All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
5-31-07
I found math easy in school. Usually I was asleep in class.
Who can asnwer this question on the board?
Zzzzz...
I'd wake up occasionally. Usually for tests and quizzes.
I just went over how to solve this problem for an hour. One of you has got to be able to solve it!
Huh? Oh. X = 4.
It was at this moment I could see my teacher's brain snap. Three seconds later he was hurling erasers at the rest of the class and screaming like a howler monkey about how stupid they were.

 

by HCRoyall
6-17-07

 

by HCRoyall
6-18-07
Hunter! Come check out this video I found online while researching that old Cadillac.
"And they buried the brand new 1955 Cadillac with a full tank of gas, a woman's purse, and a case of Schlitz Beer, to capture the time period for future generations..."
I wonder if that beer is still good after fifty years...
Son, that beer wasn't any good when it was new.

 

by HCRoyall
6-18-07
Two months ago my fiancee was bringing in her stuff a little at a time, every day. I suggested that she just move in and get it over with.
She declined, saying that her parents would have a problem with her living with me before we were married.
Last week she told me that since she had practically everything over at my place there really wasn't any point to keep living with her parents. And I just sigh and nod.

 

by HCRoyall
6-21-07
Okay, so all of you except for Butch just dove into the freezing water like morons and immediately got beaten up by rats when you got to the other side. Rats, of all things.
On top of all that, everyone except for Butch now has hypothermia.
I'd help, but I need to be a 5th level cleric to cast "Restore Dignity". That, and I just don't want to help you.
This is the last time you make decisions.

 

Most Likely to be a 40-Year-Old Virgin
Verily, wouldst thou--
For the last damn time, NO I WILL NOT GO TO THE REN FAIR WITH YOU!!
by HCRoyall, 6-23-07

 

I knew it was time to cut back on the shrooms when the doctor told me the hyperdrive in my tail had gone supernova and had to be amputated...
by HCRoyall, 6-26-07

 

As I woke from my stupor, I founf myself next to a trailer-park hooker in an art gallery featuring all my scribbles as a child. Immediately I popped more pills, because hey, they got me this far...
by HCRoyall, 6-26-07

 

This is my brain on LSD. The sad part is, only the girls are hallucinatory...
by HCRoyall, 6-27-07

 

by HCRoyall
6-27-07
Everyone knows about the Holocaust.
Right...
Did you know the total death count was six million Jews and one clown?
They killed a clown?
I TOLD you no one cares about the Jews.

 

by HCRoyall
6-28-07
So a frenchman with a dildo up his ass, black man without a record, a hard-working mexican, and a sober irishman are walking along side by side...
...when suddenly they spot a hundred dollar bill in the road ahead. They decide to race for it. Who gets the money?
The-a mexican-a?
No, you greasy Italian cunt. The frenchman. the other three don't exist.

 

by HCRoyall
6-28-07
How many clowns does it take to make a lynch mob?
Uhh...

 

by HCRoyall
6-28-07
What do you call a poor black man with a rich white girlfriend?
Ummm...
And they live in Mississippi.
Oh! I know now!

 

by HCRoyall
6-28-07
How many illegal immigrants does it take to change a light bulb?
I don't know, how many?
Apparently more than one, since I told you to change it over an hour ago, you slant-eyed bastard.

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-07
So we went to Bed, Bath & Beyond yesterday and used up all our gift cards and a 20% off coupon to buya brand new vacuum cleaner.
I don't think I've ever been so excited about something that sucks so much and so hard.

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-07
Well, I don't think ernie's coming back on Tuesdays anymore.
It was kinda expected.
Who makes an adventurer that doesn't like adventuring, anyway?
Ernie.

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-07
Painting D&D minis?
A-yup.
And here you were saying you'd never spend that much effort.
Well, it turned out to be realy fun. I think this guy will be my knight in Phil's game, except for the blood on the sword. The whole "Merciful" enchantment thing...
No, I think the blood is quite accurate, "Sir Mark the Twain-Splitter".
That was an accident and you know it.

