All comics by killachris5

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by killachris5
10-06-04
well, here we are...on planet "my anus". what do you want to do?
before we make sweet, gay love on planet "your anus", i need to get something from outside.
what the fuck? hurry up. i'll lube up "my anus" in the mean time.
i'll be quick. i just need to get this thing.
alright. let me do all the talking and i think i might be able to covince him.
i just want to watch. maybe get my nuts licked.

 

by killachris5
10-12-04
hotchick32: so, steve..those are my stats. want to come over and meet me now.
hmmm...she does sound hot.
well?
yes, i'll meet u. lets meet outside the white house gates. that would be romantic.
hi, are you steve? im hotchick32..and like i said..i want to lick your little asshole and tickle your balls.
not again. why do i trust internet dating. but he does have a nice mouth.

 

by killachris5
11-16-04
KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK
yeah, can i help you?
hi, im going around door to door fucking wives.
hmmm, he's prolly into cock.

 

by killachris5
1-06-05
now that mommy is pregnant...im gona lay off the sauce. i promise.
are you going to stop hitting me too?
of course, baby. now go out and play.
YAY!
few hours later....
wheres that goddamn little tramp? its past her curfew. im going to break a lamp over her head.

 

by killachris5
1-09-05
make me breakfast!
i cant make breakfast. you havent washed the dishes.
but im hungry.
it smells in there. wash the dishes and i'll make you breakfast.
i dont know how to end this strip?
what are you doing? why do you always make fun of me all the time.

 

by killachris5
3-20-05
im starting to get bored of this. i've been masterbating to this porn all week. im changing the channel.
hello, channel 3. looks like i found me some new spank material. wheres the lotion?
...millions more dead. in other news, Gas prices soar 13 cents to record high.

 

by killachris5
5-08-05
uh huh, so he was wearing pants and a shirt. he had hair and eyes.
thats right.
ok, sir. what were you doing here?
well, i was buying dru.....going to the market.
bullshit! sounds like you were looking for a hooker.
i was... now get on your knees and start blowing before you end up like her.

 

by killachris5
6-09-05
is my hair getting longer?
hello?..i asked you a question.
.......huh...what?
is my hair getting longer?
i dont know. im looking at your TITS

 

by killachris5
6-29-05
......so then they nailed me to this cross and i'm supose to come back at the end of the world. That's about it.
yeah, i know. i've read your book.
What about you? tell me about your dirtiest fantasies. What gets you off?
I dont.
Are you sure you're not allowed to put out?
What a fucking creep.

 

by killachris5
7-14-05
hey, man....what are you doing?
I'm writing a song.
why are you doing it here at work?
because the dude next door to me complained. why, what do you care?
because everyone in the office wants you to shut the fuck up....and your haircut sucks. fag.
"Piiink Donkeeey" what rhymes with pink donkey?

 

by killachris5
7-28-05
...yeah, bro. so then i had her legs up in the air and shit. i was giving it to her. she loved it. shit, dog..let me change my sweater.
ha ha, hells naw!
nigga, you look PIMP in that sweater....whatcha ya talkin bout?
yeah, but i like this blue one better. anyway, you know i would invite you in but my moms trippin.
tell that bitch she still owe me.

 

by killachris5
7-28-05
mom, the pimp next door says you owe him?
you didnt let that fucker in did you?
no, i know your policy on blacks.
tell him i dont owe him shit.
then what is he talking about?
the fourth finger in my ass was not part of the deal.

 

by killachris5
9-24-05
Near to the east In a part of ancient Greece In an ancient land called Macedonia Was born a son To Philip of Macedon The legend his name was Alexander
My son ask for thyself another Kingdom, for that which I leave is too small for thee
At the age of nineteen He became the Macedon King And he swore to free all of Asia Minor By the Aegian Sea In 334 B.C. He utterly beat the armies of Persia
I Swear to free all of Asia Minor
King Darius the third Defeated fled Persia The Scythians fell by the river Jaxartes Then Egypt fell to the Macedon King as well And he founded the city called Alexandria

 

by killachris5
9-24-05
By the Tigris river He met King Darius again And crushed him again in the battle of Arbela Entering Babylon And Susa, treasures he found Took Persepolis the capital of Persia
A Phrygian King had bound a chariot yoke And Alexander cut the 'Gordian knot' And legend said that who untied the knot He would become the master of Asia
I'm the master of Asia
Helonism he spread far and wide The Macedonian learned mind Their culture was a western way of life He paved the way for Christianity

 

by killachris5
9-24-05
Marching on, marching on The battle weary marching side by side Alexander's army line by line They wouldn't follow him to India Tired of the combat, pain and the glory
We're marching to India!
Alexander the Great His name struck fear into hearts of men Alexander the Great He died of fever in Babylon
I dont feel so good.
.....And so it turns out, that it was Iron Maiden singing the whole time. THE END.
Thank you....that was Alexander the great off our 1986 album "Somewhere in Time"

 

by killachris5
9-24-05
hey, you some kind of homo?
hey, guy, i'm talking to you.
wha...who....me?
i saw you watching me jerk off in the mens room to that picture of stone cold steve austin.
I KNEW that was steve austin.

