All comics by pwoods11

 

Ask Jim Morrison in your sector.. now that he has broken though to the other side... what his thoughts are?
by pwoods11, 4-12-09

 

This weeks deathmatch features GOLIATH Vs the light weight champion and former manager of the New York Yankees, Billy Martin.
by pwoods11, 4-12-09

 

Have someone tell Wilt Chamberlin he might want to slow down. He only gets 20,000.
Yes Master
by pwoods11, 4-13-09

 

Son of a bitch.....How can the bill so high?
Are you kidding me? I just treated 4,324,547,535 cases of 3rd degree burns.
by pwoods11, 4-13-09

 

Tell Darwin in your sector if he admits he was wrong I will command his caveman roomates to quit repeatedly raping him.
by pwoods11, 4-15-09

 

Tell Charles de Gaulle and his french friends to quit surrendering to everyone down here........... Its just not nesssary.
by pwoods11, 4-15-09

 

now that John Lennon is here you are no longer the egg man..... Coo Coo Cachoo
Son of a bitch
by pwoods11, 4-15-09

 

Think of the irony of Ponce de Leon drinking from the river Styx everyday down here. ... THAT is hilarious.
It drips with hilarity master
by pwoods11, 4-15-09

 

Please reiterate to William Tell not to use Hindu peoples forehead for target practice.
Yes Sir
by pwoods11, 4-15-09

 

That prohibition woman Carrie Nation has been complaning.....just because her new roomate is Judy Garland. I want you to construct 3 new Liqour stores in her sector. That will teach her to bitch.
Yes sir...... Ill get my crew on it. ........... Dean Martin will be happy.
by pwoods11, 4-17-09

 

Attention, the following people...JFK jr, Buddy Holly, Pasty Cline, Stevie Ray Vaughn, Ricky Nelson, John Denver, Payne Stewart and Lynyrd Skynyrd members..please report for your daily flying lesson.
by pwoods11, 4-17-09

 

I see you told Valentino that I was i was moving him to the gay sector.... now go tell Ty Cobb he is banished to coed softball.
I hate this job
by pwoods11, 4-21-09

 

What are you doing down here
Gloating
by pwoods11, 4-21-09

 

What is it? I am on my way to Franks and Deans place for a poker game.
We have an Oskar Shindler at the visitor center. We observed him making what seemed to be a list. I cant put my finger on it.. but I dont trust this guy boss.
by pwoods11, 4-22-09

 

I have a special treat for all you godless hoards of cannibals .. the following announcement is for you...Enjoy..lunch is on me.........Attention.. will the Donner party please report to sector 73
by pwoods11, 4-22-09

 

What the hell?
Al Jolson got down on one knee and starting singing mammy in black face to Tupac. You can just imagine the rest.
by pwoods11, 4-24-09

 

Attention all pedofiles report for your daily ass raping. Today guest rapist is John Holmes....... I am also happy to announce it is no lube tuesday. .... Good luck with that......( ha ha)
by pwoods11, 4-30-09

 

Tell your General Lee to stop trying to succeed from hell. That dosent quite work down here... what a dumbass. ...Everyone is already a slave.
by pwoods11, 4-30-09

 

I have been very unhappy with your performance lately. I need someone with balls to be my #2. I intereviewed Stalin, Pol Pot and Mussolini. But .. my new # 2 is.... Bea Arthur. .....Now go
Son of a bitch. .........Not Maude
by pwoods11, 4-30-09

 

You didnt go past go and went straight to hell. Serves you right you miserly bastard.
i am quite sure my get out of hell free card will suffice my fine sir.
by pwoods11, 4-30-09

 

Lot's wife I presume. You were told not to look back. ................I am changing your last name to Morton down here.
by pwoods11, 4-30-09

 

Lets have some fun.. Room Judas Iscariot and Benedict Arnold together. We will make book on who rats the other one out first.
Yes Sir...early money will be on Judas
by pwoods11, 5-05-09

 

Whats all the commotion in the visitation center?
I have over 900 million aborted fetuses looking for their parents. What should i do?
by pwoods11, 5-05-09

 

Well Michael Myers .. Congratulations.......everyday is halloween down here.
by pwoods11, 5-07-09

 

Well Jebidiah.... There will be no barn raisings down here.... We also shaved all your womens beards......And dont you find it ironic that your sector is the only one with electricity.
You son of a bitch
by pwoods11, 5-07-09

 

How was your weekend sir?
What happens in Vegas stays in Vegas
by pwoods11, 5-13-09

 

So John Denver... how high was that rocky mountain?
by pwoods11, 5-13-09

 

Tell David Niven he may not build a bridge over the river Styx. What does he think this is a damn movie?
Yes sir
by pwoods11, 5-13-09

 

