All comics by Makin_d_bacon

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-12-17
Ach du lieber! The tri legged four pod has won yet again!
Anything new in contest land, d_bacon?
Before I break the news maybe you should sit down, rags!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-12-17
Look boy...the doc gave me a week to live & I got a lot of work yet to do. A lot of heavy lifting.
How can I help, gramps?
I think if ya'll got me a "athletic supporter" it might help!
I'm on it, gramps!
Later that afternoon.....
That little boy tells me you need an athletic supporter. Well "here I am" big boy. Use me up!
DAMN.... I like the way that boy thinks!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-13-17
That's right....anything you want!
OK then....I want a huge cock!
Your wish is my command! Now close your eyes & count backwards from three!
Oh boy, oh boy, oh boy...3...2....1...
What? Not big ENOUGH?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-14-17
Any weapons on board, sir?
"I got a Glock in my Rari...17 shots, no .38..."
You have a what in your which?
I'm packin heat. Ya know...."Ridin Dirty"?
Don't be dissin me, MA! I just ain't cut out to be a "Cantor"!
I told you this would happen, Irving...listening to that rap crap! But Oy Vey, NO...Barry Manilow ain't hip enough for YOU, Mr. "Sir-Raps-Alot"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-15-17
Hey Mr. Durden, can I join yer club?
Don't you EVER talk about my club! You wanna see what happens to guys who talk about my club?
Yeah...sure! Use this guy walking up here!
Oh oh..This no look good!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-16-17
So Dave, is it true? Is Charlie Manson on his death bed?
Yup! He's getting the last rites as we speak!
You're too late to give old Charlie the Last Rites Padre! He's as good as gone!
I wasn't here for THAT!
Well WHAT, then?
I wanted his autograph to raffle off at the church picnic! Oh well then ...I'm off to see David Berkowitz!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-16-17
*knock, knock* Judge Roy Moore?
Maybe yes. Maybe no. Who's askin?
Mama said I gotta try and sell you some Holiday Gift Packs to pay for our Senior trip to "Space Camp"!
Little Kimmy...is that you? Then I'd be delighted to! So what's good?
Thanks judgy wudgy! Ya know I'm partial to that that big old 12 inch Hickory Smoked Salami!
Salami? She likes the 12 inch Salami! This is a friggin dream come true!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-16-17
So, Sen. Franken, you've been groping women without consent, I see!
That's ludicrous sir. How can you think I'd do that?
Easy! I do it myself!
But I swear I'm innocent. It's ludicrous, I tell you...LUDICROUS!
http://www.kabc.com/2017/11/16/leeann-tweeden-on-senator-al-franken/
That's just too bad Mr. Ludicrous. Sen. Al Franken wouldn't lie now, would he?
BullSHIT! Every time dat MoFo's lips be movin, a lie be comin out!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-17-17
This one is for RCLG......
Hey ragu4u... how does one say "anal sex" in Sicilian?
Can I consult my Sicilian to Lithuanian to English Dictionary, my dear d_bacon?
Butt of course! hehehe
I'll be back with your answer you little smart ass!
OK...So what is it?
"in-you-endo"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-18-17
Wal-Mart on "Black Friday"....
Everybody ready? I'm about to let em all in!
Geez, look at all of them crazed shoppers!
We'll be trampled to death!
You guys better brace yourselves! Those gals mean business!
And still minimum wage is all we get?
I'm "READY"! Bring em on!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-18-17
So little boy, what do you want from Santa?
Not a damn thing from you...you rum soaked bum!
What?
You heard me! My daddy says Christmas is about God & Jesus and that type stuff. You just wanna squeeze little boy's butts!
So Timmy...did you share the good news with others?
I let that drunken sicko at the Mall have it...just like ya taught me, Daddy! Ooops! I mean "Father"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-18-17
Well I never....! I'll just have to smack him silly, I will!
"Walk like a man, talk like a man, walk like a man my so-o-o-on!"
...and THAT'S when I hit him with my purse!
How dare him think you're a sissy!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-19-17
no, No, NO!
What's wrong NOW!
You broke the first rule in successful NFL cheerleading!
Oh yeah? And what might THAT be?
You're wearing panties!
So what you're saying is..."Take the socks OFF the camel!"...right?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-19-17
Precurser to "The Caine Mutiny"...
I can see our beloved Spain from this porthole!
You can? But we're anchored off the coast of Australia, Sir!
Are you calling me, El Capitano, Pancho Queeg, a liar Senor?
No way, Captain. I was just admitting MY eyesight ain't for shit compared to yours, Sir?
El Capitano, Pancho Queeg, can live with THAT Senor! Carry on!
Whew! First the "strawberries" now THIS! The crew may need to get all "Medievil" on his crazy ass!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-19-17
A survey? About WHAT?
Every had sex with a dwarf?
Ever been beat sensless with a pair of 44 Double-D's?
No! But I'm willing to make the sacrifice!
An hour later.....
I told you an hour ago..... "Just LEAVE, already"!
It's that thing about "hand size", isn't it? It's a myth ya know!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-20-17
So, you just found Charlie Manson dead in his cell, eh?
Yup! That's my story and I'm stickin to it!
So having that broom handle up his ass and his chopped off cock in his mouth was just a coincidence?
Absolutely! It's kinda "status quo" around here.
But we were all led to believe he was ill! So this is how ALL the inmates are treated?
All the dead ones...yeah, pretty much!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-20-17
Squeaky Fromme pays her respects!
I had a swatstika tattoo put on my forehead for you, Charlie!
So what, you groupie slut!
I'll worship you forever, Charlie! If you ever want ANYTHING done I'm still yer "go to" gal, ya know!
HA! As if! I'm still pissed at you.
So...got anything for me?
Are you kiddin? I gave ya one lousy President to kill and you botched even THAT!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-21-17
Go ahead...LAUGH! It could happen to YOU too!
Huh! Charlie Rose: A STREAKER! Ha!
Just you wait; I'll beat this wrap! Those lying bitches will pay!
That's what they ALL say! Now shut up, shower and put on the jumpsuit!
But a leopard can't change his spots!
What in the HELL is wrong with him? He's been pacing around naked in the shower like that for over an hour!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-21-17
Potus & one of his advisors........
Come in here and tell me if my hand looks tiny to you?
Why, Sir?
I wanna know! That talk about hand size & penis size being equal is a myth, ya know!
Well Sir, they do say the size of a persons' hands AND feet are a very good "indicator" of penis size!
I should have known YOU'D say that! But is it TRUE?
Let's just say I'm "cock" sure, Sir! Hehehe....