 

by killachris5
9-24-05
whats up, kid. im going around accepting money for the disaster victims.
wow, satan. thats awfuly nice of you.
yeah, i figure thats some fucked up shit that happend to them.
how much you asking for?
about 200 Euros should help out Hitler and his nazis. It was a HUGE disaster.
wadadick!

 

by killachris5
12-24-05
my parents hate me.
...
my dad is a fag and my mom is a whore.
???
im so lonely.
anyway, heres your rich ass dads pay check and christmas bonus...you fucking rich little brat.

 

by killachris5
4-04-06
Got here as soon as I could. Where's the fire?
Finally.
In here. Please hurry, my lover is trapped in there.
Found him, is this your lover?
No, that's my cat.

 

by killachris5
4-05-06
Ok, one more time. Now repeat after me and listen this time. "I WANT TO SUCK YOUR BLOOD"
"I WANT TO SUCK YOU OFF"
No, no, no, no, no, no.

 

by killachris5
4-06-06
*KNOCK KNOCK KNOCK*
yeah?
hi, little boy...is your dad here?
HE'S FUCKING EVERYWHERE!

 

by killachris5
4-10-06
whats a matter babe?
I worry about you because of your smoking.
I told you already, I cant quit now.
but you just started.
I know, but it makes me look cool.

 

by killachris5
1-12-07
hey, pinche gabe joto!
what?
why are you wearing a bunny suit? you look like half a fag.
thats what mityas said.
so where is he?
....

 

by killachris5
1-12-07
shit...im so miserable. i need to get out of this relationship.
look at her. fucking bitch. i hate her so much and she doesnt even know it.
night, love you.
love you too, babe.

 

by killachris5
1-17-07
9:13am
it fucking sucks that they moved the water cooler way the hell over there. huh, mityas?
dude, i havent done anything all day.
10:06am
shit, have you ate? im hungry. wana go get some burritos?
I miss the burrito lady from the construction site. lets buy some seed'zees
11:52
where the fuck is gabe? the bus driver must be running late again. prolly his nana is making him tamales.
lets take a break. SMOKE'ZEES!

 

by killachris5
1-24-07
hey, vannesa. gabe and i were wondering if you could move juan back over here and send mityas to the back.
juan requested to be moved away from you guys.
what a jerk.
chris, where are your pants?
i was making naked snow angels.

 

by killachris5
1-29-07
i better remind pablo that i'm riding home with him.
shit, not at his cubicle. where the hell is he?
hey, devish. have you seen pablo?...what happend to your skin?
steroids.

 

by killachris5
2-21-07
Mityas...
...What?
Do you ever lie at night and cry. you just cry?
yeah, sometimes. why, do you?
no, thats gay.

 

by killachris5
5-02-07
you guys in line for the bathroom too?

 

by killachris5
5-19-07
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
aaaaaaaaaaahhhhh!
why are you screaming?
YOU FUCKING SCREAMED FIRST ASSHOLE!

 

by killachris5
8-11-07
Alright, pervert. Where you going and where you coming from?
I'm going home. and i just dropped off a shlaydee at her house.
You one of those online predators?
please, i like austin. dont ruin this for me.
shut up, faggot!

 

by killachris5
11-15-07
I'm sorry, Gary. But it's your time to go. I'll make it quick and painless.
so be it, death. but i dont want to see it coming.
sorry, but half way through I realized you were the wrong guy. buds?
Fuck, you. you said it would be quick and painless. Instead you sodomized me and kicked the shit out of me.

 

by killachris5
11-29-07
Trust me, bill. this is the best hospital in the country. They'll get rid of that cough.
*cough* *cough*
Looks like where going to have to operate.
for a simple cough?
No, for your insurance money, cocksucker!
*cough* *cough*

 

by killachris5
7-16-08
honey, im home from work.
i'm in the bedroom changing.
be honest. do i look like a fat in this?

 

by killachris5
7-16-08
heyyy, i was just thinking about you.
oh yeah??
yeah, i was taking a shit and thinking...jesus, what a big piece of shit.
what'd i do?
not you.
right. the turd.

 

by killachris5
7-17-08
hello. The name's James Bison. plesed to meet you.
Hi. I'm Dick Hertz.
Dick Hertz?
Yeah, but mainly because of the herpes.

 

by killachris5
10-16-08
Hey, Chris...what's up?
eh..nothing much. Just been wondering if I could ever date a girl with the same name as me.
Chris?
yeah, or something like christy or christal. Do you ever wonder?
hmmm....date a girl named Jorge? No. but i would bang Magnum P.I.
Fag.

 

by killachris5
10-16-08
Are you fucking kidding me?? what the fuck is this?
Dude, did you drop a duece in my bedroom?
No, I took a shit in my bathroom.
well..what the fuck? there's a steaming pile of shit on my bedroom floor.
yeah...my bathroom floor.

 

by killachris5
5-18-10
lets just keep going. I swear we'll be fine. If it worked for those guys in the movie, it'll work for us.
we've been walking for days and you still haven't told me how it ends or what the movie is even called.
in the end some penguins steal a boat and rescue them.
wait! Wtf? Are talking about some childrens movie...are you talking about over the hedge?
No. Madagascar. Over the hedge sucked.
you're a fucking asshole.

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