All comics by quartum

 

by quartum
12-29-06
Edwards, ive decided to hire James back again
But sir, you didnt fire him, he quit
well then, i'll buy out this burgerking and become his new boss
you have got to be kidding me
im now your new boss, now stat filling those hamburgers
dont you have anything better to do?

 

Punch_________________________Line
by quartum, 12-29-06

 

by quartum
12-29-06
Welcome to the company, this is where you will start off, in reception
this is your cubical
from here you will play videogame and looking at porn while pretending to do work
awsome.

 

by quartum
12-29-06
so how was work today?
it was ok until i found out my old boss is now my new boss at BK.
ding dong!
doesnt he have anything better to do?
thats what i thought, i cant see how it can get worse then this.....ill get the door.
what the hell do you want?
i heard you have a room for rent.

 

by quartum
12-29-06
it isnt that bad your boss is living with us, he is paying the rent
i guess you're right.
hey, the tolet is plugged up with a big tird because i ate all the food in the fridge.
he's got to go!
i agree.

 

by quartum
12-29-06
so i hear our boss is living with you now
yea, but we are going to kick him out
he wont be happy about that
at this point i just dont care, he is everywhere i go.
he's right behind me i just know it
how about you buy me a drink.

 

by quartum
12-29-06
im kicking you out
hey, ill leave you alone under one condition, you come back to lower management again
fine, whatever
good, you can start tomarrow.
the next day
crap

 

by quartum
12-29-06
glad to see you're back
thanks, im just glad the boss isnt following me everywhere
"james, please come to my office"
what does he want now?
James, i want you to babysit my son
and if i say no?

 

by quartum
12-29-06
so i guess i'm here to babysit you
*click* *click* *click* *click* *click*
so you want to do anything?
*click* *click* *click* *click* *click*
this is going to be easy
*click* *click* *click* *click* *click*

 

by quartum
12-30-06
hey, got any food here?
yeah, in the fridge, duh.
want anything
if i wanted anything, i would have told you already. you know what, get me a beer.
aren't you a little too young to have beer?
aren't you a little too old to have a brain? I SAID GET ME A BEER!!!!!

 

by quartum
12-30-06
Hey, assfro head, im hungery. make me a hamburger. NOW!
ok, im sick of you being a brat. you better learn respect or face a world of pain.
oh yeah, what you going to do about it, assfor head?
ow!

 

by quartum
12-30-06
I want to talk to you about my son
crap, i knew i shouldn't have hit him
i want to thank you for teaching that brat a lesson
what?
no one has ever done that before that is why i want you to babysit him again
i knew i shouldn't have hit him.

 

by quartum
12-30-06
hey kid, where are you?
sorry for kicking your ass, hope i didnt hurt you too bad
your lucky my father is an asshole.
i thought he was a floating head.....how could a floating head have a kid anyway?

 

by quartum
12-31-06
so...i heard you quit, but my father made you come back.
yeah, he first made me file tons of stuff then after i quit he kept on bothering me.
that sucks. but its not as bad as living with him 24/7
oh, he lived with me for a little while, how bad is it for you?
he makes me repaint the house with a cuetip every week
ouch

 

by quartum
12-31-06
So, James. Its been a week of taking care of my son. here is your pay
5 bucks? thats it?
oh, im sorry. i forgot that i put your reward outside my office
awsome!
i should have gone with the 5 bucks.

 

by quartum
1-01-07
yeesh, i hate how he wants me to file endless papers
im here to collect you soul
what? this is totally random.
should have brought some marshmellows
ahhhhhh!

 

by quartum
1-01-07
where the hell am i?
that's exactly where you are, in hell
i didnt do any sins, why am i here?
if you want to know that, you must speak to the satan
you're satan, thats just great.
oh yes i am

 

by quartum
1-02-07
ahhhh!
what's wrong?
i just had the strangest dream that my boss was satan.
he might be mean but he's not that mean
you're talking about satan, right?

