All comics by xpac

Profile

 

by xpac
1-27-02
Card Holder: Ron "Farooq" Simmons
1360
5186
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5568
1506
Expiration Date: 06/03
Mastercard - It's everywhere you want to be*
* - Does not apply to Tobor

 

by xpac
1-29-02
hey, diablo, ninety-nine bottle of beer on the wall! take one down pass it around, then what do you got?
would you please shut the hell up?
that's like asking a cigarette to stop smoking.
which reminds me...
could you turn your ass regular color?
that's like asking a dickhead rabbit to stop singing the beer-bottle song

 

by xpac
1-30-02
wtf Hey WWF tech support why am I, xpac, the world's best wrestler ever not the WWF champion?
Let's face it, Jericho sucks.
Dick.

 

by xpac
1-31-02
lemur68's LONGEST FUCKING CONVERSATION EVER!!!!!
Hi.
Hi.

 

by xpac
1-31-02
hey look at me i, speshal becus i prettend not to no how to spell!
Oh no it is the gut my teacher told me to be wary of! (And yes, "gut" was originally a typo, but it's funnier.)
now it is time for unconsenshal sex and rapping, witch both lost there comedie valyu haff a yeer ago...
but now evereone thinks it is funy agan becus i dont no how to spell!
A stupid raper! What's next, Reese's Peanut Butter Cups filled with peanut butter?

 

by xpac
1-31-02
You, what's the meaning of life?
It is to create another generation so as to keep the species alive and blah blah blah...
wait a second, crammer is a retard he couldn't know that!
How's that, Mr. Javier?
ZAP!
KER-TRANS-FORM!

 

by xpac
1-31-02
Bazilla (early)
blatant fag quotes
we hate you bazilla!
Bazilla (recent)
blatant fag quotes
we hate you bazilla!
Bazilla (near future)
blatant fag quotes
we hate you bazilla!

 

by xpac
1-31-02
According to this report, stripcreator.com still exists.
Which means you can do something interesting on it.
asskicker!

 

by xpac
2-01-02
Hey little girl, guess what!
what?
you fucking suck!
wow, you are psychic, what now xpac?
i suggest you buy a big 'ol can of SUCKIT!
Disclaimer: Cans of SUCKIT are not available anywhere.

 

by xpac
2-01-02
When your girlfriend dumps you on the prom night, when you got hurt in a fight
When you need to grow a lot, when you need somebody hot
When you just feel really sad, without the joy that you once had
When your self esteem is low, there's just one place to go
Little Asian Girl's Sucky Shop. Just five dolla!
Caution: You will be shot if you pay in Sacajawea dollars.

 

by xpac
2-02-02
Attention: I AM YOUR NEW GOD!
why is my chair floating here?
RESPECT MY EVIL AWESOME POWER, MERE MORTAL!
WHAT DO YOU SAY ABOUT MY INCREDIBLE GODLINESS, RABBIT WITH BALLOON ATTACHED TO HEAD?
that would explain it

 

by xpac
2-02-02
ATTENTION: I AM NOT DCOMPOSED!
I'M ACTUALLY KITTY KAT.

 

by xpac
2-02-02
so do you
you suck
oh yeah

 

by xpac
2-02-02

 

by xpac
2-02-02
My mommy hated me so much, she said I was "a winner in life".

 

by xpac
2-02-02

 

by xpac
2-06-02
Unless you get off the stool the world will end!
Whaddya know, he was right...

 

by xpac
2-07-02
According to this cartographical map that tells us where the treasure or prize is, the map is both to the west and 180 degrees from east.
There's undoubtedly enough money to make God cry in there. Let's go a hundred light-years west!
Perjury, is there any way to get there fast?
I put a spaceship in the rock behind us.
Good. Redundant, use a hammer to tunnel through the rock at a rate of infinite miles an hour. Perjury, use your mind to destroy the Martains that try to surprise us. Apathy, you open the cooler.
The fuck I'm not doing that much work!