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-22-17
So Mr. ragu4u, you're a new patient here for your injection, eh?
Yeah, but I'm nervous. Is this doc any good?
In 5 years I haven't heard one complaint! Now he requires that you disrobe so you can be prepped.
Uh ok...if you say so.
Later, after the "prepping"...
Hell Doc...I'm here for knee injections! So what's with all that anal probing by your Nurse Practioner.
What Nurse Practioner? I'm a "one man show" here!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-25-17
Inside Chez ragu/d_bacon.....
Did you have a Happy Thanksgiving?
Yuk! Even d_bacon looks like turkey!
C'mon rags...it's a simple question. Yes or no?
Turkey, turkey turkey EVERYWHERE! I think I'm gonna puke!
Now he knows how I feel on Easter!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-25-17
I'd like to buy a Remington shotgun, please!
Sorry but Remington has gone out of business. Nobody wants that "old school" look anymore. How about a nice 50 cal Derringer?
Ain't a "Derringer" old school?
With a 50 round banana clip?
Nice! I'll take it!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-26-17
What ya'll lookin at?
You!
Why?
The boss, my daddy, said there's a Company Trophey for you down here on a shelf.
There is?
Yeah...right here! Looks just like ya too. Only you're holding a lantern & dressed like a jockey!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-26-17
"Linens & Things" in Jackson, Miss.
Hello? Can I get some help out here? I'm a busy & successful black woman....
...and don't have time to wait. I think I'll just report this to management. Making "ME" wait is NOT acceptable! You can't treat people like this!
Oh yeah? The "black" ones, we can!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-26-17
Need a suit?
Yes I do!
What's the occassion? Graduation? Wedding? Job interview?
I'm gonna set myself on fire during a "Black Lives Matter" protest! It'll be for my funeral!
Alrighty then...asbestos is definitely OUT! How's about a nice double breasted tweed soaked in kerosene?
Perfect!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-27-17
Welcome to the Amazon Fullfillment Center!
Geez dude, thanks for this job!
You'll work an 18 hour shift with one toilet break and 5 minutes for lunch!
Cool. It's like I've died and gone to heaven!
It IS? Where did you used to work?
I managed a Wal-Mart!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-28-17
"The owner of the "National Enquirer" has just purchased "Time Magazine"!
Why is THIS even considered NEWS, d_bacon?
You REALLY want MY opinion? Gee...that's a first! So, are you like that enquiring mind that wants to know? Huh? Are ya, Rags? Huh?
Look away if bloodshed makes you squeamish!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-28-17
Oh shoot!
Damn! Here too?
Finally, Maura finds an EMPTY room!
"Thank God"! *QUEEEEEEEEF*