 

by quartum
1-03-07
guess what, you're fired
what? why
because if i fire you, i get more money and can buy a new boat
what are you going to do with a boat? there is no water for miles, and your just a head, you cant drive.
good point....you're still fied though
crap.

 

by quartum
1-03-07
hey, Tim, why are you working here?
the boss fired me for no apparent reason.
wow, you should sue him, that is illigal
i would but there is one problem
whats that?
he's also my lawyer

 

by quartum
1-05-07
At the boss's house again.
I shall cause you endless toutcher upon your soul. wraaak!
only my boss would have a bird like this
wow, hello! you just snuck up right behind me. anyways, what did you need me at your house for?
i have to go to a meeting far awy and need you to take care of my house and the company while im gone
awsome!
oh, and if you screw up anything in my house, my bird will kill you and rape your soul. isnt that right Smookies?

 

by quartum
1-05-07
The meeting of evil bosses
hello, my name is /////////// and welcome to the meeting of evil bosses. please introduce yourselves
my name is Percy, i run global waist dumping industries
my name is Grimb, i run suicidal helping hand, we help people commit suicide.
my name is Elon, and i run a porno industy.
im Xynuthum, i run the gates of hell
IM SOOM!!! I RUN A LIBRARY!!!!

 

by quartum
1-05-07
how about we take away lunch breaks, and in its place put manual labor breaks.
good good, any one else?
what if we put depresative pills in the water coolers and have sposters saying that its best to end it now.
nice, hw about you?
how about we rip the flesh from their living bodies and then force their muscle tissue down their throats!

 

by quartum
1-06-07
Who else has ideas to burden our underlings?
how about we put laxatives in the water collers and make them pay $10 per minute to use the restrooms
great idea. how about you?
I SAY WE MAKE GIVE THEM COMFY CAIRS TO SIT ON AND A RASE EVERY WEEK!!!!!
hold on...you're not exaty evil are you?
SORRY, IM FROM A PARALLEL UNIVERSE. EVIL IS GOOD AND EVERYONE YELLS!!!!!!

 

by quartum
1-06-07
squeek!
how could one little squirle make that much ash?

 

by quartum
1-07-07
i just cant take it any more, my life is a mess. time to end it all. *sob*
i woder if i can hang my picture on his head.

 

by quartum
1-07-07
robot aliens have destroyed L.A....i hear one of our reporters is interviewing one of the surivors.
sir. may i ask you what is going on through your head right now?
right now im wondering why the sky is green...it just doesnt make sence to me.
um.......uh, good point.

 

by quartum
1-08-07
in the alternet universe
hear the boss is in a meeting to make our work more unbearabkl?
Yeah, Sid in resources told me that a few hours ago. i wonder who is taking care of the company while he is gone?
ooooh. me da boss now. me make workers my slaves. ha ha ha ha!
Jeff from lower management
crap, you know how that guy gets whenever he gets even a little power.

 

by quartum
1-08-07
Mr.Kuddles' Happy Play Land
Hello little fairy.
Hello Mr.Kuddles
Hello little fish
Hello Mr. Kuddles
Hello Bunny
Stay away from me or i will kill you and your family in their sleep!

 

by quartum
1-09-07
Mr.Kuddles' Happy Play Land
Hello kittle girl. how are you today?
Im fine Mr.Kuddles, you said you have a new friend with us today?
Yes, it is Occy, the octopus. And he is behind you now.
occy, the octopus....wait. opcopuses have tenticals dont they? uh oh..
how nice, occy is hugging you...hmmm, didnt know you could hug down there.
ahhhh! *squish* ooh...ahhh!

 

Im the Grinch! I hate Christmas.
so? im jewish.
by quartum, 1-11-07

 

by quartum
1-12-07
In the begining there was God. God said let there be light.....
Yo,Its dark in here. How bout some light?
and there was light.
now thats what im talk'n bout. Now how bout some land, so i can build my crib on.
And God created the Heavens and the Earth. Then God created man
Now i just gota make me a homie.
What's chilin man?