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-07
I sent the draft for the Broken Character Contest Rules to your e-mail.
Yeah, I got 'em. I have some questions, though.
What didn't you understand?
Everything.
Good. That means there's no room for your special brand of creative interpretation.
It's not my fault I can argue that the sky is green with orange polka dots and win.

 

by HCRoyall
7-05-07
You can't call dibs on Grandma's lap, Billy!
Oh, it's okay dear. You can have a turn right after Billy.
Shut the fuck up and let me handle this, you old bag.

 

by HCRoyall
7-06-07
Your patron, Jamus Feck, laons you a wagon. It's servicable but old, with his name painted on the side in faded letters, the 'e' in his last name all but nonexistent.
I'm going to paint a 'u' there when I get out of sight.
Give me your character sheet.
D'oh!

 

by HCRoyall
7-06-07
Luke, you successfully disarm the trap and unlock the chest. There is nothing inside it, unfortunately.
Who goes through all the trouble to lock a chest with a masterwork lock and set a trap with black lotus poison if there isn't even anything in it?
The same type of person who fills his lair with evil mutated chipmunks and woodchucks like the ones you've been fighting for the past hour.
Besides, I've been looking for a place to hide your corpse when I kill you and take your stuff.
Sometimes I really hate this campaign.

 

by HCRoyall
7-09-07
Both tens? Nope, you don't hit with either attack.
Hah! Man, you suck all of a sudden.
My character took a blow to the head from a heavy mace last round. Your paladin has been rolling shit all night; what's your excuse?
Uh...

 

by HCRoyall
7-10-07
So what's the difference between the 'Hordes' and 'Warmachine' miniatures games?
In Hordes the warbeasts generate focus and the controllers siphon it off in order to keep the thing from going nuts.
In Warmachine the controllers generate focus and give it to the mechs so the mechs can keep functioning.
So the difference is "suck" or "blow"?
Pretty much.

 

by HCRoyall
7-10-07
"Tyrant Xerxis." This is a pretty cool mini.
Yeah, he's the only caster that doesn't have to worry about his warbeasts going nuts.
Any warbeast that frenzies and charges him immediately stops and loses all its focus.
So those aren't really humongous maces he's wielding, but gigantic rolled-up newspapers?
That's one way of putting it.

 

by HCRoyall
7-11-07
You confirm a critical hit. What's your damage?
Le's see here... the total is 41 points of damage.
Dude. If they take twice their HP in subdual damage they still die. You just killed that orc three times over.
The Twainsplitter strikes again!
I can't escape the blood... it just won't wash off!!

 

by HCRoyall
7-12-07
More people should laugh at me. I'm a clown, dammit.
So tell me a joke, Mr. Funny Clown.
Desegregation.

 

by HCRoyall
7-12-07
I hate it when people accuse me of being racist.
But, you ARE racist.
Only if you're stupid enough to actually consider minorities to be people.

 

One is a violent serial sodomist, the other a big red robot. Meet the Odd Couple of the Future.
by HCRoyall, 7-12-07

 

by HCRoyall
7-16-07
...so I said, "That's no Energon Cube! That's my multi-system wireless router!"
Get off the stage!
Umm... So, don't you hate it when you're tranformed and some kid steals your rims?
Boo!
I'm a real hit on the dance floor. I've even got my own signature dance I call "The Human"!
You suck!

 

by HCRoyall
7-17-07
After the show ended, Soundwave used his earnings to fund his career as a stand up comedian. Repeated failures, however, led him down a path of depression and severe substance abuse
How many Autobots does it take to reroute a power supply for an interstellar vehicle? 7!! Ah HA!
This eventually had him out on the street begging for scraps.His last hope was for a spot in the movie. But when he was replaced by a younger model with CD-R/MP3 compatibility, his hopes were gone.
WILL PLAY OLD AC/DC CASSETTES FOR ENERGON
Two days later he was found dead, having plugged himself into an outlet during a storm without a surge protector.

