and Tim are game testers. They also like having philosophical discussions from time to time.
It just occurred to me: squares don’t exist in real life. Because the sides can’t be exactly equal.
But then rectangles don’t exist too, because an angle can’t be exactly 90 degrees.
Actually, that means regular shapes don’t exist at all.
Exactly!
Unfortunately, philosophical discussions have one downside: you don’t hear the boss coming.
I hope the Nobel prize for this brilliant discovery will be a good addition to your unemployment checks, guys.

 

by friendy
12-14-13
So, guys, have you thought about a Christmas gift for our Grinch?
I believe we have no choice, have you forgotten the Grinch rule number one?
What rule?
Gifts are not given, they are taken.

Showing page 2.

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