All comics by justindanker

 

by justindanker
10-28-05
Ok, watch for security, Im gonna go in and shut the alarm off.
Fuck yea, I gots your back!
Dude, somebody is coming!!!
Who? Where?
I was totally fucking with you, get in there and do your job pussy.

 

This is DC and two handsome dudes like us cant score any poon or drugs.
Yep
by justindanker, 10-28-05

 

by justindanker
10-31-05
ROCKIN THAT SHIT, ROCKIN THAT SHIT!!!!!
SOLOOOO!!!!!!!
BREAKDOWN!!!!
Now THATS a badass song!!

 

by justindanker
10-31-05
What did the bull dyke say to the pig?
I dont know, what?
Wheres the beef?
I dont get it.
If you are female, Im into lesbian beastiality
Meet me in the dressing room.

 

by justindanker
10-31-05
Dr Heroinson and Knight Angel stumble upon a young boy stuck under some rocks. Lets see what happens.
I dont understand why this rock is bleeding.
You just cut that kids leg off
That would explain it, I'll just glue it on back in the garage.
Are we gonna boot some H first?
If I have to cook some up for rock boy here, you know we are bumping that shit in our necks!!
Hurry up and cut his other leg off then.

 

by justindanker
11-03-05
Well Ive never taken this road before.
Daddy, are we gonna die?
If you dont man up, Im gonna give you a belt beatin!
Oh daddy, you do love me.

 

by justindanker
11-28-05
Hey my cell phone works on this planet.
No it doesnt, you fucking bitch of a person.
No seriously it does, Im texting Daryl Strawberry.
Do you think he'll pick us up?
No way is he sharing coke with a little raver pussy like you.
Yeah, could you see if Kanye West will come get me?

 

by justindanker
12-04-05
Hey shugga, whats shakin? hopefully that ass!
Oh my, are you talking to me?
Darlin, who else would I be talking to, you're the finest honey in here, cha cha cha.
Im the only girl here and its a gay bar.
Turned down by another lesbian, what are the odds?
I can wear a dildo and do you if you'd like.

 

by justindanker
12-04-05
You aint got shit on me n-n-niggaaaa!
I got you a gift young man.
You call me Kool Ice Murder, Im a true playa and Im bout to dick slap you, with my gigantic black sclong!
Dont you fucking talk to me like that, you cracker ass motherfucker, I'll straight up tell your moms.
Oh shit, dont do that, my mom is gonna lock me in ther closet again.
Well dont fucks with a real playa, CHUMP! Take your gift and get the fuck outta hurr.

 

by justindanker
12-24-05
Please lord dont let this Satan worshipping stoner kill me.
Oh, dont worry homie, Im not a stoner.
Phew, thank goodness.
Im am a Satan worshipper though.
As long as you arent doing drugs...
God damn right, Satan isnt down with drugs!

 

by justindanker
2-26-06
Ok, Im done.
I still dont want to look.
But Im done, dont be stupid.
Ok, Im gonna look.
YEAHHH BOYEEE!
YOU DIDNT FLUSH!! Have you been eating chocolate?

 

by justindanker
6-17-06
Excuse me.
Im saying that was the best time of my life.
But you didnt even do what I called you for.
I killed your dog and made love to your daughters.
I called you because my husband was beating me.
I made love to him too, didnt I?

 

by justindanker
6-17-06
Excuse me.
Im saying that was the best time of my life.
But you didnt even do what I called you for.
I killed your dog and made love to your daughters.
I called you because my husband was beating me.
I made love to him too, didnt I?

 

by justindanker
6-17-06
This rock is gonna kick ass when this LSD kicks in.
I cant believe that dude gave me some strips and this bird for 15 bucks.
Oh shit the rock. What up rock.

 

This rainbow is fuckin rockin, dude.
Tell me about it, Im fucking rollin hard.
by justindanker, 6-17-06

 

by justindanker
7-18-06
Whats the fuckin problem, bro.
Colorful things make me really sad.
Shit dude, then why the fuck are you a fucking clown, thats the fuckiest thing Ive ever seen.
Seriously, what the fuck is the fuckin deal, you gotta be messing with my head, did Reggie put you up to this? That fuckin Reggie, man, he's a dirty rat son of a bitch.

 

by justindanker
7-18-06
I should hae never taken that bath in the blue paint.
Hey man, you do things sometimes, you just feel em out, if blue paint baths arent you, then they just arent you, man.
No, I love em, its just that Im gonna run into some bloods tonight and I know they are gonna give me beef.
Whoa man, you crazy if yall going out like that into blood territory, tha shit is whacky taffy, boyaah.
I'll just tell them blue is the new red, what do they know besides how to bang tha hunniez and diamonds.
Fool, I think thats the the smartest thing youve eva said. I'll be at Jimmys pouring wax on myself.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Dude, Im thirsty.
This isnt the ocean, meng. Drink this water.
What did you just say to me, did you just tell me what to do?
No I told you to shut your face, and not talk anymore, Im sick of you but I like standing here.
See what happens next...
What was that, did you just call me an unfit pet owner?
No, wait did I say that? I might have I cant really remember now. Catch any sweet flies down here?

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Should I sit on that bench?
?
Aight, Im gonna stand by you bench. Dont you give me no jive.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Oh daaaang. where did that thing come from?
Whoooooa, Im in the street too.
Awesome, Im in my room. That bird was bombin.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Hey dude, whats up?
Werewolves.
Shut up dude, youre totally buggin me out.
I was joking, there are no werewolves.
I totally knew it, I fuckin told you dude.
Yeah, Im quite the jokester. Wanna go get do ninja shit with me?