 

by quartum
1-12-07
I gota make Adam a honey so he will stop eyeing me. A play'a gota only roll one way.
Then God created Jill...
Wow, baby, you look'n hot.
and kept Jill for himself and made Eve.
Much better.

 

by quartum
1-12-07
Yo, adam. You can have any fruit, or drug here exept my apples. you touch my apples your dead.
no prob, man. whats so special about them apples anyway?
well, they are acid, and for any human it will make you think you know everything.
wow, man. thats hip.
oh yeah, and if you touch jill...ill turn you inside out.
who's jill?

 

by quartum
1-13-07
Audultery
Since you comited the sin of adultery so much, you will forever be horney with horney women, but not have a dick.
ok
Murder
Since you comited the sin of murder so much, you will forever be killed and killed again in the ways you killed your victums
crap.
Telemarketing
wow, now that is a really really bad sin. i cant even begin to think of a punishment for you. ill just send you into purgatory forever.
cool.

 

by quartum
5-28-08
I'm President Bush and I disprove this message...I mean Approve
Kids are our future
What are next week's lato numbers?
?

 

by quartum
5-28-08
You wanted to see me, boss?
Yes, I wanted you to meet your new partner
WHAT YOU LOKING AT!
um...
He is a giant snail
I agree, he will make giant sales

 

by quartum
5-29-08
Knock! Knock!
Oh, someone is at the door!
May I help you?
Hello. You ordered the fresh Calamari? Sign here please.
How strange, I didn't order any Calamari. I dont even know what Calamari is.

 

by quartum
5-29-08
This is so awful. I cant live anymore!
What is wrong my child?
The robots have taken over the earth!
My child, robots have not taken over the Earth, that is so silly
Wait, aren't you a robot?
What ever makes you think that?

 

by quartum
5-29-08
The...zombies-have taken....over the star..ship!
Man, I could like kill all these zombies with a bat of my eye.
There seems to be a....ninja abord the...USS...enterprse.
One time I was like "Woah, zombies." Then I blinked and they were dead.
He seems to be...taking to...a wall. End of....log
I dont even think there is enough zombies here to even be worth my time.

 

by quartum
5-29-08
Hello young man
I am robbin hood! I steal from the rich and give to the poor.
Would you like some candy. I have plenty of candy
I will take half of your gold, but if you resist, I will take all of it.
I also have bubble gum. Would you like bubble gum?
Grandma, you said you would play along.

 

by quartum
5-29-08
Why are we here? This place scares me.
Oh hush up. The president is sure to have candy.
No, it isnt the president that scares me.
The who does?
Dick Cheney.
Oh dont be silly. He doesnt kill unless it is a full moon.

 

by quartum
5-29-08
Oh no! In think this is that guy!
He looks just like him!
Tom Cruise!!!
?

 

by quartum
5-29-08
What? Why Am I in Hell!!!
Uh...Duh!
What is that saposed to mean...red man?
It means isnt it obvious?
What?!!!
Idoit

 

by quartum
5-29-08
So we are having a Chicken for dinner? yum
Yeap
Why is the chicken at the table?
Bawk
I thought you said we were having a chicken fo dinner
I did, Why do you think I bought Chicken Feed?

 

by quartum
5-30-08
Honey, You look a bit pale
I know dear
What ever happened to you?
I put too much bleach in the washer
But why are you all white then?
I fell into the washer.

 

by quartum
5-31-08
So why are you doing this again?
So that all people can be saved by my sacrifice
Well it says here, you will evetually be replaced by a big fat man in a red suit
What?
Also says that your resurection will be replaced by a bunny that lays colored eggs
What? Get me off of here, its not worth doing this if my future look is a bunny.

 

by quartum
12-25-12
Why did the chicken cross the road?
Why did you cross the road?
To get to the other side
NOT
FUNNY!

Showing page 2.

« Previous