 

by xpac
2-10-02
I think Christmas is about the birth of Jesus, and celebration.
I disagree, I think Christmas is about sharing and happiness.
No, I think Christmas is about giving presents.
I think Christmas is about doing what huge conglomerate corporations tell you to do.
I think you all suck.

 

by xpac
2-15-02
Hello tech support, the computer I bought isn't working.
What's wrong with it?
It says that only a computer expert can fix it, could you come over?
I'm already over.
What do you mean?
This comic is also using Big Evil Dan's "Wrong Number" CC86 comic rules, which state I am seen as a living thing. Booyah on you!

 

by xpac
2-23-02
suckit suckit
just fucking suckit

 

by xpac
2-23-02
i am larger than life living legend undisputed champion
i kick your ass at wrestle mania
you not kick my ass
you dont even have the strongness to pick your nose
at least my hand is near my nose you hand is in you pocket

 

by xpac
2-24-02
hey xpac are you dcomposed?
no
and i suppose you arent bazilla, buhzilla, skabby firefly, thomasisneat, comicboy34, arran dildo company, deisel or alcyonae either?
even if i am, at least i didn't stretch the screen like you just did, go suckit.
Ass
Rape.

 

by xpac
3-09-02
I bet you don't have any giant invisible feet.
It even levitates the bug when it splats.

 

by xpac
3-09-02

 

by xpac
3-22-02
I, xpac, have been considered one of the least funny comic writers on the website. I'll break that idea today with a funny comic.
Apparantly not this comic, though.

 

by xpac
3-22-02
In my attempt to be funny, I have invented a psychic screen to read your minds and see what you all think is funny.
Now, to see what you all are thinking...
"What's the lowest number you can rate a comic again?"

 

by xpac
3-22-02
Hey Albert Comedystein, how can I easily make my comics funny?
Well, there's an untested theory...
Go ahead, I'll try anything!
If people have even unfunnier comics to read, they might think yours funnier in comparison.
Later...
Dear Bazilla, I'll pay you a buck to post one of your comics in my thread.

 

by xpac
3-22-02
I'm desperate for good reviews...
Anyone who says nice things about my comics will get five bucks.
Kaufman: Thanks, but I'm not in to hunting.

 

by xpac
3-22-02
Attention: I would like to apoligize for the pun in my last comic.
ring
I promise I will never include a pun in one of my comics again.
ring
Say, I hear a tiny distracting noise. Can someone please turn off the micro phone?
ring

 

by xpac
3-22-02
When last we left off, xpac offered money to the scregs to say nice things about his comics.
DexX: It only sucks 99.99999%, now give me my fucking money, you unfunny bastard.
Dude, the money's in the mail.
It had fucking better, because I didn't say that shit about your fucking comics for nothing.
What the fuck? This is Monopoly money!

 

by xpac
3-22-02
Attention: I'd like to apoligize for using the unfunny Monopoly money joke.
If you accept my apology, I'll send you a dollar.
You fell for it again.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
It has come to my attention that I may have misrepresented DexX in my past few comics, and he is pressing charges.
In an attempt to not catch public eye, we've settled out of court for a hundred thousand dollars.
Three times in one day, mate.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
Even if I can't write a funny comic, I can at least introduce a new successful character to be remembered by.
RAAAR!!!!!!!! LABINNAC WILL NOW EAT YOU!
That is SO a ripoff, man.
No, you misunderstand me, I'm seriously going to eat you now.
I wish my tongue looked like a bug.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
Attention: I realize that those of you who have been reading the whole series may have gotten used to the green background, and got eyestrain looking at this new background.
CUT! That's a rap for this announcement.
Someone reading the whole series? Honestly, what the FUCK was I thinking?
If I was reading the whole series, I sure hope I would get eyestrain.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
Oh my god, the cannibal ate you too, DragonXero?
If you can get out, odd-smelling fellow, tell stripcreator.com where I've been this whole time.
In the meantime, I'll just take out my stereo system and blare the Bizkit at over 200 decibals.
Some people can't take a fucking joke.
Hi, you'll be staying in room 37H-48JU97R for the rest of eternity.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
Yo God, do you mind if I become Heaven's comedy writer?
YOU? You can't tell sentences with no spaces apart from comedy!
On the other hand, the other guy is getting a little boring.
So then I did a tiger.
How the fuck did Tom Green get into Heaven?