Wow.. you really are havesting the people with your new well planned pandemics... 1st Sars...now the Swine Flu. How pathetic. You really havent done anything big since the Black Plague.. Have you?
asshole
by pwoods11, 5-19-09

 

Tell the planning commision that when Randy Newman gets down here to room him with Napoleon Bonaparte. We will see how funny he thinks that goddamn "short people" song is then.... Asshole
Yes sir
by pwoods11, 5-19-09

 

???
The Kennedy boys are fighting over Marilyn Monroe again...... Funny thing is.. they dont know she has been sneaking around with Jack Ruby down here...... How messed up is that???
by pwoods11, 5-19-09

 

Tell the placement committee that when Mike Tyson gets here to room him with Vincent van Gough. Thats one less ear i have to worry about him biting.
Yes Sir
by pwoods11, 5-22-09

 

Well Mary Jo Kopechne I see you have finally dried out........ What can i do for you.
Please let me be on the Ted Kennedy welcoming committee!
by pwoods11, 5-22-09

 

I want the whole lowest layer reserved for the most brazen, illogical assholes ever..... and that would be........The ones responsible for the BCS college football playoff system.
Well deserved sir. May i suggest extra boilers for additional heat.
by pwoods11, 5-22-09

 

Kurt Cobain wants to know why he is here? Well Micky Rourke said it best in the movie "The Wrestler".. 70s and 80s music was great until that pussy Kurt Cobain ruined everything in the early 90s. .
Well that... and he shot his own face off.
by pwoods11, 5-22-09

 

Im heading out on a road trip. Tell James Dean, Harry Chapin, Jim Croce and Princess Di they can go with me. .......BUT IM DRIVING!
Good call sir
by pwoods11, 5-27-09

 

Okay Michael.. This months boxing match is at our place ..the Pepsi Center in Denver. . My guys against yours. the undercard will consist of...Mussolini VS Abe Lincoln...Ceasar VS Ronald Reagan...
Followed by the makeup match for the Ages... your Cleopatra VS my Tammy Faye Baker. And the main event....... Sadam Hussein VS John Wayne. Good Luck.. Should be a good card this Sat
by pwoods11, 5-28-09

 

It has come to my attention that the following people are tardy for their AA meeting. Bon Scott, Dean Martin, Judy Garland, Foster Brooks and Rick James. Come on these programs are for your own good.
by pwoods11, 5-28-09

 

Attention... Dont forget Evel Knievel's big jump Fri night. A jump so difficult it could only be tried in hell. Evel will attempt to jump the Lake of Fire, 13 hearses and Dom Deluise's ass all at once
by pwoods11, 6-02-09

 

And you wondered why you went extinct?
No man its cool... its weed
by pwoods11, 6-04-09

 

Well David Carradine... Hanging yourself in Bangcock? really? Thats how you wanted to go out? You could have fought Ninjas or Uma Thurman to the death like a man. Well grasshopper you chose..unwisely
please dont snatch my pebbles
by pwoods11, 6-05-09

 

Who is in the vistation center today.
A Mr Woody Hayes. He will be preaching to all of the Michigan graduates and fans down here. He has compassion for the misguided I guess.
by pwoods11, 6-05-09

 

This week banquet honors those who were responsible for leading our membership drive.We honor.. Johnny Walker, Jim Beam and this years winner of the lifetime achievement award.... Mr. Jose Curevo
by pwoods11, 6-09-09

 

Prepare Lord Sith's lair.
Sir.. that is a fictional Star Wars Charac.....Oh yea.. You mean Dick Cheney.. Yes sir ..Ill get right on it.
by pwoods11, 6-11-09

 

Tell Jackson Pollock in your sector that his eternal punishment is he can only use paint by number sets and he MUST stay in the lines.
Yes Sir
by pwoods11, 6-11-09

 

How in the hell is Keith Richards still alive?
A rolling stone gathers no moss..Ha ha.. no really... He is one slippery son of a bitch.
by pwoods11, 6-11-09

 

Please inform the following people their request have been denied...Leonardo da Vinci may not have a sketch pad.Richard Nixon is not allowed a tape recorder and Michelangelo can not paint the ceiling.
This is going to be one long ass day.
by pwoods11, 6-11-09

 

Who is on the visitation list today?
We have a guy that makes no sense. A Mr Fredrick Douglass wants to talk to some of our guest about an underground railroad. What an idiot.. we dont have any trains down here. What can it hurt???
by pwoods11, 6-16-09

 

Andy Kapp VS Billy Martin.... this should be entertaining.
by pwoods11, 6-16-09

 

The following person is this weeks lucky raffle winner. The prize is a fresh side of beef. Congratulations goes out to........Indria Gandhi (Hee hee) Enjoy!
by pwoods11, 6-25-09

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