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-28-17
...the more they stay the same!
So, if I take a knee I'm OFF the team?
That's what the owner just told me!
That's bullsheet! I'm just tryin to be's a man & show duh worl dat "Black Lives Matter", Yo!
You think you can change his mind? Fine! GO for it!
I am TOO, the owner! Now hurry it up & tell me what ya want cuz I got a team to run, jungle bunny!
Nevermind. It won't matter!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-29-17
Here's your LAST coffee Mr. Lauer!
My WHAT? Last coffee? Why?
Hoda & Savannah just reported that NBC fired you from The Today Show!
They did? Fired me for WHAT?
The girls said it was for sexual misconduct!
Those two Lesbos wouldn't know sexual misconduct if it bit em on the nipples! Just wait till I get them in the "stocks" for a good spanking!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-29-17
At least my family will be well taken care of! Wait...what does HE want?
Hi! As your Met-Life agent I'm here to dicuss your policy!
Listen here, I've always paid my premiums on time so don't be trying to look for a loop-hole, young fella!
Loop-hole? How dare you? You know good & well why we're not paying out on this! Good day, Sir!
Curses on that "Act of God" clause!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-30-17
Ya know d_bacon, it just doesn't seem like Christmas Time here !
Why do you say that, Rags baby!
Well, for one thing, it's about 99 degrees and even if it DID snow it would melt right away!
It's not THAT unusual. Stop with this "Global Warming" bitch-fest of yours.
So you don't think almost 100 degrees here isn't a bit ODD?
Odd? How do you expect US to make that call? We've never been to the South Pole before!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
11-30-17
Wahhhh, awah, awah awaaaahh!
Shut up ya lil bastard! I'm dumping your ass off here & I'm GONE!
Oh no! I will starve to death!
Did I hear a baby out there?
Great googly moogly! Look at THOSE bazooms! I'll never be hungry again!
Oh you poor baby!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-01-17
So THIS is HELL, huh?
Why so surprised?
Because I got here in an elevator!
So what? You pushed the "down" button, right?
It just seems a bit odd, that's all!
So the 5,000 different basement levels didn't give ya a clue, eh? YOU'RE the odd one!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-01-17
The outback of Australia......
G'day mate!
Blimey! A bloody roo with an AK-47!
Do I smell you pissin youself mate?
Oi! It's just the musky smell I exhert when my macho adrenalin begins to pumpin.
Adrenaline my arse! It's FEAR I'm smelling, ya cheeky poof!
No way! Fear will be the "shite" smell that'll be here any second!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-01-17
REALLY? Hey d_bacon...have you really made a comic about a gay, Aussie pooping in the Outback?
Yup! Pretty cool, huh?
Needless to say, d_bacon isn't a "Outback" fan. He's more of a "Chick Fil A" kinda guy!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-01-17
At "Maura & Fuzzy's" Restaurant....
Is there a problem, Maura?
Not any more. I averted a disaster!
How so?
The "Ladies Room" was full so I crapped in a green bowl in the kitchen!
...we thought you should know, Chef!
She did WHAT, in the WHERE?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-02-17
...was a "GYM" dandy but who, at first...
Hey pops, don't ya think Adam needs a mate?
Ya think so, huh? OK...I'll make him one he'll just love!
...had several design flaws to fix!
What'll ya name her & what will she look like?
I'm not sure yet! I'm gonna start working on a proto-type now!
How's that "mate" workin out for ya, Adam? And why the swollen hands?
God named it "Everlast"! It weighs about 400 lbs. and is rock solid. It's hangin from a chain over there & can it take a punch or what!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-02-17
It's Frank...let me in!
Frank? Frank who? Frank Castle?
Yup. They call me "The Punisher"!
Oooooooh...I love that show. Come on in and sign an autograph!!
It's Kastle...with a "K"!
Beat it, fudge packer!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-03-17
Well "Yeller", ya got hydraphoby and I gotta shoot ya!
You do realize that "ragu4u" will be traumatized for life, correct?
Fuck em!
And we now continue with our Sunday "Old Yeller" Marathon!
Look away if you can't watch a grown man cry!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-03-17
Why all smiles, Padre?
I just love looking out our beautiful windows every day!
I'll bet you do, ever since....
Ever since, WHAT?
That all girl college built their Sand Vollyball Courts next door!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-04-17
Really? THIS guy?
He wants your SOUL, Stickman! Will you sell it to HIM?
Sure, I guess. I mean....how bad could it be?
You'll soon see.
Hey! What's all THIS? Where the heck is Santa?
So...another Dyslexic, huh?