 

by HCRoyall
7-17-07
A good thing about Global Warming is that the birds could stay here instead of going south in the winter.
We were only ten feet away from an activist rally and you just had to open your fucking mouth.

 

I've been asleep for forty years? What's happened in that time?
The bad news is the world is now ruled by Wal-Mart and Microsoft, but you have Alzheimers and won't remember anything long enough to feel bad.
by HCRoyall, 7-24-07

 

by HCRoyall
7-25-07
That's definitely a critical. Hunter, You take 97 damage from the ogre's greataxe.
Ecch.
Me and my -15 hit points are going to sit over here and roll up another character.
The Twainsplitter is dead!
Long live the Twainsplitter!

 

by HCRoyall
7-27-07
Yeah, I think I have this tournament in hand. With an AC of 215 against everything, I can't help but win.
I can ignore magical armor bonuses with one attack per day and if I hit the bonus is dispelled.
Fuck.

 

by HCRoyall
7-30-07
One year ago...
I just don't see the point of the miniatures games. I'm sure they're fun, but you get so much more out of the same amount of money with D&D.
Hey Josh. Ring me up, will you?
An entire Skorne army? You know, I seem to recal a certain conversation...
Just swipe the card and give me my models, dammit.

 

Butch was going to get that train set this year, list or no list...
by HCRoyall, 8-01-07

 

by HCRoyall
8-02-07
I think I've got this Broken Character Tournament in the bag. My Fort save is ridiculous, and I'm immune to the damage from anything that would require a Reflex save.
How's your Will save?
Touche.

 

by HCRoyall
8-13-07
So Josh is trying to keep it secret that he's closing the Outpost because he thinks everyone will stop coming and find somewhere else before he closes.
But everyone knows already, and we're still here. And if he's keeping it a secret why is he constantly moving more and more stuff out?
I never said he was smart.

 

So there I was, about to die in a horrible, fiery explosion, and who comes to reap my soul? None other than Mr. "I'll call you, I swear."
by HCRoyall, 8-13-07

 

Arthur's campaign was going perfectly... That is, until someone had to bring up his flip-flop on the cloning issue...
by HCRoyall, 8-14-07

 

by HCRoyall
8-17-07
Hey Hunter, about you taking over for Phil on Tuesdays. I...
No you are not making a monk out of my large-sized custom race with a 15-foot reach and using feats to increase his damage to ridiculous levels.
Your DM powers are impressive.
You have a long way to go before you can beat me at that game, young grasshopper.

 

by HCRoyall
8-17-07
One day at the ranch...
So then I said "Those rotor turbines aren't gonna generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha!
Turn your head and cough.
What the fuck are you talking about?

 

by HCRoyall
8-17-07
One day on the streets of Thailand...
... so then I said "Sucky sucky fie dolla!"
Ha ha!
You whore.

 

by HCRoyall
8-17-07
One day at the ranch...
...so then I said "Those rotor turbines aren't going to generate gravitons by themselves!"
Ha ha!
Why do you hate America?

 

He looked like he might be one of those holier-than-thou types, but it had been so long Karen was willing to take a chance.
by HCRoyall, 8-17-07

 

Suddenly Carl realized that this wasn't the line for more beer...
Gettin' me mah welfare check...
by HCRoyall, 8-17-07

 

Yeah, after the operation Johnny wasn't all that talkative, but it was hilarious watching him try to cross the street.
by HCRoyall, 8-17-07

 

I didn't want to have to kill him, but he had caught me working and I had a reputation to protect...
by HCRoyall, 8-17-07

 

The best part of the gallery was the robot dragon you could control. After they put the fire out they told me never to come back.
by HCRoyall, 8-17-07

 

by HCRoyall
8-17-07
Two and a half years, and I finally hit the big benchmark of 1000 comics.
It's a strange feeling, but I think I can describe it. it kind of feels like

Showing page 20.

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