 

by xpac
3-23-02
So can I write Heaven's comedy?
Well, I'll give you a shot.
Moments later...
whoosh
whoosh
Then I said "SUCKIT!"
Well, it's either stay here or go to twenty-four hour disco, so I'll stay here.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
Back at the director's stage...
Those of you who are collosal geeks may wonder why the last comic in the series had its title in all caps.
It was done on purpose, and I had a good reason to do it, and that reason was because it allows for extra appreciation stock market value.
Okay, so it was a fucking typo.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
One day, at church...
So then, if you all would turn to Psalms 1:13 and read the passage...
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
Pardon me, miss, but if God heard you blaspheming, he might send you to Hell.
Didn't you hear? Xpac is Heaven's new comedy man!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!
FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK FUCK!

 

by xpac
3-23-02
Back in Heaven...
Sorry, xpac, it seems there's a new guy to replace you as comedy man.
SUCKIT!!!!!
It's sad to see you go.
That's okay, I can find work by wearing tights and pretending to fight.
Say KKP, sorry about offing you, but I really needed to get rid of him.

 

by xpac
3-23-02
xpac makes one more attempt to get a funny rating...
Say my comics are good and I'll leave forever...
Bugger, so many people responded to you with appraisal that it crashed the site.

 

by xpac
3-26-02
An actual conversation between Fact Producing Dan and Jill Lewinsky (the heroine)!
My god, it says here that Whithar (who is not a white hare) invented the stapler while enterprising to sell sex toys to those who want an ass-slapping.
Riiight... I suppose it also says that a hairy guy invented bendable metal fasteners while listening to Non-Deitious Titanic Monster (a non-mallcore band)?
Jill has an attitude problem.
Jill, you are correct about that, but did you also know that the negro (and his new age white brother) who invented gasoline was the son of a flamer and a prostitute?
And I suppose that the guy who invented fireworks and bare burns fought against himself while seeing rabbits strip in a Texas city while meeting Lewis, et al?
Than, at 1400 (military time), Dan lost half his nuclear mass and was replaced by Kevin the Pissy Robotic Head (who came up with the slogan "Wank Enobi")
SUCKIT, YOU CUNT GOBBLER! I DO NOT SUCK DICK! YOUR HEAD SUCKS! AND DID YOU JUST POST CRAP IN THE BUGS AND SUGGESTIONS FORUMS?
Sigh... yes, but I made a pun, and I was about to see that other man talk about the Totally Black Zebra who met a turtle equipped with red bandanas...

 

by xpac
4-13-02
I'd like to file for bankruptcy.
What? Prostitutes cannot file for bankruptcy!
Will you at least hear my case?
Sigh... oh, alright.
I was unfairly brought down by that Rockefeller wannabe, xpac, who has free sucky comics.

 

by xpac
4-13-02
Beer makes time die!
xpac's comics don't make time die.
Not directly, anyways....
I was reading xpac's comics... thank god for beer!

 

by xpac
4-13-02
damn those other bongos are lucky... they have someone in the way.

 

by xpac
4-13-02
I have extra eyes so I can read all of xpac's comics faster... that way I can get through them all in one sitting and move on.
puh-duh.. bang!
Drive home safely, folks!

 

by xpac
4-13-02
So when is xpac gonna have us do a "I'm hurting myself to get out of reading xpac's comics" joke?
I hope he hurries up...

 

by xpac
4-13-02
Call me now for your psychic reading!
umm... your not miss cleo.
I'm not? Sure though I was.
nope.
I mean, when I had the realization that that like-like in the background was xpac's father...

 

by xpac
4-13-02
I have six poses.
All of them are in black and white.
But I only need two colors, because other colors are silly.
Yep, only a stupid dunderhead would use a lot of colors...
SUCKIT!

Showing page 2.

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