All comics by HCRoyall

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by HCRoyall
8-20-07
Armageddon come and gone and no Savior or heaven. Religion is a lie. I'm going to give myself what I've been denying for years!
Sorry I'm late, Peter was having some issues at the gate and Oh my Dad you're masturbating in the radioactive filth like a heathen. Goodbye.
Oh, Hell.
You rang?

 

by HCRoyall
8-29-07
Okay, are we ready to... wait, where's Luke?
His phone's off. Can't get through to him.
Wasn't he the one who called everyone to make sure we were all here tonight?

 

by HCRoyall
9-06-07
Before we start, I'd like to introduce John, who will be joining us, and thank him for letting us play at his shop.
Also, has anyone heard from Luke lately?
He said he missed the past couple sessions because of errands and a safe driver's course.
And he told me the screen on his phone isn't working so he doesn't know when he's missed a call.
That doesn't explain why he keeps his phone off and never checks his voicemail.

 

Who can tell me what hideous diseases infect this horrible sexual deviant, class?
by HCRoyall, 9-11-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-12-07
I guess we can officially rule Luke out as a player in this campaign.
Too bad for him, because I forgot to give you guys some XP last time, so tonight I'll be handing it out like candy.
XP candy? Does that mean we'll level up like when you give candy to Pokemon?
You fail Tom.
You fail at life.

 

by HCRoyall
9-13-07
Destroy them!
Do you mean those people?
Yes! Those people!
Search has found 45,970,774 results for "those people".
Stupid Google-made OS...

 

by HCRoyall
9-13-07
Destroy them!
The schoolchildren here on a field trip?
No, the tourists with ugly clothes that are taking pictures of everything in sight.
The Americans, the Japanese, or the drunken Scotsman?
Do sober Scotsmen exist?
I'll just get them all, to be safe.

 

by HCRoyall
9-13-07
Destroy them!
We're the only ones here.
I mean the audience! If anyone figures out the plot to this movie, we'll be out of a job!
No worries. It's an M. Night Shamalayan.
Hit the bar, then?

 

Destroy them!
Ooh! Ooh! What is, 'The most commonly used phrase by evil overlords'?
by HCRoyall, 9-13-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-13-07
You know, this is your fault. If you would just wear your glasses like the doctor said, this wouldn't have happened.
I'm still not talking to you.
Sulk and pout all you want. It's not my fault you pointed at your prize-winning tulips instead of your in-laws when you yelled "Destroy them!"

 

by HCRoyall
9-14-07
Okay sir. The thieves that jacked your 'starship' have been apprehended. Would you like to press charges?
Destroy them!
I'm sorry, but in this state the best we can do is send them away for ten years.
If they had just driven faster I could have bought a better one with the insurance money...

 

by HCRoyall
9-17-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-17-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-18-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-18-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-20-07
All right. As you begin to draw your weapons, you feel suddenly sick. Make fortitude saves.
I knew that spellcaster was around here somewhere. Probably invisible.
What the hell? Why does he get a surprise round?
How about because he caught us by surprise?

 

It's backwards.
We just saw a man shove a computer tower up his ass and you're complaining about the direction?
by HCRoyall, 9-23-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-23-07
I hate being invincible! All I want is to die! But I cut and cut, and the blade won't go through my skin!
It's backwards.
What?
You've got the knife backwards; the sharp edge is on the other side.
Just trying to help.

 

With Paul's revelation, Melvin realized why the potato down his pants wasn't attracting any of the ladies in the office.
It's backwards.
by HCRoyall, 9-23-07

 

by HCRoyall
9-27-07
One day I woke up and found I had miraculous superpowers. Like being able to fly and super strength and shit.
Whoa. I know kung-fu.
At first I was all like, "I should totally go out and fight crime and be a hero. Like seriously beat down some criminals."
pwned!
OMG!
But then I remembered that I'd have to have, like a secret identity and shit, and that sounded a lot like work. So I called in sick and just watched TV all day.
Jerry! Jerry!
Awesome. That chick's a guy.

 

by HCRoyall
10-08-07
Before you ask, yes, I had a bad day today. I apologize in advance if I'm a little short-tempered.
That being said, don't take it personally, but I intend to end one of your characters tonight.
Hmm... if one of us dies, that means the other two get more experience.
You're assuming he doesn't TPK us.
I'm not sure Ernie will feel so bad now about skipping this week's session...

 

by HCRoyall
10-08-07
The Owlbear does 20 damage to Gorlosh.
I'm dead. -15 hit points.
Wait, does this mean my sucks-in-melee-only-good-at-range ranger is now the party Tank by default?
Yes. I'd start rolling your new character now.

 

Look at that view! Aren't you glad you came with us to the Grand Canyon, Grandma?
Screw the view. I could really use a handjob...
by HCRoyall, 10-11-07

 

by HCRoyall
10-12-07
We did it mandingo. All the windows are boarded up.
But there are other entrances. Let me help you "plug" them.
If that was an attempted segue into man-sex before the inevitable, the answer is no.
No, I got my fill of that with Rabid_Weasle.
That would explain how he managed to shit out his entire digestive tract and strangle himself with his intestines.
I like to think of it as "assisted suicide with benefits".

 

by HCRoyall
10-31-07
Wow. There was a 3% chance you'd critically hit yourself on that fumble, Guy, and you got it. I'd suggest buying a lottery ticket.
Fuck.
Three characters in as many sessions. I think that's a record.
I would take that as a sign that God did not like it when you retired your paladin.

 

by HCRoyall
10-31-07
As you are scaling the tower, a huge creature that resembles a giant octopus with wings emerges from the top and attacks.
It's a Mind Flayer Demilich! We're screwed!
Rolled a Nat One on your knowledge check to guess when it is, eh?
At least it's not Dire Shark Were-Camels again.