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-05-17
You forgot to pick up my "Priority Mail" package yesterday, moron!
I'm sorry. I'll try & do better...OK?
Forget it! I called your boss. After today, you're fired, ass-hole!
Then I guess I'll get you a parting gift!
Just leave it in the mailbox, jerkoff!
I got yer "jerk-off right here"!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-05-17
Noon
That's your FINAL notice! SO...you got my gelt yet or vhat?
I'll have it at 5pm. I'll bring it to Temple!
6pm.....
Jeez, I been here for an hour! Where the hell is he? I better call!
7pm...at the CORRECT Temple....
Hey...it was an honest mistake!
You Goys are dumb as a sack o hammers! Now PAY UP!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-05-17
Timmy, I need you to run to the Deli to pick up supper.
OK mommy. I like talking to Mr. Gildenstein!
Inside Schlomo's Deli......
Don't forget to tell your momma the trouble I had getting those.
Thanks Mr. Gildenstein. You're the greatest!
Back so soon? That was quick! Did he have the 24 Matzo Balls I ordered?
Yup! But he said finding the 12 young Matzo's took him forever.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-06-17
So kid...for $100,000...Can YOU "Name That "BIGOT"?
Looks like a Jew boy to me!
Fuck that little queer!
Poor fella looks nervous!
Punk ass little honky !

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-06-17
PRESSURE! I need more PRESSURE damnit!
Ok, Ok! You're too OLD, you're too FAT, you're a LAZY COWARD and hundreds will DIE if ya don't work harder!
?
There! How was that? Enough pressure for ya?
WATER PRESSURE you damned fool!
Oh that!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-07-17
Father, is it true? Does the Pope want to change The Lord's Prayer?
As well He should, Sister! GOD doesn't lead us into temptation! It's all those.....
Minions of Satan, right Father?
Not really. What I was GOING to say was "all those filthy habits of yours"!
A short time later....
I pitched out the filthy habits, Father. Is THIS better?
It's an answer to prayer, Sister. An answer to prayer!

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-07-17
Caught by Police on hidden camera......
You wanna stick those where?
Ya ever been bowling before, little girl?
You mean...
Yup! It'll be fun!
Next time I'll word that a tad differently.

 

by Makin_d_bacon
12-08-17
Mr. President, that comedian is resigning from Congress!
Really?
Which one?
The ONLY Congress we've got, Sir!
NO, you moron....which COMEDIAN?

Showing page 21.

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