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Wail that shit dude! Ride it!!!
!
This is a wild ride man, like the wildest!
BYAAHAHHHH!
This got kinda boring. What do you think snail dude.
Im pretty unsure about my feelings, we've been crashing for like 4 hours now.

 

EHHHHHHHHHH!
by justindanker, 7-19-06

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
He'll never see me coming.
Fuckin Dracula, he tried this earlier, like Id forget.
I dont think he's onto my master plan.
I wonder if he remembers telling me his master plan. Sucking my blood, pretty standard Dracula. What a jerk.
Ok, here goes, check, yourself motherfucker.
Ok here goes, argghhh, kick to the groin followed up by a good healthy kick the groin.

 

Dad, what are you doing?
Well honey, this is how I dress when I go the club dancing.
by justindanker, 7-19-06

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Flyin high, brah!!!
Whhhhhhaoooooooaaaaaa, brah, whooooaaaaa!
This kilt was the best idea!
It looks good on you, brah.
I dont wanna come back down from this cloud, man.
Yeah dude, everythings zen up here, brah.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Hey man, I brought you a fish.
Will you cut it up into little squares and feed it to me?
Sure thing J-Rock. Anything for you.
Thanks man, I really appreciate it.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
I dont think we're gonna find your watch out here Dino buddy.
Did I tell you I wanted to give up yet? Im pretty sure I havent.
Well you havent, but we've been out here camping for 3 days, looking for a watch that Im not even sure exists.
Hey now.
Youre right, Im being a girl about it. We'll find that watch if it takes us the rest of our lives together, forming memories and becoming life partners.
Exactly, I knew youd figure it out sooner or later.

 

Dimebags for a Dollar.
Ummm, I dont know how to say this, but I dont think youre as hot as everybody thinks you are.
Yeah, I know, isnt it sad?
by justindanker, 7-19-06

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Zap!
Zap!
Zap!

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
So what did my son do this time, Mr Billington?
Well Sir, your son is bacon and the fat kid keeps trying to eat him.
I dont understand, he's bacon? What does that mean?
Sir, you and your family are all slices of bacon.
This is news to me Mr Billington, Im gonna call your bluff.
I suppose youve got me there, Ive got nothing.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
The beach has got to be around here somewhere.
Nuclear Holocaust, dude.
No shit.
Yeah man, started like 2 minutes ago. I dont know why we arent dead yet.
No shit.
Totally dude.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Randy has a plan.
Hey man, we'll find my fly trap using this fish.
A fish, thats whacky enough to work.
Yeah man, he'll never see it coming, its gonna blow his mind.
Hmmmmm.
Did he just hmmm me?
Shit, I think he heard me hmmm him.

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Gotcha!
Get the fuck outta here wit dat noize.
No way dude, Im gonna totally own you.
F you man, youre fucking plastic.
Dammit, I didnt think youd notice.
Well I fucking dick, fag bomb!

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
I dont know what you want me to do? Youre husband fell off a giant cliff holding TNT. I suppose I umm, try a little more.
Well ma'am. Ive done all I can, I'll send him out.
Sweetheart?
Im never gonna catch the roadrunner like this.

 

Come on guys, youve been fighting over that peace flag for like 2 hours.
by justindanker, 7-19-06

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Put em up, chump.
WTF, man, Im not putting shit up.
Damn, I thought I looked tough in this outfit too.
Nah, you look like a prissy little fairy.
I knew I should have wore these pink shoes.

 

Ummmmm.
by justindanker, 7-19-06

 

by justindanker
7-19-06
Hey brotha, you likin the rrrm party meng.
Give me that beer, son.
Whoa, Miami Vice. Its BYOB, man.
What do you mean by Miami Vice?
Haha, whoa man, what now?
Give me that beer, kid.

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
Hey baby.
Hey baby? Thats your line?
Uhhh, yeah, I guess so. Got any suggestions?
Yeah, try asking me how Im doing .
How you doin, toots?
Now youre talking straight to my vaginal region.

 

It doesnt feel the same using a computer to write my poetry.
Does not compute.
by justindanker, 11-14-06

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
We dont serve your kind 'round here.
I just need an ambulance.
Does it look like I give a fuck?
I dont really know the facial expressions of a squirrel but your abusive attitude says it all.
You're fuckin right it does, buddy. How about you go wait outside and I just call the coroner?

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
Can I get some service or what?
They really need a bell or something, this is ridiculous.
Just a sec, hun.
JUST A SEC? OH, I'LL JUST GIVE HELL AND CALL AND TELL THEM "OH ITS OK, IT'LL BE JUST A SEC" IM SURE THEYLL UNDERSTAND!

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
Hey you guy, HEY YOU GUY!
HEY HEY YOU!
GET OFF MY LAWN, GUY. HEY YOU GUY.

 

I cant believe I didnt get the electric wheelchair.
by justindanker, 11-14-06

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
Wilson, I did it again.
Dammit, Tim. I told you Im gonna call the cops next time.
Oh, I didnt rape my kids again. Im talking about building an awesome hot rod.

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
Lets go take some fuckin bong hits.
Man, Im too bummed for bonghits.
Shit, bro, wussa matter?
My mom keeps buying me pac man shirts and Im all like 1985 called they want their retardation back.
Did you say that to her?
Fuck no, she woulda locked me in the basement again.

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
Im fuckin ripped, brah.
Me too. I dont even remember where I got this saw these scrubs and all this blood looking stuff.
Shit, you are fuckin rollin, holmes.
Wanna go make snow angels?
I thought you'd never fuckin ask, nigga.
LETS DO THIS SHIT!!!!!!

 

by justindanker
11-14-06
Gotta smoke?
Hells yeah I gotta.
I mean, may I have a cigarette?

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