 

by HCRoyall
10-31-07
Well Jason, there was a 3% chance for the Reincarnation spell to bring you back as a kobold like you were. The dice have determined that you are to be a human.
Sorry. Will of the gods and all that. You owe the druid 2000 gold.
Well that sucks. Now all my racial feats are absolutely useless.
Don't feel so bad. They weren't all that useful to begin with.

 

by HCRoyall
11-05-07
Morning, Dave. How's the coffee?
Tastes a little off today. I think maybe the grounds are going stale.
Whose turn was it to make the coffee this week? They should be informed.
That Melvin guy. Come to think of it, the creamer was a little thicker than usual.
So I'm making the coffee for those assholes, trying to figure out how to get rid of this persistent morning wood when I get this great idea...
Why do you keep talking to me?

 

by HCRoyall
11-06-07
Today I went out and played soccer with my friends.
Okay, so I just booted a hooker in the cunt and yelled "GOAL!"

 

by HCRoyall
11-12-07
My first shot at a game called Shadowrun...
Ok, now your troll gets an action.
I punch him. I get two successes.
Two successes. ------------------------ You rolled 24 dice and you got two successes.
Only two sucesses. --------------------------- Just two.
Look, according to probability, there's a 1 in 3 chance for a success on each die. So you should have gotten at least 8 successes.
You don't have to rub it in.

 

by HCRoyall
11-12-07
Umm... In my defense, you really were supposed to run away from this monster, not attack it...
This is the second character I've lost in as many game sessions.
Welcome to the club. We have coffee and donuts.

 

by HCRoyall
11-12-07
In my defense, I expected the full party to be here for this.
Well, none of us died at least.
The monk would have if we weren't better than the DM at math.

 

by HCRoyall
11-19-07
So we're supposed to be busy at all times, correct?
Yes.
But we're not supposed to waste time with our tasks.
Correct.
Then why is it you expect us to take two days to finish a four-hour job every month?
Do you want to go on the promotion list or not?

 

by HCRoyall
11-20-07
I changed my mind. I really DON'T want to know what you did for Halloween.

 

by HCRoyall
11-22-07
You want to be Santa in the pageant? We've had a lot of auditions so far; what makes you special? What do you have that'll make the kids smile?
Assrape?
YOU'RE HIRED!

 

by HCRoyall
11-22-07
Ernie, you're dead. Nothing personal.
Crap. Our only healer just bit it.
But we get his stuff, right?

 

by HCRoyall
11-28-07
The lump of coal thing just isn't doing the trick anymore! I need something edgier, something to give the kids that they'll pay attention to!
Herpes?

 

by HCRoyall
11-28-07
Rudolph, buddy. The wife's been cheatin' on me. I know she has. You hear a lot of what's going on; you gotta know who she's screwing.
...Not me?
THAT FUCKING WHORE!

 

by HCRoyall
11-30-07
Is there a reason you stuffed an unconscious cheerleader in my giant gingerbread house with a tag that says "Do not open 'till X-mas"?
Surprise?
Oh, you shouldn't have!

 

by HCRoyall
12-03-07
Apology NOT accepted!

 

by HCRoyall
12-05-07
Now, I want to make it clear that in the era of the Star Wars universe we'll be playing in, it is quite dangerous to be a Jedi.
That said, I still want at least one Force Sensitive chara-
ME!!!!
Okay then.
These aren't the droids you're looking for. Move Along.

 

by HCRoyall
12-05-07
You hear? I'm moving across the state at the end of the year.
But... what about our fighter duo? We were going to have so much fun with that...
I know! Drinking contests, wenching, generally annoying the crap out of Ernie with zany antics...
Fate has rolled our dice, and he critically failed.
That almost sounded deep.
I know. I'm thinking of starting my own religion.

 

by HCRoyall
12-11-07
So... No super-sizing, then?

 

Life was never the same after Fluffy devoured the angel on his shoulder, but his stock options were never better.
by HCRoyall, 12-12-07

 

We thought it'd be funny, locking John in the copy room with Cracky-Chan for an hour. Then he started coming to work in the school-girl outfit...
by HCRoyall, 12-12-07

 

by HCRoyall
1-11-08
Weeeell, now you guys owe a red dragon monthly tithes of gold, jewels, and magic items. Great job everyone.
I blame Hunter for this. We could have just walked away before they summoned the dragon.
If you had just thrown a goddamned fireball into the center of their camp like I'd suggested then they'd never have had the chance to summon the dragon.

 

by HCRoyall
1-17-08
So Ridiculously Old Man jumps out from the alley and smacks this guy with his walker just because he suspects this person of being evil?
Yep!
We're totally fired from the Justice League, aren't we?
Oh yeah.

 

by HCRoyall
1-17-08
As you begin gnawing on the pigeon, a PETA member runs up and begins beating you with a sign, screaming like hell and calling you a murderer.
Caveman Dan will headbutt her!
You couldn't have fucking waited until the press went away, could you?
I hate you, Caveman Dan.

 

by HCRoyall
1-18-08
So what's your new superhero character going to be?
Arachna-Dude, given Arachna-powers after eating a radioactive spider on a drunken bet.
Does this mean I can play your BatGuy character as an NPC?
No.
Why not?
Because I know BatGuy, and you sir, are no BatGuy.

 

by HCRoyall
1-18-08
So give me your character's backstory.
He's the Silver Bullet. He's a spokesman for Coors who gained super-speed in a tragic brewing incident.
Don't look at me! You're the one who wanted a goofy setting like The Tick...

Showing page 21.

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